It was cold and dark by the time I started walking home for dinner. The leaves crunched under my feet, and my stomach rumbled, but I didn't feel hungry. There were jack-o-lanterns and black and white lights strung along people's porches. I stomped on wayward leaves, the hood of my coat up, my fists stuffed in its pockets. It wasn't until I was halfway home that I remembered I had his number. I paused to send a quick text, the light on my cell phone glowing brightly.

Hey, you okay? Where were you?

It was casual, not too invasive. It didn't make me seem desperate. What if something happened to him? The worried side of my brain wondered, but the more logical side assured me that it was more likely he just blew me off. I wasn't sure if this made me feel better.

The next morning, and there was no reply.

Maybe something really had happened? Maybe he was in an accident? Maybe something happened to his aunt and uncle? The more I thought about it, the more worried I became.

When I pictured Edward in trouble, I pictured him sitting alone in a hospital waiting room, alone and scared, with no one there to comfort him. Odd, that I didn't, couldn't, picture him actually in the hospital, hooked up to test tubes and machines. Even still, in my worried musings, I saw him hunched over, his head in his hands, and I wanted to be there. To be there with him. Not because he was hot, or sexy, or confidant, but because he was independent, and proud, and wouldn't ask for comfort, even if he needed it.

Wasn't it infinitely more likely that Edward was just being his dickish self? Jerking me around, as usual? And now, in light of my hammering heart, that really was a comfort.

Those thoughts were confirmed when I got to school, and Edward was there, perfectly fine, and perfectly ignoring me.

This morning, the sun was shining, and consequently, a lot of people were hanging around outside the school. Edward was talking to Jasper. While I was watching him, his eyes lifted and immediately met mine, as though he knew exactly where I would be standing, and without missing a beat, without a change in expression, he looked away, and continued his conversation.

Normally, at this point, I would hurry past them, go to class, and think about what I had done this time to make Edward ignore me. But instead, my heart pounding, I walked right up to them.

"Edward, can I talk to you?" I said determinedly, not waiting for a break in their conversation, my chin held high.

Jasper looked surprised, and I saw him glancing at Edward, looking for clues about how he should be reacting to this.

Edward shrugged. "What's up, Bella?" he asked, like we were friends who had conversations in front of the school all the time.

"Where were you yesterday?" I asked. I must have been possessed by some demon. I didn't want to talk in front of Jasper, but I did wonder if Edward would try denying that he was going to meet me. It was like I was daring him to pretend he didn't know who I was, even if I was dreading it. I was waiting for him to act embarrassed about having plans with me.

"Got busy. Sorry," He shrugged again, cool and aloof. I could feel my face getting red, which was embarrassing enough. I didn't look over at Jasper, but I could feel his curiosity leaching off of him, almost like it was a physical entity.

"Why didn't you text me back?" I meant for it to come out strong, accusatory. Instead, I sounded like a pathetic little girl.

"I was busy." Edward didn't say it harshly, but it wasn't particularly kind either, it sounded like a brush off. I wanted to ask what he was doing that made him "too busy" to send a two second text message, but I didn't. His, "I was busy" might as well have been a, "fuck you."

This is where my perfect retort should have gone. Maybe, something like, "Well, since you're so busy these days, I won't take up any more of your time. You can lose my number."

But because this is real life, and it was me, all I managed to utter was, "Okay, well. . ." and then turned to walk away.

Then I cried. Of course I cried. The tears came as soon as I had my back turned, and I scurried into the building, discretely wiping my eyes. I didn't start sobbing or anything, but the tears were relentless.

If I could stop thinking about it, I could stop crying, which would last all of five minutes. I kept picturing Edward and Jasper after I left. My imagination was cruel, and relentless. I kept picturing it over and over. Jasper's face was quizzical, and a little disturbed. "What was that about? You hanging out with Bella Swan?"

My imaginary Edward shrugged, his cocky shrug, "Yeah, I fucked her, a few times, but now she won't leave me alone." I kept imagining different iterations of his response, like some self inflicted nightmare. "Yeah, I fucked her, wasn't very good, but. . ."

"Okay, fine, I fucked her, like one time, its embarrassing so don't tell anyone."

"Fine, you caught me, I've been fucking her on the side. . ."

I kept picturing Edward saying the words, confessing to Jasper, totally careless, totally in charge. I needed to realize that Edward was a jerk. He wasn't worth the pain and aggravation. He had used me, and I had let him, but it was over now. I needed to get that through my mind, I needed to see Edward for what he was. So I kept picturing it, "Fine, I slept with her, so what?" Jasper being grossed out, teasing Edward about it, Edward replying, "Oh like you never fucked an ugly chick before."

Every horrible thing I ever thought about myself, I imagined coming out of Edward's smirking mouth. "She was so pathetic, like, thankful, that I would even look at her. I mean, the easiest lay I've ever had. Not very good. . . but at least there was no effort. It was like wam bam thank you m'am. Not a great body, not a great face, but what do you expect when you look through the bargain bin?"

I worked myself up into such a frenzy that I went to the bathroom during second period, and was crying so hard I didn't make it back to class.

It wouldn't hurt so bad if I hadn't gotten my hopes up, for some idiotic reason. How had I forgotten what I was? How had I let myself believe that maybe Edward actually cared about me?

But it wasn't all just my imagination was it? He acted like he cared, was it just an act to get in my pants? But he was getting in them anyway. So why lead me along? Edward was a jerk who liked toying with people's feelings, and somehow that made me believe I wasn't good enough for him? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

I could forget Edward. I needed to forget him and move on.

Thanks to everyone who left a review! And sorry for the long wait.