A little more about Miroku's past and the realization that maybe Miroku's not as together as he appears. Comments are always welcome and A/N can be found at my LJ.
Things progressed slowly over the passing weeks with Sango and to be honest, Miroku was glad. There were still so many issues they both had to deal with and the intensity of their first attempt still singed the wounded edges of their hearts. However, both were willing to find out what could become of their relationship and as a result, their friendship grew.
Miroku knew his biggest issue was dealing with Inuyasha. It still amazed him that Inuyasha was so persistent. After that final disaster with Kagome, Miroku wondered if Inuyasha was calling to try to resolve things between them or was he calling to defend Kagome's honor? With a smirk, he was struck by the fact there was no honor left between them. At one time, Miroku would have laid down his life for Inuyasha but he now had no desire to even look on the face of the person who reminded him he was an abandoned child and destined to be alone in this world.
Inuyasha was terribly persistent. At work, Miroku was able to block his calls but at home, his phone rang incessantly. The answering machine was full of messages, begging for return calls. Miroku erased them with the callousness he still felt towards the man. Shaking his head to remove the formally happy memories he retained from their friendship, Miroku was glad for the interruption of the cell phone.
"Mushin! So good to hear from you!"
The older man chuckled in the phone. "I thought maybe you had forgotten an old man like me."
"Never." Miroku had to smile. Mushin always claimed that everyone forgot about him, at least until they bought him sake. "How are you?"
"For an old man, I am good. You know it's almost ob-on time and I was wondering were you coming home to Sapporo this year."
Miroku groaned. Leave it to Mushin to go straight for the jugular.
"You know, Mushin, with work being so busy, I really just can't see having the time to get away. I'll just attend the festival and temple here."
Miroku could hear Mushin clicking his tongue. "It's not the same as being in the home of your ancestors and you know this, Miroku."
There was a long pause on the line and Mushin began to wonder if young man had disconnected. Finally, Miroku spoke.
"I haven't thought of Sapporo as home for a long time, Mushin. Everything I loved, with the exception of you, was taken from me in Sapporo. I can't hold it dear to my heart when it only causes me pain."
"Well, my son," Mushin said. "Your parents didn't choose to leave but it was time for them to return to the heavens. As for Inuyasha, he was misguided and I know he regrets what he has done every day. You have to forgive him."
Miroku stared at the floor. He wanted Mushin to understand how he truly felt so maybe they could not discuss this again.
"Why does he deserve my forgiveness? I loved him, Mushin. He was more than just my friend, he was my brother."
Mushin sighed. While it was good to hear Miroku finally voicing the things he had been keeping inside, Mushin knew that he would have to convince him to allow forgiveness into his heart.
"Holding on to the anger will only make you broken and bitter."
Giving a mirthless laugh, Miroku continued. "I have let him go, Mushin. He is no longer a part of me. I'm no longer angry but I've been bitter and broken since I went to the orphanage."
"Miroku, please!" Mushin pleaded. "You have to forgive him to find peace. You won't know love, not true, pure love until you heal that darkness in your heart. You have to forgive him for yourself. It's not for him. Inuyasha will have to answer to the kamis for his betrayal but you cannot allow your own soul to be sucked into abyss.
Miroku felt a burning ache start in his chest. "Mushin, I can't. I want him to suffer."
Mushin gasped. "That is not good for your karma."
Miroku gave a laugh that chilled the older man's blood.
"Karma. I've be cursed from birth and I was fool to think that things would change over time. My parents were taken from me and since then, anyone I've attempted to love has one way or another stabbed a knife into my soul. I loved Kagome. I was proposing to her and she told me she didn't love me; instead she loved the one person I called brother. I wanted to die that night but being the coward I was, I ran instead. As long as I have breath in my body, he will NEVER know my forgiveness."
Mushin felt ill. He had known that Miroku was angry and hurt because of Inuyasha's betrayal but he hadn't realized the extent of its roots into the young man's soul.
"My son, I'm just an old monk but I know this will affect your cosmic rebirth."
Miroku responded despondently. "Aren't I already living my karmic hell because of a past life already?"
Receiving no response from the now quiet man, Miroku decided he was ready to end the call. Gently, he spoke.
"I know you mean well, Mushin. You've always looked out for me and you still love Inuyasha too. Just understand that I have accepted my fate and I'm going to grab the little sliver of happiness that has finally come my way.,"
Miroku was pleased to hear the joy return to the old monk's voice. "Ahh, you've met someone."
Smiling, Miroku thought of Sango. "Yes, I met someone. We've had a rocky start but we are pretty good friends now."
Mushin's heart began to swell. "She may be the one you need to help you see your way."
"She's a lovely person. She doesn't deserve the taint of dealing with the mess. I don't discuss it with her. He is a closed subject."
"Everything happens for a reason and the same can be said for the people who enter your life." Mushin rationalized.
Miroku laughed. "Well, Mushin, the lovely Sango is in my life to provide joy for whatever time we are meant to be in each other's company. I have accepted my fate and I'm just going to grab my joy whenever I can."
Mushin laughed and after saying good-bye to his wayward charge, Mushin headed to the temple. It was going to take many prayers to get Miroku off his self-imposed path of destruction. Mushin was determined not to lose him again.