20

Revelations

It took Ritsuka quite a bit to calm down. They sat together in the bathroom for at least fifteen minutes, Soubi's arm around Ritsuka, keeping him safe against his side and not seemingly minding that Ritsuka didn't want to go outside. He didn't cry, though that didn't mean he didn't feel the need . He was able to keep the tears down, able to swallow them and keep himself from falling to that level. He felt a strange victory over himself for that, even though it didn't really matter if he cried or not.

"Why is he here?" He asked after he'd calmed down enough to speak. He was huddled against Soubi's side, actually feeling safe, despite his father being in the same house as them. For all he knew, that demon could be standing right outside the door, listening to them. Still, that thought didn't make Ritsuka panic. He had someone to protect him this time. Soubi wouldn't let that man hurt him. He loved him and would make sure his daddy would stay far, far away.

"I don't know," Soubi wouldn't look at him, something that concerned Ritsuka to no end. He tugged at the older male's shirt, trying to get him to look at him but having no success. Was he angry? Had Ritsuka done something wrong? He hadn't meant to run off. He hadn't meant to get sick, either. Surely Soubi would understand that. It seemed more plausible that Soubi would be angry at his father. Ritsuka knew that he hated him. Soubi also hadn't known Kiyoshi was going to be here. If he had, Ritsuka doubted Soubi would've allowed him to go to the reunion in the first place.

"Can we stay?" Ritsuka wanted to. He'd be alright, he supposed, if he could keep from seeing his dad all that often. He was sure he could avoid it. He could stay away from him during the reunion, arrive late to meals, and make sure they were never in the same room. Surely he wouldn't want to see Ritsuka. He hated his son, something that still made Ritsuka's chest ache. It couldn't be helped, though, as he understood now, and his daddy's hatred of him could be used to his advantage here. If his father avoided him, as well, then they would positively never run into each other. It'd be alright. Things were supposed to get better now. And Ritsuka was determined to make it so.

Soubi, however, was hesitant. "I don't know..." He said again, turning his gaze to the teen's.

"Why?" Ritsuka pulled at his shirt again, just as a little kid would when trying to get their way. He would resort to begging if he had to, even though he knew that was wrong to do since he doubted if Soubi would be able to say no to him. "I won't get sick every time I see him. I'll stay away from him. He won't do anything to me if you're around, Soubi." He really did want to stay. He'd finally get to see his entire family again and spend time with his immediate family. Perhaps he could somehow convince Juri, his grandmother, to like Soubi.

"I don't want him to hurt you again," Soubi threaded his fingers through Ritsuka's hair and ran his hand through it. Ritsuka couldn't help but to lean into his touch. "I didn't know that he'd be here."

"If you had known, you wouldn't have let me go," Ritsuka responded softly. It wasn't a question or a statement that could be challenged. It was simply a fact. It occurred to Ritsuka now just how well he knew Soubi. That, of course, didn't mean he could predict his actions or read his thoughts in any way. It simply meant that he understood his actions and thoughts. He wasn't nearly as confusing to Ritsuka as other people were, namely his brother and the rest of his family. Soubi was the one person Ritsuka could actually understand. He was also the only person Ritsuka trusted completely.

Soubi nodded, only confirming what Ritsuka had known to be true. "He wouldn't hurt me here," Ritsuka continued, still attempting to sway his Fighter. At least Soubi would listen to him, unlike the other adults Ritsuka had experiences with. Ritsuka actually had some sort of say in the things that happened, instead of all the decisions being made before him without him being told. Soubi actually realized that he wasn't a little kid and was fully capable in making his own choices. His mentality could handle it, but not many other people seemed to realize that.

Apparently Ritsuka got through to him, since he finally sighed and said, "Maybe. Only if he stays away from you." This, though, was enough for Ritsuka, who let himself smile a little, the desperation he'd felt just minutes before beginning to fade into the back of his mind. He had no idea how many times it'd be reawakened during this trip.

…

He was here. That bastard had come to sabotage Ritsuka and his chance of finding happiness by being away from him. He was going to try to ruin the boy again. Soubi knew it. He knew people like him, the sadistic, arrogant people like Kiyoshi. He could read that damn man like an open book. He'd seen the look on his 'innocent' face when he'd first come through the door, in the instant before Ritsuka had laid eyes on him. He had known that Ritsuka would be there and had purposefully made sure that neither Ritsuka or Soubi would be told that he would be coming. There had not even been a single speck of surprise in his eyes when Ritsuka had torn away from Juri and dashed upstairs. He'd known what would happen once Ritsuka saw him. And yet...he had still done it, probably for the sole purpose of seeing his son in that much pain.

Was Soubi angry? No. He was beyond that right now. Any sort of easing of his hatred that had occurred when Kiyoshi had gone through surgery and acted in a non-destructive way in the hospital had disappeared. There was no single word for the way he wanted to beat the life out of that man. He was sure that if he let his mind wander, it would fall upon thoughts of how he could violently tear the life from Kiyoshi's evil little criminal hands. It was pushing to entertain his thoughts right now as he held that man's son in his arms, having pulled him into him after being all-but-begged to let him stay.

There were times, times such as right now, when Soubi would look at his little Ritsuka and wonder just how he was related to that man. He could see the physical similarities to an extent, but they weren't very noticeable unless one was looking for them. Soubi could easily ignore them. As for personality wise...it was as if he'd taken on a different personality from either of his parents, one that he'd developed himself. Soubi remembered learning about the personality of children in a psychology class he'd taken this semester. Childrens' personality emerged from their parents'. They took after whoever had raised them. This, of course, was only to a certain extent, but it was noticeable. Ritsuka, however, hadn't appeared to have taken on his parents' violent traits or anything else. Perhaps that was because they hadn't raised him.

"We should go back downstairs," Ritsuka reminded him after a while of letting Soubi hold him. "She'll get suspicious."

Immediately, Soubi knew exactly who Ritsuka was talking about. Aoyagi Juri, the woman who'd given birth to Kiyoshi and two other kids and whom seemed to hate Soubi with an odd growing passion. He personally had nothing against her. He'd never even met the woman! Then again, he had hated Kiyoshi before he even met him. In fact, there were a lot of people Soubi had despised without meeting. He supposed he couldn't chastise her for that, not when he'd done it so many times himself, even with Ritsuka before Seimei's 'death'. Soubi also didn't doubt that Kiyoshi had probably told his mother of the strange man who'd taken his son in.

There was only one problem with that, though. She'd been surprised to discover that he was with Ritsuka and that he'd been taking care of him. She hadn't looked like she'd expected him to be the one taking Ritsuka. She hadn't even looked like she knew anything of him being affiliated with Ritsuka. This confused Soubi, since he'd so clearly seen the shock on her face. There was no explanation for her behavior. Perhaps she simply loved her family too much, as Ritsuka had said, and didn't want to accept newcomers. For some reason, that theory, too, seemed a bit off.

Soubi kept quiet about his want to stay here like this, in peace and alone with each other. It wasn't that he was dreading returning to the hectic family. He was dreading something, but that wasn't it. He was dreading the pain he'd have to see Ritsuka in. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Kiyoshi was going to try to harm Ritsuka in some way. That man had raped Ritsuka and broke his young heart. That man was the cause of the terrible dreams that haunted Ritsuka during the night. That man was the reason why Ritsuka got so nervous of people, so clingy-in a sweet way, of course-when he felt threatened by a male. That man was the cause of all of that boy's pain and Ritsuka still loved him. And he couldn't help that. He might try to approach his father, may try to ask for an explanation, but Soubi would be able to whisk him away and convince him that that wasn't a good idea.

His father, on the other hand, was unpredictable. Kiyoshi was unstable, and Soubi now knew that he had voices in his head telling him to do things and that even when those voices were silenced, he still lusted after Ritsuka. Kiyoshi would definitely succeed in terrifying Ritsuka before Soubi would be able to get him away. There wasn't a way to prevent that. Soubi couldn't predict what Kiyoshi's next move would be and how he was planning to win. All he knew was that he was trying to win. And that he, Soubi, was on the opposing side.

This was no game, but Kiyoshi clearly saw it was. Soubi knew one thing about people like him-they saw everything, life, love, lust, as a game, a game in which every person was a player, even if they didn't realize it. Ritsuka was Kiyoshi's prize, and Soubi's 'piece' he was attempting to protect. Kiyoshi was willing to use anything he could as pawns. Soubi knew that about people like him. That, and that they were unpredictable, just as Seimei had been. So similar... Seimei was clearly Kiyoshi's son.

…

"You seem awfully calm about this."

He tossed the pill bottle at the younger hidden in the darkness of his basement bedroom. It was caught with precise accuracy, the bottle only rattling a bit when the teen closed his fingers over it.

"Turn on the light."

A simple command. The elder of the two obey and flooded the room with light at the simple flick of his wrist on the nearly unused light switch. He covered his eyes. The younger kept his open, his pupils dilating slowly and adjusting to the sudden surge of light. His head only throbbed more and he fought to keep from rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the cool darkness of his pillow. Such a human urge. He was beginning to feel like a lowly person, a person no better than his Fighter or that dammed...monster. With each passing day...he had to get a hold on himself.

"Aren't you going to take it? I went through so much trouble to get them for you."

He knew the words would earn him a glare from the younger, which was exactly what he received.

"What if you poisoned them?"

His voice was a low growl. His mind ran through the list of symptoms again and again. Headaches. Paranoia. Delusions. Hallucinations. Voices. He'd always been paranoid, of course. He wouldn't trust anyone. He quite literally gave up that ability years ago. How many had it been? Three? The third anniversary had come and gone. Not that it was anything to celebrate. It was quite the opposite. He had 'celebrated' by locking himself away from the others. Nobody had dared bother him on that day. They all knew, even the old woman and her college age virgin nephew. His Fighter, on the other hand... he'd tried to spite him.

The university student scoffed.

"Do you really think I would?"

No, it wasn't the younger he wanted to kill. He was the one he wanted the attention from. He was the one he preformed for, the one he had the utmost urge to please greatly. If the teen told him to kill, he would bring back the throat of the victim just to show him how well he'd done. He strove for even a small smirk from his Sacrifice, would kill just for his attention. He couldn't feel love—but this was the closest he'd ever get to it.

"Yes."

It was a definite and sure answer. The Sacrifice didn't even have to voice his order as he held out the small pill to his Fighter. He knew what to do, and knew he would be harshly punished if he did not. He bowed his head in submission, hating having to do so, know that his Sacrifice expected him to behave exactly as that blank had. He'd show him. He was not a dog. He was the one who deserved control, not this...this brat of a teenager!

Part of him wanted to obey, though, because it meant attention from his Sacrifice. All his life, he'd been treated like royalty and now, his Sacrifice had control over him and ignored him in favor of his brat of a brother. He'd show him! He'd show that he was worth the attention! He'd get rid of that brat! Then it'd just be him, and there would be no one else to steal his full spotlight from him. He'd have the Beloved Sacrifice all to himself.

He'd be hurting that blank, as well, perhaps beyond repair. Stupid lunatic, cherishing a child over everything else. There was a reason the black haired university student was grateful he couldn't fall in love. That was one thing he had over that lunatic. He was too attached to someone, too willing to give everything for him, while his dark counterpart could kill without a second thought. The lunatic had developed human feelings in his time away from Beloved and with Loveless. The true Beloved Fighter, however, enjoyed the pointless killings and the heavy blood on his hands, if it was to please his Sacrifice. Agatsuma had gotten too close to Loveless. If he was torn from him, everything would fall apart with that lunatic. He'd no longer be able to go on living, would he?

The Fighter swallowed the pill dry, maintaining eye contact even as he grimaced at the feeling of the thing going down his throat without liquid to help it along. He watched as the tightly pressed scowl of his Sacrifice dissipated for a moment, the corners of his mouth turning upwards a bit, and then returning to the frown. The Fighter glowered in the thought of pleasing the younger.

"Leave now."

Another order, another simple one. The younger said it in such a way that the other didn't even think of disobeying. He left with only a nod, his thoughts occupied of how blindly in love Agatsuma was with the little brat. Poor lunatic. He didn't know what was coming to him.

Meanwhile, the younger laid back on the bed, wanting more than anything to curl up on the bed and moan in pain like a filthy human, like he'd been Soubi do so many times either when he was kicked in the stomach or when he was aroused and his master wouldn't allow him any release. Dogs in heat were the worst. The young man pushed that thought out of his mind, instead thinking of the very first time he'd heard the whispering and urges beginning in his head. Back then it had come with a headache, as well. Nevertheless, it was a nice memory. Ritsuka had noticed how sick his elder brother had looked and had immediately become 'Nurse Aoyagi'. That had been a few days before Ritsuka's twelfth birthday, a month before his beloved brother had 'died', and a day he often looked back to and felt some kind of happiness.

He wished he could go back to that. Would Ritsuka accept him? After knowing all the things his elder brother had done? Something told him Ritsuka wouldn't immediately take to him. He'd be afraid, unconsciously clinging to that dog, trying to hide behind him. He'd grown so attached to that dirty man. His brother couldn't blame him for that, though. Soubi took good care of him. He loved him. That much was obvious. Ritsuka needed someone strong and stable to love him. And Soubi understood, too, in ways that the older Aoyagi son, couldn't. He could help Ritsuka through this. At least that dog had proved himself useful for once.

…

Aoyagi Kiyoshi was nowhere to be seen when Soubi and Ritsuka returned downstairs. Neither were Aoyagi Juri and Koichi-san. Cowards. They all were. Soubi made sure to lead Ritsuka quickly to the basement, especially when he felt Ritsuka's hand tighten around his and a small whimper-like sound escape him, drawing his aunt and uncle's attention. Soubi didn't explain, even when Masanori asked them what was wrong.

The basement was large and split into two rooms, the first being a living room of sorts, the second being a bedroom only accessible through the closed door in the first room. Soubi immediately saw why Ritsuka had told him to just let them sleep down here instead of pressing the issue with Juri and Sayori. It was private. Very private. He and Ritsuka would actually be able to talk about things without the fear of other's hearing. Soubi doubted people came down here very often, and even if he they did, they'd hear the person approaching.

"Are you alright?" They were down in the privacy of the room they had to themselves, and Ritsuka was sitting on the bed that had been pulled out and made for them, looking as if he was about to have another breakdown. He was breathing fast, his hands clenched into fists on his lap. Soubi sat beside him, placing a hand on his back in an attempt to ward off the coming panic attack.

Ritsuka swallowed hard and nodded, shutting his eyes for a few moments. Finally, he nodded, and glanced up at Soubi, "I'm scared, Soubi." His voice was small, quiet, as if he was scared to even say the words. "I thought I was alright while we were upstairs, but..." He trailed off, rubbing his big eyes. He was clearly trying to hold back his tears, his feelings. It was useless, and Soubi knew that just as well as Ritsuka did. Ritsuka wouldn't be able to shut off his feelings. He was a child, a young teenager. He hadn't yet learned how to do that. Soubi didn't want him to.

He was determined to give Ritsuka the childhood he didn't have, but that wasn't going to happen if Ritsuka was able to shut off his connection with his feelings. He'd grow up too fast, become emotionless and dead to the world. He'd be weighed down by the memories and would stop talking and...He'd become Soubi prior to leaving Seven Voices. There was no doubt about that. Soubi hadn't been able to run to anyone or tell anyone about what was happening, so he had dehumanized himself. He'd distanced himself from others. He'd stopped talking, he had slept all the time, his grades had dropped...he didn't want Ritsuka to go through all that.

"What are you scared of?" It was best to get Ritsuka to talk, even if Soubi already knew very well what Ritsuka was afraid of. If Ritsuka would at least talk to him, there wouldn't be any worrying about him locking down like that. If only he could get Ritsuka to talk to him when he started to feel upset instead of trying to hide it all away...

"It's nothing," Ritsuka whispered the two words, turning his head away from Soubi. He raised a hand, rubbing his eyes again, as Soubi could see when he leaned forward a bit. Was Ritsuka crying now? Soubi silently lightly tapped Ritsuka on the shoulder, attempting to get his attention. He changed his mind when Ritsuka didn't react, though. Ritsuka needed comfort now. His father was here, in this house, and Ritsuka was terrified that he was going to try something. He probably felt alone, as well, since nobody but Soubi had gone after him once Ritsuka had seen his father. It was true that Soubi was the only one who knew why Ritsuka had run, but even he had expected Ritsuka's uncle or grandmother to go after him.

With that thought, Soubi wrapped his arms around Ritsuka's neck and shoulders from behind him, leaning forward more so that he could rest his chin on Ritsuka's right shoulder. "It's not nothing," Soubi insisted, giving a forceful pull on Ritsuka until the surprised boy was seated in the older's lap. Ritsuka let out a loud gasp as he did so, his hands flying to grab at Soubi's arms, as if he didn't know what was going on and had sought protection.

Quickly, though, Ritsuka had settled himself in his new place, his arms immediately wrapping around Soubi's middle, his face hiding itself in his shirt. "I shouldn't sit on your lap," Ritsuka's voice was muffled, as he was talking into Soubi's shirt. Soubi just sighed, shaking his head. Ritsuka wanted to stay here, with Soubi holding him, but he was simply terrified of being caught.

"And why not?"

"Someone might catch us. They'll think the wrong thing," Ritsuka breathed a small sigh of his own. "I wanna go home."

That was a rather sudden change. Ritsuka had just been begging a few minutes earlier to stay here. And now he wanted to go home? Soubi would gladly take him. The change didn't anger him, but he was curious about it. Why had Ritsuka changed his mind all of the sudden? Had he given it more thought and finally understood why Soubi wanted to take him home?

"Then I'll take you home," Soubi told him, speaking into one of Ritsuka's kitten ears. "Right now. If you really want to go home, then we'll leave."

Ritsuka was warm in his arms, warm and trembling slightly. Soubi was holding him close against him, his one arm around the boy's middle, the other hooked around his waist, keeping him safe. The trembling was barely there, but when they were this close, Soubi could feel it as well as see it without even trying. Maybe it would be best to just go home, as Soubi had been so set on not long ago. Not even he liked it here. There was an odd air to this place, a dark one, an air that especially hung around Ritsuka's grandmother. He didn't like the feel of it. It was a feeling of tension, as well, as if something were about to explode or as if this family wasn't really as closely knit as they seemed to be. And that woman. Soubi could tell right now that there was going to be trouble with her.

"No!" Ritsuka exclaimed loudly, his hands now balled into fists, clenching Soubi's shirt. "No! I have to stay!"

Soubi could the feel Ritsuka's confusion, his flurry to try to decide what to do and where to go. Soubi would do whatever he wanted to do so it was all up to him now. And now...Ritsuka was torn. He could most likely feel the tension, too, as it made the air heavy around them and caused uneasiness in everyone around. It was inescapable. Even if Ritsuka had felt it before, there was no way to get used to that sort of dark, overwhelming feeling, no matter how much time he'd spent with his family. Did he know the source of it, Soubi wondered? Was he apart of it? Or was he simply involved without knowing so?

Soubi assumed the answer to be he most latter option. Ritsuka, after all, just simply seemed a bit uncomfortable around them, as if they all had some sort of unspoken secrets that they were keeping. And if Ritsuka was innocent, that meant his cousin probably was, too. It only seemed to be the mother and her children, not the children of her children, that had that strange air over them. For some reason, it interested Soubi. It made him want to know more. He had a lingering feeling that this strange something had to do with Kiyoshi, and Soubi just couldn't leave that feeling alone. He wanted to know, just as Ritsuka did, why his father did the things he did. It didn't matter in the least to Soubi, but that didn't mean he wasn't interested and curious. It wasn't going to change his feelings (or more accurately, his hatred) towards him. Nothing could do that.

"I have to stay," Ritsuka was still mumbling, now talking to himself.

"You don't have to," Soubi tried to reason with him. "We can leave right now and she won't be able to stop us. Is that what you're scared of, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka took a shaky breath and then pulled back slightly, showing Soubi his face and expression. It looked as if a few tears of frustration had escaped him, but nothing more. He shook his head, his eyes meeting Soubi's.

"I'm scared of him," Ritsuka only whispered, not breaking his gaze. "I always am."

"I'll protect you," Soubi countered almost instantly. He would do everything he could to protect Ritsuka, but he couldn't fully stop the mental pain that came simply from seeing his father. He would try, though, and he wouldn't allow Kiyoshi to hurt little Ritsuka again.

Ritsuka swallowed hard and nodded, "I know."

They both knew that Ritsuka would suffer from Soubi not being able to see his father's next move.

…

"Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka glanced up from what he was unpacking and glanced up, finding his uncle standing beside him, smiling. Ritsuka put down his bag and glanced behind him, making sure nothing was out of place and nothing would give he and Soubi away. There was nothing, of course, but Ritsuka was quite paranoid, even though Masanori was more tolerant than the rest of the family. He doubted he would even let Ritsuka and Soubi's relationship be if he found out. At least Ritsuka suspected he'd be more worried about the age difference instead of their genders.

"Where's your...friend? Agatsuma, was it?"

Ritsuka nodded, having gotten to the medicine bag. Ugh. The shots. He'd have to start doing the shots now that he was out of the hospital and couldn't have medication administered to him through the IV. He hated needles, and he had no idea how to explain to his relatives why he had to have shots a few times during the day. He had his hoped laid on Soubi, who had disappeared outside for a few moments probably to retrieve more of their things.

"He went outside," Ritsuka told him, placing the black bag with he rest of their things.

"Why don't you come upstairs?" Masanori asked in a kind manner, making it more of a suggestion than a question. Ritsuka simply stopped for a moment and looked at him. Upstairs...? With his father and everyone else? He shook his head and hurriedly went back to unpacking. He would still be afraid of his father, and he had to have Soubi with him, not just for protection, but because Ritsuka simply took comfort in his presence. Plus, everyone else had just seen him run from Kiyoshi. He didn't want to go up there alone and be bombarded with questions and not be able to answer them.

"Oh...alright..." Masanori sat down in the chair next to the pull-out bed, looking thoughtful. Ritsuka knew what he was about to ask before he did, and yet, the question still felt unexpected and he still didn't know how to answer. "That man, Ritsuka, why are you staying with him?"

There wasn't a correct answer to that, Ritsuka realized. He couldn't tell the truth, no matter what. The truth wouldn't only get him in trouble, but Soubi, too. If he could only survive three days of this, and then he could go back to...whatever his 'normal' life had been since that night. All he had to do was think up a lie. Of course Masa-chan, as Ritsuka called him sometimes, would be suspicious and able to see through blatant lies. It would be best to simply generalize his problems and say something before Masanori grew any more curious.

"I moved in with him only about two weeks ago. I moved out because of...Mother," There was only a simple moment of hesitation in which he had struggled to come up with a name. It wasn't completely a lie, he supposed. Most of his family knew that there was something wrong with his mother, though none of them really knew what she did at home. They probably suspected something. None of them had ever done or said anything about it. Ritsuka didn't really blame them; Nobody had ever done a thing about it. Soubi had been the only one to ever speak of it. It still surprised Ritsuka to this day how easily the man spoke about it, and with such anger and almost like a need for vengeance against her, as if he actually had been personally hurt by her and sought revenge.

Now that he thought about it, Soubi spoke about Kiyoshi in the same matter, only worse. Ritsuka was beginning to feel a bit nervous about his way of speaking about Ritsuka's parents. It could spite Ritsuka's father, Ritsuka predicted, and Soubi could end up getting hurt in the end.

"Were you having problems?"

Oh, this was bad. Masanori actually sounded more curious than he had before. Ritsuka sought a way to change the subject, but came up with nothing that would make his uncle and less curious. If only Soubi was here. Then, Ritsuka wouldn't feel so put-on-the-spot now. He hated when people did this, even if it was for good intentions. It always made him feel pressured to give the answer, the right answer, and he would scold himself later if it wasn't the right answer.

Ritsuka looked at the ground, at his feet, "I didn't say that..."

"Is there another reason you would've gotten away from your mother?" His voice was gentle, but his nephew could hear the pressing in it.

"Yes, I was having problems," Ritsuka answered, still not looking at Masanori. His ears perked upon hearing footsteps descending the stairs.

"Why didn't Kiyoshi take you—"

"Your mother would like to see you upstairs," Ritsuka's head snapped up at the sound of Soubi's voice and he was silently relieved. His slightly angered tone had stopped Masanori from even trying to continue the rest of what he was saying. Ritsuka didn't want to hear it, anyways.

"I didn't hear her—"

"She wants you upstairs. Now."

And there went their chances of Soubi being liked by anyone in the family. Ritsuka sighed, even though his relative didn't exactly seem angry. Still, Ritsuka could see he was a bit shocked by it. Without a word, he nodded and left. Ritsuka finally allowed himself to relax.

"How did you know?"

"I figured something was wrong when I heard him talking about your father."

Ritsuka fixed his gaze on the floor again. It really was embarrassing that he depended on Soubi so much. Part of him hated that he needed someone so much, that he was so very attached to someone, but the other part of him told him it was inevitable, unstoppable. He would've ended up like this, anyways. He didn't really think it was a bad thing. Soubi was the only one willing to take care of him, anyways, the only one who truly loved him.

"Is everything alright?" Soubi was suddenly close to him. Ritsuka startled, his eyes wide with surprise. He had been too absorbed in his thoughts to hear him approach.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Ritsuka said, trying to calm down a bit. He felt so high-strung, so on edge. He had already gone through enough stress today to last him a week and they had only been here an hour or so. He didn't know if he'd be able to survive the rest of the time like this. Right now, all he wanted to do was shut himself off from his family.

"If you're feeling up to it, we should probably head upstairs," Soubi told him. Ritsuka nodded in agreement. They'd have to get this over with sooner or later. Ritsuka wasn't even sure anymore why he had begged Soubi to take him here.

...

Juri was always friendly to him, just as Ritsuka had remembered her. She had always been close to him, a sort of motherly figure when Ritsuka visited. By the time Ritsuka went upstairs with Soubi, she seemed to have recovered from whatever had shocked her before. She was all smiles towards Ritsuka, though she just ignored Soubi. That was some sort of improvement, at least.

The family was gathered in the living room, conversing with each other about the latest news. Ritsuka didn't bother to listen and tugged on Soubi's hand and he led him over to the window, sitting beside him on the floor in an unoccupied corner of the room. Ritsuka's father was nowhere to be seen, but everyone else including Koichi-san. Ritsuka just sat quietly at Soubi's side, the two of them mostly being ignored by the rest of the family.

"Isn't there going to be more people coming?" Soubi asked, leaning over to speak subtly in Ritsuka's ear. Ritsuka nodded, wondering why there wasn't anyone here. It was odd, since they had a large family and only the immediate family was here.

Gathering up his courage, Ritsuka glanced at Risa, his cousin, catching her eye immediately. She turned her nose up at him again in a pompous matter. Ritsuka spoke anyways, annoyed with her attitude towards him, "Where's the rest of the family?"

"They're not coming until tomorrow," She spoke to him in her usual manner, her tone implying that she was better than him. She hadn't changed, either. No one in this family seemed to. Ritsuka didn't know whether that was good or bad.

It didn't matter, though. Ritsuka soon gradually came out of his shell and talked with his relatives. He ended up having a good time, since his father never returned downstairs, though Juri did wonder aloud where he was and went to go check in on him several times. Ritsuka did notice one strange thing, though. She seemed to know Koichi-san from a previous visit, though Ritsuka had just met him recently. It was very odd, he thought, since she seemed quite comfortable around him and she didn't push him away like she did to Soubi and even Ritsuka's mother. Ritsuka just let it be, though, and that was probably for the best.

Night soon fell and Ritsuka realized that it was later than he had expected. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed before, but the drive up seemed to have taken longer than the usual eight hours, probably since Soubi had gotten them lost so many times. He was quite sleepy, as well, and he placed the blame on all the excitement from yesterday and today. It was nice to be out of the hospital. He could see other people and not have to be confined to a small space. Best of all, he didn't have to be around sick people all the time. He didn't belong in the hospital. He was only hurting on the inside. His pain wasn't visible like everyone else's. The care and therapy he was getting he thought he didn't deserve, that it should go to someone who was actually sick on the outside. The hospital was for people sick on the outside, not on the inside. He didn't want to go back there and feel so out of place and depressed.

The outside world was so much happier. No one was there to remind him why he was in the hospital. There were no doctors and nurses to scurry around him and question him. He belonged on the outside, where he could try to learn how to deal with all this. He'd have Soubi, anyways, and Katsuko-sensei, too. He'd be okay.

This revelation came to Ritsuka after he had returned to the basement with Soubi and was preparing to give him his medication, the one thing he dreaded. As soon as the thought ran through his head he simply stopped thinking all together. He'd be okay...? Would he really? Would he end up alright? Since that terrible night so many things had changed. He had changed. He had met new people and grown closer to others. He had experienced something he wished he hadn't, something he would forget if given the chance. He had had his heart broken and stomped on, shattering it into pieces, but now that he was out of the hospital, could he move forward? Was there a way?

He thought about his life, his future. He remembered the night he had told Soubi he wanted to be a photographer. Before that night, he had never really thought about what he wanted to be when he grew up, but that night it had just dawned on him, and it had seemed so simple, too, a given. And now...now that he thought about it, all these hopes and dreams began to blossom and flower out. He didn't want to be so unhappy anymore. He didn't want this to plague him so much. The way it was now, the memories were fresh in his mind, and how he couldn't stand to even be in the same room as his father, were keeping him from getting better. Surely he could work past that. There were plenty of adults who had been raped at a young age. Ritsuka didn't know any personally, though this would soon prove untrue since he had one particular case who was very close to him, but he would try.

There was a way to get past this, and now he knew it. It was going to be a long, hard process, but he was going to try his best at it. He wasn't going to let this get the best of him. He would show his father what he did to him. He would show him what he was missing. He would make him regret it.

And with that, Ritsuka became more than just a pawn in a chess game.

...

Ritsuka still wasn't comfortable with needles, which was very much obvious to Soubi. As soon as he was ready to give Ritsuka the shot, the boy had snapped out of his trance and was trying to squirm out of Soubi's grasp, though he wasn't having flashbacks this time, as he did it.

"Can't we do it after dinner?" Ritsuka wasn't exactly trying to get away from him as Soubi held onto his arm. He was just moving around in his seat on the pullout bed. Soubi didn't blame him. He didn't really like having to do this, either, as it meant hurting Ritsuka, but he had to give him his medication. There wasn't a way to not hurt Ritsuka and make sure he got his medication at the same time. Maybe some talking would help...

"You looked like you were in a daze just a moment ago. Were you thinking about something?" Soubi dabbed at Ritsuka's arm with a sterilizing cloth.

Ritsuka was watching him closely, "I was. I sort of realized something." There was a slight quiver of fear in his voice. Soubi hurried to get this over with.

"What did you realize?" Soubi was curious, of course. He probably would've asked anyways, but his primary motive was distracting Ritsuka.

Ritsuka squirmed slightly again. He didn't even seem to know that he was doing it, really. "I...I was thinking about how I didn't want to go back to the hospital..."

Soubi's gaze flickered to Ritsuka's for a few moments. That was certainly something they hadn't talked about. He had been released temporarily, but not permanently. Soubi had just assumed Ritsuka would be readmitted, but now, that seemed a bit illogical and maybe even willingly taking a stalemate in Ritsuka's healing. He wouldn't be able to get better if he was kept in there. Soubi wanted him to, of course, but they hadn't exactly had very positive results yet. Ritsuka seemed so depressed still, though it was only two weeks after his rape. He had lost almost everything that night. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't feeling any better. It would take some time.

Soubi would wait, of course, but there was the question about where Ritsuka should go now. Ideally, Soubi wanted him home, but the memories of 'Ritsuka' and how Ritsuka still had nightmares, flashbacks, and bouts of sudden depression worried him. Was he a suicide risk? Would he try something rash? He didn't think so, but people were unpredictable. Even Ritsuka carried some of that unpredictability. He had never thought of Ritsuka as suicidal, but now that he was on the topic, he remembered how just a day or so after his father had betrayed him, Ritsuka had said something about 'sleeping forever', which was the cause of the antidepressants that Katsuko-sensei had considered putting him on. She had decided not to in the end, since she wanted to see how Ritsuka would do later, but that instance still stuck out in Soubi's head. He had showed Soubi that day how much his heart was hurting and how he had wanted to escape the pain. Perhaps the only thing keeping him from doing it was the fact that he was being watched by nurses, doctors, and almost everyone every second of the day.

But Ritsuka seemed to be so much better now. Would it be a mistake to bring him home? He had seemed happy to be home yesterday. He hadn't tried anything. He had been calm, though slightly (and reasonably) upset when he was told about his father's 'excuse'. He took it much, much better than Soubi would have thought he would if told before him. Was Ritsuka alright? No, he really wasn't. That was a bad question, and not the one he was searching for. Would Ritsuka be alright? Was he healing from this? Soubi could only dearly hope so. Ritsuka would never completely heal. Soubi had never completely healed. The memories would still be there. Would he lose them given the chance? Maybe—

No. No, that was completely impossible, wasn't it?

Soubi had just stumbled upon something that would later become vital. He had realized parts of it earlier, but this threw the entire puzzle together. 'Ritsuka' was where he was because he wanted to be. He had wanted to be put there. He had chose it, meaning he had wanted to lose his memories—

No, that wasn't possible, either. 'Ritsuka' was still alive. Somehow, some way, the original Ritsuka had hid away in there, taking his memories with him, and that somehow created a new personality, a copy with no memories...? That meant Ritsuka hadn't wanted to lose his memories. He had only wanted to hide away in the Dream Realm. No, he had to have wanted something besides that. Something... What could it have been? If he hadn't wanted to lose his memories, then what? What could cause him to want to hide away with all of his memories, sad and slowly fading? It didn't make any sense. Nothing about the original Ritsuka made any sense.

"Soubi," Ritsuka called softly, snapping his Fighter out of his confusion. He'd have to dwell on that all later. He knew he had all the information, he just had to figure out how it would all fit together. He really hated vague things sometimes.

"Tell me more about what you were thinking about," Soubi uncapped the first injection, resuming what he was originally doing, and held it close to Ritsuka's upper arm. Ritsuka watched and his voice shook a tiny bit again.

"I realized that...I'd be okay without being in the hospital. I realized that I...I will eventually be alright if I can move on."

By then, the needle had broken Ritsuka's skin and he made a soft noise of pain, but he didn't try to pull away. Ritsuka wanted to get better. That was...amazing, to say the least. A huge improvement in the way he was looking at things. Soubi wanted nothing more than to hug him, then, and tell him that he was proud. He finished quickly with the shots, which seemed to make Ritsuka relieved, and then pulled him silently into a tight hug. Things were going to be okay. Even if Kiyoshi tried to take Ritsuka back, even if things turned out the worst for the two of them, things would be okay in the end. Soubi was given hope by Ritsuka saying this. Ritsuka wouldn't leave him. Soubi wouldn't lose him to his memories or depression. He would work his hardest to help Ritsuka, to become the person he needed in his life. No matter what, things would work out in the end because Ritsuka wanted to get better and wanted a better life for himself. If nothing else, at least he would have the boy to hold onto in the end. That was the most important thing.

...

It definitely wasn't as easy as Ritsuka thought it was to finally face his dad. Kiyoshi had been told to eat dinner with the rest of the family, and Ritsuka had imagined being able to march right in and look directly at his father and glare at him and show him that he wouldn't forgive him. That wasn't how it worked out. As soon as he saw 'Daddy', his heart grew cold in fear and nervousness. He was suddenly on edge, even jumping when Soubi placed a hand on the back of his neck in an attempt to calm Ritsuka's nerves. Oh, why couldn't things just be easy? Why did he feel such fear?

He tried to look at his father as he had imagined doing earlier. He couldn't see the innocent, weak, brown-haired man everyone else did. When he looked at his father, he saw the monster who had held him down in that alleyway and abused him until Ritsuka nearly passed out. Ritsuka took to simply staring at the floor and shuffling his feet to his seat. He was just thankful he hadn't been seated anywhere near his father.

It went...well. A better description was that it went as well as it possibly could. Ritsuka hurried to finish, and didn't talk much, even when prompted to do so. His father didn't try to talk to him, which just made Ritsuka all the more anxious. He wouldn't even look him in the eye. It was the first time Ritsuka had been in a room with his father and had been able to stay in the room with him. He honestly still felt sick to his stomach and couldn't eat very much.

Afterwards, Ritsuka used the excuse that he was feeling ill again and escaped from the family to the basement again. As he had expected, Soubi followed him and didn't say a thing when Ritsuka flopped down face first on the bed, holding his stomach out of the sickness he had begun to feel again. His emotions were everywhere again. For some reason, he was pissed off and not for any good reason, either. He was angry at his father, angry and hateful towards him. He hated him. He wanted to hate him. As he shoved his face into his pillow, all the feelings crashed over him.

He didn't look at Soubi, but he knew he was probably puzzled. Dinner had gone without a stitch. Ritsuka had no reason to be upset. No visible reason, though, on the inside, Ritsuka was just as puzzled as his Fighter. He wanted desperately to hate his father. But, for some reason, he had been disappointed by his father not talking to him. He...He didn't know what he wanted from it. He felt as though he hated him with everything he was, but something told him he still loved his father, even after all that had been done. Why couldn't he just hate him?

What did he want from him? Would Ritsuka forgive him if he showed being apologetic? He didn't want to. He wanted to get better, not let him do it again, but he wasn't exactly able to control his feelings. He could try, but all he could do was sway himself a bit.

"I want to talk to him," Ritsuka was talking to Soubi, though his voice was muffled by the pillow. He felt Soubi sit on the bed beside Ritsuka's stretched out body and place a hand on his back. With his face shoved into the pillow, all Ritsuka could feel were his father's hands. Why did it bother him so much that Kiyoshi hadn't even attempted to speak to him? Why did it still upset him that his father still hated him?

"That's not a good idea, Ritsuka," Soubi said exactly what was on Ritsuka's mind. Ritsuka longed for his arms around him, but he was too afraid to ask for it and too upset to initiate it. He didn't want Soubi to see his face and how much this was affected him.

"I know," He mumbled, pulling away from the pillow and curling up on his side, not facing his Fighter. "I'm sorry. I just...I just want to know." He said it without even thinking first. Was that really it? He already knew. He already knew that his father heard voices inside his head. Wasn't that the only reason why? No...Koichi-san had said that Kiyoshi would've done it, anyways. That wasn't the only reason...Why had his father wanted to hurt him so badly? What had he done to deserve that? He couldn't remember doing anything so bad that it would warrant rape.

Rape...That was a strange word. It confused Ritsuka. Soubi used it a lot when they talked about that happened, but Ritsuka didn't. It felt strange on his lips. Was it really rape? Or had it just been a punishment? They were different things, right? They had to be... What had happened left Ritsuka with a strange sort of confusion, a feeling that made itself apparent when Ritsuka tried to think about things in a calm way. He remembered not long ago—just a couple days—when Soubi asked about if he learned about sex in school. Why had he asked that? Did...Did Ritsuka really not understand what had happened? He thought he had understood perfectly well, but now that he thought about it, he was confused.

"Nothing good will come out of trying to talk to him."

Yes, he knew that, too. So why? Why did he wish to talk to him?

"I won't," The words came out of Ritsuka's mouth before he could stop them. He bit his bottom lip immediately after. He shouldn't lie, especially to Soubi. He had to stay away from his dad. It shouldn't matter why. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It didn't matter. It wouldn't change things. Nothing would change things.

"Promise me, Ritsuka."

Soubi's hand had moved to his shoulder, and he was stroking it gently. Ritsuka buried his face in the pillow again. He should be grateful for his father's silence, not wanting to hear him apologize. He had a million things he wanted to say to Soubi, a million questions he wanted to ask about his feelings and about sex, but he didn't say a single one of them. What if Soubi thought he was dumb for asking? What if he didn't answer and left Ritsuka even more confused? Everything was simply confusing him right now, everything with his family and his thoughts and the things he knew he should know, but didn't. Couldn't things simply clear up in his mind for once?

"Yes, I promise," Was the thing that came out of his mouth. He lied when he was scared. This was one of those times. Ritsuka knew very well he wouldn't be able to keep away from Kiyoshi. There simply had to be a reason. And Ritsuka needed that reason.

I apologize for another 'transition' type chapter where almost nothing happens, but it's required at this point in the story. The next chapter gets a lot more interesting, I promise. In that chapter, there's a presentation of another rather large problem. Once again, I apologize for the lack of action/plot forwarding. This is planned, though. I do know where I'm headed with this, so don't think I've lost my way.

I'm going to be working on What It Feels Like a bit more, as I want to have another few chapters pre-written. Hopefully, that won't take too much of my time away to work on Healing. I do admit that we're at a rather boring part of the story that is also rather boring to write, but don't worry. I love this story too much.

Thank you for all the kind reviews! I apologize, but I do not have much time right now so I cannot respond to them.

Please review~

-TTBG/CheyWolfe