Hopefully this nice long chapter will keep everyone satisfied for a little while :) Starting up school again, so I may not be updating as quickly as I have been the last few weeks. Enjoy!

Just a little hint for the chapter: Things will begin heating up. ;)

Chapter 20, Secret Lake.

We began our journey home after that night. Slowly, so no one would take notice to a large group of people leaving all at once. Gaara and I were the first to leave, then Choji and Ino met up with us that night. We started back to Konoha, knowing the others would be only a few days behind us. The four of us, not needing to stop much, got back to Konoha in record time.

There was no joyous greeting. Nothing. We returned in the pouring rain, splitting up as soon as we reached the gates. Gaara was off to find the Twins, Ino to let her mother know everything is alright, and Choji to get something to eat. I stood watching as the three of them slowly disappeared into the falling rain. I'm already soaked to the bone, so I'm not worried about anything like that. It's been raining for hours.

For days.

It hasn't stopped raining since I killed Matsuri and left her there to rot with a twig sticking out of her body. I'm sure news will reach Konoha of her death and people will wonder who her killer was. I just hope she wasn't a spy on our side. I hope she didn't want to come back. I also hope my guilt doesn't kill me.

"Hey, you!"

I looked to the left to see none other than Jiraiya-sama, himself. I smiled a small smile and walked over to him, just realizing the squish feeling in my shoes. He put his arm around my shoulders and steered me towards what is left of the training grounds. Without a word he lead me deep into the standing trees, until the only thing we could see was the rain and green leaves.

"Everything will be okay now, Kira," he whispered to me. He faced me then, putting both hands on my shoulders. "You did what needed to be done. You were given orders and you followed through. That is what being a ninja means. You follow your orders."

That is an odd thing for him to say. "I wasn't ordered," I said. "I asked permission. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to watch her die for what she did."

He looked at me hard, his eyes holding sadness. "You did what you had to. Do not regret something that is the beginning of your life."

I frowned. He is full of odd things today. "What do you mean?"

He smiled then, his eyes filling with humor and adoration. "You will see. Come, now, I'm starving!" He laughed.

That's the Jiraiya I know.

– –

Sakura tapped her pen on her clipboard and glanced up at me. "Well, you are fine. Nothing time wont heal." She set it down and brushed back her hair. "You may go now. But be careful!"

I winked as I left her office, all to happy to be leaving her to the rest of her work. Thankfully my hip isn't out of place. That fall I took after I killed Matsuri sprung to life a whole new wave of pain. It hasn't stopped hurting since. Sakura insisted she take a look, so I finally agreed and let her. She found nothing wrong with me. She thinks it may just be a bruise on the bone. Like she said, nothing that wont heal with a little time.

I stepped outside the hospital and took a deep breath of fresh air. Only this morning did it stop raining. Today is the first day I feel like my spirits are starting to lift. I've been invited to a formal gathering of the higher ups this evening. Tsunade-sama invited me because I know a lot about what is going on, and I will be able to help her explain what happened on our mission. Though I am not sure how I can do this explaining, considering I am supposed to be a "mute."

"SENSEI!"

I spun around just in time to catch Jessica as she came flying at me at hyper speed. Her arms locked around me and she squeezed, her legs a foot from the ground. I held on to her, trying not to laugh out loud.

"Sensei, I thought you would never come back! Daddy said I could find you here." She squeezed a little harder than loosened her grip, sliding to the ground as she looked up. "Daddy said you did a really good job! Did you? Did you kill the bad guy?" Her eyes shown with admiration and awe.

I smoothed back her hair and smiled sadly, nodding my head.

Her face lit up and her chest rose with her deep breath. It isn't necessarily good she is acting this way. Yes, it is good she knows she is more safe now. But it is bad she doesn't show any sadness towards a death. Any death should be respected. That much I have learned.

"Are you going to the dinner with Daddy and Aunt Temari?" she asked, still holding onto me.

I nodded, not knowing Temari would be there.

"Can I see your dress!" She jumped up and down. When did she turn into such a girl?

Wait...

DRESS?

– –

"This should fit you," Hinata said, holding out a beautiful deep green dress. She laid it out on the bed and took hold of Jessica's hand. "Lets go and get supper ready for the others. Doe can get dressed on her own." I was grateful, even more when she glanced back at me and said, "Just bang on the wall if you need some help."

I peeled off my ANBU outfit and slipped into the dress, pulling it up around my chest. To my horror, there are no straps. I sighed heavily and zipped it up my back, clasping the little clasp. I rolled my eyes. Of course my 17-year-old breasts aren't big enough for this dress! If I had my body back, my older body, this dress would look amazing on me. I thought a minute, then closed my eyes, concentrating.

After a few minutes of the intense pain that had me curled up in a ball on the floor, the dress started to feel snug around my chest and I could let go. Not an overly huge change, but enough. Now if only my chest wasn't throbbing with that searing heat. I lengthened my hair past my shoulders and shifted my cheek bones. Tears leaked from my eyes, but I held back my sob. I then changed my nose, making it a little longer and straighter, the cracking of my bone and cartilage made my stomach churn. After fifteen minutes, I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. Now if only I could figure out how to change my voice.

I cleared my throat and visioned what my voice box looks like. I've seen a video of what it looks like before somewhere. I sang one note, and visioned my voice changing. Again, not a huge change, but enough so people wont recognize my voice. I coughed up a little blood, but nothing to big.

Hinata came to check on me then. "Are you alright?" she asked when she saw the blood on my hands.

I looked at her for the first time without my mask and smiled. "Yes," I said, "I'm alright." She looks stunned. I would be, too, if I was her.

She smiled shyly at me and came over to survey the dress, make sure it wouldn't slip off if I walked. "I have a pair of shoes as well." Hinata went over to her closet and pulled down a pair of heels, the ribbon ties hanging limp. "Have a seat, I will show you how to put them on."

I sat down on the bed and let her show me, pretending like I've never seen this kind before. She wrapped the ribbon up my ankles and tied them off on the inside of my legs. I stood and walked over to the mirror, liking the image I see. I actually miss wearing dresses. I miss my club. I miss the bass vibrating through my chest. I miss Daddy.

"You look beautiful, Doe."

I turned to see Naruto walking in, having trouble wiping all of the confusion off his expression. "Are you sure you wont get in trouble for not wearing your mask?"

I shook my head. "No one will know who I am," I said, surprising him even more. He nodded his approval. If he had just seen me on the street like this he wouldn't have known who I am. "When do we leave?"

We arrive to the dinner right on time, something that amazed me. Naruto is usually always late. Hinata really has been a good thing for him. She made it so he is on time! I smiled over at her, and she smile back, probably knowing where my thoughts were. But I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard the stunned silence around me. I quickly checked my surroundings, only to find myself the object that caused the deadly silence. I spotted Tsunade on the other side of the room, her eyes almost falling out of her head. I smiled and started walking towards her, trying hard not to show everyone that my heart is pounding and I feel like I will feint.

Tsunade took hold of her expression quickly and smiled back, not a trace of her earlier astonishment showing. "Doe, you look very beautiful."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." Her eye brows shot up. "Do you like my dress? Hinata let me barrow it."

She nodded, seeming pleased with my change. "It is beautiful."

Kakashi came over and placed a light hand on my arm, bringing my attention to him. "You look great, Doe. Now, ladies, shall we get this fancy meeting started?" He escorted us to our seats, mine next to him on the other side of Sakura. Tsunade sat at the head of the table with Naruto on her right, and Sakura on her left. I glanced down the table at all of the faces.

So many people I had once known. So many people I want to know again. I met Gaara's eyes. He sits at the other end of the table, watching me closely. I quickly looked away, admiring Temari's choice of dress, a deep green color and long. Then I looked over at Kankuro, who had decided to wipe off the paint for this occasion. He looks good in his button down shirt.

Tsunade stood, clearing her throat. Her light green dress is beautiful on her. "Thank you all for coming. I thought a dinner meeting would be different and pleasant. But there are important matters that much be discussed."

Gaara continued, wearing a black button down shirt like his brother with black slacks. "Eat as much as you like, we will start the meeting after everyone has their fill. As Kankuro always says, one thinks better with a full stomach." There were chuckles around the long table. I was surprised, he made a small joke. I smiled and sipped the wine in front of me.

The food was really good. Chouji thought so, too, eating more than I could ever eat in my life. I laughed to myself as I watched and chatted with him, him being next to me. I could tell he wondered about me, with how friendly I'm talking with him. But its hard not to. He is just as I remember. His hair is longer now, and he is a little bigger. But he is still the same old Chouji. Tenten and Neji sit across from us, they look so happy together. Ino and Shikamaru sit next to them, happily talking with each other. Before I would have never thought of those two as a couple. Never in my life. But they are cute together, though it does not seem like Temari thinks so. She keeps glaring down at them. Thank goodness Shikamaru and Ino's fathers are between the two!

Once everyone finished eating the plates were taken away, though wine was left for everyone. I sipped mine slowly, loving the way it slid down my throat. Something familiar from home. Home. Savannah, Kaleb, Mom, Daddy. My life.

"Doe?"

I looked up a little startled and noticed Tsunade standing, looking at me. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

She smiled patiently. "I would like you to tell the others what you yourself found out while on the mission."

I nodded, a little confused. Most of these people were there with us. Only a few were not. Though, I suppose most did not share my experience. I thought over my words carefully as I stood, straightening my dress. I cannot mention anything about my powers, nor about the murder that occurred. I glanced down the rows of people, meeting the bright green eyes of Gaara.

I cleared my throat. "While on the mission I discovered a few different things of note. One, they have people on their side who know many things about our operation systems and our defenses. Far to much. Second, our people are not being trained correctly."

That set many people off. Shikaku, Shikamaru's father, stood in an outrage. "Who are you to be saying our academy is incorrect!" He jabbed a finger towards me. "Our training routines are the best of all the nations! With Suna and Konoha combined our children are getting the best education on this planet."

I waited patiently for him to finish, then waited a few more seconds to make sure he wasn't going to start yelling again. "You are correct, Nara, the children are having the best education. But that is not what I am talking about. The children are being taught the correct way to fight, how to fight with honor. They are being showed how to respect those they are fighting. That is how everyone in this room fights."

Ino interrupted, linking her finger in front of her. She looks irritated. "And how is that wrong, Doe?" Shoot, I didn't mean to offend anyone.

"It is not wrong. But it is not what we need right now." I glanced over at Gaara when he leaned back in his chair.

"Explain why you view it this way," he said. He had his chin in his hand and was watching me with slightly narrowed eyes. Concentrating on me. Is he trying to see under my ultimate mask?

"Gladly," I smiled at him. "If any of you believe they will play by the rules, you are fools." I ruffled a few feathers with that comment. "They will play dirty. They will do anything they absolutely can to get the upper hand. I ran into one girl while on the mission who used the muscle of one guy to hide behind until it was convenient for her to spring forward and show her true colors." Gaara's jaw twitched, knowing I was talking about Matsuri. A sore subject for the both of us. "Going by the book is no longer safe. Every single person sent out will die if we continue this way."

"And what is it you are suggesting?" Kakashi asked evenly. Kakashi is not one to follow the rule book. But there is a limit to how far he will go. What I will be asking will be far beyond his limit of tolerance.

"Honestly," I sighed. "We need to fight dirty. Use everything against them. Use every tactic that comes to mind. Anything forbidden needs to become something commonly used. We will never win if we do not change the way we do things."

The tension in the room could be cut with a plastic knife, that is how thick it is.

I looked at every single person around this table, meeting all of their eyes. The few who know who I am looked back at me sadly, knowing where I am coming from with my words. Those who don't look at me angrily, but deep down know what I am saying. They understand that what I am saying is the truth. I am the only one daring enough to voice this out loud.

I glanced down at Gaara once more before bringing my eyes back to Tsunade. "They know all of our formations, if that is what you call them. They know Konoha's line out, they know where the weak spots are. They know our moves, and they know our power level. If we do not do as I suggest, and that is what it is, but a suggestion, we will all die. Every single person in this room as well as this whole village will die a painful and bloody death. Do you want that for the children?"

This time it was Hinata who stood, abruptly, too, almost knocking over her chair. "How dare you say such a thing," she said calmly. "I am a mother, you all know this." Her eyes scanned the table. "I never want my babies to learn such horrible things. I would rather die than let them kill others in such a manner. If I need to fight like Doe suggests to keep them from learning such things, then so be it. But never, while I am still breathing and my heart is still beating, will my babies learn such ways."

I was a little surprised about her outburst. Being a mother has certainly changed her. "I do agree with you, Hinata. The children should not have to learn those things. But I fear that if we do not change now, this very second, it will have to come to that. The children are our future. If we cannot settle this war quickly, we will need them to continue fighting for us and save the their own children from what we are trying to protect them from." I looked sadly down at the the table in front of me. "The children are our future. For them to have their future we must protect them so they can protect the next generation of children."

The silence was deafening. This is it.

From now on nothing will be the same.

– –

I watched my babies spar against each other, trying to follow their father and aunt's directions. I have yet to speak with Gaara about the meeting. It ended not long after I spoke. Tsunade and Gaara are to have a meeting with the Elder's about new training to be set in motion for the adults and older teens. But for now, things will remain how they are. A few have come to me and asked how to "change the rules" so we will have the upper hand. All I told them was to not do things the way they learned. Use their instincts and play dirty. Use whatever they have.

Be a bitch.

I watched my daughter attack her brother with fire, but he easily blocked it with a wall of sand. The next thing I saw was ice being thrown at him, and him trying hard to block it with his sand, but a few slipped through and gave him quiet the scrapes. But he attacked right back, and soon her blood was on his sand.

"Enough," Gaara called, waving them both over.

Jessica jumped at her brother grinning and hung off his back as Yukio carried her over to their father. I smiled at them and sighed to myself. I wish I didn't have to watch from afar. I wish I could be down there shouting out suggestions and wiping the blood from their cheeks. I wish it was me down there kissing a sore finger, or picking up my crying child. I wish I could be their mother.

I stood from my spot on a branch and swallowed back all of my wishes and hopes. I need to protect my babies. I need to protect their future babies. We need to settle this war before it comes to them having to learn what their roll models are going to start learning. I cannot believe it has come to this. The more I think about it the more astonished I am.

I shook my head sadly and jumped away from the small training field they were in. I made my way back to the Hokage Tower, where I was needed for a meeting. I knew Gaara would arrive any second. He does not need to know I was watching the twins fight. Jessica has taken to heart what I showed her and is definitely experimenting. I will need to remember to ask to work with her one day this week. I am the only one who can fully train with her, having the same powers but much more control. I think Gaara would turn out fine in a fight with her, from my memories of our spars. But I do not think that once she masters the elements he will be much of a challenge for her.

I arrive seconds before Gaara appeared in front of me, staring with those green eyes of his. I stopped a few feet from him, just outside of Tsunade's office. I stared back, not feeling at all uncomfortable under his gaze for the first time in a long while. I no longer need my mask, so I no longer feel like I am hiding from him. I look only a little different from what I would look like back home. And he knows this. I can see it in his eyes. I have a feeling we will be having a talk some time soon about my differences. The mission we had together has really brought back memories of the two of us. What little time we had together. What will we say to one another? Is there anything to say between us?

Gaara opened the door and held it open for me, staring as I walked past him to the door. He briefly touched my arm as I passed, a soft almost unnoticeable touch. But one that has my whole arm tingling.

"Nice of you two to join me." Tsunade downed whatever was in that small white bottle. I have a feeling she still has a strong addiction to sake. She set the bottle down and waited for Gaara to take his seat at his desk before speaking again. "As you know, we have the meeting with the elder's tomorrow. Are you nervous?" Still she does not use my name. Who knows who could be listening in on this conversation. I have no doubt the elders have bugged this room in more then a handful of places.

"No, Tsunade-sama." I lifted my chin a little at her frown. "I am not nervous because I know this is what needs to be done. We need to make this change to survive this war."

"And the children?" Gaara asked.

I looked over at him. Had he seen me watching the twins fight? "The children with have their fate decided with how quickly we can get this war finished."

Gaara just stared at me thoughtfully. I had to look away from him. Why is all he does is stare at me? Does he not know how to use words any longer? He used to always talk to me. Did I lose that right when I left him? It was not my fault. If I had my choice I would have never woken up. I would have gladly stayed here with him and my babies.

I mentally kicked myself. No. I cannot keep thinking about this. I am here to protect those that I love. I am the only one with that power. Because of me everyone in this village will survive. That is why I am keeping myself a secret. That is why I am fighting. I cannot let him or anyone else sway me from the path I have chosen. I am not the girl I used to be. I have grown. I have matured. I will not let some man take me from the path I have chosen. I will not let him get under my skin once again.

Tsunade pulled another white bottle from her drawer and held it out to me. "I think you need a drink."

I smiled and accepted it, clinking the bottle with another that she pulled out for herself. We both took a long drink of it. I licked my lips and grinned. I think we will be okay. If we all can work together we can make it. I know we can.

A sudden thought occurred to me. I quickly glanced over at Gaara, the bottle almost slipping from my hands. He rose his brow, meeting my eyes with his. I turned towards him. "Gaara, tell me once more how Suna fell." His jaw locked. It is a touchy subject, I know. But I need to know.

"Oto and Iwa attacked when we were not prepared. The desert was turning into hard earth, giving them the advantage. Our walls crumbled like they were nothing. I barely got a majority of my people out." His jaw worked, definitely a sore subject with him. "Why do you ask?"

I ignored his harsh tone and let my mind sprint ahead. That just doesn't happen. What he just told me is exactly what Kakashi told me. It has only been ten years. I quickly spun around and started pacing, my mind reeling. No, this will not work. I need to see it for myself. I stopped pacing and walked right up to Tsunade's desk. "Tsunade-sama, I need permission to visit Suna."

"Why?" She asked hesitantly.

I stared at her right in the eye, begging her not to ask questions. If the Elders do have this room bugged I will never make it out the door before I am killed. "I would rather confirm my thoughts than give you false information, Hokage-sama." I hope using her full title will give her a hint to how serious I am about this right now. "I need to visit Suna." I saw her about to say no, so I quickly continued. "I will go alone, I know the way well enough. I do not need to take away from the villages defense. They need to train. Please, Tsunade-sama, let me do this."

Gaara stood up then, bringing Tsunade's attention to him. "I will take her. It will take us seconds to get there, saving days of travel."

Tsunade scowled, looking back at me. "Fine, but if you are not back in three days you will have to answer to me. Understood?"

"Yes." I payed no attention to the threat she made. I need only an hour to view what I need then maybe a couple more to think it over.

"Leave immediately." Tsunade waved to Gaara.

He came over and wrapped his arm around my waist, a smirk on his face. "Do not try to get away like the first time you did." I smirked back as the sand started to sweep us away. I remember that day. Back when I was claustrophobic and afraid of anything that surprised me. I had been violently sick afterwords.

When I reopened my eyes we were in Suna, standing in front of what had been the Kazekage Tower. I looked at it sadly, stepping away from Gaara. His hand slowly slid from my waist. This is where I argued with Matsuri about me having possibly poisoned Gaara's dinner. I remember Gaara appearing at the top of the stairs and telling her to get lost. I remember him protecting me from those men down that road right there. I remember how safe I had always felt with him near.

I shook my head and wiped all of those thoughts from my head. I am here for a reason. I'd better get moving.

I walked down the main street of Suna, the one leading directly from the Kazekage Tower to the front gates. Very poor design but effective to all of the past Kazekage's personal powers. I made my way to the gates, taking careful observation of the crumbled buildings all around. I glanced back at Gaara, who followed me silently, watching me carefully.

"Is there anyone around that could be watching?" I asked in a very quiet voice. His eyes closed briefly and when they opened he shook his head. I nodded and continued walking, feeling the airs moisture on my fingers.

I bent down just before the crumbled walls and rubbed a blade of grass between my fingers. I smiled softly and stood back up, gazing over the crumbled down walls to the plains beyond. From here I can see more grass is growing than I could have ever imagined. This used to be a sweltering desert. I walked outside of the gates and out a good ways into the desert, where the grass is thicker than back towards Suna. I glanced behind me and saw Gaara standing just outside the gates looking in at his demolished city. When did this grass grow? When Sakura and Naruto brought me here, the ground was hard and dry. What changed?

I sat down on the grass and put my hands on either side of me, digging my fingers into the earth. When Gaara glanced over at me and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, sending my mind deep into the ground. I followed the maze of routes produced by each blade of grass around me, all the way down to the center of its creation. There. Something is connected to the bottom of the roots and leading away from the city. Wait... I reached deeper into the earth, past the roots.

I opened my eyes and felt my mouth hanging open slightly. I looked up at Gaara, not really believing what I am feeling. He stood over me, staring down with a slight frown. "What is it?" He asked.

I pulled one hand out of the earth and motioned for him to sit in front of me. I reached my hand out and waited to feel his fingers glide against mine before I looked up at him. "I want to show you something," I said softly. I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on his hand, digging my fingers deeper into the earth.

I felt the jerk of his hand as the images of the maze of roots flashed before our eyes. I brought him miles down into the earth, far past the roots of the grass and pass what I had found disturbing. I brought him to a place that shows why the village fell so easily. I brought him to the lake under the desert that is making life grow on what had once been a waste land of nothing but sand. I zoomed towards the forest to show him how the lake is being fed by the springs of the forest, and that is also why the trees are thinning and why they are taking so long to heal from the burning.

I brought him back towards the city, showing him where the water had been sucked from the buildings, from the walls, and more importantly from the water tower that I had once practiced atop. All of the water was added to this secret lake to moisten the earth and make it a disadvantage to Gaara. I showed him exactly why the village fell so easily. My concentration was broken when Gaara ripped his hand from mine and was gone in a flurry of angry sand.

I stood up quickly and spun around, looking for him. A cloud of dust blew up into the air from the village. I swore under my breath and sprinted as hard as I could towards the village to find Gaara before he hurt himself. My heart thundered as I searched wildly for him, running towards the sounds. I found him going crazy, throwing boulders this way and that with his hands as well as the sand. I do not think I have ever seen such a mad look in his eyes before.

"Gaara!" I screamed at him, afraid to get to close. He didn't hear me, yelling as he strained to lift a rather large boulder and heave it an unbelievable distance. I ducked as the sand lashed out at me. "Gaara!" I screamed again, this time sprinting towards him. He sensed me coming and turned on me, attacking with the sand.

I avoided every attack he threw at me. He isn't that good when he is on a rampage. It was not smart to show him what I did. He could have easily avoided what had happened if he had been paying attention. And he knows it. Gaara threw a punch at me, but I blocked it, and tried to grab him, but I was thrown back by the sand. Does he blame me? I hit the ground hard. I screamed his name again, yelling at him to stop, but his anger was to much. He continued to attack me. Does he blame me for the downfall of Suna? I ran at him again, blocking or avoiding every attack that I could, and accepting the ones I could not. Suna would not have fallen so easily had I not left him.

He went to punch me, but I moved out of the way and the force he put behind it brought his fist down closer to the ground. I took this opportunity to bring my fist smashing against his face, throwing him back a few feet. He sprung back up and attacked me once more, this time with a bloodied nose. Again I punched him, but this time in the shoulder. He didn't show any effect to my attacks. What can I do? He will kill himself if he keeps this up. I screamed with frustration and ran up to him, grabbed his face, and kissed him as hard as I could.

That shocked him enough to keep him still. I pulled away quickly and slapped him as hard as I could. Then I started yelling at him, telling him how stupid he is and how he can destroy anything he wants. But if he dares to think he can kill himself and leave Jessica and Yukio alone he has another thing coming. I screamed and screamed and screamed at him, over stupid little things that happened over ten years ago. I yelled at him about the time he let me almost die because I was to stubborn to listen to him. I yelled at him about the time when he scared me half to death when I thought he had got the plague, I yelled at him about the time he got me pregnant and expected me to live happily ever after with him.

By the time I was done I was panting and shaking.

I stared at Gaara's bloody face, eyes wide with shock, mouth hanging slightly open. He was breathing hard, too, and just staring. We just continued to stare at each other. I shook my head and went to turn away. But there were hands on the sides of my face. Then there were lips on my own.

Gaara's lips stole my breath as well as my mind.

How did you like it?