Shield
by Bensler
Chapter 20 – Pardon
Cabot Residence – Tuesday, December 28 – 6:50 p.m.
The two women stared at each other, Jo smiling, Olivia in pure shock. The atmosphere was thick with discomfort and tension.
Casey finally made the first move. "Why don't we all have a seat?" she said as she led them into the living room. Olivia was frozen in her spot until Melinda took her by the elbow as she followed Casey.
Jo had taken a seat on the right end of the couch, Casey on the other and Melinda claimed a chair by Casey leaving the only other seat another chair near Jo for Olivia.
Clearing her throat Melinda told Olivia, "Jo came by today to ask about you and in the course of conversation I learned something very interesting. Jo would like to tell you about it."
Glancing at Melinda and then Jo, Olivia waited.
"Olivia, first of all I just want you to know…"
The door opening drew everyone's attention to Alex as she came in. "Hey, guys. Melinda, didn't know you were coming by. Are you staying for din…" She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Jo. Her face tightened and Casey knew she was about to say something she shouldn't.
"Melinda brought Jo by because she has something to tell Olivia and…" Casey explained.
Scoffing, Alex muttered, "I bet." She dropped her laptop on the foyer table, crossed her arms and stood staring at Jo.
Carefully assessing Alex, Jo realized the woman was angry and could not blame her. After all they believed she had been hitting on Olivia's man. Before she could begin talking again, Alex told her, "Well, don't let me stop you."
Jo gave Alex a smirk and turned back to Olivia. "As I was saying, I am so sorry you are going through this. Chemo is the worst thing I have ever endured. But you are a strong woman, Olivia, and you will get through this."
"That's what you came here to say?" Alex asked with irritation.
"Alex, let her talk," Melinda shot her a sharp look with a cocked eyebrow.
Ignoring Alex, Jo continued. "Elliot called me the other day…he told me about you and asked if we could meet."
"He called you?" Olivia asked weakly. So, Elliot was the aggressor. She had prayed it was Jo.
"Yes. He wanted me to tell him what to expect as far as your reaction to the treatment – how it would affect you physically, mentally and emotionally. He wanted to know what he could do or say to make it easier for you."
Looking away, Olivia remembered the beautiful bag packed with an assortment of things to meet every need; all the thoughtful things to help her pass time; the snacks to ease the her upset stomach; the way he encouraged and catered to her and was prepared for just about anything. The guilt hit her like a ton of bricks.
"Liv, he cares about you very much," Jo said softly.
Olivia's head dropped to her chest as she nodded.
Casey stood up. "Why don't we go check on dinner?" She motioned to Alex and Melinda and the three went to the kitchen.
Olivia was grateful for the privacy, but very uncomfortable because of what she knew she saw between Elliot and Jo. And it had to be addressed. "But I…I saw you. I saw you…and Elliot and the two of you…" Olivia could not say the words.
Jo got up, moved closer to Olivia and reached out to take her hand in both of hers. "You did not see what you thought did, Olivia. I promise you."
Her words angered Olivia. "And how can you know what I saw?"
"Melinda told me what you thought you saw. I was there and I know what happened. And what you think you saw did not take place."
"I guess this is where you try to convince me there is nothing between you and Elliot, right?"
Shaking her head in exasperation, Jo leaned closer. "Olivia, he was thanking me and I reached up and kissed him on the cheek. That's when he pulled me into a hug. It was an innocent kiss and hug between friends."
"Friends?" Olivia snorted and rolled her eyes.
"Yes. Friends. Although I admit I did come onto him at first…"
"What?" Olivia was incredulous at Jo's brazen admission.
"Before I knew why he had asked to meet me. Elliot is a very attractive man. But you must know that already. I remember how women would fawn over him."
"I don't believe this," Olivia said in a monotone devoid of the array of emotions pummeling her mind and heart.
"Yeah, I came onto him. And he quickly shot me down. Olivia Benson, in case you don't know it by now, that man, Elliot Stabler, is so in love with you…there is no way he'd ever step out on you, sweetheart. You are one lucky woman. Don't let some perceived wrong doing ruin the best thing you've ever had."
Jo realized Elliot was in love with Olivia? On some level she knew it was the best known secret in the NYPD, still hearing it from someone else surprised her and she stared at Jo with eyes widened and confusion etched in her expression. "It's all so new…and I…I never expected to…to have this chance…I thought it was too good to be real."
"Trust me, it's as real as it gets." Jo smiled. "Listen, can I tell you a few things about how cancer affects not only you but everyone around you that cares about you?"
Looking up at her, Olivia nodded.
"Most people never seem to consider that cancer happens not just to the one who has it, but to everyone in that person's life. And while people are concerned about the patient – asking about them, sending cards, calling, doing things for them – they forget about those closest to the one with cancer. Right now, Elliot is so worried about you, Liv. The thought of losing you colors his every moment and it's nearly more than he can bear. He feels helpless, useless, inadequate to help you. Like he has somehow let you down because you are sick."
"But it's not his fault," Olivia whispered.
Pointing to her head, Jo told her, "Up here, he knows that. But here," she said as she placed her hand over her heart, "here is where the battle lies. And it's only because he loves you so much, and yet can do nothing to really help you."
Mentioning Elliot and love and her in the same sentence was playing dangerous games with her emotions. "But he has…he does help me. Just him being here with me, helps me."
"And I told him that, but he needs to be reminded – and often – how important his being here is to you."
"I should have let him explain…" she said so quietly Jo could not make out what she was saying.
"Excuse me?"
Olivia repeated it and Jo replied, "Well, it's not too late and he really does need a pardon from you over this misunderstanding."
"I'm the one who needs the pardon from him. I just knew he would have at least called me today. He doesn't do 'ignored' very well, you know."
"Oh, you haven't spoken with him today?" Jo asked with a frown.
"Not since last night."
"Then you don't know about Eli."
"Eli?" Fear shot through her. "What about him?"
"I called Elliot earlier to find out how it went with you and he didn't answer, but later he texted me that he and Kathy were at the hospital with Eli. He fell and cut his head and is being kept overnight for observation. Elliot is staying with him. I'm sure this is why he hasn't called."
The glares she leveled at her three friends were merciless. "If one of you won't take me, I'll call a cab," Olivia informed Alex, Casey and Melinda.
After Jo left, Olivia had wasted no time changing clothes and then telling her friends she needed a ride to Mount Sinai Hospital. They all disagreed, saying she was in no condition to go sit at the hospital or deal with Elliot when she was fatigued, nauseated and throwing up.
Tired of arguing, she directed the next question to Melinda. "Can't you give me another shot of that stuff to lessen the nausea?"
"Well, yes, but…"
"Fine. Let's do it. Please, Mel?"
"Olivia, I just don't think you need to go out so soon after…"
"Whatever!" Olivia stormed out of the kitchen, cell phone in hand and grabbed her coat from the rack by the door.
"Wait!" Melinda caught up with her and stopped her by catching hold of her arm. "Okay, okay. I'll give you the shot. And I'll take you to the hospital." Melinda looked helplessly at the other women and shrugged. She knew – they all knew - Olivia would make good on her threat to call a cab and besides the hospital was on her way home.
Mount Sinai Hospital, Queens – Tuesday, December 28 – 8:54 p.m.
At the creak of the door, Eli looked up and said excitedly, "Owivia! Hey, Owivia!" His blue eyes twinkled just like his father's, and he was all smiles.
Catching sight of Elliot softly snoring in the chair by Eli's bed, Olivia, put her finger to her mouth. "Shh…shh. Don't wake Daddy."
Eli copied her but put all four fingers instead of one up at his mouth and repeated, "Shh."
Sitting on the bed, Olivia hugged him and looked him over. "Oh, sweetie, what a bump."
"I falled down and got titches in my head." His voice escalated at his excitement over telling the story.
"Shh…remember…" she raised her eyebrows and smiled then glanced at Elliot.
"Use a inside voice…not a outside voice," Eli promised with a nod.
"That's right," she said in hushed tones as she lightly traced the injury. "My goodness. I see five stitches, Eli."
Pulling her hand to bring her closer to him, Eli reached up to put his fingers on the scars on her forehead and eyebrow.
"Honey, what are you doing?"
"Daddy said you got a boo-boo when you were wittle wike me."
Smiling, she pulled his hands down and kissed them. "Yes, I did." She was amazed Elliot would think of telling Eli about this.
"Do it still hurt?" The little boy's face crunched with concern.
"No, sweetie. It healed up and it doesn't hurt at all."
"Mine do." He touched a hand to his head.
"It will only hurt for a few days but then it will start getting better and it will hurt less and less until it's good as new."
He nodded then asked, "Why do you got that funny thing on you head?"
Olivia didn't know what to say. She did not want to try to explain to a three year old about cancer. "I thought the scarf was very pretty so I bought it to wear."
"It's got wotsa cowors. I wike cowors."
"Well, that is great because I have something for you." She pulled a Batman coloring book and a huge box of crayons from her bag.
Eli's eyes lit up at the sight. "I wuv Batman!"
Olivia situated him with the book and together they began to color. She glanced at Elliot from time to time. He looked exhausted. The stubble of his beard darkened his face and she had to make herself quit thinking about how it would feel against her cheek during a kiss or how it would tickle her fingers as she caressed his face.
Elliot had awakened when Eli was telling Olivia about his stitches, but he wanted to listen to the interaction between his son and partner – his girlfriend, so he pretended to still sleep. He was absolutely astounded to see Olivia. Glad she cared enough to come, yet apprehensive about the discussion that lay ahead. Listening to his youngest son, and Olivia talk and laugh as they colored did something to him he simply could not put into words. He was so touched by the natural connection and affection they had for one another. Olivia had been faithful about seeing Eli regularly after the car accident that caused his early birth. She had seen and held him even before Kathy and Elliot, so it seemed only right that there should be a special bond between them.
Elliot's eyes watered at the mixture of feelings overcoming him and he had to clear his throat so he stretched and pretended to be waking up.
His movements caused Eli to proclaim loudly, "Daddy! Wivia got me a Batman coworing book!" He picked up the book to show Elliot the pictures they had been coloring.
"Wow. You did a good job coloring the Joker. Did you tell Olivia 'thank you'?" Elliot tousled his son's hair as he looked at Olivia.
"I do it now. Tank you for my Batman book and cowors." Eli wrapped his arms around Olivia's neck and hugged her.
"You are so welcome, Eli." She smiled and looked up at Elliot.
"How you feeling, Buddy?"
"Hungwy."
"Yeah? That's a good sign. Let's see if we can get you some food," Elliot handed the remote to Eli. "Remember which button to push?"
"The one with the nurse head on it," Eli told him as he pressed the button.
A few seconds later a voice sounded above them, 'Can I help you?"
"I hungwy," Eli told her.
Olivia and Elliot laughed as Elliot added, "Eli's awake and hungry. Is it too late to get something for him?"
"Of course not. I'll see what we can round up, Detective Stabler."
"Thank you."
Eli was absorbed in his coloring book and now the discomfort settled around the two adults. Their gaze met several times but one or the other would look away.
Elliot knew Olivia would be concerned over Eli, but he hoped that maybe, just maybe part of the reason she was here was she wanted to make things right with him. He wanted to ask, but thought he would wait for her to make the first move. Before either of them could say anything an aide appeared with a tray of food for Eli.
He un-wrapped the plastic utensils and handed the fork to Eli then cut the chicken nuggets in half and opened the small container of juice. Once he had Eli taken care of he turned his attention back to Olivia.
She had been watching the two of them and now felt self-conscious when Elliot looked over at her. She gave him a slight smile and tried to quell the queasiness in her stomach as she wondered was it because of the chemo or him.
The minutes dragged by but he was determined for Olivia to set the tone for whatever happened, so he waited.
"Is he really okay?" she whispered, her eyes locked on Eli.
Clearing his throat, Elliot told her, "He'll be fine. Doc just wants to keep an eye on him overnight."
Olivia head bobbed up and down.
The tension in the room mounted with each passing second. The silence dragged on until he couldn't take it any longer.
"Why'd you come here, Olivia?" His voice was strong and clear; void of an emotion, his attempt at remaining calm.
"To see about Eli," she said as though puzzled he would even have to ask.
He noticed how small and frail she was and thought how she should not be here, even though it was his son and he appreciated her concern. He would rather her be at Alex's recuperating from the treatment. He pondered her answer for what seemed to be an incredibly long time.
"Eli? Hmmm." He crossed his arms, leaned again the bedside table and watched her. "He the only reason?"
Heart pounding against her chest, she looked over at him and drew a shaky breath as his blue gaze seemed to penetrate to her very soul.
~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~