Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII is the property of Square-Enix. No profit is sought from this work.
Paint the Town
Rescuing Down Under
Sephiroth pounded on the door. "Zack, are you alright?" There was no answer. "Zack," Sephiroth tried again, a little softer, "is everything alright in there?" There was still no answer. Sephiroth's mind raced, trying to think of what was appropriate for the situation. He needed some kind of reply.
"It couldn't be mice in there," he said, attempting to draw out an answer. "Wait, is the toilet flushing right? Is it a plumbing problem?"
He waited, breathless and after a long moment, got his faint reply. "Yeah..." Sephiroth frowned. Zack's voice was high and thin all of a sudden.
"Did it spray everywhere?" Sephiroth cringed at the thought. Blocked plumbing, what a mess.
" 's not the toilet," Zack whined, voice breathy.
"Then what, SOLDIER?" Sephiroth tapped his toe. He heard the shaky gasp through the door.
"I'm... caught, Sir." Zack's voice wavered. Sephiroth's face fell with confusion.
"What do you mean 'caught'?"
"In my zipper, Sir," Zack breathed.
The light went on and Sephiroth's brain stood blinking into it like a trapped deer. He felt the sympathetic tug of his own anatomy trying to crawl back up inside for safety. "How bad is it?"
"I can't move, Sir." Zack sounded close to passing out.
Sephiroth gave no warning. He jabbed his fist forward and succeeded in denting the door. Steel replacement, he had time to note angrily, veneered in the front to look like wood. He swung again, with more appropriate force and snapped the deadbolt in two. He yanked the door open furiously, searching wildly for his subordinate.
Zack lay curled like a comma on the floor, huddled up to protect his injury. Sephiroth got down on his knees and tried to make Zack unfurl. "Come on, SOLDIER, we need to assess this."
Zack let out a piercing wail. "Not so hard, what's wrong with you! Oh, Gaia, it hurts! It HURTS!"
Sephiroth overlooked the snappiness, recovering quickly from the shock to take charge. "Of course it hurts, Zack. You're going to need medical attention. Now turn over so I can see how bad it is!"
Zack was beginning to hyperventilate. "I can't move," he gasped out. "I can't..."
Sephiroth shook his head. "Then I'll move you." He gripped Zack's thighs even as the boy whimpered a protest, and rolled Zack onto his back with surprising gentleness.
Zack wrapped his arms around his head, breathing hard, whimpering and trembling. His eyes were shut tight, the lashes damp. Sephiroth swallowed and turned his attention lower. "Relax a little, Zack," he said in the voice he usually reserved for coaxing wary chocobos. "I need to see."
"Mmngh!" Zack protested. "I don't want you looking!"
Sephiroth choked down a spark of irritation and rubbed the outside of Zack's thighs to relax the tense muscle. "It's nothing I don't see in the locker room, Zack. I have Restore materia but I want to see what we're dealing with."
Zack waited a moment, chest hitching as he breathed. Then he slowly let his legs down as far as he dared. "I can't..." he whimpered.
"That's okay," Sephiroth said and assessed the situation.
There was no blood. For that, Sephiroth was grateful. It was an unholy mess of flesh and fabric though, the zipper having gone up a good way before stopping. Sephiroth cringed inside. He turned his head one way, then the other, trying to work out the best way to get the zipper off.
"Sephiroth," Zack whinged, "I can't feel my toes."
Sephiroth frowned. "I'm sure that's just in your head, Zack. The problem's not in your feet."
"I'm serious," Zack whined, opening his eyes a little. "I can't feel my knees, or anything."
"Take deep breaths," Sephiroth advised, more to distract Zack than anything. He figured he could yank the zipper back down again, if he was quick about it, but he wasn't sure how Zack would take to that. The boy was looking disturbingly pale.
"Seph..." Zack whispered, pupils wide in the fluorescent overhead light. "I think I'm dying."
"You're not dying!" Sephiroth snapped, chest thudding. "No SOLDIER of mine is dying from a simple groin injury!"
'Simple' may not have been the word for it though. There were bits of, thin, patterned fabric poking up through the zipper, torn bits of Zack's boxers, Sephiroth surmised. "Are those tonberries on your shorts, SOLDIER?"
"Yes, Sir," Zack whimpered, sounding as if his voice had never broken in puberty. "Tonberries are badass."
Sephiroth stared at Zack's pale face and too-bright eyes. It didn't seem as if the effect was carrying over. "Look, I think I can get this off," he said, kneeling up for the pump bottle of soap. "We just need a little lubrication and some prep time. I don't think it should hurt for more than a minute."
Zack began to squirm wildly, or as much as he could manage in his condition, at any rate. "No, Sir! No! You are not doing it that way! I won't let you!"
"You can't stop me, SOLDIER! We have to get this zipper off you before the only choice left is to amputate!"
Zack froze, turning the exact color of the porcelain throne. "Tell my mother I died well." He slumped backwards, head hitting the tile with a thump. His breathing slowed and he was terribly quiet.
Sephiroth squirted some soap onto his fingers, ready to lubricate the area. Zack's unseeing stare made him pause. Maybe Zack had entered a wonderful endorphin rush stage, where he couldn't feel a thing. If so, it would be cruel to repeat the process that put him there in the first place. There had to be some way to free him, short of the Jaws of Life. Sephiroth leaned in for a closer look.
With a sharp nod to himself, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Zack's pants and pulled. Zack's sharp cry mixed with the sound of fabric ripping. He arched sharply, fell to the floor again and didn't move.
Sephiroth leaned back on his knees, stared down at the broken zipper halves on the ripped uniform pants he held. He'd pulled out to the sides, parting the zip from the tender flesh instead of running it back over the area again. Everything should be okay now.
Except Zack wasn't moving. His breathing was inaudible and his eyes had rolled up into the back of his head. Sephiroth felt his heart thud again as he considered for a nightmare second that maybe Zack really had died.
He dropped the rags in his hand and leaned over his Second. "Zack," he cried, planting a hand on either side of the man's head. "Zack, speak to me." He couldn't keep the slight roughness out of his voice. He felt his chest begin to heave, taking over the hyperventilation Zack had left behind.
Zack blinked, coming to. Sephiroth heaved a sigh of relief. "So," Zack croaked out, taking stock of their positions and his sudden state of undress, "was it good?"
Time: 1 hr 43 mins
Music: Brass band practising the Fuurinkazan theme outside.
A.N.: I'll be on a trip for the next couple of weeks and thought maybe that was too long to leave Zacky all huddled up on the bathroom floor, so I hope that was a satisfying little rescue for you. ;p (But seriously, IRL, don't do like Sephy does, get professional help. XD)