Over the next few weeks we were making progress on Project V, excellent progress. We had an exact number of how many vampires there were in the Midwest (241), as well as had started dispatching and eliminating a portion of them. Mary and Ketch continued to work together, mostly on going out and hunting nests. I worked solo usually, though sometimes with Pierce if Mick thought the nest would prove dangerous enough. We had already knocked that original number of 241 down to 172, which was amazing in itself.

We had decided to go in to a monitoring pause to see how the current 172 vampires would react to the decrease in their numbers, partially because something came up and Mary got a short re-assignment. Ketch was staying here, focusing on monitoring and, when needed, stepping in to ensure that the vampires didn't chose to re-populate any time soon.

"What are you working on?" I asked, enjoying some tea in my room as I talked with her over the phone.

"Retrieval." She said. "And I get to kill a demon with it. I'm pulling in another Hunter and the boys to help."

"Which Hunter?"

"Wally."

"Why?"

"I figured it would be a good re-introduction for him to the Men of Letters." She said. "Something a bit more his style than Mick's sales pitch."

"So you haven't told Sam and Dean yet?" I asked. She let out a sigh.

"You haven't told Castiel yet either." She reminded me.

"I'm still figuring that out." I said.

"You're still hiding from the issue."

"You're hiding from one too."

"The difference is, though, that I'm planning to tell Sam and Dean."

"Really?" I asked. "When?"

"Soon."

"How do you think they'll take it?"

"How do you think Castiel will respond to your 'resurrected' state?" She asked in turn.

"I… I don't know." I admitted. "Good, I hope."

"He's still searching for you." She admitted. "Every day he doesn't search for Kelly, he's looking for you."

"He… He is?"

"Yes." She said. "He believes you're still alive, but…"

"But what?"

"He's starting to give up." She said. "He thinks he might've been wrong, and that he's making a mistake by looking for you and Kelly, instead of just picking one. He just…" I could almost hear her shake her head. "He's starting to get tired, and to fade out a little. He's made a lot of hard choices."

"Yeah. I know." The words came out with a slightly bitter taste. "He needs a focus. He needs grounding."

"He needs you."

"If he needs me to ground him, then he's obsessed or so far off the rails it's not even funny." I argued. "If he needs me to ground him, he needs more help than you think." There was a long pause from Mary before she spoke again.

"I'm seeing him with the boys later on today." She said. "I won't tell him, I promised you I wouldn't, but I still think that he needs you."

"He needs to stop crusading." I said, my voice tired. "And stop blaming himself for so many things."

"I've got to go, Wally's here." Mary said. "I'll call in with a report later."

"Sounds good." Mary hung up after that. She wasn't big on good-byes, really. Not as far as I could tell. I stared at my phone for a little bit, remembering when the lock screen was an engaged couple instead of a song quote. It was the chorus to "It's My Life," by Bon Jovi, the words making the shape of a tilted guitar.

I got a call at 9:07, the picture showing a little fruity drink with an umbrella and a pitchfork sticking out of it. Crowley.

I answered it immediately. I knew if he was calling, it would be an emergency. I wasn't wrong. I didn't even get a chance to say hello before he spoke.

"Castiel is dying." He said.

I was in my room, working out new schematics for a possible large-scale extermination procedure, with another mug of hot tea in my hand.

I dropped it the second he finished his sentence, disappearing in an instant to Crowley's side. I didn't even hear the ceramic break.

"Where?" I asked, watching as Crowley hung up the phone. We were standing outside an abandoned farmhouse. I could just… I could feel the negative energy at work in there.

It was a stupid question to ask, but I had to make sure.

"In there." He answered, pointing towards the door. "Sam, Dean, and Mary are in there as well. They don't want to leave him."

"Can he…" I stared at the door, terrified of what I was about to ask. "Can they do it? Can they fix him?"

Crowley's silence was all the answer I needed. I nodded, turning to walk in, when Crowley stopped me. "He was stabbed."

"With what?"

"The Lance of Michael." He answered. "It's a weapon… Designed to cause agonizing pain to angels. Designed to kill angels." I remembered reading about it in the lore books back in Britain. It… There was no known cure.

Not yet anyways.

"Who did it?"

"A Prince of Hell." I knew about them as well. Not your typical demons. Nasty pieces of work. Almost impossible to kill. The Colt could do it, but as for much else… It would be difficult.

I strode in, quickly and God… So terrified. Cas… Cas was dying.

Cas was dying.

"Crowley," Dean's voice, strong and angry as he kept his back to me. Mary saw me, though, and her eyes went wide. Sam turned, following suit as Dean continued. "What are you still doing…" Dean turned around as well, and when he saw me his sentence fell, incomplete.

I didn't focus on them, though. I focused on Castiel. I hadn't seen him since… Since Billie. He'd changed, more than I saw that night. His eyes were closed, tight with pain. His tie was pulled loose, even more crooked that ever. His skin was pale and sweaty, coating his hair in a thin sheen. And his shirt… It was pulled open. I could see the black cracks trailing downwards, towards the only logical source – the stab wound, deep and bloody in his stomach. I didn't say a word, I just stood, watching him. I wanted it to be a bad dream, a nightmare, anything else other than what I was seeing right now.

But it wasn't. This was the reality I was faced with.

"Castiel…" My voice trailed off, unable to believe what I was seeing. I stood there, frozen in fear, uncertain as to what to say. This can't be real. This can't be happening. It can't be him. "Cas?" I don't know why I asked, I just… I didn't know what else to do BUT say his name, a thousand and three questions all hiding behind it as I opened Schrodinger's box.

Castiel smiled just a little bit, opening his eyes. He kept smiling, staring at me, until his eyes fully registered what he saw.

He saw me. No disguise. Just… Just me.

For the first time in a long time, intentionally just me.

"Castiel?" I said his name a third time, like a question, uncertain and terrified. It felt like I was back in that alley, so long ago, and trying to wrap my head around the idea that God was standing in front of me.

But it wasn't God then, nor was it now. Now it was… It was the man I loved, the man I had never stopped loving, on the brink of death.

"Kylie…." His voice trailed off as his eyes widened, staring at me. "You… You…"

"I'm here." I whispered, forcing my feet to move. I stopped maybe just an inch away from him, uncertain as to what to do. Do I touch him? Hug him? Kiss him? Apologize? Keep my distance?

Castiel answered the question, reaching out a shaking hand towards mine. I clasped his quickly, tightly, trying to be reassuring. "I'm here." I repeated. "I'm here, I promise."

"I'm hallucinating." He muttered. I put a hand to his head. Fever. Definitely fever. He looked around at Sam and Dean and Mary, who were all staring, too shocked to do anything else, too shocked to stand in front of me and stop me. "I… I've been sick before. When I was human. I'm hallucinating." He looked from me to Dean, full of confusion and a need for clarity. "I'm having a visual hallucination."

I didn't have to turn to know that Dean was shaking his head. I drew Castiel's attention back to me, fighting back tears. "I promise I'm here." I had to say it one more time, had to try and get him to hear it and listen. "I promise I'm here. I…." I swallowed thickly. "I'm so sorry." I felt tears fall as I said that. "I missed you so much. I'm just," I hung my head. "I'm such an idiot, Cas. I'm so sorry."

"Kylie," his hand left mine, and slowly wound it's way up my arm to cup my cheek. He pulled gently, urging me to look back at him. "Tell me you're real." He pleaded. "Tell me one more time."

"I'm really real, Castiel." I promised. "I'm here, I'm real, I'm right here and I'm so sorry."

"Quit apologizing." He ordered, his voice firm. "Please." I nodded, uncertain as to what to say, how to say the words.

"Boys," Mary's voice, quiet yet firm. "I think they deserve a moment."

I listened as they walked away, squeezing my eyes as tears fought their own way past my defenses. Once I could find the words to say, I spoke again, opening my eyes to look in to his. They were so shocked, yet so kind and soft and pained and… So many emotions and feelings, all swirling and conflicting in ways that only his eyes could. "I…" I finally tried. "I'm here to fix you. I'm gonna…" I worked hard to keep eye contact, to not let my eyes wander about his damaged form and just see how bad it was. Not yet. "I'm gonna fix you up, heal you like you did to me so many times. I… I'm gonna fix this."

"I'm dying." He stated plainly. "I don't think," he stopped, coughing for a moment. I felt relieved when I didn't see blood. "I can be fixed this time."

"Don't say that." I begged. "Please, Castiel, please don't say that."

"Quit calling me that." He ordered again, his thumb moving slowly to wipe a stray tear from my cheek. "Please. Call me Cas again." I nodded again, taking a deep breath with it.

"Just let me try and fix you." I fought back tears. I needed to stop crying, needed to focus. "Please, Cas… Just let me try and fix you."

He didn't say anything, just lifted his shirt where the wound was. I could clearly see the cracks emanating from it, clearly see how bad it was getting.

I put a tentative hand over the area, and recoiled as though I had been shocked. The pain… The agony…

I pressed my mouth in to a thin, firm line. "Cas," I said, trying to keep fear from my words. "I love you."

"What are you going to do?" He asked. He heard it anyways. The truth was… This wasn't anything I could fix. This was made by a powerful weapon, made by friggin' GOD, and one that was intended to cause angels pain when they died.

I didn't have to answer, though. I heard a yelp, followed by a crash, and a black mass came sailing in through the newly-broken barn door. I turned, watching as Crowley slammed body-first on to hard cement, and witnessed my first ever demon knockout.

The whistling that followed was ominous, and I turned to see who I assumed was a prince of hell calmly stroll in to the barn. "You." I hissed. Sam, Dean, and Mary were on opposite sides of him, the four of us making an effective circle as I stood guard next to Cas.

"I don't know you." He commented, pointing at me. He turned his gaze from me to Castiel. "However, I do know him."

"Stay away." I ordered, pulling out my angel blades. Pointless against a prince of Hell, but still something I could use to defend Cas.

"You do realize that won't do anything, right?" He asked, pointing at the angel blades in my hands. He turned, looking at everybody's weapons. Dean bore a set of brass knuckles, enchanted extremely well (Men of Letters work. Very impressive). Mary held an angel blade as well, only one compared to my two. And Sam…

I knew I smelled holy oil. Sam held a lighter. He didn't need it, though. I cast a hand out, lighting the large circle on fire and effectively trapping the Prince.

"Which one are you?" I asked.

"Ramiel." He introduced. "Pleasure to meet the interloper. And this… This is quite toasty." He put his hands out at the fire, then rubbed them together for effect. As my anger flared, Karma appeared beside me, and growled angrily at the Prince. Dean maybe cast me a second's glance at the noise, but left it be.

Both brothers paced cautiously around the circle, whereas Mary and I stood our ground. I didn't want to leave Castiel's side. I didn't want to leave him open. Mary was keeping the door guarded, watching for any extra assailants. "Karma," I whispered. "Defend the Crowley." She did as she was told, walking slowly around the circle to stand guard next to the still unconscious demon.

"You stabbed one of our friends." Dean stated, his voice a deadly sort of calm, almost as though he was on the edge.

"Your friend was trespassing." Ramiel answered.

"Tell us how to cure him." Sam demanded instead. Ramiel let out a low chuckle, shaking his head.

"As I'm certain your surprise witch can already tell you, there is no cure." He answered. I felt my heart shatter at that, before hardening again. No. There had to be something. There was always something.

Dean cast a sideways glance at me for confirmation. "I… I can't do anything." I kept my focus on Ramiel, and knew Dean was hardening his own gaze before turning back to the creature.

"You have any idea who we are?" He asked. Ramiel shrugged.

"I don't care. I don't care who you are. I don't care why you're here. I don't care about Heaven or Hell or anything. I don't even care that Lucifer's got a bun in the oven."

"You know about that?" Mary asked.

"My sister, Dagon," why was Ramiel answering our questions? "She's taken an interest. But me?" He shrugged again. "Eh."

"Let me guess," Dean offered. "You don't care."

"All I wanted was to be left alone." The demon answered. "But then you come. You… steal from me. And that? Ooh. That I cannot abide." I glanced around at the Winchesters for a moment. What had they stolen? Why had they stolen anything instead of killing him? Ramiel pulled out a pocket watch, examining it for a moment. "Give me back what's mine, or I take it off your lifeless bodies," he glanced over at myself and Castiel. "Starting with the angel and his witch. You've got…" He took another glance around the circle. "Thirty seconds." He held up his watch, and clicked the button to start it.

"Obviously we got no idea what you're talking about." Dean said. I glanced over at Mary. I knew that was a lie. I knew Mary had a mission for the Men of Letters. I was originally supposed to be unseen backup, if called.

She hadn't called. I don't think she wanted to.

"Twenty seconds." Ramiel stated, chuckling as he looked around at all of us again. When nobody came forwards with an object, he smiled. "Have it your way." He said, the clock hitting zero. He reached around, and I watched the air ripple and bend around him as he summoned the Lance of Michael. He raised it high in to the air, and brought it down with a hard slam to the ground. The ripple of power from it put out the holy fire, throwing Mary, Sam, and Dean backward. I just barely kept my ground, determined to protect Castiel.

I watched Karma charge first, barking and snarling as she hurled herself at him. Ramiel didn't hesitate to stab her, and I watched as she dissipated in to black smoke and goo. "NO!" I screeched, feeling my angel blades fall in to my palms.

I charged, howling in anger, and saw Sam pick himself up to do the same. Ramiel fought us off easily with the lance, aiming a stab at me while using the butt of it to keep Sam off him. I just barely avoided the blade, blocking it with my own two as Sam was thrown back again. Dean charged next, and I was thrown back to the side with a swift kick. Dean didn't last long himself. Mary went at him afterwards, determination in her eyes as Sam joined her. I got back up, tossing Sam one angel blade to use to block so that the three of us all had one. Dean picked up a shovel, joining us with it and his enchanted brass knuckles.

Nothing we did seemed to matter, though. Ramiel closed in on Dean, almost about to get off a good stab to him. I jumped, then, aiming for his arms and the weapon. I and just barely caught Mary stabbing Ramiel in the back with her own blade as I wrestled the lance from Ramiel, narrowly avoiding getting stabbed myself. I got it from him, but just barely. I turned then, swinging the accursed thing around once above my head before ramming it firmly through the prince's stomach.

For a moment, there was absolute silence. Then he laughed, almost mocking my effort before he exploded in to a small cloud of black dust.

I took a deep breath, lowering the lance as I stared at it. For a moment, I felt better. If the demon was dead, maybe Cas would get better.

His pained scream behind me made me drop the weapon in an instant, running to his side. "Cas!" I shouted. Sam and Dean joined me on either side. I took one of his hands, not certain what else to do. I couldn't lose him. I had just lost Karma. There had to be a way to save him.

But there wasn't, and I knew it. I knew, that no matter how powerful I was or how skilled my magical abilities were, that I was completely helpless, utterly powerless, to save the one person I loved the most.

I don't think I've ever felt that incapable before.

"Cas." Sam said. "Hey, buddy. Hey, we're here, Cas." He started seizing, his mouth overflowing with an ugly black goo.

"No." I whispered, putting a hand on his chest. I forced everything I could in to healing him, everything ounce of power I could find. I didn't care if it was angelic grace I was using, didn't care if it ate away at my soul. Anything I could do, anything I could find, I pushed it all out towards him.

Come on, DAMMIT! Just LIVE!

"We're right here, buddy." Sam said, his voice reassuring. I kept pushing, kept trying to stop this as my hands became coated in that black goop.

Take everything from me, please, but just LIVE DAMMIT!

"Don't die on me Cas." I begged. "Not now. Please, not now."

STAY ALIVE!

"Hang in there, all right?" Sam asked, turning to me. I could feel sweat covering every inch of me. "What do we do?" I kept pushing, kept trying, kept draining every ounce of myself so that maybe, just maybe, it would finally be enough and he would be OK.

It wasn't enough, though. Nothing I did was enough.

It wasn't magic that saved him, not from me anyways. It was a small snap behind me, followed by a blinding flash of light. I removed my hands as Castiel began to glow as well, brighter than the sun. I had to shield my eyes, trying my damnedest though to keep watching, to see if he would live. When it all cleared…

The goop was gone. The cracks in his skin were gone, the fever was gone, the sweat coating him was gone, everything… I moved his shirt, looking at where he'd been stabbed.

It was gone too, as though nothing had happened.

I turned back to look at Crowley, who stood surprised, holding a broken lance. "The magic's in the craftsmanship." He muttered, stunned. I stared closer at the wooden hilt, and saw the runes that had been broken when he snapped it.

"Cas?" Dean said, diverting my attention once more back to him. He was… He was fine, looking around at all of us, stunned.

"Oh." Crowley muttered. "You're welcome."

I turned back to look at the demon before he disappeared. "Thank you." I told him quietly. "Thank you." I should've thought of that, breaking the stupid fucking staff. I should've known. I should've figured it out.

But I was too worried about Castiel dying to think of that.

Crowley offered me a small nod, dropping the broken lance pieces as he disappeared. My phone buzzed a second later, and I knew it was him, probably requesting a talk later.

I turned back to Castiel, and my relief was replaced with worry. I… I had made him forget me being alive. I had purposely lied to him and hidden from him, to protect him, yes, but still…

He had come to terms with me being gone, he had accepted it and moved on. What if he didn't want me there anymore? What if he wanted me gone, now that he had accepted that? Hell, what if everyone else wanted me gone as well?

"I…" I wasn't certain what to say. I knew I needed to say something, but… I didn't know. I'm sorry again? I'm so glad you're alive? I missed you? I love you? I still love you? I hope you'll forgive me?

Castiel didn't leave me an option to speak, though. Instead, he leaned forwards, cupping the back of my head firmly as he pulled me in to kiss him.

By God, I had almost forgotten how good his lips felt.

He pulled away, staring deep in to my eyes. "I love you." He said, his voice breathless with… Actual happiness and relief and amazement and wonder and when he looked at me like that, like I was so important to him and I was the one making him feel that happy…

"I'm so sorry." I repeated the words. I wasn't certain what else to say at this point. He just pulled me closer, though, crushing me in his embrace.

"I don't care." He said. "You're here. You're alive. We'll talk about it all later but as for the immediate time, you're alive." He couldn't stop whispering those words. "You're alive. I love you. You're alive."