Chapter 21

Hope sat across from her uncle Peter in a quiet booth at Napoli's Pizza House, a mere two blocks over from where she'd dropped her mom off an hour earlier. Spending time with her godfather was easy breezy; Hope hadn't realized just how much she'd missed spending time with him until they'd opened up the floodgates, picking up where they'd left off, the conversation flowing effortlessly as it always did.

They were kindred spirits, had been since the day Peter Burke had held that newborn baby in his arms and gazed down at her beautiful face. Growing up, Hope had spent virtually every Saturday afternoon with him, doing things that were diametrically opposed to the activities she enjoyed sharing with her dad. Her uncle Peter had introduced her to the Yankees, five pin bowling, action adventure movies and sausage pizza while, with her dad, she'd discovered the great painters and she'd honed her craft by his side in their studio at home, admiring his talent and taking in his sage advice. Her dad had taught her to appreciate the finer things in life from food to art to culture and they'd shared countless hours in each other's company, debating whether Impressionism or Expressionism had been the defining period in art history or simply working side by side in mutual admiration. The two men were so different yet she loved them both and she recognized the all important role each had played in helping her shape her own personal identity.

She pushed her plate aside and let out a decisively unladylike burp as Peter laughed.

'Good, huh?' he asked as he watched his goddaughter's satiated face.

She nodded although her mind already seemed to be wandering to something else.

'Uncle Peter' she finally said, formulating her question. 'How did you know Auntie Elizabeth was the one for you?'

Peter got a goofy, faraway look on his face as he pondered the question, no doubt returning to that moment when he'd met the beautiful Elizabeth Mitchell at the gallery where she'd worked, all those years ago. It had been love at first sight although Peter had believed back then that she was way out of his league. It had taken El flashing that huge cardboard sign to get him to figure out that she'd had the same reaction to him.

'For us, it was the classic love at first sight' Peter said, his look faraway. 'I never thought someone as smart and beautiful as your aunt Elizabeth would ever give me a second look... but hey...'

He glanced over at Hope, seeing the uncertainty in her eyes, aware of the reason she had posed the question in the first place; she was still unsure about her relationship with Cameron and Peter felt the need to clarify things.

'You know, honey' he continued. 'It's not like that for everyone. Some relationships start with a solid friendship and grow into love over time as people get to know each other better.'

Hope smiled in response, a small insecure smile; it didn't sound nearly as glamorous as how Peter had just described his falling in love with Elizabeth.

'And then there are couples like your parents – where there's intensity and undeniable chemistry.. although when they first met, it teetered between... desire and...loathing. I can definitely tell you that although it was 'attraction at first sight' for your mom and dad, it sure as hell wasn't love at first sight. It took a long time for them to get out of their own way and become the solid, loving couple they are today.'

He watched Hope's eyes, realizing she was in the throes of deciding where her relationship with Cameron was headed. She looked across at her uncle, feeling perfectly safe and secure in baring her soul and she opened her mouth to speak.

'When I'm with Cam... I... I love everything about him, he's sweet, thoughtful, funny, smart, interesting' she began 'and we connect perfectly in... well, in every way.'

Peter watched her waver, waiting for the 'but'.

'But...'

Bam, there it was.

'But... when I was in Pittsburgh, I met so many interesting people... guys, you know. And, with every one of them I wondered – could he be 'the' one. But I can't go around test driving every new model that comes along' she said, laughing at the comparison.

'No, but you could take a couple of them out on a test drive, see how it goes. You don't always buy the first car you try' Peter said, sticking with the car analogy.

She shrugged, taking in his response.

'Honey, there's no one recipe for meeting your soul mate and even when you think you've found him, there are no guarantees. Just look at the divorce rates in this country' he added.

'I guess...' Hope said.

'My best advice is for you to relax and enjoy the summer, see where it takes you. Your instincts will tell you where you need to go from there; you just need to trust yourself. And even if you decide to broaden the field...' he said with a smile '...it doesn't mean you wouldn't end up right back where you started... with Cam.'

'You always know what to say' Hope smiled. 'How is that?'

'Dunno' he answered self-deprecatingly. 'There's gotta be some advantages to getting old.'

WCWCWC

The waitress returned with a pot of coffee, refilling Neal and Sara's cups for the third time in the past hour. The restaurant had grown quiet now that the lunchtime rush was over and the couple had settled in to a quiet, intimate discussion, seemingly unaware of anyone else around them.

Sara had spent the last few minutes sharing her first impressions of Linda Bennett and what she'd found when she'd walked into her tiny room at the Amica Retirement Home. Neal was reeling from the revelation that June had been in touch with his mom for the past twenty years, providing information about their lives as a family.

'Why would June do that?' he repeated for the second time.

'Honey, June loved you and she didn't want you getting upset by having your mom reappear after all that time. Linda says that, at first, June didn't want to have anything to do with her but over time, as June realized your mom had a genuine interest in your wellbeing, she shared more and more information with her... but it didn't happen overnight. In the last few years, June even tried to encourage her to get in touch with you but Linda said she was too afraid that you wouldn't want her in your life – and she's the first to admit that she wouldn't have blamed you for shutting her out.'

'But it's so... disturbing to think that all this time, she's known all these intimate details about our lives... our wedding day, my work with the FBI, the kids, the gallery...' Neal said, staring down into his coffee cup.

'I'll admit it was strange to see those pictures all over her room... but, Neal, you have to know that June would never have done anything to hurt you. I think the fact is she could relate to what Linda was going through as a mom and she probably thought that sharing this information with her was the lesser of two evils – you know... letting her know you were safe and doing okay without disrupting your life.'

Neal shrugged. 'I suppose. I just think my mom gave up any rights to knowing anything about me when she... when she abandoned me all those years ago.'

Sara listened intently. Although it was her actions that had brought them to this point, the decision as to whether or not there would be an eventual reunion was up to Neal and, no matter what her opinion was, she needed to respect that.

'She's a flawed human being, Neal. Just like we all are; I can think of so many times I wished I'd said or done the right thing with the kids and I... I don't always.'

Neal looked up at his wife; he knew she'd always struggled with her warped perception of herself as a mom when, in fact, she'd been an amazing mother to their kids, foibles and all.

'Sara...' Neal said as he smiled at her '...you cannot possibly compare yourself to this... woman –' he began.

Sara interrupted.

'Neal, I'm just saying that she was struggling with her own inner demons and she was doing the best she could at the time although, admittedly, it fell short of the mark. She's the first to admit that' Sara said, taking a breath before continuing.

'Honey, nobody deserves to be treated the way you were treated but you're a grown man now and holding on to that hurt and anger doesn't do either one of you any good.'

She could see Neal reflecting on her comment and Sara quieted, letting him contemplate what she'd just said.

'How did she look?' Neal asked after a moment of reflection. It was a surprising question yet one that had obviously been on his mind and now, curiosity had gotten the better of him.

'Do you want to see?' Sara asked, thinking of the picture she'd taken with her phone that day.

Neal cocked his eyebrows in question. 'You have a picture?'

Sara nodded and took her phone in her hand as Neal's eyes grew wide.

'Are you sure?' she asked.

He nodded and watched as she searched for the picture she'd taken of Linda as she sat in her room just a few days before. She had somehow anticipated Neal's request and had filed away the image, just in case.

She passed the phone over to Neal and watched as he stared down, in shock. He hadn't laid eyes on his mom in 37 years, ever since that day he'd boarded the bus for New York City, never to look back again. He remembered a beautiful woman whose looks had been ravaged by the effects of drugs and alcohol, unkempt and indifferent as to her physical appearance. The woman who stared back at him was an elderly lady who was well-coiffed with clear blue eyes and a calm smile – somebody's mom... his mom.

His breath hitched as he stared down at the photograph. 'Wow' he said, breathless 'She's an old lady.'

Sara laughed softly. 'Neal, she's 79 years old.'

Neal kept staring at the photograph, mesmerized; although she had aged, there was still something familiar behind those blue eyes and Neal suddenly had a flashback to that face staring down at him as she spoke softly to him, arms around him, keeping him safe.

He'd managed to sit through the past hour, pouring his heart out to his wife, feeling strong and focussed, his emotions firmly in check but now, as he stared into those eyes so much like his own, Neal began to feel overwhelmed and he let out a small sob as tears began forming in his eyes.

'I just wasn't expecting to have this kind of reaction' he admitted as he swallowed hard and struggled to regain his composure.

He handed the phone back to Sara and she placed it on the table, returning her hand to his.

'Honey, I never meant to upset you by opening this can of worms' she said. 'Please believe me, I only want what's best for you.'

Neal nodded. 'I know that, honey' he said his voice quiet.

'And now, I'm wondering if I've made a terrible mistake' she admitted. 'All I want for you, my sweet, wonderful husband, is for you to let go of that anger and resentment you've been holding on to since the day I met you... and I still think that seeing her might help you do that.'

Neal's eyes moved to gaze at his wife, seeing the pure unadulterated love she felt for him. He felt raw and vulnerable but no longer was he angry at her for what she'd done; he knew her motives were pure and just as he'd done in the past when it came to her wellbeing, she'd acted out of love and devotion.

'Tell you what...' he said, squeezing her hand and giving her a small smile. '...I promise to think about it. How's that?'

'That's all I ask. And I promise to respect your decision whatever it is and if you decide that you don't want to meet with her, I will never mention it again' Sara said in all sincerity.

'Thanks' Neal said as he smiled sadly.

'I love you Neal' Sara reminded him as she gazed into his sad eyes.

The mood had grown sombre and Sara decided it was time to break the spell; when next she spoke, it was in her usual, no nonsense way.

'Now, if I don't go to the bathroom...' she said, cutting through the gloominess.

Neal's face brightened in response to her attempt at levity and he looked over at his wife with a wide grin as he shook his head in exasperation.

TBC