A/N: Hello readers, and thank you for your follows and favorites and thank you Bad Wolf Jen for your comment! Keep them coming, and tell me what you think!

Here's the next chapter. Let's give a big hand to KatarinaR, my Beta.

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

The Loss

The first time the pain hit it was sudden and hard and very much like the pain she used to have while her younger years during the periods. It was gone before she even had time to react. She raised her hand to her lower stomach anyway.

"Rose?" River asked, sounding a bit worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fi -"

That's when it happened again. This time it lasted longer, she cried out loud and bend forward, holding her stomach with both of her hands. River kneeled immediately in front of her, holding her shoulders and helped her sit down. There was cold sweat running down her face as the pain eased.

"River", she whispered as the tears of pain burnt her eyes. "When you said I was still pregnant..."

"I'm sorry Rose, I can't tell you."

"Th-the Doctor", Rose said as another wave of pain hit her. "I need the Doctor."

"Yeah, I know. He's coming", River assured her.

"The Doctor is here, isn't he? He is coming back, right?" Anita asked.

"Yes, of course", River said. She squeesed Rose's shoulders. "He always comes back. You two always find each other. He needs you just as much as you need him. You find each other in the middle of the most horrible storm. People have tried to separate you for ages but they can't, not you two. You find each other and you go back to your TARDIS and open the door with the snap of your fingers. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the TARDIS. Just as it should be."

"Rose!" The Doctor ran down the stairs, hopping over the four last ones and rushing to her. "What happened?"

The tears she had kept to herself the whole time River had spoken, started to ran down.

"I'm scared", she whispered. "I think I'm... I think I'm..." but the last words just didn't come out. "Is this what was off?"

The Doctor stood up, looking at River and his eyes turned dark. Now he wasn't just the oncoming storm; he was furious. River paled and backed off.

"Doctor", she began. "Doctor, please."

"What is going on?" he asked, anger leaking out of his voice. Rose climbed to her feet and took Doctor's hand, pulled it gently.

"Hey", she said calmly. "Let's not argue about this now, yeah? There's a bit more erg-", she gasped and closed her eyes. "Urgent things to do", she ended. With some trouble, the Doctor calmed himself. He didn't trust this woman, but he did trust Rose, and Rose had said they could trust her. So he did his best to believe this wasn't all River's fault. He didn't let go of Rose's hand, needing every drop of her presence to keep himself together. Even if there was fear mixed into her comfort, and even if he was so scared for her right now, and she was scared for the baby. There was an echo of pain that leaked trough the link. Rose's barriers were weak. The Doctor swallowed.

River looked behind him. "Where's Other Dave?"

"Not coming. Sorry", he answered, taking a deep breath and letting go of Rose's hand. The emptiness that the lack of the touch caused in his mind was even more cold than usual.

"Well, if they've taken him, why haven't they gotten me yet?" Anita asked. The Doctor forced himself to concentrate on what was going on.

"I don't know. Maybe tinting your visor's making a difference."

"It's making a difference all right. No one's ever going to see my face again."

"Can I get you anything?" the Doctor asked.

"An old age would be nice. Anything you can do?"

"I'm all over it."

"We need to get to the main computer", Rose said.

"Why?" The Doctor asked.

"I hadn't time to tell you before", Rose said hastily. "What the message said. It's wrong. It should be safe. Not saved."

The Doctor looked at her like he'd never seen anything as brilliant. And, to be honest, he hadn't.

"Oh, Rose Tyler, you are brilliant, you are!" he greeted. "You don't say saved. Nobody says saved. You say safe. The data fragment! What did it say?"

"Four thousand and twenty-two people saved. No survivors", Lux said.

"What are you two on about?" River asked unsufrely.

"Nobody says saved. Nutters say saved. You say safe. You see, it didn't mean safe. It meant, it literally meant, saved!" he hugged Rose fiercely before letting go of her and rushing to the computer and opened the Archive file. "See, there it is, right there. A hundred years ago, massive power surge. All the teleports going at once. Soon as the Vashta Nerada hit their hatching cycle, they attack. Someone hits the alarm. The computer tries to teleport everyone out."

"It tried to teleport four thousand twenty-two people?" River asked bewildered.

"It succeeded. Pulled them all out, but then what? Nowhere to send them. Nowhere safe in the whole library. Vashta Nerada growing in every shadow. Four thousand and twenty-two people all beamed up and nowhere to go. They're stuck in the system, waiting to be sent, like emails. So what's a computer to do? What does a computer always do?"

"It saved them", River realised.

"The library. A whole world of books, and right at the core, the biggest hard drive in history. The index to everything ever written, backup copies of every single book. The computer saved four thousand and twenty-two people the only way a computer can. It saved them to the hard drive", he smiled at Rose. "That's where Donna is. When we unload the hard drive, we get everyone out. Including Donna."

Rose smiled, but her smile soon turned into a grimace. The pain was worst this time. It wasn't just physical pain; her mind was filled with the agony of someone else. The baby was screaming and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She screamed as well. The pain was horrible but the idea of the baby's suffering hurt more than anything ever. More than getting trapped into the parallel universe, more than saying goodbye to the Doctor, more than seeing the Master and Jenny die. She raised her hands to her head and cried out load, in pain and suffering and fear and just pure grief on the upcoming loss. And then it stopped. Although there was still the burning ache on her lower stomach, the screaming had ended and there was emptiness in her head.

"No", she whispered. "No. No no no", and she tried to poke the baby, contact him, but there was no answer. "No. Please no."

She felt like falling and it took a while to realise that she was really falling. River caught her before she hit the ground.

"Did I lose him?" Rose whispered. The view was a bit blurry. She couldn't be sure if she saw tears in River's eyes or not. "Is this what you meant?"

She didn't hear the reply.

#####

"Rose!"

She didn't react. Right now he didn't care that in twenty minutes the Library, the whole planet, would crack like and egg. He didn't care that the Vastha Nerada was about to eat them all. He didn't care what Lux said about Doctor Moon and Cal. He didn't care that the systems were offline or what Cal was or what he should do. All he cared about if Rose was okay. He tried to contact her. She was there, faintly, but still there. Alive! Her body temperature was growing; the Bad Wolf had woken up.

"We need to stop this. We've got to save Cal", Lux said. The Doctor looked up from Rose.

"What is it? What is Cal?" he asked, once again.

"We need to get to the main computer. I'll show you."

Finally! He picked Rose up to his arms, moved her head to rest against his shoulder and looked at Lux.

"It's at the core of the planet", he said.

"Well, then. Let's go", River said. Without asking, she put her hand in Rose's jacket pocket and pulled out her sonic pen, pointing it at the compass rose in the floor. It opened. The Doctor, who had followed her actions with great suspicion, got as relieved as was possible in the situation.

"Gravity platform", River said proudly, putting the pen back into Rose's pocket. The Doctor thought, although unwillingly, that maybe, just maybe, he could like River. Lux, River, Anita and the Doctor, carrying Rose, stepped onto the platform and it went down. Rose's pain was leaking through their link. The Doctor could've easily block it out, but he didn't. He deserved to feel her pain; this was all his fault after all. When they reached the bottom, the Doctor looked around. He was going to need both of his hands to work, so he gently placed Rose on the floor.

"Take care of her", he said to River and went to find the access terminal. He knew that the Bad Wolf was going to take care of Rose. He knew that her improved genes and the TARDIS DNA wouldn't let her die. But there was still one thing he couldn't undo. But right now he needed to keep himself together. River was right; he needed Rose. He found what he was looking for.

"Help me. Please, help me", a childish voice reached them.

"What's that?" Anita asked.

"The computer's in sleep mode. I can't wake it up. I'm trying."

"Doctor!" River cried behind him. "She's burning hot!"

"What do you expect? She's having a miscarriage! The Bad Wolf energy is doing all it can to keep her alive!" his voice was cracking but he did his best to concentrate on what he was doing. "Don't touch her or you'll get burnt!"

"Do something!" River shouted. He didn't answer. He knew Rose would want him to save all of the people trapped by Cal, no matter what was happening to her. And he knew, although he didn't like it, that there was absolutely nothing he was able to do to help Rose right now. He heard River to call Rose's name and, once again, wondered what she was to her. What was there that River was able to show only to Rose?

"What are you going to do?" River asked.

"I need to wake Cal up", he answered.

"It is dreaming", Lux said suddenly. "Of a normal life, and a lovely Dad, and of every book ever written."

"Computers don't dream", Anita pointed out.

"No, but little girls do", Lux said. He pulled a breaker and a door opened. The Doctor turned to go and pick up Rose, but River had already done that. Showing a lot more strength than the Doctor had expected, she carried her in. And it wasn't just the fact that she was able to carry a woman the same size of her that surprised the Doctor; she was able to touch her, even when the Bad Wolf was in control. Even the Master hadn't been able to do that, and Rose had loved him. He shook it off. Now was not the time to think about that. He went in. A node turned to face them. It had a face of a child, of the same girl that had been on the computer, the girl who had spoken about 'her library'.

"Please help me", she asked.

"Oh, my god", River gasped. She laid Rose back to the floor.

"It's the little girl. The girl we saw in the computer", Anita muttered.

"She's not in the computer. In a way, she is the computer. The main command node. This is Cal", Lux said. Something inside the Doctor snapped. They had all been in a deadly danger, three of them had died, Rose was having a miscarriage and this man, this unbelievably stupid man, hadn't told him this tiny little very important detail!

"Cal is a child?" he snapped. "A child hooked up to a mainframe? Why didn't you tell me this? I needed to know this!" he took a threating step closer to him. If anything was going to happen to Rose, he was ready to put the blame on this man.

"Because she's family!" Lux defended himself. "Cal. Charlotte Abigail Lux. My grandfather's youngest daughter. She was dying, so he built her a library and put her living mind inside, with a moon to watch over her, and all of human history to pass the time. Any era to live in, any book to read. She loved books more than anything, and he gave her them all. He asked only that she'd be left in peace. A secret, not a freak show."

All the anger poured out of the Doctor and he turned to look at the face on the Node. "So, you weren't protecting a patent, you were protecting her", he said. Well then, he wasn't going to blame Lux after all. Well, maybe a little.

"This is only half a life, of course. But it's forever."

"And then the shadows came", the Doctor added. This seemed to wake up Cal.

"The shadows. I have to. I have to save. Have to save", she said.

"And she saved them", the Doctor said, mostly to the Node. "She saved everyone in the library. Folded them into her dreams and kept them safe."

"Then why didn't she tell us?" Anita asked.

"Because she's forgotten. She's got over four thousand living minds chatting away inside her head. It must be like being, well", he paused sadly, "me."

"So, what do we do?" asked River, who was still knelt next to Rose, wiping her sweaty hair away from her face. The way she took care of Rose... she must really have cared for her to act like that. He swallowed. Maybe Rose was right, maybe they were able to trust River.

"Autodestruct in ten minutes", the computer informed. The Doctor knew what they needed to do.

"Easy!" he said. "We beam all the people out of the data core. The computer will reset and stop the countdown", he paused as he realised a fault in his plan. "Difficult. Charlotte doesn't have enough memory space left to make the transfer..." he understood what he needed to do. Oh, well. At least he knew now that someone would take care of his Rose. "Easy! I'll hook myself up to the computer. She can borrow my memory space."

That's when River stood up. "Difficult. It'll kill you stone dead."

"Yeah, it's easy to criticise", he said drily, starting to work with the wires.

"It'll burn out both your hearts and don't think you'll regenerate", River continued and damn, she really knew him if she knew about the regeneration.

"I'll try my hardest not to die. Honestly, it's my main thing", the Doctor babbled. He knew this wasn't the bestest of ideas but it was the only idea and they had less than ten minutes and he really, really needed to do this.

"What would Rose say?" River challenged. He stopped for less than a second.

"She'd want me to do whatever I can to save these people."

"Not in the cost of your own life!"

"Yes, in the cost of my own life! You think we haven't risked our lives hundreds of times for others? That we haven't been this close to death over and over again to save only a handful of people? She'd let me do this."

"You can't leave her alone!"

"I'm leaving her into your care, River", he said. "I trust that you'll take care of her."

"Doctor!"

"I'm right, this works. Shut up", he wasn't going to argue about this, not now that there was so little time and so much to lose and she was so right in some parts and so wrong in other parts and oh, he needed Rose. Rose would say just the right words. Rose would... she would... "Now listen. You and Luxy boy, back up to the main library. Prime any data cells you can find for maximum download, and before you say anything else, Professor, can I just mention in passing as you're here, shut up."

"Oh! I hate you sometimes!" River snapped.

"I know!"

"Mister Lux, with me", River said and for once she was doing what he asked her to do. "Anita, if he dies, I'll kill him!"

They left and the Doctor kept working in silence for a while. He glanced at Rose every once in a while, hoping beyond hope that she'd wake up and tell him what to do.

"What about the Vashta Nerada?"

If something was going to make him feel even more angry and desperate, it was this. Anita, brave and smart Anita, was dead and the Vastha Nerada was using her. If he only could he would kill every single man-eating dust like creature. They were to blame, and oh, wasn't it good to blame someone else than himself for a moment.

"These are their forests", the Doctor said not looking at the swarm that had once been Anita. "I'm going to seal Charlotte inside her little world, take everybody else away. The shadows can swarm to their hearts' content."

"So you think they're just going to let us go?"

"Best offer they're going to get", the Doctor said. Because if they weren't, he'd find a way to destroy them; he'd explode the planet if that's what it'd take.

"You're going to make them an offer?" Vastha Nerada -Anita asked.

"They'd better take it, because right now, I'm finding it very hard to make any kind of offer at all", this time he turned to the suit. "You know what? I really liked Anita. She was brave, even when she was crying. And she never gave in. And you ate her", he pointed his sonic at the suit. The skull was revealed. "But I'm going to let that pass, just as long as you let them pass."

"How long have you known?"

"I counted the shadows. You only have one now. She's nearly gone. Be kind."

"These are our forests. We are not kind", Vastha Nerada said.

"I'm giving you back your forests, but you are giving me them. You are letting them go", the Doctor said.

"These are our forests. They are our meat."

It sounded horrible but even more horrible was when the shadows started to grow; Vastha Nerada was reaching not only him, but also the still unconscious Rose. And that was too much.

"Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked and right now, you're threating someone I love. That is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor, and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up."

He knew that there were probably thousands of books written about him. And none of them were going to show him as a nice person, a kind and forgiving person, a person that would let the villain to slip through. He was right; the shadows withdrew.

"You have one day."

The spacesuit collapsed. The Doctor turned back to the settings. River came back, why did she come back? He hadn't asked her to come back.

"Oh, Anita", she sighed.

"I'm sorry. She's been dead a while now", he glared at him. "I told you to go!"

"Lux can manage without me, but you can't", she said calmly. And then, out of the blue, she punched him. He didn't even have time to admire the strength of her punch before he blacked out.

#####

"Autodestruct in two minutes."

The Doctor woke up into the computer's voice. He blinked and saw Rose laying near him, still unconscious. Her jeans were covered with blood and she was pale. He reached for her, and as his mind was filled with hers, he sighed in relief. Then he turned his head, damn, he had a headache. His eyes met River. She was sitting and putting some wires together. The Doctor realised what she was doing and that was not a good thing.

"Oh, no, no, no, no. Come on, what are you doing? That's my job!"

"Oh, like I was going to let you do this?" River said drily. The Doctor tried to move and realised he was handcuffed. What?

"Why am I handcuffed?" he asked. Then again... "Why do you even have handcuffs?"

"In case you end up doing something stupid and I need to stop you", she answered cheekily. "I have a pair for Rose as well", she added.

"This isn't a joke, River. Stop this now. This is going to kill you! I'd have a chance, you don't have any", he tried to reason this woman, there was still a chance. He needed to save someone, he needed to save River.

"You wouldn't have a chance, and neither do I. I'm timing it for the end of the countdown. There'll be a blip in the command flow. That way it should improve our chances of a clean download."

"River, please. No", the Doctor pealed.

"Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die", River said. There was sadness in her voice and tears in her eyes. "All the time we've known each other, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you two you took me to see Felspoon to see the swaying mountains. I should've known. Not only because Rose cried, but because you cried as well. You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the Library."

She gave him a sad smile. The Doctor noticed his screwdriver on the top of a blue diary. He tried to reach it but they were only an inch too far.

"There's nothing you can do", River said.

"You can let me do this."

"If you die here, it'll mean I've never met you", River said. "It'll mean Rose will die soon as well, because the TARDIS can't go long without you."

"Time can be rewritten", the Doctor tried.

"Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay", she smiled but her voice was cracking. "It's all coming for you. And you'll learn to like me, Doctor. I promise. It'll take some time, but you'll get there."

"What will I say to Rose?" the Doctor asked. The computer told them they had only ten seconds.

"There's something between you two. I don't know what it is, but it means a lot to her."
Tears started to pour down River's cheeks. But she smiled anyway.

"Spoilers", she whispered. The countdown hit zero. River joined the power cables together. The Doctor needed to turn his head away as the bright, almost blinding light hit against his eyes. Then it was over. He sat there, not able to really do anything. River's body was hanging on the chair. It was over. She had done it but it was over, River was dead. He hadn't been able to save her. He reached to touch Rose's arm. She wasn't feverish anymore. That was a weak comfort.

"I'm sorry", he said. "I tried."

He tried not to look at the curls. He closed his eyes.

#####

It took some time and a lot of acrobatics, but finally the Doctor managed to kick and pull his sonic screwdriver close enough to reach it. He freed himself, put the sonic and the blue diary into his pocket, picked up Rose and walked slowly to the platform, up to the Library and through the corridors to the shop, where people were sent home by the teleport. He found Donna rather quickly.

"Oh my god", she said as she saw Rose in his arms. "What happened?"

"A lot", the Doctor said. "There isn't going to be any baby."

Donna looked at him with large eyes.

"I'm so sorry", she said.

"Yeah."

There was a short pause during which Donna's eyes started to wander to the group. She asked something but the Doctor had no idea what it was. He only nodded, hoping it was enough. After that Donna left. It looked like she was looking for someone. The Doctor didn't care who. He felt so empty. Rose moved in his arms and his hearts leaped. Her eyelashes shivered and she opened her eyes. He smiled at her. At least she was alive. That was the most important thing in the whole world.

"Hello", he said softly. She opened and closed her mouth for several times, licked her dry lips and swallowed.

"The... baby?" she asked with a small voice. His smile died.

"I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes again and turned her face to his shoulder.

#####

Some time later Donna came back. Rose was on her feet, leaning against the Doctor. Her mind was blurry; he wasn't able to get anything what she was feeling. She was probably too much in a shock.

"Found the one you were looking for?" he asked Donna. She shook her head.

"There wasn't even anyone called Lee in the Library that day. I suppose he could have had a different name out here, but, let's be honest, he wasn't real, was he?"

"Maybe not", the Doctor agreed.

"I made up the perfect man. Gorgeous, adores me, and hardly able to speak a word. What's that say about me?"

"Everything", he said. Donna lifted her eyebrows. He half waited Rose to laugh. She didn't. He wasn't sure if she even heard them. "Sorry, did I say everything? I meant to say nothing. I was aiming for nothing. I accidentally said everything."

There was still no laugh, not even a smile, from Rose. It broke his hearts to see her like this.

"Rose?" Donna said softly. "Are you alright?"

She looked at her but didn't say a word. The Doctor answered for her.

"We're always all right."

Silent tears started to pour down Rose's cheeks.

"Is all right special Time Lord code for really not all right at all?" Donna asked.

"Why?" he asked looking at her.

"Because I'm all right, too."

Once again Donna had found the truth. He swallowed and looked at Rose.

"Come on", he said silently. Rose was leaning to him, partly because she was still too weak to walk on her own and partly because she needed his presence in her mind. And vice versa. They walked slowly to the TARDIS. The Doctor took out his key but Rose stopped.

"River", she whispered.

"What?"

"River", she said, more clearly.

"I'm sorry, Rose", the Doctor said. "I tried. I did everything I could. I know she meant something to you and that you meant a world to her. I couldn't save her."

"I know", Rose said. "I didn't mean that."

"What then?"

Rose swallowed. Her eyes were fixed on the TARDIS and she raised her hand, took a deep breath and snapped her fingers. The TARDIS door swung open. The Doctor stared at it and then Rose.

"How did you do that?" he asked bewildered. There was a small smile on his face, but not even a hint of one on Rose's.

"She told me", she said. "River. She knew us, in her past. In our future," she turned to look at the Doctor. "She said she's never seen me pregnant. If she knows us in our future, that means I can never have a child."

"No", the Doctor said. "No, it doesn't."

"The look in her eyes..."

"We can't know that."

Rose didn't answer. Deep down she knew she was right, and that broke her heart.

#####

A/N: I am so SORRY! But one of the (not so) fun facts are that I actually made this decision before I even started to write the whole thing. I am a horrible, horrible person.