Chapter 17

EDWARD

The number you are calling is either busy or out of coverage area. Please try again later.

I paced back and forth as I tried for the seventeenth time to call her. "Come on Alice, pick up the phone!"

Finally, after four more tries, she answered.

You might be asking why I was calling her when I have Emmett and Jasper to realte to. My reason was a very simple one, and if you were on my place, you would understand.

We fall for people who are smart, beautiful, kind. We have ideals that we follow, and only if they pass our standards would we open our hearts to allow them to live in it.

I was in love with Bella. She was exactly what I was looking for, or so as I have thought. Maybe my standards have changed. Or maybe, it was her who did.

I used to think we were perfect for each other. I would take her out on dates and tutor her in Math and Language. It's easy to mistake romantic love for platonic love. It's so easy to say I love you, but it's hard to identify its level and quantity, because once you love, you never stop. So what am I feeling now?

"I'm sorry Edward, I just got home." On the other line, Alice's voice was hoarse. It sounded to me like she had been crying, but why?

"Are you okay, Al?"

She sighed, then forced a laugh. "I am. So what's up?"

"Nothing." I breathed. "I just wanted to hear your voice. I've almost forgotten what it sounds like."

"Spill it, Edward." This time, her laughter was genuine. "You didn't call repeatedly just because you wanted to hear my voice. Anyway, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well…" I hesitated. "I had a huge fight with Bella."

"That's natural, Ed." Her voice was full of understanding that it made me want to cry. "Couples fight all the time."

"Not his way though." I argued calmly.

"What do you mean?"

As soon as I started relating to her the whole story, words started pouring out. I told her about the way Bella complained about everything, about how Jasper did everything to prove his love for Alice, while I did nothing to show her that I love her. I told her how painful it was to be compared to my own best friend by ny own girlfriend like I did nothing right. I kept babbling and slurring on some phrases, but Alice stayed listening to my rants, like she always did when Bella and I fought. She never said a word until I was done and out of breath.

"How do you feel now?" She asked, as she did a million times before.

"Better." I confessed. "thank you for letting me vent."

"Maybe Bella was just having PMS." She reasoned out. "She'd never compare you to anyone, Edward. We both know how much she loves you."

"I knew she did."

"She still does. She always will."

I took a deep breath. "Alice, what if I don't love her anymore?"

There was a long pause. I thought she hung up on me, but after five minutes, she spoke again.

"That's silly, Edward." She faked a chuckle. I knew she was nervous. For Bella. For her best friend.

"What if I'm serious?"

"You are not."

"What if I' in love with someone else?"

"I'd probably kill the girl."

"Then you better be ready to commit suicide, Alice."

I heard a gasp after that, and immediately, I wanted to take back what I said, but instead, I pressed the end button and turned my phone off.

I thought I could hold it in for much longer. I didn't want to scare her. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I didn't want to betray Jasper.

But yes, I am in love. With Alice Cullen. My buddy's sister. My best friend's girlfriend. My girlfriend's best friend.

I rubbed my face furiously with my palm, sitting at the edge of my bed that might as well be the edge of the Earth.

I was six when I met her. She was four back then, beautiful like always. It was Rosalie's 10th birthday party, and I was dressed as Superman.

"Hi, I'm Alice." She was wearing a pink fairy's costume, her hair was tied in a neat bun at the back of her head. "What's your name, Superman?"

I was clutching my mother's hand. I was never used to meeting other kids. I was shy. So shy that when she extended her hand, I hid behind my mother.

"It's okay sweetie." My mother bent down to comfort her. She was about to cry because I embarrassed her. "His name is Edward. He's six. How old are you?"

"I'm four." She answered, then reached out to take my hand. This time, I did not hesitate. I followed her and we went to the front rows of seats. She took the red one. I sat on a blue.

"See those balloons, Edward?" She giggled, pointing to the colorful balloons and ribbons that were tied to form an arc. "It looks like a rainbow. I love rainbows!"

"Why?" I asked, noticing for the first time that she was missing a tooth.

She looked at me, her green eyes pinning me to the ground beneath my feet. I was six years old, and I felt like the Earth I was standing on might cruble at any minute. She was the one who was holding it together.

"A rainbow," she said. "Beautiful."

She was looking at the arc now. I glanced at her face, it was a masterpiece of art. "Beautiful," I nodded. "Beautiful, it is."

I just didn't have the heart to tell her that we were talking about different things.

She has been my best friend since then. I was fifteen when I met Bella, and she was thirteen. They became best friends and it was like Alice has forgotten entirely about who I was. It seemed like she had forgotten about the compact we made, that although I couldn't be who I wanted to be in her life, I would still remain to be her best friend.

Of course, when I fell in love with Bella, I wasn't thinking about that. I didn't really care back then if Alice still remembered me or not, because I had Bella. Now I believe, we don't miss anything unless we had it once.

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