A/N: There will probably be typos. I'm sick. Again. And I own nothing.

NOTHING!

*sobs*

There was a harsh and bloody battle raging inside of Gaara's head. The rational side of him was fast becoming a smear in his mind, only managing to whisper "You're wrong." The rest of him could only punch and howl "The Blond belongs to me. To me!" The patrons sitting closest to the window were developing an unhealthy interest in choking down their food as fast as they could. They were beginning to fear the uneven, maniacal grin displayed on the red haired man's face. So intently was Gaara snarling at the sight of his lover blushing at words their boss and landlord had apparently spoken that he did not notice the person who appeared at his side until they spoke.

"Is the food here good, un?"

Slowly, Gaara turned to the speaker, crushing the stack of handbills in his fist. "Hm?" he queried the newcomer.

"I said, 'is the food here good, un?' I like my meals to be works of art, yeah." Gaara shook off his distraction and give the man a quick inspection.

His hair was long and startlingly blond, but he was otherwise unremarkable. He wore a long, black trench coat as protection against the weather, and appeared to be wearing an ordinary suit underneath his coat. He looked harmless enough, the redhead concluded, and decided to answer his question as truthfully as he could.

"The cheeseburger saved my life."

The blond man nodded sagely, as if he understood completely. He looked at the crushed pile of papers in Gaara's hand. "Are those coupons, un?"

Gaara followed the man's gaze, and jerked his head up and down. Holding out the pile, he said, "Take them."

The blond frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be handing them out, yeah?"

"I am," Gaara declared. "I'm handing them to you." He slapped the crumpled stack to the other man's chest and went back to glaring into the restaurant. There was a long pause while the blond worked out what to say next.

"So," he said. "See anything interesting in there, un?"

"I fear that my boyfriend is being flirted with against his will," Gaara stated in his usual hoarse, monotone voice.

"Maybe you should go check on him, yeah?"

Bright green eyes widened minutely as the red hair bobbed up and down. "I should do that. Thanks." He tossed his head back to look at the blond man. His hair fell away from his forehead, revealing his tattoo, and the blond gasped. He covered it with a cough and looked away.

"Don't mention it, yeah. Just go get him before someone steals him away."

"Hm." Gaara started for the door, then stopped. "What's your name? Maybe I can leave a note telling them to give you a discount, if you like?"

The blond grinned. "Deidara."

Gaara nodded once more, then pushed open the double doors of his job and disappeared inside. Deidara waited for the red head to get far enough away before he allowed his grin to twist into an ugly smirk. Had Gaara not been so distracted by Iruka and Naruto's blush, he would have made a note of the unusual red cloud pattern on the blond man's tie.

Deidara checked again to make sure that Gaara was gone, and dropped the stack of flyer onto the ground. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a slim device. Flipping it open, he pushed a few buttons, then placed it to his ear.

"It's me. The target has been located, confirmed, and engaged, un."

"Good work," came the voice on the other end of the line. "Does he suspect anything?"

Deidara snorted. "Nothing. Too busy mooning over his boyfriend, un."

"Boyfriend? That's not supposed to happen."

"What now, Danna?"

"Don't call me that. And be careful."

"That's no fun, yeah." Deidara clicked the phone closed and pointed it toward the restaurant. "BANG!" he shouted, before chuckling and walking away.

Naruto struggled to drag all six of the large garbage bags to the back door. He had tripped over them so many times that even Chouji had asked if he needed anything to eat to build up his strength. Sighing, he made an attempt to twist the doorknob without releasing the bags and almost fell into the door.

Almost.

A familiar pair of strong hands caught him, and he grinned. "Gaara! Just in time. Can you grab those? Thanks. Now I can open the door and - oh, here we go." Naruto headed outside with half of his original load, not checking to see if his lover was behind him. He heaved the bags into the dumpster, where they landed with a satisfying thud. He wiped his sweaty brow and smiled when he heard the rest of the bags land next to his. He turned.

"Hey, thanks Gaa-" he started to say, but found himself pushed up against the concrete wall of the restaurant instead. "Gaara?" Naruto frowned at the wild look in his boyfriend's eyes. His thoughts immediately went to the empty pill bottle he was hiding under mattress, and his bit his lip. Did Gaara know he knew?

"Gaara, what's wro-"

"Did he say anything to you?"

"Huh?"

"Iruka," Gaara rasped. "Did he say anything to you."

"Was he supposed to?" Naruto asked, confused.

"I saw you talking to him. I saw you blush," Gaara said, as if that explained everything. To his horror, Naruto blushed again. The red head narrowed his eyes, ready to lash out, ready to -

"I told him about us," Naruto said quietly. "I told him we were together. Cuz we are. Right?"

"Do you want us to be?" Gaara asked, feeling a strange tingling in his chest.

"Of course." Naruto smiled at the look of relief that settled on his stoic lover's face. To reassure him, Naruto wrapped his arms around Gaara's waist, and pulled him close. He jammed his hands into Gaara's back pockets and squeezed. The sound the red head made was thrilling, and Naruto squeezed again, just to hear that sound a second time. "Of course," he repeated in a low voice.

"Tell me," Gaara whispered, "that you're mine."

"I'm yours," Naruto answered obediently. "I'm yours, for as long as you want me."

"Good." Gaara grabbed fistfuls of Naruto's shirt and pushed him further into the wall. He captured the blond's lips in a harsh kiss, licking and biting. He used his tongue to force Naruto's mouth open, eager to feel the wet warmth inside. Naruto tasted vaguely of ramen, and Gaara found this familiar and comforting. Not to be outdone by Gaara's hunger, Naruto kneaded his lover's ass and pulled him so close that, if it were possibly, they would have melted into each other, literally becoming one.

Their eyes were screwed shut and they could only hear each others' heartbeats, which explains why they did not hear the arrival of an intruder until he screamed.

"MY EYES!"

There were things that Kiba thought that he would never see. Then there were things that Kiba never wanted to see. For example, his goofy, good-natured, blond-haired best friend kissing his red-haired roommate. In the alley. Pressed up against a wall. And moaning. Moaning!

"My eyes!" Kiba roared, slapping his palms over his face.

"Kiba!" Naruto gasped, withdrawing his hands and pushing Gaara lightly away. "What are you doing back here?"

"Kibble," Gaara begrudgingly acknowledged the man. "Perfect timing, you have," he remarked dryly. "Leave. You're interrupting."

"Iruka said that you were almost done with the trash and that I could come out and help," Kiba muttered into his hands. "I did not expect to see you getting fucking molested!" Sliding his hands away from his eyes, he growled at Gaara and questioned his friend, "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Naruto shook away the dog-like man's concern. "I'm - we're - fine. I guess I can tell you, since it's not a secret or anything." He bounced in place. "We're going out."

Kiba gave the blond a blank look. "Going out where?"

"He means, dog brain, that we're dating. Each other," Gaara added for clarification. "And I'll thank you not to touch him like you used to."

Kiba's eyes bounced between the two men and finally settled on a spot between them. Hating the red-haired man, but knowing that his friend deserved happiness, he grunted, "Congratulations, I guess." To Naruto, he added, "Guess this means our drinking nights are officially over."

"Yeah," Naruto agreed, sneaking a glance at Gaara. He swung his eyes back to his oldest friend. "You're a good friend-"

"But I"m not what you need right now. Or want," he added under his breath. "Remember our chat, Red," he spat at Gaara, stabbing his finger in the air. "I'm watching you."

"Likewise," Gaara said. He looked at his flushed and shivering boyfriend and smiled. With a pointed glance at Kiba, Gaara leaned over and pecked Naruto softly on the lips. "We need to get back to work. I gave some guy all of the flyers."

"All of them?" Naruto squeaked as his eyes widened. "Iruka's gonna be pissed!"

Kiba chuckled. "Especially since they're all over the street, blowing away."

"What?" With a frown, Gaara quickly punched in the security code and yanked the door to the building open. He gestured to Naruto. "After you."

Kiba snorted and pushed past both men. "I"m going to eat, if I can still can. The two of you sucking face probably ruined my appetite," he grumbled as he disappeared inside.

Naruto wrapped his arms around Gaara and kissed him hard. "See you tonight?"

"Of course."