CHAPTER ELEVEN: DISCUSSIONS
(Bella's POV)

Still holding my hand, he wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me so close I was practically sitting in his lap. I took a deep breath and laid my head against his chest. Jacob cupped my chin and turned my face to his, planting the softest kiss on my lips. Then he simply smiled, and I could finally breathe. It was all going to be okay.

"Soooooo...can we talk about it?" he asked gently.

Which 'it?' I wondered. Days ago when you couldn't keep your hands off me, or last night when I didn't want you to? I shrugged and leaned my head against his chest again. "Okay," I said.

"What Sam said...Is it true?" he asked.

He certainly wasn't starting with the easy questions.

"What exactly did Sam say?" I asked, hoping it wasn't as embarrassing as I had imagined.

"He said you...I...was moving too fast...physically."

Yes, it was just as embarrassing as I'd imagined. But this was Jacob, and I could tell him anything. Couldn't I? "Ah, maybe a little."

"So that's why you got a little mad at me?" he asked, his voice tinged with amusement.

"Okay, maybe more than a little," I admitted.

"Because it's too soon? With us, I mean? Or because you've never..." he trailed off.

I was tempted to say "Never what?" but I caught myself. No matter how he filled in the blank, the answer was probably the same. "Both," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry," he said. He was quiet for a second, then he said, "Sorry because I rushed you, not sorry that you've never..." he trailed off, then whispered, "I'm actually happy about that part." His arms tightened around me and we sat in silence for several minutes. "Is it because the bl--Edward couldn't...ah...do that with you or because you...didn't want to?"

I was wrong. He had started with the easy questions. Now it was my turn to be silent as I tried to figure out how to answer him. Granted, the subject had come up, but not like it does in normal relationships. Instead of talking about when Edward and I would have sex, it had been a discussion about how it was impossible, assuming I didn't want to die. But what if it had been possible? We'd been together for several months, which was a hell of a lot longer than a lot of people waited. And we were hopelessly in love---or so I had thought at the time---but the fact was that the possibility hadn't come up. I really had no idea how to answer him.

"Never mind. Don't answer that. I shouldn't have---"

"No, it's okay, Jacob. I just...I don't really know. It wasn't an option...we couldn't...I never had to think about it." It was an awkward thing to have to explain, and I was sure I wasn't making any sense. But at least I was trying to be honest.

"Oh," was all he said.

Then he turned my face up to his again, a mischievous grin playing across his lips. "So do you think about it now? With me?" he asked.

The blood rushed to my face, and I was sure I'd turned a new shade of red. I yanked my hand away from his, thinking I should be angry or embarrassed. Instead I couldn't help but laugh. "You really are a dog, Jake."

"Woof!"

After Jacob left, I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on everything I'd neglected during the week. Between loads of laundry I emailed Renee and finished my history paper. I folded clothes and cleaned out the refrigerator. I even ironed Charlie's uniforms, knowing he probably wouldn't have time after his long night and subsequent nap. I didn't want to vacuum while Charlie was sleeping, so I made out a grocery list and went to the store, returning home just in time to start dinner. All my tasks kept my hands busy but left my mind free to wander.

The talk with Jacob had played out more like a round of Twenty Questions, but that was to be expected. After all, I already knew he loved me, I already knew what he wanted, and our night together told me that now he was truly making an effort to rein himself in. If I'd just talked to him to begin with, instead of lashing out at him, he wouldn't have been left with so many questions. But at least now it felt like we'd reached an understanding of sorts. I only regretted two things: wasting so much of my spring break fighting with him, and not asking a few questions of my own. I had to admit I was a little curious now about Jacob's...prior experience.

But in the end, everything had turned out better than I could have hoped. Jacob loved me. I'd known that throughout our friendship, but I'd tried to ignore it, focusing instead on my feelings for Edward---not to mention the fact that Jacob was so young. But Edward was gone. It didn't hurt so much anymore to admit that. And Jacob didn't seem so young anymore, either. Gone was the infatuated teenager who had looked so boyish, with his innocent smile and playful ways. In his stead stood a paradox. His face bore the hardened lines of someone who had seen the unpleasant truth about the world, and his body was most certainly that of a grown man. But he was still impish and at times unsure. And over the past few days I'd seen more and more of the old Jacob, my Jacob, in his eyes.

"Smells good!" Charlie announced, coming into the kitchen.

"Doesn't it always?" I said grinning.

"Well, someone sure is happy," he laughed. "You had a good time with Jake?"

I'd had a wonderful time with Jake. Almost too wonderful thanks to his shirt, but I wasn't telling Charlie that. "Yes, Dad. I had a good time," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Good. Then you won't mind that I invited him and Billy to dinner," he said with a wink.

"What? When? Tonight?" I sputtered.

"We always have plenty of leftovers, Bells. It's not like there won't be enough for everyone."

He was right, of course, but I was still annoyed. Of course I was dying to see Jacob, but not with both Charlie and Billy as an audience.

Dinner hadn't been nearly as bad as I'd expected. Jacob had behaved himself for the most part, aside from the big kiss he planted on me---right in front of Charlie!---when he first arrived. Of course the food was good. I'd made a southwest chicken casserole, and Jake made quick work of what would normally have been several days worth of leftovers. Charlie and Billy were both watching us and grinning a little too much, but it was better than the disapproval I'd always felt when Edward was around. Even so, I was glad when it was over and they made their way to the living room to watch TV.

"You dry," I said to Jake, tossing a towel at him.

We gathered up the dishes and headed for the sink.

I managed to slosh dishwater everywhere, but we made quick work of it, and when we were done, he grabbed my hand.

"Come on," he said, leading me toward the door.

"Are we going somewhere?" I asked, glancing back at our dads and wondering if they'd even notice.

"You're quick, Bells," he laughed. "Just come on."

As soon as we got outside, he dropped my hand and walked over to the Rabbit, grabbing a bundle from the back seat. Before I could ask him what was going on, he was dragging me toward the backyard.

He spread a blanket out on the ground, sat down on it, and patted the spot beside him. As I lowered myself down next to him, I looked back at the house. We were positioned in perfect sight of the living room window, where Charlie and Billy could keep an eye on us. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

Jake stretched and leaned back to lie down, crossing his hands behind his head. I started to lie down, too, but before my head could touch the blanket, Jacob's arm was around me, pulling me to him. Being near the window was turning out to be a bad thing.

"Jacob, they can see us," I argued, trying to pull away. It was no use. Every time I pushed against him, he just drew me closer.

"Then I guess you'd better control yourself," he teased. "Oh, and I believe this is yours?" he said, handing me a bundle of fabric.

The shirt. The one smelled like him. The one that had very nearly gotten me in trouble. I hoped I wasn't blushing again. I relented and curled up against him, hugging the shirt to my chest. If Charlie was going to shoot us, it would be Jake's fault. And then I noticed the sky.

It was a rare sight, a cloudless sky in Forks. And it was beautiful. The stars shimmered across the black night, and the moon hung so full and low it felt like I could reach up and touch it. Its silver beams illuminated the yard and surrounding forest, casting a magical glow on everything they touched. A cool breeze floated over us, but I was warm lying there against Jacob.

"What did you think I was going to say?" he asked quietly.

"What? When?" I asked. Did I miss something? What's he talking about?

"Today, when I said we needed to talk. You looked really scared, Bells."

"Oh," I mumbled. I had been scared. I'd been terrified.

"So what was it?" he prodded.

"I-I thought you were going to leave me."

He sat up suddenly, pulling me with him, and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. For a moment I thought he was angry, and then I saw his eyes. They were filled with confusion and disappointment.

"Why would you think that?" he asked.

"Because...well...it's just..." I stammered, searching for a way to put it into words, and then finding way too many at once. "Because I was so happy and you didn't even want Maria and I love you so much and I got to wake up next to you and you buttoned up my shirt--your shirt--even though I didn't know if I wanted you to and everything was so perfect and---"

"So you thought I was going to leave you because everything was perfect?"

"Yes. I mean no. I don't know Jake, " I sighed. "You know what they say. If it seems to good to be true..."

His face was suddenly close to mine, so close that with the slightest shift I would have been kissing him.

"I won't leave you, honey. I can't. I don't know how," he said, his eyes begging me to believe him.

"Promise?" I asked weakly. I knew I sounded like a frightened child, but I guess in a way I was.

"Promise," he said, leaning in for the kiss.

Too soon he pulled away and laid back down, pulling me against him again, and laughing quietly.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You are. Do you realize you just admitted you didn't want me to button you up?"

I didn't have to look at him to know there was a giant grin plastered across his face.