Meet the Parents
Later that evening, after Rory left to meet Dean for pizza, Lorelai was lazily loading some clothes into the washer, distracted by thoughts of how she and Luke 'christened' the apartment that morning. She was jarred from her reverie by a loud pounding on her front door. When she opened the door, Luke stormed, pointed an accusing finger at her and said, "I just spent a hundred thousand dollars and it's all your fault!" before he stomped into the kitchen.
"Oh, good." She replied bewildered. She closed the door and followed him to the kitchen, to find him pacing the room like a caged animal.
"I ran into Taylor at the market, and I found out he owns the building that apartment was in!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.
"No way." Lorelai said sinking into a chair.
"That," the rant began to pick up speed, "and several others all over town."
"That is so weird." She said wonderingly.
"He's systematically buying up the town." Luke raved, "He's gonna turn it into Taylorville where everyone'll wear cardigans and have the same grass height."
Lorelai tried to calm him asking, "Luke, do you wanna sit down?" to no avail, he had worked up a full head of steam.
"And then he told me he's gonna buy the building next to the diner, turn it into a plate shop for freaks who don't have enough brain power to collect stamps. I lost it." He shouted.
"Uh, I can't picture that." She deadpanned.
"I walked around in a blind rage. I was crazy. I bought one of those Belgian waffles with the ice cream dipped in chocolate…
Lorelai was truly stunned, "You ate that?" she asked.
"No, I didn't eat it!" he yelled.
"Of course not." She nodded her understanding.
He glared down at her saying "I'm upset, not suicidal."
"Right.' She nodded.
"I knew I just had to do something, and I had your voice going round and round in my head." The rant picked up again.
"Yeah, it's kinda like the Small World song." Lorelai acknowledged.
"Take a chance, Luke. Make a move, Luke." He mimicked, "I don't want to sleep alone, Luke. So I bought the building!" he concluded with a flourish.
This time, Lorelai was nearly speechless, "You – you what?" she responded instinctively.
"I went to the bank and got a cashier's check, signed the papers and I bought the building." He said, still pacing and wringing his hands together.
"Wow." Was all she could get out.
Luke pointed to his chest, "I am the building's owner."
"I heard." She replied.
"I own the building." He stated again, an edge of panic in his voice.
Lorelai's mind was reeling, "Okay," she said calmly, "well, don't worry, maybe you can still get out of it. You can go back and tell them you lost your mind."
"Okay." Luke agreed with a nod.
A thought suddenly occurred to her, "Or I bet you can sell it to Taylor."
"Yeah." Luke pondered the possibility.
"So, relax," she said patting his arm, "you can still get out of this."
"Okay." He said as he sank into a chair.
Lorelai thought for a minute and said cautiously, "Unless you don't wanna get out of it."
Luke said, "Oh no, I wanna get out of this." Still processing what he had done. Then his head snapped up, "Uh, why would I not wanna get out of this?" he asked curiously.
Lorelai stood up to gather her thoughts, "Oh, well, owning that building gives you some options."
"Like?" he prompted.
"Uh, like you could expand Luke's if you wanted to." She suggested.
"Yeah."
"Or you could rent it to someone else." She said, warming up.
"Yeah." Luke nodded again.
"Someone else who might drive Taylor crazy." She said teasingly.
Luke turned to her and said seriously, "Maybe I should think about this."
Lorelai smiled and said "Sure, sleep on it".
Luke nodded and sighed, "Sleep on it, right, right".
"You want some tea?" she asked, moving to fill the kettle.
"Tea's good, sure." Luke answered automatically.
After she put the kettle on to heat, Lorelai sat down across from him again and took his hand in hers. "If it makes you feel any better, I've had a weird day, too." She said.
"Oh, yeah?" he asked, distractedly.
"Yeah." She smiled at him, "I called my mother this afternoon, and offered your head on a platter."
Luke was drawn out of his thoughts enough to answer "Really? How many pieces of silver did you get for it?"
"Oh, plenty, including the patter." She quipped.
"Good, I won't want to be served up on anything less." He smiled at her. "So you booked it, huh?"
"You told me to!" she reminded him.
"I did." He agreed, "Friday night?" he asked.
"Friday night." She confirmed.
Seeing her troubled expression, Luke leaned in to place a soft kiss on her lips. "It will all be fine." He reassured her before he stood up to leave. "I have to get back to the diner, I've been gone all day." He explained.
"Okay." She offered him a fleeting smile, still worrying.
Luke squeezed her shoulder, saying "I'll call you later." And then he left through the kitchen door.
She stared at the door, blew out a nervous breath and muttered, "I sure hope so."
After careful consideration, Luke had decided that he didn't want to answer to any landlord but himself. He stalked into the apartment that night, a man with a mission. He rummaged around in the closet until he located a sledgehammer, swung it up onto his shoulder, bypassed a stunned Jess with his mouth hanging open, and proceeded to knock a large hole in the wall that separated his apartment from the building that he had just purchased. He smirked as his nephew stood, gulping like a fish out of water, handed the sledgehammer to Jess, and said "That's your room. Finish up. We'll hold hands and skip later."
So in the last few days, the Danes/Mariano household had become a construction zone.
Luke gave very specific instructions to Tom, his contractor, about what he wanted done. "I want walls." He stated firmly, "Real walls, not that cardboard crap. And doors. Good solid doors, so I don't want to have to hear that noise that he calls music all of the time!"
Smiling to himself as he pictured Lorelai draped over his bed in what would be his room. He had already ordered a new queen sized mattress for his queen. He was just waiting for the construction to finish up before he could move it in.
Friday night rolled around, and Lorelai and Rory appeared at the diner to pick Luke up for dinner with the Gilmores. He emerged from behind the curtain brushing drywall dust from his tie, his jacket in a plastic dry cleaning bag over his shoulder. "Hey." He greeted them, "This okay?" he asked gesturing to his apparel.
"Perfect." Lorelai replied, drinking in the sight of her handsome man. "Doesn't my fella clean up good?" she asked, nudging Rory in the ribs.
"Ow!" Rory said, scowling at her mother. She turned to Luke and gave him a smile and said "You do look very nice, Luke." In a polite tone.
Luke smiled back at her and said, "Thank you, Rory. You look lovely, as usual."
Rory took the compliment with an embarrassed duck of her head. Lorelai stood with her hands on her hips, sending Luke an affronted stare. "Well? What am I, chopped liver?" she asked. Rory laughed and turned to head for the car.
Luke approached Lorelai with a leering gaze. "No," he said in a low, intimate voice, "You are delectable as always. You, my friend, are filet mignon. Tender, succulent, and possibly dangerous if consumed recklessly."
She beamed at him. "Wow, I' m prime piece of beef. My boyfriend thinks that I rank right up there with red meat! Pretty heady stuff there, mister!" she joked as they walked out of the diner. He chuckled as he guided her to the car, his hand in the small of her back. "Here, big boy, you drive." She said as she handed him the keys to the Jeep. He opened her door for her, checked to be sure that Rory was settled in the back, stowed his jacket inside the backseat behind him, and got behind the wheel.
Lorelai chattered nervously all the way to Hartford. She issued a mile long list of do's and don'ts, she warned him of all of the potential social pitfalls that they may encounter, she issued dire warnings on how to handle her parents. Luke listened with half and ear. He would heed her advice on some matters, but he was determined to face the evening, and the Gilmores on his terms. Rory caught his eye in the rear view mirror, and offered him a wink and a reassuring smile. At least Rory has some faith in me, he thought, trying to tamp down his annoyance. He glanced over at Lorelai, and saw her looking at him with a mixture of love and fear. He reached over to pat her knee, and said quietly, "It will be fine, Lorelai. We will be fine. Try to relax." She sagged back into the seat, and drew in a deep cleansing breath, wishing she could be as calm as he was.
Pulling into the drive, and seeing the Gilmore mansion for the first time, loosed the butterflies in Luke's stomach. He flexed his jaw, determined to show no weakness in front of the elder Gilmores. When he pulled to a stop, and stepped from the car, he saw that Rory had removed his suit jacket from it's cover, and she handed it to him through the open door. He nodded his thanks, draped it over his arm and trotted around to open the passenger door. "Quite the gentleman you have there, Mom." Rory joked from the back seat.
"Yeah, he is." Lorelai answered with a sigh of admiration. Luke opened the door to help her out of the car, then flipped the lever on the seat and offered a hand to Rory. Once they were standing by the Jeep, Luke shrugged into his jacket, and fastened the buttons, presenting himself for their approval. Lorelai lovingly smoothed the material over his shoulders and said, "Now listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze…"
Insulted that she would think that he would be so stupid, Luke sneered at her "I'm not going to drink too much."
Shaking her head at his naiveté, Lorelai hooked and arm through his and stepped slowly toward the front door. "No, no, no. You've got it backwards, there, Pablo." She cried, "Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Richard and Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kalashnikov. If we get too lit, Rory can always drive us home."
Rory nodded agreeably as they rang the doorbell. A uniformed maid answered the door which made Luke's eyebrows shoot for his hairline. Lorelai smirked as they entered to find Emily standing in the foyer waiting to greet them. "Well, well, our honored guest. Welcome." She said with false joviality.
"Mom, Luke. Luke, Mom." Lorelai performed her introductions dutifully.
Emily shot her a look and said, "We've met, Lorelai. Several times."
Defensively Lorelai shot back "Well, I was just "re-introducing" you, as per your instructions."
Luke stepped into the fray saying "Good to see you again, Mrs. Gilmore." Offering a nod of his head.
Emily's smile was over-bright as she replied "Ah, no, it's Emily. I insist."
"Nice to see you, Emily." Luke emphasized the use of her given name.
"Come in, come in." she said leading them from the foyer, "Richard is waiting in the Living Room, we'll have cocktails."
When they entered the room, Richard Gilmore folded his newspaper and stood to greet them, sizing Luke up thoroughly. The men greeted each other with handshakes, and Richard offered to take their drink orders.
"Soda's fine, Grandpa." Rory piped up.
"Martini. Gin." Lorelai blurted, "Easy on the garnish, it takes up too much room."
Richard nodded his understanding and turned to Luke. "What can I offer you?" he asked.
Luke smiled and said "A beer would be great if you have it." Lorelai caught the gleam of triumph that entered her mother's eye as Luke spoke.
"Certainly, certainly." Richard replied genially. "Emily?" he asked.
"I'll have a martini also, Richard. I will go check to see if there is any beer in the refrigerator." She said as she left the room, shooting her husband a look.
Richard lifted the lid on the ice bucket and said "Oh. I forgot the ice. I'll be right back." As he took the bucket and scurried off after Emily.
Lorelai groaned and let her head fall against the back of the couch. "Beer?" she asked in disbelief. "Don't you know that beer is code for 'nitwit juice' in their world?" she asked plaintively.
Luke simply shrugged. "They asked what I wanted, I answered." He replied. Leaning closer to her he said "I need you to ease up, okay?" Rory nodded her agreement.
Offended, Lorelai sat up, "I'm trying to defend you! They are in there trying to figure out how to get rid of you right now!" she said indignantly.
"They are not." He insisted, and at her snort of disbelief he lowered his voice urgently, "Even if they are, I'm not that easy to shake. But, if you keep jumping to my defense and sending your mother the death glare, it's going to make me look weak, and I don't want to look weak in front of your parents. So cool it, please?" he asked again.
"Okay," she said doubtfully, "Don't say that I didn't warn you!"
"I consider myself warned." He said settling back into the couch as Richard and Emily appeared again.
The cocktail hour went fairly smoothly. Luke was not oblivious to Emily's veiled barbs, and he was constantly aware of Richard's appraising gaze. They moved to the dining room where Luke was subjected to more of Emily's thinly disguised insults, which Luke ignored studiously while keeping up his end of polite conversation. Richard viewed the scene as if he were an impartial observer. Emily was at her best with the running commentary on Luke's diner and other such establishments, but Luke would never rise to the bait. He answered her questions politely and with a smile, but Richard saw that he was not fooled by her vivacious smile and ingratiating manner. He also saw Lorelai trying desperate to control her temper. She seemed about to jump to Luke's defense a couple of times, but stopped herself when she saw Luke glance at her. Rory seemed to be feeling the poor man's discomfort keenly, and Richard was sorry for his grand daughter's obvious concern. Once dessert was finished, Richard invited Luke to join him in his study for a brandy and a cigar. He saw that Lorelai was about to object when Luke pushed his chair back smoothly, placed his napkin beside his plate and said "I would love to, Richard."
Emily took in her daughter's dismayed expression and Rory's gaping mouth and said "It's okay, girls. I'm sure Richard isn't going to hurt your friend. Let's take our coffee to the Living Room." She said as she pushed her own chair back, grasped her cup and saucer and left the room.
"What's he doing to him?" Rory whispered desperately.
Lorelai picked up her coffee and wrapped her arm around her daughter as they walked toward the living room. "Don't worry, hon." She said with heavy irony, "I'm sure Grandpa is simply making Luke and offer he can't refuse." As she cast a worried glance at the closed of the study.
tbc