Chapter 21

He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. He could not believe what he had just witnessed. His shoes echoed down the hall, sounding hollow and empty as he made his way toward the library. "Twenty minutes," she said. Twenty minutes. He looked down at his watch and mentally noted the time. When the hell had Logan gotten back?

That son-of-a-bitch! God how he hated the cocky bastard.

His angry strides lengthened as he made his way toward the library. How could this have happened? He could not get the images out of his mind; they repeated over and over again, a continuous loop, in startling clarity. Logan and Jean draped about each other like clinging ivy, you couldn't see where one vine started and the other finished so wrapped about each other were they. The heated look in her face, hair tossed about her in wild disarray, the hot pink blush as it spread over her neck and chest – yes, he remembered that look. She had been well and truly pleased.

He thought back to when they had first met at the school, all those years ago. She was a beauty even then, although only a teenager. He was completely mesmerized by her. He looked beyond her awkward angles and gangly height. Lithe and lanky with long dark hair, she exuded an untapped sexual magnetism that even she wasn't aware of. Jean moved with the sensuous grace of a lioness, all sleek and confident. He on the other hand was more likened to an abandoned dog, wary of strangers and unsure of their kindness. Secretly he feared rejection, but losing was never an option. So, he got in the game.

Scott and Jean became part of a team, part of the Professor's plan. They learned, they trained, and they became X-men. They recruited other mutants and taught them to deal with their mutations, allowing them to form relationships with others just like themselves, without the constant fear of rejection or revulsion. Relationships built on trust and honesty. They learned their own lessons, and to Scott's eternal amazement their own relationship slowly shifted from friendship to love to a deep and abiding commitment – or so he thought.

And then there was Logan. Scott's jaw tightened, his fists clenched. He couldn't even relive happy memories without Logan popping unbidden into his mind. Actually, it was just like Logan, to force his way in, barrel through all the defenses, take what he thought was his and dare anyone foolish enough to try to take it away from him.

He shook away the annoying visage of Logan and instead concentrated on the more appealing image of the young Jean Grey. Tension eased and his hands slowly unclenched as his mind returned to those early days at the school.

It didn't take long for Jean to captivate each and every guy in the class. She was oblivious to her affect on others. While all the guys vied for her attention, she focused her concentration on learning to control her powers, perfecting her craft, and trusting in herself and her abilities. She was friends with everyone, never aligning herself with one over the other, giving her smiles and attentions freely …until Scott. He with his boyishly handsome face, new-found quick humor, and beguiling banter eventually disarmed her. He became her friend and their friendship grew. He kept her smiling and she kept him spellbound.

Even the Professor hadn't been immune to Jean's charms. He'd seen the woman lurking within and worshipped her from afar. No one seemed to be aware of this but Scott. The Professor, unaware of Scott's presence and close scrutiny, revealed his vulnerability for young Jean. He was enamored with her. The look on his face belied his feelings. He was lost in thought and hadn't heard when Scott approached. It was only when Scott came into his line of vision, that he became aware of his presence. The look was quickly hidden, but not before Scott recognized it and understood. No one was immune.

Scott shook his head in wry disbelief, his face relaxing into a ghost of a smile as he considered the Professor. He was no rival for Jean's affections. He may have appreciated the ripe woman Jean would become, but her allure would not tempt him to cross that line. His role was to nurture her, not to seduce her. Logan, on the other hand had less noble thoughts in mind. Scott's jaw involuntarily clenched and the veins in his forehead stood out as Logan once again invaded his thoughts. Banishing him once again, Scott turned introspective.

He was content with the hand life dealt him. It was a good hand – not great, but good.

He played his cards close – watching for the tells, passing when needed and checking when he should. He watched and waited for the perfect opportunity to make his move and claim the big prize. For the moment he was willing to play along and call. It wasn't until Angel upped the ante and started outwardly pursuing Jean that gave Scott the impetus to raise him one make his move. Strategy was Scott's strong point, and he knew how to play the game. He watched the cards as they fell, paid close attention, knew what was showing, made his move and bet it all.

Scott had always been attracted to Jean and it seemed the natural order of things for a special bond to form between them. They trained together, they worked together and subsequently they fell in love together.

Jean became Scott's friend, his confidant and eventually his lover. They were so much alike in many ways: smart, organized, methodical and driven, each vanquishing their own personal demons with devotion and hard work. Scott, unaccustomed as he was to personal reflection, let himself relax and looked back on the memories that haunted his youth. In upbringing he and Jean differed greatly. Scott was orphaned at an early age, and learned to live by hook or crook, using his powers for gain, not for good. Jean on the other hand, was born to privilege, well loved by her doting parents, and given every opportunity for success. They were as different as night and day, yet under her influence and that of the Professor, Scott began to allow himself to trust…

Damn it! He slammed his fist into his palm. He was angry and frustrated. How in the hell had this happened? He rounded the corner and stepped quickly down the stairs, ignoring the banister in his haste.

When had Logan gotten back? He mentally questioned himself. It must have been sometime last night. The back-stabbing son-of-a-bitch! They had a deal. Or so he thought. Although if he were totally honest with himself, they hadn't really agreed to anything but to wait until Jean had awoken. And awoken she had.

Scott assumed he would have a chance to talk to Jean when that happened. That both he and Logan would have their say, plea their case and stake their claim. He'd pictured it in his mind's eye a thousand times over the past week. Jean would wake up, disoriented and weak after the ordeal she had been through. The Professor, ever the diplomat, would preside over it all like a Judge. He would summon both of them into his chambers and lay out the ground rules. Both of them would have an opportunity to speak to Jean, both of them would try to convince her to choose them. Both of them would try, but only one of them would win. Scott knew he would win and that Logan would lose; after all, he was still holding the trump card – Jean's word was her bond.

Scott hadn't counted on Logan getting to her first. That bastard. He looked so damn smug lying there.

How could Jean? She promised. Scott's confidence slowly dissolved as his jealousy returned. This is all Logan's doing.

Logan set his trap for Jean and she became a willing victim. He maneuvered her unwittingly into his lair with his teasing looks, endless innuendos and his charismatic bad boy attitude. His raw presence put a constant strain on Scott's relationship with Jean. Logan teased her, baited her, and kept her off balance until she couldn't control her emotions or her attraction to the arrogant, self-centered loner.

Scott forced himself to look honestly at Jean and Logan. It took a monumental effort to keep the anger at bay, yet he had to evaluate the situation without bias. He had to look at it from all angles and unless he controlled his emotions he couldn't look at it objectively. He took a deep breath, letting the anger leave him as he thought about it. He'd start at the beginning.

Something had bonded Jean to Logan – the same something that widened the chasm in their own relationship. Scott hadn't seen it coming at first. Slowly, imperceptibly and decidedly she'd distanced herself from him. The gap became so wide he couldn't seem to reach her.

How did I let it happen?

He knew though. He not only took Jean for granted, but let their relationship stagnate. What excitement had he provided to the serious, business-minded Jean? What woman wouldn't be swept off her feet by the handsome, muscular bad boy that every woman itched to tame? These were the questions he now asked himself. However, Scott's masculine pride would not allow him to accept the fact that he was steady and predictable, almost boring in comparison to Logan.

Ok, so where do I go from here?

He mentally noted how many chips he had left and counted his mistakes. He'd already lost the last couple of hands, he needed to pay attention and bet wisely. He needed to adapt to the new game, for the rules had changed. He thought of what he should have done. He should have gone to her last night; he should have checked on her; he should have trusted her in the first place instead of putting her on the defensive. And most importantly, he should not have underestimated Logan. It was a fatal error on his part.

His hard strides brought him to the library in short order. Still deep in thought, he angrily threw open the doors, startling the occupants of the room. KittyPryde and two other students he didn't recognize sat around a table studying, books and note paper strewn about. They took one look at his angry features and hurriedly gathered their things. KittyPryde vanished through one of the walls while the others left by more conventional methods.

He walked over to the window and looked out at the gardens with a blind eye, seeing nothing but his own misery, trying to come to grips with the persistent image of Logan and Jean in their post-coital glow. Pulling himself back to the present he looked at his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed.

What makes Jean so attracted to Logan? What's wrong with me?

After all, Scott was handsome, he was stable. He was the all-American boy next door. What woman wouldn't want that? He was the good guy. Why wouldn't she want the good guy? Because good guys always finish last. And Scott couldn't begin to compete with a loner like Logan.

But Logan was exactly that, a loner. Sure, right now it was all new, it was all fresh it was all-consuming, but what happens when it's not so new, not so fresh and he decides to move on. Because loners never change. They may try, but they don't change. One day he'd move on – alone. And Scott would be there for her when that happened. He would pick up the pieces of her broken heart and hold her tight until the hurt stopped hurting.

He had just come to this conclusion when he heard the heavy library door open behind him. He didn't need to look at his watch to know that exactly twenty minutes had passed. Jean was always prompt. He took a deep breath as he turned to face her.

She just stood there for a moment, her back to the door, remnants of the heated flush still lingering on her neck, making her look alluring, yet off limits.

"Scott," she started, unable to continue.

Scott battled his emotions, alternately wanting to throttle Logan on one hand and feeling hurt and betrayed by Jean on the other. He still loved Jean. He'd always love Jean.

He looked at her questioningly. "Is he who you really want, Jean?"

She looked at him, not wanting to hurt him further, yet unwilling to lie to him, "Yes."

Scott knew when to fold.