Chapter 21: Fight
It's 9 o'clock and you're down, you don't know how you got down and how to stop it but you cant get out of bed because you're down. You don't want to cause any trouble and you don't want to be a bad host to your friends but knowing you're causing so much trouble for the person you care about is too much. At ten you hear a knock on your door before it opens and Feferi pops her head in
"Are you alright? It's not like you to sleep this late." You shrug and roll over turning your back to her.
"Eridan, You promised them a fun day and you cant let them down, because if you don't get out of bed everyone will start to see it on you."
"See what?"
"The guilt and gloom of loving someone unattainable. Get up." She slams the door closed and you get up to get dressed.
Everyone eat a lot at breakfast but hardly anyone says anything while they do. Gamzee barely eats at all and every time you look up Karkat's either smirking at you or glaring.
"So, where are we going today?" Aradia breaks the silence first.
"I thought we could go sight seeing downtown in the afternoon.."
"Nope, lame. I reject that idea, think of something cooler Eridan." Terezi buts in.
"I don't see why we cant go where Eridan has planned." Nepeta mumbled while arranging her food again. When you first got there she was arranging it by size, and now by color. Equius puts his hand on her back and whispers for her to eat something
"Yeah take the blind girl "sight seeing" I can already imagine how much fun I'll be having." Terezi crosses her arms and you clear your throat realizing that suggestion was a bit insensitive.
"I planned a boat ride too, just us, some drinks, and cruising all evening?"
"Now that sounds fun" She grins.
Aradia mumbles something inaudible in another language under her breath and Sollux nods.
"Where's Tavros?" You have to ask, you haven't seen him since last night and no one else seems concerned.
"Oh you know, around." Nepeta says cheerfully then starts arranging the remaining food on Equius's plate.
Everyone else avoids your gaze and you can tell where you stand now. Either they all know and don't want to tell you or they just want to stay out of it all together which you don't blame them.
Cronus gives you an expression of annoyance at the end of the table but doesn't speak up.
You don't press it anymore, because its clear to you now there are no confidants here. If there's anything you want from now on you'll have to go looking for yourself. You go back upstairs and into Gamzee and Tavros's room but you don't see him
You look around for a minute before giving up and walking back towards the door.
"I need you lay with me." You hear a small voice whisper.
You look in the bathroom seeing nothing before getting down on your knees and looking under the bed. He's curled up in a ball hugging an empty bottle of champagne. You reach under and try to pull him out but he resists
"Come under here."
"Tavros, I'm too big to get under here, just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
"It's all messed up you know? At first we were fighting it, trying to get back to where I lived. And then there was love and we were in the same body you know? Him and me in one body. Whenever I moved he moved. Now, he grabs on to me, but I'm disappearing. And I cant scream it out, and he cant fuck it out of me." His voice sounds so small and far away its breaking your heart. You have no idea what he's talking about but you try to grab his hand to pull him out
"You're not disappearing, I'll help you just tell me what to do." You don't know how to fix someone when they get sad like this, you've never really had to deal with anything but your own sadness which seems to be nothing compared to his. He takes a moment to let you grab his hand but once you do you pull him out from under the cramped space into a hug
You get him into a shower and dressed making sure to remove all the alcohol from the room by the time he comes out again.
When you come downstairs, he's clinging weakly to your arm and everyone looks at Gamzee in response; he doesn't look at you at all.
"Where the hell was he?" Equius sits up his seat.
"Under the bed." You sit him down in the chair and get him a plate so he can eat something. Dave raises an eyebrow but other than that no one says anything because with Tavros you can never be surprised anymore
"Thank you." Gamzee nods at you and you're so surprised you can only nod back. That seems to set the mood for the rest of the afternoon, everyone relaxes and gets dressed so you can meet the boat's captain at the pier.
It's a little cold for it but luckily the inside of the boat is warm and completely decked out with everything you'd need to entertain a group of college kids.
Once you introduce yourselves to the captain you all go inside and settle in the evening. Once the music and the drinks start to flow you can feel the last bit of tension slip out of the room and you even manage to get a few laughs in between talking and dancing.
Cronus hassles Feferi to dance with him to which she agrees after the six thousandth time. You're glad everyone's having fun, its starting to feel good between you all like it did at Christmas when you all became friends.
Terezi snickers at Cronus's dancing which only amplifies when she convinces Equius to dance too, everyone else joins them on the small dance floor and you take the chance to slip out and go up on deck for a cigarette.
It's only a little chilly due to the wind but the sun's out so you can manage. You lean against the railing and take a few drags hen you hear someone come out behind you.
"We should talk now." You tense up at the sound of Gamzee's voice.
"Okay." You flick the cigarette over the side of the boat and turn to face him.
"He loves me, I know that. And I know he loves you too, that doesn't bother me. What's all up and head fucking me is, the more you're around, the more he drinks and self destructs. Its like he's doing it to get a reaction out of you, but instead it gets a rise outta me. You see him going back to how he was and you're accepting it, and I wont so I have to be the bad guy."
"I don't want you to be the bad guy, I know I should be pissed at him for the way he's acting, but that's what he wants. He wants me to be mad, he wants me to tell him he's disappointed me and I'm not going to do it. You love him, I get it but the more mad you get he just keeps going. Something's eating at him, he feels guilty about something that's why he wants us to yell at him. "
He shoves his hands in his pockets and thinking about what you said for a minute.
"Time for some motherfucking truths then. Are you trying to take him away from me?"
You knew he was going to go there, you just fucking knew it.
"No. but I know it doesn't matter what I say, you wont believe me because Karkat already gave me some kind of threat, which I don't appreciate." You glare.
"Do you think hes going to really leave me for you?" He moves closer trying to intimidate you.
"No, and up until now I didn't want him too, but this stupid macho act is really starting to piss me off." You move closer to him until you're up in his face.
"But now, the fucking kid gloves are off mate, I wasn't paying to win, I was okay losing as long as he and I could still be friends but now, you're trying to fuck it up so now it's on. I want him, I want him to be mine and if you thought I was a threat before, just wait until you see me when I actually try."
"You don't want me as an enemy brother." He snarls.
"There's no other option. I'm beyond your feelings, I'm going to be myself and if he ends up in my arms it'll be because you drove him there and they'll be no one to blame but yourself." You walk past him and back inside.
You don't care whether it fucks everything up or not, you're going to try and win Tavros over because sometimes its not about letting go of someone you love its about fighting.