[A/N Ok it's 4:05am when I started writing this and I was just reading over the reviews and thought... 'I love these guys! I have to give them something more!' So here you go and thank you for all your amazing reviews and because I haven't gave shoutouts for a while I would just liek to say a huge thank you too kgorange, hotter-than-hot, IamMe03, 4everandalwaysme, RayOfSunshineXOXO, DarkLove12489, XxCandyygirlxX, I-Am-Nerd97, bubzchoc, 12, JoeSolomonsBxtch and especially to Bookworm607 and KatieTheDaughterOfPoseidon. It's a long list but thank you all! Everyone should thank you because without you all there would be a serious delay on this chapter! :) Enjoy]
P.S I NEED to apologise for my atrocious spelling mistakes on the last chapter. I didn't proof read it and I'm ashamed. Sorry xo
My heart felt like it was in my stomach. I wanted to vomit and burst into hysterical tears all at the same time. My body felt like it was shutting down and I had the urge to go a long deep sleep and never wake up. Then it occurred to me. I was a spy. I wasn't meant to let things like this slow me down. There wasn't distractions in a spies life. Distractions were dangerous.
But I was still a girl. A teenage girl.
I can't of been the first to go through a thing like this. By the time I got back to the dorm no one had caught up with me or stopped me. I hadn't saw anyone who whispered or found something better to talk about when I passed.
There was only one way I could look at this.
Some how, some way I was going to have to bring the circle down and then I would finally be able to tell Zach exactly what had went on. He wouldn't hate me forever and maybe, if I was lucky, there might still be something between us to re-kindle.
My life wouldn't be like this forever. Hopefully. I didn't know what to do with myself. Classes would be starting soon and I had to go. I couldn't mope around here.
A colourful cover caught my eye. Upon Macey's bed there sat a glossy magazine she must of been flicking threw before leaving. I'd never really understood the big deal about gossip but then this was also my first normal teenage girl experience. I picked it up and sat on my bed flipping through.
Feather headbands, dip-dying, pastel nailpolish, how to deal with a break-up. I immediately stopped on that page and began reading through while letting the words sink in.
1. Go Away-
Do NOT stay with friends or family. No matter how supportive they are, they will more than likely be biased one way or the other because they love you. It's best to find some neutral space to do whatever you need in order to deal with the shock of the separation. You'll need someplace where you will not be surrounded by souvenirs of your relationship. In a quiet and clean hotel room, you can have total privacy to cry, shout, sleep, think, read, or do whatever you need to, to alleviate some of the shock and pain.
2. Make a Pros/Cons List-
Keep the list and continue to go back to it. You may find that over time, some items may move from one side of the list to the other. This is because people often see their mistakes in retrospect. And some things that we thought were good for us, were actually detrimental to the relationship.
3. Treat Yourself-
Some people rely on pints of Haagen Daaz. Some people grab a few beers with the buddies. And some indulge in a little retail therapy. While these may seem like viable options for soothing the wounds of a nasty split, they are not always the wisest. Pigging out on ice cream feels good temporarily. But eating out of frustration is never a good thing.
4. Change Your Routine-
One way to re-establish control over your life is to change your routine. Changing things up a bit will make you feel like you're taking charge of an adverse situation.
5. Therapy-
And a therapist can also help you to regain a sense of balance when things have gone awry.
?
1. Go Away? Run away from the problem is what they're saying?
2. So apparently I'm the only person who does this for every situation then? Good too know.
3. Don't pig out? Pfft hand me the ice cream.
4. Erase anything that can remind you off that person?
5. If all else fails splash out some more money on someone who will sit and listen to all your problems? A friend basically?
No wonder normal girls have problems. I threw Macey's trashy magazine back to her bed before looking in the mirror. My eyeliner had ran so I fixed it as best I could before getting ready to leave.
Right before I could I heard a soft knock at the door.
'Cammie?'
Liam opened the door and peered in. 'Sorry I just-'
Oh gosh. I couldn't stop them. I don't even know they'd been building up until I I burst into tears.
'Hey, hey please don't cry.' Liam rushed over and held me by the shoulders. 'I know. I just heard I came to see if you were ok, but that seems kind of silly now.'
Everything in the last day just came crashing down on me. The fear of the note. The nervousness and sadness of knowing what I had to do. The lying and keeping secrets from my friends and even Joe. The pretence I'd had to put up. The hurt in Zach's eyes. The dying feeling inside.
'Liam I-'
'Shh Shh It's ok you don't need to talk,' he hugged me tight and I hugged him back feeling his friendship extend to me. In that hug I felt trust and friendship all in the short time I'd know him. I knew him well enough to trust him and he knew me well enough to help me without doing something rash in order to save my life.
'No Liam I need to tell you something...' I whispered into his ear while still in a hugging stance. I could tell him about the note. I wasj ust about to when...
'What the hell's going on!' I heard from the door. My heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Zach stood there. Looking like he hadn't slept in days even though I'd seen him about twenty minutes ago.
Liam instantly stepped out of the hug while I was still comprehending. Drawing the line between what was happening and what Zach was assuming.
'Mate this is not what it looks like,' Liam said backing up a bit.
'Oh really! What exactly do you think it looks like then!' Zach screamed. The betrayal in his eyes made me whimper slighty.
'Zach, you don't understand,' I managed to whisper.
'Don't understand! You're telling me I don't understand?' Zach was almost laughing while still standing in the door frame. His laugh wasn't the one I liked, the one that made me want to laugh too. It was a broken laugh.
'Please Zach I just-'
'I'll tell you what I do understand shall I? I understand that you don't love me and that's all I need to understand.'
'No, no it's not. There's so much more I just can't-'
'Can't? I didn't even think that word was in Cammie Morgan's vocabulary.' In normal circumastances I would of made a joke. Something about the word not only being in my vocabulary but being in it in 16 different languages. These were not normal circumstances.
I couldn't bear it. I needed to stop being such a baby about this whole thing. I took the first piece of advice I could think of 1. Go Away. I moved out the door, past Zach, who almost fell over like a leaf when I tried, and made my way out.
So much for Fight or Flight. Flight is taking off, finding something better, safer. What I was doing was simply running away.
Zach's POV
I was screaming at her. At them both. I was trying not too but I loved her and she didn't love me back. She just didn't. My heart was... I don't even know. It was well beyond breaking now and she was telling me that I didn't understand! I was taking my rage out on her.
Deep down I knew it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her I was angry at. It was myself. How stupid I was to think someone else could love me. Zachary Goode - a good for nothing,messed up, broken shell.
She's moved past me out the door before I could stop her. I turned to Liam, my supposed friend and slammed the door. The gush of wind it made caused something to flutter in my peripheral vision. Beneath Cammie's pillow lay a corner of what seemed to be a small pink piece of paper.
[A/N Sooo... It is now 4:56am. Anyways I should probably get some sleep. So review and let me know you've read and enjoyed (well only if you have of course) :) :) ]