A/N: We are so close to the end now, but this is not the smut chapter. Really, guys? Burt is right there. Geesh! Next chapter I promise. Thanks again for all the love.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 21

It was times like these that he wished he had a cigarette on him. Not that he smoked, because he didn't. And not that it would get him any brownie points with Mr. Hummel, because it wouldn't. Or with Kurt for that matter.

But it might just calm him down. And it would give him something to do besides just standing with his hands in his pocket feeling worthless.

Could he have possibly messed things up any worse? If only he erase the last few days…

Although really, even if he could, he wouldn't.

As much as it had hurt Kurt, he had to pick Quinn. Otherwise he would always have that doubt… that longing. It wasn't until he had her, and had lost Kurt, that he realized what he felt for her was miniscule when compared to what he felt for the fashionista.

Still he had to try for Beth's sake. He wasn't giving up on his little girl but he realized now that he couldn't live a lie just to have a chance to see her. Maybe he was being selfish. But what good could he do her if he lived his life in pain?

Because being without Kurt was painful. Not being able to talk to him, kiss him, hold him was pure torture.

It was sort of ironic that the moment he truly realized none of this would work was when he got exactly what he thought he wanted.

Quinn was his, and Kurt had found someone to replace him. Someone he practically threw at him.

Sam was a nice guy. Someone who would treat Kurt right. Puck knew that when he pushed them together. But the actual seeing them together part had ripped his soul out. Shredded his heart into tiny pieces. A food processor couldn't have done a better job of mixing up his emotions and spitting out what was a bare semblance of a man.

Puck was fucked.

He had no right to be jealous, but he was. He had no business getting into theirs but he couldn't help it.

Quinn had noticed right away.

"This isn't going to work, is it?"

Puck sighed. "No," he whispered.

"You're in love with him."

He hadn't even realized it before but once she said the words he knew they were true. After all his statements about not being gay and not becoming serious with the other boy, it all boiled down to that. He was in love with Kurt. And the other ironic thing was that what he hadn't realized until then had been so apparent to those around him.

That morning Sam had cornered him in the locker room.

"What the hell is your problem, Puckerman?"

"Watch it, blondie. No one talks to the Puckster like that."

Sam just rolled his eyes. "Seriously dude?" He folded his arms across his chest. "You have a choice to make. You either need to man up, drop the cheerleader, and confess to Kurt that you're madly in love with him…"

"Or?"

"Or let him go. You can't have it both ways."

The thing was thisspeech coming from Quinn, he could take. Not so much from the blond Beiber- wannabe. "Why? So you can have him? I saw you drooling over him last night, Evans."

"Yeah, so I can have him. So he can be happy. Because I will never chose a girl over him. Or anyone else for that matter." The last part was whispered, and Puck suddenly realized the other boy was seriously crushing on Kurt. For a moment he felt almost a kinship to him. Only for a second though.

"Stay away from him," Puck said, a hard edge to his voice. "Because he's mine." Then he looked down solemnly. "If it's not too late."

"I hate to say this but I don't think it is. You might want to tell him though."

"I'm not sure yet how I'm gonna do that. But I need you to give me space, Evans. Back off of Kurt for now. If I screw it up, then you can have your chance. Deal?"

"Deal," Sam said with a smile. Man he really did have a big mouth and just for a second it distracted Puck. Any guy would be lucky to have him.

The other boy put his hand over his mouth. "What?" he murmured. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Puck couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

Waiting for Glee was Quinn's idea.

"It has to be big and public," she said. He knew she was right.

Even now thinking back he couldn't blame her. He should have started the song with, "This is for Kurt."

Then there wouldn't have been any confusion, any craziness. How could Kurt even think that song was for Quinn, though?

But he knew Kurt wasn't thinking with his head. Just his heart. And the fact that he never thought theywere possible was due to everything Puck said and did…

It made him want to scoop Kurt up and reassure him in a way he would never forget.

And even in all the worry and pain he felt, his body still betrayed him with an inappropriately timed boner just thinking about making things up to Kurt.

That would not do. Not with Mr. Hummel looking out the window at him every few minutes, almost as if he was afraid he wouldn't ever leave… or maybe that he would.

He'd threatened to get his gun more than once. Did he even have a gun? Puck didn't think so but he knew the fury of an over protective dad better than most.

He had done everything he could think of to get to Kurt. He'd faced the wrath of Burt, twice. Sent in Mercedes, Sam, and finally Quinn. Nothing seemed to work. All he could do was stand outside and wait.

But now he was done waiting. Burt could shoot him if he wanted, but nothing was going to stop him from telling Kurt how much he loved him.

If he did smoke this would be the part where he'd throw the butt down and ground it with the heel of his cowboy boots. Even though Burt wouldn't appreciate that. Even though he didn't own cowboy boots.

Because he was done waiting.

Puck stood up straighter prepared for the fight to come. His momentum was stopped when he saw the door open. His first thought was that Mr. Hummel was also tired of waiting.

And then miraculously out stepped Kurt. Looking exhausted. Looking worried, with his hair sticking straight up.

Looking adorable in flannel pjs, that still managed to look stylish.

Most of all looking hopeful.

Puck forced himself not to run to the boy and take him in his arms. He still had a lot of groveling to do. No sense in pissing Kurt off even further.

Kurt's arms covered his chest and it made him look even more vulnerable, as if he needed protection. Puck knew the boy was tough as nails, except where his heart was concerned.

"Noah," he said when they were finally face to face. "What are you doing here?"

He had no doubt that Quinn had done her job well, and Kurt knew exactly why he was there. But the other boy wasn't going to make it easy. Puck resisted smiling at that. He wasn't past begging if that's what Kurt wanted. In fact the idea was really appealing. But they weren't to that point yet. Not with Kurt doing that superior eyebrow thing that was so fucking hot.

He cleared his throat. He really had to focus.

"I screwed up."

"That's an understatement."

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

"Tell me what you're sorry for, Noah. Sorry for picking Quinn over me? Sorry for breaking my heart? Sorry for being jealous of Sam when you had no right?"

"Actually I'm not sorry for any of those things."

Kurt chocked back a gasp. Then his face became a transparent mask once again.

"I think we're done here then."

Puck reached out to grab his arm. He had to steady himself. Just touching him took away his will to do anything else.

"Wait. Hear me out. All of those things made me realize that what I felt for Quinn or any girl I've ever been with was nothing. The pain I felt seeing you hurt… the anger I felt at Sam for being able to touch you… it was enlightening."

Kurt looked less apt to leave him standing there on the curb, but he still wasn't convinced. "How so?"

"Don't you want to know what I do regret first?"

He glared at him impatiently. "Fine. What do you regret, Noah?"

Puck gave him a crooked smile. The one that seemed to melt all the ladies, and hopefully Kurt's, heart. "I regret not hauling you up to the front of the class so there was no doubt I was singing to you. Hell, I regret not skipping the song altogether and instead kissing you so thoroughly that no one… especially you … would have any doubt about what I wanted."

"Is that so?" His voice was soft, almost afraid to speak.

"It is. Now are you ready to be enlightened?" Puck stepped closer. There was barely any distance between them, and Kurt had to look up slightly to see his face.

His breaths were unsteady, and he paused for just a second. "Yes," he whispered. "Enlighten me."

Puck touched the sides of Kurt's face gently, his thumbs caressing.

"Everything that happened… made me realize how much I love you."

"Really?"

He could see the hope in his eyes, hear the fear in his voice.

"Really, babe," he said before kissing the other boy sweetly. "I'm not happy unless I'm with you."

Puck tasted the salt in their kisses, as tears fell silently down Kurt's face.

"I love you, too, Noah." He returned his kisses eagerly. "But don't ever put me through anything like that again."

Puck moved one hand to his waist as he drew the smaller boy closer still.

"I wish your dad wasn't watching us from the window. I'd show you exactly how much I've missed you."

"Screw that," Kurt said. "I'm tired of waiting." He pressed their lips together hotly, whimpering as their tongues collided.

Even with the threat of a gun, Puck couldn't have agreed more.