Chapter 21, X Marks The Spot.

Someone is watching her.

Bonnie knows this before she opens her eyes. There's too much of that intuitive feeling within her, for there to be no one by her side once she opens her eyes. It's no surprise to her either, that someone is watching her, when she remembers him being the one to catch her when she collapsed. It makes good sense that he is here with her, watching over her, especially after what Grams revealed to her about him.

'Damon?' she softly calls as she prepares to open her eyes.

No response answers her call, but she doesn't allow that to worry her in the least. It may just be that she whispered his name so silently, that not even his vampire sense of sound could pick it up. It's with the help of that thought, that she slowly starts to open her eyes at the same time that she lifts her body up, gathering it into a sitting position, already prepared to meet Damon's presence once she's taken it all in.

She finds, however, that the eyes waiting for her searching stare, are not blue, but green. The face is different too. And so is the hair. The black of the hair that she expected to find, is now replaced by a dark blonde. Just as the expression of relief that she has been anticipating to look at, is replaced by a compassionate look of concern.

That's not Damon.

'Damon?' she asks this new face for the person that she wants.

'Stefan,' he politely tells her. 'I'm Damon's brother, remember?'

No, if he's going the memory route, she doesn't remember him. Anyway, she can clearly see that he's not Damon, she hadn't mistaken him for Damon.

'Where's Damon?'

The only reason that she's not looking around the room to see if he is somewhere in the room, waiting in the corner for her to call for him, is that she's curious about this Stefan. In a sense, she doesn't want to take her eyes off him, just so she can confirm that he's not Damon, and he's definitely not the one that she wanted to wake up to.

'He's not here,' Stefan answers her, leaning forwards in his seat.

Clearly Damon's not here, she thinks. To Stefan, though, she feels like it would be rude to just say that to him, which is why she alters her thoughts to think of a friendly question.

'Where is he?'

Shrugging, almost like he doesn't want to get involved, he answers with, 'He didn't say. He only told me to look after you, and to stay with you until you woke up.'

'We were in the forest…' she recalls more to herself than says to him.

'He brought you here.'

She would have guessed that much by herself, but hearing it produces a distinct difference in her. Being told that Damon brought her here, and also presented with the fact that he couldn't even stay by her side after he did, he instead found it better to assign the job to his brother, is the same thing as hearing that she doesn't mean as much to him, as where he is choosing to be.

If that is the case, it must be Elena then. It makes something inside her sink terribly, but really, the only reason that he would outsource his part in her recovery to his brother, is Elena. The very same Elena that he lied to her about, and the very one reason that she pushed Damon to give her his blood. He's obviously prioritising Elena at the moment, while clearly, she's not worth his attention as his best friend.

'Tell your brother that I went home,' she suddenly says to Stefan, following her words with the swift action of climbing out of bed.

If she didn't want to see it before, with all those tiny signs that showed themselves, she can't ignore this big tell now. If she was to do that, she'd only be staying in a situation that is going to keep hurting her.

'Woah!' Stefan seems to warn, more than he says, just as swiftly getting up from his seat, and holding out the palm of his hand.

It seems like he wants her to stop what she is doing, because upon his actions, however, she doesn't pay attention to him. He is not her, he doesn't know what she is feeling, so he cannot stop her from leaving.

'I don't think Damon would want to find you gone.'

Well, she doesn't think that she likes finding him gone when he brought her here, so they'll be even; a dislike for a dislike. It's like he left her in a hospital, without a single thought of how she'd feel when she woke to not find him there. Really, if he'd been so set on not being here when she awoke, he should have taken her to another place, not his room.

'I don't want to be here,' she dryly tells Stefan, softly pushing past his blocking hand, to make it to the door.

'Bonnie, please…' he speedily makes it to block the door, preventing her from going through it. 'Damon told me to watch over you.'

From a place of irritated and hurt feelings for Damon, her impulses only want to tell Stefan that she's going home, and if Damon wants her, he can find her there, only, Stefan showed her more dedication than his brother has. For all she knows, he could have sat at her beside for longer than three hours. And much more, their relationship might not be at that level, and yet he chose not to abandon her side. She owes him consideration at least, so that the concerned expression on his face doesn't grow harder.

'Just wait twenty more minutes, Bonnie,' he softly pleads. 'If he doesn't show up then, I'll take you home myself.'

Intently, she looks at him, briefly wondering why he couldn't have been Damon. This whole thing would have been different and her feelings wouldn't be like this, if only Damon had stayed with her. Instead now, she is feeling compassion among not so nice feelings, and,wishing for body exchanges of brothers...

It's all Damon's fault.

'I'll stay, but only for twenty minutes.'

'Thank you,' he expresses with a relieved smile, and then gestures to the bed.

She decides, thanks to his smile and gentle way of trying to convince her, that because Stefan really has nothing to do with her current miffed feelings, it's more polite if she gives in, and goes back to the bed. Although she reluctantly climbs back onto it, she feels better about it when Stefan follows her onto the bed. Like she thought before, she doesn't know if their relationship is comfortable in that way, all she knows is that Stefan does not give off the air of a creeper. Of anything, he seems like the careful and methodological guy, more cautious than spontaneous.

'You don't have to babysit me, you know,' she offers him, turning her face to fully look at him.

'That would've been good to know five hours ago,' he says, leisurely stretching his legs out in front of him, as if to say that he is already too comfortable to move.

'Five hours, really?'

The revelation is as much a shock as it is heartwarming. Heartwarming, because Stefan is apparently a nice guy, and a shock, because Damon found it easy to be away from her for that long, when she clearly wasn't awake.

'Don't worry about that,' he shrugs it off. 'I want to know if you are okay.'

'Are you okay?' she quickly returns.

In the first place, she really just doesn't want to get into the answer of her state with him. That answer involves his brother, and his brother is a subject that she doesn't want to talk about with him, when he is being the exact opposite of Stefan. Also, attached to the first reason, is the caution that after what Caroline said to her, she can't afford to be put in that place again, just for speaking about Damon. The second reason for her turning his question on him, is actually Caroline. What she knows is that, Caroline has feelings for him, but it doesn't seem like he feels the same way about her. At least, not according to Caroline.

'Very clever strategy, Bonnie,' he says as if he knows exactly what she's up to. 'I'm not the one who passed out. In a forest, apparently, now that you've mentioned that.'

'I'm not talking about health, Stefan,' she chooses to ignore his first statement. 'I mean about Caroline.'

At the mention of the name Caroline, Stefan immediately looks away from her, and it's through that action, that she doesn't feel so alone at the moment anymore. His looking away, gives her a partner in him, especially reminding her that everyone has their little things to bear. Damon, Caroline and Stefan, all the people that she has spent time with so far, also have their min crosses to carry. It's only that the door suddenly bursts open, that she cannot get closer to Stefan.

As her head snaps to meet to intruder of a moment that was going to be, she also sees Stefan (from the corners of her eyes) rotate his head towards the door. Whether or not Stefan is surprised as she is by Damon's sudden appearance, she doesn't get to see, because all of her attention is only now focused on the urgent expression on Damon's face.

'Get out, Stefan!' he orders so harshly from the door, that Bonnie thinks of jumping out of the bed right to him, and ask him what is wrong.

'Oh, wow,' Stefan lazily draws out of his mouth, 'that's the thanks I get for doing what you asked me to do?'

'I didn't ask you to get in bed with her,' Damon answers, clearly showing his displeasure.

Putting his hands up in surrender, Stefan replies with, 'Fine, I'm going,' as he carefully moves away from her and then gets off the bed.

Quickly, Stefan gets himself to the door, where Damon steps out of the way, and only then does he turn back to speak to her.

'See you, Bonnie.'

'Thanks, Stefan,' she replies, meaning it for what he did for her.

After a small nod, Stefan disappears from her line of sight, Damon making it worse by firmly shutting the door after his brother.

'That was rude,' she tells him with crossed arms.

His immediate reply doesn't come in the form of words, rather, he moves to plant himself on the bed next to her, on the side that Stefan hadn't been. Only after doing that, after being as close to her as possible, does he say something to her.

'You're awake.'

'I am?' she sarcastically asks.

Narrowing his eyes to probably signal suspicion, and maybe incomprehension, he asks her, 'What's wrong, Bon?'

You weren't here, are the words that are ready to leave her mouth, but she holds her tongue at the last second. What more can she do and say, to look desperate and needy, than being in his bed and asking him to give her an explanation?

No, she will not be that person.

The person that she needs to be, is the one who knows where they go from here.

'Damon, just tell me the truth,' finally leaves her mouth.

She's not feeling clingy, nothing like that, in fact, but this has to stop. She can't go on being like this with him anymore. Especially not when she knows what she now knows about the new grafting thing between them. If she allows him to keep taking her up and down like he did that last few days, she'll most probably become a wreck, one that's dependant on him.

Yes, she has lived a good deal of days with him, and she likes to believe that she knows him, it's only that he hasn't been consistent since they got back, and she cannot be sure for how long that will carry on, if he doesn't talk to her about it.

'The truth?'

His defeated tone of asking would have been telling enough, without the new look on his face, a look of hopelessness, apologetic even, as though he is going to give her bad news.

She better prepare herself then, her mind responds to his reaction. Behind the now rapid beating that is the sound of her heart, and behind the stilling grip that is her fear, she has to put herself in order, to be ready to receive the words of separation between them.

'The truth,' she confirms, although, she does it in a tone that suggests just how much she doesn't want to recognise the word.

'I screwed up, Bon,' he whispers, casting his eyes away from her face. 'I really screwed up.'

26Chapters

After opening her eyes and adjusting her risen upper body to the condition she's currently in –next to a sleeping Damon- she starts to think that she doesn't believe that there was anything wiser that she could've done for him, than allow him to lean into her and wallow in the belief that he screwed up. She could've tried to talk to him, she could've even tried to get him to tell her what he's blaming himself for, except, one look at him, had her knowing that she wouldn't be helping him that way. She let him be instead, telling herself that if he wanted to tell her more, he would do it.

She remembers nothing more than silence being between them, and her feeling like she would be breaking something fragile between them, if she said a single word. She also remembers feeling a small shift of her feelings, from fear of the end of their relationship as she had grown attached to it, to compassion and a need to heal him. After that, however, they must've fallen asleep together, because waking up, is the immediate memory following the previous in her head. Now, since Damon is sleeping, it wouldn't hurt to try and get herself together, for once he awakens.

Just what did he mean when he said that he messed up? What did he do while he was out? Should she worry about it? Is it something worse than she will be willing to accept from him? And will it mean the end of their relationship? Because if it's any or all of those, then she has to have a plan for herself for that point. She can't be caught off guard and unable to plan properly for her life, once her relationship with Damon dissolves.

Oh gosh, she can't believe that it's going to come to that.

Should she leave before he wakes up? Would that be wiser? Leaving before she is hurt seems like it would be a good idea; it will equip her with the power of control, unlike being taken surprise, where she can't hide.

Amsterdam, the memory softly floats to the front of her mind, revealing itself as the solution to her perceived problem-to-be. Caroline made her the offer to go to Amsterdam...

Maybe it would be better if she leaves now, she thinks while looking at him. Her mind is not in the place of making him feel what she felt when she awoke and he wasn't there, it is actually in the cautious state that the longer she keeps looking at his sleeping face, the harder it will be to leave when he is conscious.

But does she really, really want to leave?

No, she answers herself, not without a reason she doesn't.

For that reason, she quietly shifts her body, carefully moving it over his to get off the bed without waking him, and goes to stand at the window. After softly pulling the curtains apart, she turns off the room light, to give the outside lights a chance to lend a little illumination. She finds that just a little light streaming in through the window, is enough for her. She anyway doesn't need total brightness around her, to freely mock her in contrast of her state, currently lacking proper illumination. She instead needs to be sure of at least one thing in her life, and the next best thing –after her friendship with Damon- is her magic.

Closing her eyes, she concentrates on creating a comfortably warm bubble of magic around her, to keep her company and make her feel grounded, and her left hand, she stretches out to touch the clear glass in front of her. Something happens with her magic as her hand presses against the glass, because she all of a sudden feels like an arm just came around her, pulling her back into the solidness of a body.

'Hmm.'

That can't be right. Magic doesn't make sounds like that... And if her magic didn't expand itself beyond a comfortable bubble to embrace her, then it can only mean one thing.

'Damon?' she tests, hoping that she is not imagining him holding her.

'Hmm,' he responds.

Thank goodness, she internally relieves, while externally, she succumbs to the soothing sensation brought out of her by the evidence that he awoke, and the first thing he thought to do, was embrace her. In succumbing to him holding her, drawing her into him, she easily softens to including him into her comfortable bubble of magic. She uses the hand resting on the glass to help her summon her magic to include him into its range, only tweaking the effect of it, to surround them in an anchoring way.

'What did you do?' Damon whispers in wonder, winding his other arm around her as well.

'Magic,' is her amused answer, a soft smile breaking out on her face.

'It feels good.'

'Comforting,' she quietly agrees, keeping the smile on her face.

'That,' he states like there's no other word that he could've chosen better himself, and then nudges his head between her shoulder and neck.

She takes that movement from him, to mean that he is connected to her in the moment, and anything can be brought up between them. Strangely, it's not questions for explanations that she wants to bring up, more than just she wants them to have a normal conversation. It may be the work of the magic encasing them, but she is not objecting it either way.

'I saw Grams today,' she says to him, adjusting her head to accommodate his. 'Can I tell you about it?'

'I'm offended that you have to ask.'

The tone that the words come out through, is a true testament of how offended he really is, so she tries to turn her head to look at him directly. Him holding her and his head lodging close to hers, makes it impossible for her to have a visual of him, though, so she settles for speaking only.

'We weren't exactly on the best of terms in the forest before, remember?'

As though he is responding to her statement, Damon removes one of his arms from around her, and then uses it to rotate her on the spot, his head leaving its previous place along with the movement. Once she's face to face with him, he rightfully adjusts his arm to go around to her back, his other arm joining it, for both of his hands to join in the centre of the base of her back.

'You need to stop doing that, by the way,' he tells her, his tone dry like he's said that too many times, and that she knows exactly what he talking about.

Confused, because he doesn't appear to be joking, she asks, 'Stop doing what?'

'You need to stop scaring me like that,' he tells her seriously. 'You can't keep doing that.'

What is he talking about? She sincerely hope that agitated look hadn't been on his face before, because she clearly agreed that her magic inclusion felt comforting. Unless he's actually talking about bringing up the fact that they weren't on good terms in the forest, which wouldn't be something to make him appear as though he has the frightening taste of his heart in his mouth.

'What do I need to stop doing, Damon?'

'I'd go crazy if anything happened to you,' he says to her. 'You need to put that in your head, so you remember to not do things like fainting again.'

'It wasn't on purpose,' she replies after reconciling it with her mind, that that is his reason for him saying what he did. 'I just felt drained, that's all.'

'That's not all,' his head shakes. 'You should know it's not, Bon. I spoke to Kai, and then to Jo while you were unconscious. They told me some things...'

If he's fallen countenance is anything to go, then whatever Kai and Jo told him, must be the same as what Grams told her.

'I spoke to Grams too,' she says, that way reminding him that wants to discuss that with him.

Softly, too quietly actually, he responds with, 'You mentioned that.'

More than that confirmation, he doesn't say. It's just as disheartening as his previous quiet tone, which is why she keeps her eyes on him, positively waiting for him to ask her to tell him what Grams told her. It will be the one redeeming apology if he does that, because she had brought up the topic of Grams as subject over which they could talk and bond, but he apparently seems to be finding little ways out of that chance for them. As they look at each other, she's achingly waiting for him to show deep interest in this, but it doesn't look like he will give her what she wants, so she steers her thoughts away from a connection that she wants to them to have, to the plan that she'd been struggling to properly formulate.

'Anyway,' she decides to bring up, 'I've decided that I'm going to stay with Caroline for a while.'

His expression quickly changes to one clearly displaying his self-doubt, as if wondering if he just heard her correctly.

'Why are you going to stay with her?' he spews the last word out with disgust.

'Because I want to,' she shrugs. 'Because of her mom. Elena's not really around for her, and I don't want to do the same. We both need a friend in each other.'

There's Amsterdam too, but that's not important at the moment. For now, just telling him that she needs a friend in Caroline, and Caroline in her, should be telling enough.

'A friend?' he snorts, and yet his arms tighten around her. 'Did you forget what happened earlier today? How she upset you?'

'She told me the truth!' Bonnie cries.

'She practically told you to stay away from me,' he hotly reminds her, lowering his defences to add something else. 'And anyway, who's going to take care of you? Huh, Bon? While you're there?'

'What do you mean take care of me?'

'You don't have your memories.'

'So what?' she cries, attempting to push out of his hold, but he doesn't budge. 'I can't sympathise with Caroline, because my memories are gone?'

'That's not what I mean,' he softly argues. 'Bon, just... Don't go. Stay here with me.'

He's joking.

She can't believe him.

Her eyes frantically search his, jumping to his face when they find no hint of a joke in his eyes, only to find that his face doesn't give off the appearance of someone joking either. Despite the evidence, however, she can't help it believe that he is joking.

He really wants her to stay with him, when he gets the strangest moments sporadically come over him? What will happen when Elena comes to see him, and his mood is changes? What will happen when he leaves her for seven hours at a time, not giving her anything about where he is, only to return and partially brush her aside?

'I can't stay with you,' she refuses him, but she's really denying herself the slight chance of buying his offer.

'You stayed with me before, it's nothing you haven't done before. In fact, you can't get enough of me,' he finishes by suggestively rising his eyebrows twice.

'Exactly!' she passionately bursts. 'You're exactly why I want to leave, Damon! You can't see anything. You don't know anything!'

She's accusing him, and she wishes that he could pick that up, instead of just silently looking at her. He still doesn't understand apparently, and that's making her feel empty. His silence is making her feel like she has nothing to give him, when she's right here in front of him, a glaring letter X, making it very loud and clear that she's the spot, and yet he can't see her at all.

What is she doing? Why is she cooped up in a magical sphere with someone who can't see her, someone who can't be bothered to understand her? It's time for her to go. She can't stay here anymore.

'I'm going home,' she sadly announces, dissipating the magical bubble around them and forcefully removes herself from his hold at the same time.

'Bonnie, please don't go,' he quietly pleads. 'I'm all you have.'

But why does he have to sound so guilty about it? Why isn't he even doing anything to pull her back into him? Why is he stomping on her feelings?

'No, you're not!' she cries out. 'But even if you were, you're not here, Damon. You're not. You're with Elena, and-'

Without a warning, she cuts herself before she can say more. The, You leave me, because I'm not a priority to you. I'm losing you, Damon and I'd rather leave before I do, part that she managed to stop from leaving her mouth, should remain her secret.

'And what, Bonnie?' he wants to know with a softened expression.

'And I just can't stay with you,' she instantly replies.

For a seemingly long moment after her answer, she attempts to search his eyes again, only for the attempt to be broken by the frantic action of being pulled into Damon. As she blinks once to catch herself up with what just happened, she feels an odd sensation dancing around the feel of her entire skin. It's not precisely a warm sensation, neither is it one of goosebumps. Rather, it's something in between surprise and welcome, as she realises that his hand is now softly holding the back of her neck, while the other is running down the side of her face in a caress.

'You can stay with me, Bon,' he challenges her, but his voice is nothing but coaxing.

Next, he carefully lowers his head, like he is giving her time to see what his intention is, and while she understands that he is probably going to kiss her, her mind can't pull itself out of the lull of the sensation on her skin, to react. Even when he presses their bodies closer and his lips finally connect with his, she can't seem to fall into the moment with him. Her eyes remain open, and her body... Her body doesn't respond over the existing sensation dancing on her skin.

She registers pepper kisses along the whole width of her lips, small kisses that would otherwise be nothing of significance to consider, if wasn't for the shared intimacy of their physical closeness. It's odd to her how she understands what is going on, and yet her body's response to it, is completely lacking. Although she feels the meaningful softness of every planted kiss, and she registers how caressing the hand on her neck is, her mind can't seem to process that in the right way, which is why she gently pulls away from his lips, to look him in the eyes.

'What is this, Damon?' she hears herself asking, even though she didn't plan on it.

Only after asking that question, does she figure out why she couldn't get her body to catch up with what was being done to her. Initially, when he pulled her into him, she could accept the new position in Damon's arms as a surprise that she could respond to, but after that, she blocked her mind from understanding his behaviour. His behaviour, she accepted as happening, except, the motive for it, she couldn't understand. It so contradicted the end result that she had constructed in her head for them, that she couldn't immediately get past not understanding it. Maybe hearing his answer will give her a reason to understand.

The softest sound (and she'd give her life to confirm this) of both of his hand travelling from their respective places on her, to jointly tilt her head up from her chin, is the breaking difference that inclines her mind to his behaviour's favour. With her head of tilted up, she has another angle of his eyes, where she can see into them quite clearly from the bottom, to the top.

'Isn't this what you want from me?' his curious whisper reaches her ears.

It is, her heart immediately answers, carefully avoiding to consider that he could just be doing this to keep her from going to live with Caroline, or worse, using her to get back at Elena for not wanting him. Her heart carefully avoids to think of those things, because it has the fear that somewhere, maybe tomorrow morning, or next week, they will part ways, and she never would've known how it feels to have more than friendship intimacy with Damon.

'Damon,' she starts with his name instead of giving him the straight answer that he asked for, 'if you hurt me...'

She's not necessarily giving him permission to kiss her, she's only warning him that he can't play with her. He's hurt her a lot more than not, since they have been back, and if he's going to feed her feelings for him with kisses that seem intentionally real, only to discover that he was just caught up in the moment, he'll be hurting her more than ever.

'I promise not to,' he jumps to assure her. 'I promise to be everything that you need from now on, Bonnie.'

With a little scepticism, she eyes him thinking that everything that she needs from him, is only his sincerity and consideration. His feelings, are seriously only a want on her part. She doesn't need him to feel something for her, because she can survive without being with him. However, what she won't survive, is finding out that he's kept one more thing from her, one more thing that she has to hear about from someone else.

'Damon...' she gently warns him one last time, giving him the opportunity to back out, but he doesn't take it.

'Trust me, Bonnie,' is rather how he chooses to answer her.

Chapter 22, X And Y.