The Greatest Twilight Princess Fan Fiction in the History of Ever

Chapter 21: The I Don't Know What to Call This Chapter

by Jippers.

Hello there, blah blah blah sorry about never updating and leaving it off with a cliffhanger. I do it for the lulz and because I… accidentally maybe forgot what I wanted to write in the first place. Then I thought to myself "…what would a Midlinker do?" but then I quickly disregarded that question because what a Midlinker would do was so fucking obvious that it didn't even qualify as a question, but common knowledge. So I moved on to "…what would Jippers do?" The answer was: procrastinate, and never ever update and bull shit absolutely every thing when you actually start writing. Instant fan fiction gold. Internet fame. Bitches. So, you see…

Well, any way, here it be...

It was like the world was moving in slow motion. Link was DEAD. He was so totally fucking dead that it wasn't even fucking funny. He had dropped dead faster than a hooker on smack in the middle of rush hour. He was as dead as dead could possibly ever be. He was totally dead, bro, dead as a goddam doornail. He was a dead head. He was totally dead like on one of those television drama shows that have someone who totally dies. And for some reason the world was moving in slow motion… because Link was DEAD.

Time resumed its normal pace, and Midna watched as Links (not alive) head roll on the floor in all of its dead glory, until it came to a complete stop by her feet. It was actually pretty disgusting, if you thought really hard about it (I know that as a Zelda fan that you probably don't have to think all that hard too often, so don't feel bad if you're not up to the challenge… just keep reading the story… it's okay), but Midna really didn't seem to care at that moment. No, no, she was far too occupied with crying her eyes out because the love of her life had just been decapitated by the previous love of her life. She'll never have another.

Her crystal-like tears glistened in the twilight, and one single tear made it's way down her cheek. It hovered in the air like a magical princess rainbow unicorn, until it slowly and magically descended downwards (Redundancy.) to her feet, where Link's decapitated head lay still. The tear caressed his slowly dimming and chilled cheek, before giving it a big ol' smooch or something… well, anyway, it was on his cheek. It quickly disappeared in a small flash of light; it's brilliance being absorbed by Link's icky dead skin. Nothing happened after that.

After waiting half a second or two, Midna grew bored and shrugged the whole ordeal off of her shoulders. Her tears always acted in mysterious ways, their actions ranged from breaking mirrors to doing her laundry. And now they gained a new skill, it seemed: floating down to and kissing her dead boyfriends… Midna could honestly care less. She had learned early in her life to simply ignore the stupid things and all of their silly little antics. They wanted attention and Midna wasn't willing to give.

She was about to order that some servants come and clean the body up from the floor, until a striking ray of light surrounded the entire room. An angelical chorus played in the background and everyone turned their heads to awe at what the commotion could possibly be. The light had dimmed as quickly as it had appeared, and before anyone knew it the light had left. Midna blinked her eyes open slowly, fazed by the light show, and focused her attention to where the light had sprouted.

In front of the Door of Twilight stood, in all of his beautifulness and very much alive-li-ness, was…

… The Twilight Realms very own pizza delivery boy! Well equipped with all kinds of pizzas decorated with an assortment of toppings! How fucking delicious! Midna gasped in joy and rushed towards the lad as if her very life depended on it, with everyone in the room shouting and cheering along with her. "Pizza's here!" she screamed, having forgotten that she had ordered some for the Royal Dinner of Twilight tonight. The pizza boy was lifted into the air, boxes among boxes of pizza held in his scrawny arms, and he was carried away to the Banquet Room of Twilight. Everyone else there, including Midna, followed suit.

Nobody noticed Link.

The feast that occurred that night was one of the grandest in all of Twili history. It would forever be recorded in the history books… forced to be studied in schools by all of the Twili children yet to come. The young pizza delivery boy was given a place in the castle, and a statue fit for a king was built in his very image and honor. Millions for would remember him as long as the world lived. Even Midna, The Great Queen of Twilight, had eventually faded within time, but the pizza boy was forever an immortal figure. It was truly a beautiful, glorious night…

The next morning Midna was cuddled up in her bed, the snuggly wuggly blankets wrapped around her super model form. She was sleeping peacefully, a box of leftover pizza in the fridge… waiting to be delightfully microwaved and consumed for breakfast… and all was right in the world. Life was pretty sweet for the princess… she had everything that a princess could ever ask for: a warm bed, servants to boss around, delicious food, a loving boyfriend…. oh shit.

Just then, totally unexpectedly, Link burst through the door. His big blue eyes were wide open (why were they open?) and they glared at her in fury. In a huff, he marched over to Midna, arms at his sides. He stopped at the foot of her bed, and after a moment he opened his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs: "I'M… NOT… FUCKING… DEAD!"

Midna sat up from her bed and waved her fingers at him. "Oh, hi there, Link. What's up?"

"What's up?" Link repeated, imitating Midnas high-pitched voice. Though when he tried to do it his voice cracked. Midna suppressed a giggle snort at him because she didn't want him to feel further butt hurt. He started on a little tirade: "I'll tell you what's up, Midna, okay, I'm here in this stupid alternate dimension, where every one pretty much hates me and wants to fucking kill me, and the one person who I thought I could actually trust and depend on leaves me for dead! And then I wake up several hours later, on the ground with a tear stained cheek! I'm totally not alluding to what somehow caused me to come back to life or anything! Then, just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse: I walk into the kitchen to get something to eat, only to hear about the totally fucking sweet pizza party man that you guys had last night! Did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe ol' Link would like to have a slice of pizza? No, because Link's just a doormat! He doesn't have any feelings! We can just put the leftovers in the fridge and he can heat up a slice in the microwave tomorrow if he wants any! Fuck, no! I would not like your cold, nasty leftovers, you horrible, horrible people! It never tastes the same the second day! Okay? That's what's up, Midna, THAT! Okay?"

"Oh, Link…"

"I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS!" Link screamed, before falling forward onto Midna's bed, where he then proceeded to sob like a 12-year-old girl. Midna said nothing, and simply patted and ran her hand down his back like the good friend that she never was, though she did consider acting as such on a few occasions… Well, anyway, Midna was comforting Link because she felt bad for him and stuff. Though, her consolations only seemed to have the opposite effect on him; though she tried her hardest to console him, Link only cried and sobbed louder.

"That's okay, Link… just let it all out. Uncle Midna is here to support you." Midna said. Link looked up at her with teary eyes and boogers running down his face. Midna cooed at how adorable he looked, and petted his head. "Just tell ol' Midna what's on your weary little mind."

Link sniffled. With some hesitance, he then began to explain his predicament: "It's… just… that… no body under… stands me… and they hurt my… feelings… and are… really mean!" but that was as far as he made it, before bursting into tears once again. Midna tried to comfort the young adult, but he was inconsolable… like an infant on an airplane… wait, what was a plane anyway? Whatever.

Deciding that she had to step in and intervene, Midna grabbed Link by the shoulders. "Listen, Link," she said, shaking him gently. "I love you."

OOOOOHHHHHH OH MY GOD SHE SAID THAT SHE LOVES HIM OH MY GOD IS SHE ALLOWED TO DO THAT HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE OH SWEET BABY JESUS. THAT'LL SHUT HIM UP... FOR A SECOND. Okay, so that's this years chapter. I will start on the next one... eventually. You guys really are fabulous.

I love you so much that I need to ask you something: What should be the name of Midna and Links daughter (yes daughter because they always have a daughter and are incapable of having a male child.)? It has to be ridiculous so give it some thought and share! The person whose name I pick gets a surprise! Which for all you know could be absolutely nothing! Yeah!

Review Repliezzzzzz

HelenRox98: Thanks bra, I am super happy you liek et.

Hikaru Hyouishi: Thank you for that image of a half-naked greased up Link...

Insane. certifiably: No.

Ryuchie: Poor Link. Update soon? HAHAHAH! You funny!

ZDSKRF: My rip-off inspired a rip-off? Oh my god all my dreams are coming true...

Llwynog the Bard: You are speechless...

Foxpilot: Less drinking than New Years Eve? There could be more drinking, if you want. Was the bar chapter not enough? Well, thank you. Your reviews are some of my favorites (That is absolutely meant as an insult to everyone else who reviewed.) I didn't check for tenses in this chapter and for that I am terribly sorry... kittens and puppies... muhhh...

SRH Fade: YOU are golden! winky face.

LittleBlueNayru: Oh my god shut up my feelings... sniffle. Yeah. But now I'm in college now so I can blame never updating on that. smiley face.

MidnaHytwilian: Dawwwww...