Author's Note: The updates to this piece will be slow in coming, but I promise I'm not done with it. Reviews are always appreciated. This is a companion to season three's Manchester Parts I and II.

"Benched"

Just as I suspected, it seemed that things following Mrs. Landingham's funeral got a lot harder for everyone. The day of the funeral President Bartlet made the announcement that he had MS, but, more importantly, he also announced that he would run for re-election and win. The gauntlet had been thrown. It was nice that he was the one to do it, but CJ was rarely around the office after that. I heard her on the phone making plans in New Hampshire and I knew that I would be out of the loop for a while. It seemed like every Friday she would put the lid on early and fly to New Hampshire and come back Monday or Tuesday morning looking tired and frustrated. I figured it was because CJ was never really an outdoorsy kind of person. She liked nature; she just didn't feel the need to become one with it. The Bartlet Farm sounded kind of rural and, if you want to know my opinion, kind of boring. What's so great about horses anyway? Apparently they had great apple cider, but I don't know if that would persuade me to go out there once a week.

I guess I should also mention that in between the time CJ was in New Hampshire and the office, something else happened. She messed up pretty bad in the briefing room and she was paying the price for it. I saw her gaffe on the small TV set in her office and I knew she had made quite a mistake. Everyone else knew she messed up too. From what I could gather Toby, Sam and Josh had stormed off to the briefing room and tried to talk to her. She dismissed them all and instead holed up in her office until Leo summoned her. Ever since that day things had seemed tense and CJ had seemed sadder than usual.

Anyway, one day, after one of her New Hampshire treks, she came back to the office and she looked awful. It looked like she hadn't slept in days and her usual sarcastic comments cut more than usual. It seemed like she actually meant them. After she snapped at two reporters, yelled at Carol and mispoke (again) at her morning briefing, I was suspicious that something was up. It wasn't until CJ just sat in her chair and stared at the wall for five minutes that I understood that something was very wrong.

I wanted to ask her about it, but of course I couldn't. Josh or Toby usually dropped by to chat and I had hoped that one of them might be by to ask her if everything was okay, but of course they were in New Hampshire indefinitely. This was something I was going to have to wait out. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm not good at waiting. So I devised a plan to get CJ talking. Looking back on it now, it probably wasn't what anyone would call brilliant, but at the time I was convinced that it would work. I summoned my strength and I decided it would be a good idea to jump out of my bowl.

I figured jumping high into the air and then falling back into the bowl would be a good idea. I'd make a splash and CJ would hear the water, turn around and open up to me. Unfortunately it didn't work that way. I was shooting through the water, my brilliant plan just beginning, I broke through the plane and I was free, out of the bowl and flying through the air. This was going to work. Except, it was at that moment when I realized that I had too much trajectory and instead of landing back in the bowl I was about to land on a briefing book detailing agriculture projections for the next year. There would be no loud splash. There would be a quiet thud as I hit the hard paper covering her desk, taking my last breath on corn projections for the next year. She would never even hear me and then…thud.

As I anticipated, I missed the bowl and landed smack dab in the center of the agriculture report. I gasped and flopped around a bit. The oxygen was beginning to get to me. I flailed on the paper screaming at CJ to turn around. "This is the end," I thought. "Good bye CJ. It has been a privilege." I flipped once more and flopped back over once more. My eyes went black and that was the end.

Then, suddenly I felt water. Sweet, glorious H2O saturated my gills and brought me back from the brink of death. I don't know who threw me back in the bowl, but I noticed that Carol was now in the office. She hadn't been before I blacked out. My vision was slightly fuzzy, but coming back, which I was grateful for. My hearing was a little muffled, but I could make out bits and pieces of the conversation.

"…she would jump out? Do goldfish do that?" CJ asked.

"I had some fish that did that once," Carol confirmed.

"Do you think she's okay?" CJ asked.

I was beginning to see more clearly and my hearing was better. I had to re-acclimate myself to the bowl. I slowly swam around a few times. I felt like a sprained a fin.

"She's swimming weird," CJ commented.

"I think she's okay, probably just startled," Carol said. "Do you think vets treat goldfish?"

"Should I call one?"

I didn't want them to make a fuss over me, but I was silently feeling very loved at that moment. I was also mentally berating myself for trying such a foolish thing. "Never again," I told myself. "No more jumping."

By the time I picked the conversation back up it was clear that I had already missed something.

"…out of the loop, suicidal fish," CJ finished her though as she collapsed back into her chair.

"Is everything okay boss?" Carol asked.

"No," CJ replied confidently. "It really isn't."

CJ gave her a feeble attempt at a smile as if to indicate that she was only joking. I didn't believe it and neither did Carol. I also tried to tell CJ that I wasn't suicidal, but she didn't really hear that either.

"Can I do anything?" Carol asked.

"No," CJ replied. "I'm sorry I yelled at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just taking things out on you and that's not okay."

"I should know how to spell sclerosis."

"No," CJ said. "You really shouldn't. Thanks though."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm just gonna sit here and watch Gail for a minute."

"Okay," Carol replied. She walked out of the office and closed the door. I noticed that she left it open a crack. Barely a sliver of light could be seen, but I knew that was Carol's way of keeping her eye on CJ while she kept an eye on me.

"So," CJ said to me quietly as she peered into my bowl. "Do pets sense the emotions of their owners or what? I know things aren't great now, but you really can't jump out of your bowl okay? I've got a lot on my plate and you dying on the corn crop projections on top of everything else would not be very unhelpful."

"I got it," I replied. "Trust me when I say it will never happen again."

"Besides which, I'd have to tell Danny where you were if he ever stopped by and that would be awkward. He'd probably think I'd neglected you and then he'd taunt me about it in his Danny way. The thing is I have a lot going on right now. First the MS, then Haiti, then me losing it in the press room, then getting benched on Haiti," CJ rattled off the list of things on her mind. "I need you to stick around okay Gail?"

"I am definitely in it for the long haul," I assured her. "I was trying to get your attention. I was trying to get you to open up. I guess it worked, but I am not going that route again. Ever."

CJ sighed and slunk back into her chair swiveling it slowing a few ticks to the right, then the left. Her hands were clasped over her stomach and she looked tired again. Her desk phone rang and she stared at it for a moment before leaning forward and picking it up.

"CJ Cregg," she said in a tone that sounded defeated.

Unfortunately for me she didn't put the call on speaker phone, but I knew she was talking to her brother. Her tone picked up a bit when she found out the call wasn't work related.

"I'd love to see Hogan," CJ said. "Now is just a really bad time."

"I know she does. I just…I might have a lot more free time later," CJ said. "No, I'm not getting fired. I might be leaving."

I perked up at that response. She might be leaving? Where was she going? Obviously her brother had questions too because CJ was silent as she listened to her brother.

"I'm not a quitter," CJ replied louder. "You don't know what it's been like around here."

Her brother said something else to which CJ replied bitterly, "Well maybe I'm tired of things being hard. Maybe for once in my life I want things to be easy. Is that so much to ask?"

"Sometimes it's too much. Don't you ever feel that way in the very exciting world of accounting? I just want…I want a break for a change okay? I don't want to be so disappointed anymore. I don't want to be a disappointment."

Whatever her brother's response to her was it seemed to calm her down a little. The features of her face softened and the fire in her eyes seemed to fade.

"I know," she replied. "I haven't said anything yet. I'm still thinking about it."

"Thanks for your input," CJ said. "I will. Tell Hogan I promise that we'll get together soon. I just have to get all this campaign stuff finished."

"I will," CJ said. "I said I will. Bye."

CJ hung up the phone and looked at me. "Brothers," she said.

"Tell me about it," I replied. "I had 10. Though being the only girl does have its perks."

"What am I gonna do Gail?" CJ sighed as she turned her chair to face the wall again. "What am I gonna do?"

I started to give her my response when there was a light rap on the door and Sam pushed it open as he entered. He looked more casual than usual.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?" she said not turning around in her chair.

"I'm going up," he said.

"Well I hear New Hampshire's what's new," she replied slyly as she turned around to face him. I figured it was some sort of inside joke because Sam smiled a little as well.

"Are you doing okay?" he asked. Sam and CJ had been fighting a few weeks back. They had traded cutting comments and seemed to be taking their anger over the president out on each other. But, recently they had patched things up and it seemed like they may have even been closer for it.

"I'm peachy," CJ replied.

"You're still out front," Sam said. It was clear to me that he was trying to console her over being benched on Haiti without bringing up the word Haiti.

"I'm not, but thanks for trying," CJ said.

"Nancy is only doing the Haiti briefings because she's National Security Advisor," Sam reminded her. "She's better equipped to answer the questions."

"And not lump it in with the MS, I know," CJ said.

"You don't feel that way?"

"I really don't," CJ paused a moment. "You have no idea what it feels like to be replaced by Nancy McNally in my briefing room. Any shred of credibility I had is completely gone now."

"On the upside, they didn't replace you with a deputy. A red shirt didn't come off the bench and upstage you. It's Nancy McNally."

"Not a bad way to go is what you're telling me?"

Sam paused for a minute, unsure of what to say. I could see it in his eyes. "You're down, not out," he said. "This will pass."

"Maybe it shouldn't," CJ murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing," CJ said straightening up in her chair. The time to feel sorry for herself had ended. She was back to work. "What can I do for you Spanky?"

"Are you…"

"What can I do for you?" she asked again cutting him off.

"Uh, the last draft of the kick-off speech," Sam said. "What did you think?"

"You really want to know?"

"That bad?"

"Not good," she replied.

"We'll work on it," Sam said trying to stay upbeat.

"Before or after Toby kills you and anyone else in the room?" CJ asked.

"There's a pool going," Sam smartly replied. "I'm trying to be positive so I put my money on before, thus Toby wouldn't have to kill anyone, especially me."

"Then put me down for before too," CJ replied. "I'd miss you if Toby killed you and he doesn't look good in orange."

"I'll let him know," Sam smiled. "You coming up tomorrow?"

"Day after."

Sam nodded and rocked back on his heels. "I'll see you then," he said. "Don't let all this get to you. It'll pass. We've never had to deal with a major medical cover up before."

"Thanks," CJ said with an ironic smile. "First time for everything I guess."

"Yeah," Sam said. "I'll see ya."

"Yeah."

CJ watched Sam walk out the door and she immediately went back to her work. She looked more resolved now than before, but I couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I figured that I'd never actually find out for sure what would happen. It would most likely take place in New Hampshire. Either CJ would come back, put my bowl in a box and we'd be gone or she'd come back and stay for good. I hoped that the latter was true. I'd sure miss this place if I wasn't around.

TBC