Chapter 21

Jack returned to the lodge to get a few hours of sleep and woke groggy the next morning to the sounds and smells of village life.

Sam woke yawned and stretched and turned to look directly into his warm brown eyes. What did he see in her big blue eyes – panic. It was almost as if she had forgotten he had finally arrived.

They both seemed a bit embarrassed by the emotions unleashed the day before and so put on the cool exteriors they normal wore and got on with it. He was quickly put to work hauling the heavier carts full of produce to the drop off area where the Tel'tac usually landed.

At lunch some of the men, mostly miners, asked him to join them as they discussed a new building for their growing population. There was a serious concern that the population would grow to quickly. It wasn't only the crowding but the fear of another 'starving time' – a winter of meager rations, hungry bellies and short tempers. For Jack's immediate future there would be crops to pick and haul, trees to cut, a foundation to be laid and hopefully more territory to survey and as he looked for an escape route.

The longer Jack was here the more this village brought thoughts of Eudora to mind. Oh this was a tad more rustic, but there was a strong woman who held things together. Her husband was the old man that ran the mine. This woman Sudra didn't exactly run things but she knew when to speak up, when to intervene and how to steer things.

And, of course, he was stranded – no gate, no means of escape, no hope – just like Eudora. Only thing different - he wasn't alone. At times on Eudora he would have given his right arm for the company of Sam. She would have found a way. Well, in fact, she did. So maybe then he was lucky she had been safe at the SGC. There at the SGC she was safe from the utter desperation of finding the gate just gone, a gouge in the landscape where it had been.

On Eudora there was a woman who saved his life and wanted him but whom he did not love. Here was a woman who saved his life many times – made it worth living – whom he did love but shouldn't. She was here, stranded far from home, and he wasn't alone and he felt like a selfish fool for being glad.

Jack felt as though he staggered through life, living it moment by moment without a great plan, just reacting to circumstances, lurching from one disaster to another.

Each night they told each other what they had learned that day which was little to nothing in regard to their plans of escape. Each successive night they were a little more tense. Each successive night they became less and less communicative. How often can you say "I've got nothing."

Each night he got up after tossing and turning to stare out into the night and watch for whatever might come. Nothing came, nothing changed. And each morning he got up grouchier and grouchier after a few hours sleep and the feelings of despair and hopelessness clawing at his gut.

Carter initially was strengthened by finally getting few nights of decent sleep now that he was here. Finally Sam could stretch out and relax and he was coiled tight and tense. His plummeting mood began to affect her.

She had told him, in detail, everything she knew, clearly and concisely as she could. When she first arrived she had spent days and nights observing the arrivals and departures of the Tel'tacs, the number of Jaffa, their ages and military structure.

He felt as though she were lecturing him. She couldn't see why he wanted to do it all again. It was as though he didn't trust her. Maybe he needed to see it all for himself to see if any thing had been missed or changed. Or was it her? On mission, even if sharing a tent he could fall asleep either in a moment or if thing seemed dicey not sleep at all.

So she asked him about leaving at night.

"Are you always like this?"

"What?"

"Trouble sleeping?"

"Yes...well, no...sometimes I need a little time to myself. And you have to admit here there are extenuating circumstances."

Sam nodded but was still confused as to exactly what drove him into the night. He spent the night grasping at straws.

While walking with some of the men, back from a hard day wrenching root crops from the stony ground, one of the men asked Jack about Carter or rather he asked Jonah about Thera. Most of the villagers had observed that during the day they both were busy at their assigned tasks and at night he was either absent from their bed or kept himself at a distance.

"If you wish to put her aside, Jonah, she will not go hungry nor will she be alone for long."

O'Neill was nonplussed "I do not wish to change our relationship... ah...put her aside. But I suppose you'll have to ask Thera."

His tone alone signaled the end of the conversation. The men looked to one another eyebrows raised. Who would ask a woman what she wanted?

Why had these men expressed interest in Carter, no, Thera, Jack wondered. Obviously he wasn't showing enough interest in her. Not that the men here showed any outward signs of affection, certainly not after they were mated. After wooing a woman or making an arrangement with the family, a woman was relegated to the position of near slavery, bearing children and doing all the work regarding their offspring, working in the fields from dawn to dusk as well as cooking and cleaning. A hardworking fertile wife was prized, prized because by her fertility she demonstrated her husband virility. The barren were abandoned, considered accursed by the gods.

Sam had held up her end when it came to hard work. Jack, however, had failed to 'get her with child'. He hadn't tried. This was looked upon as a failure on their part against the village and the great god Ba'al. Their whole purpose of being was fertility of the land and the people themselves.

While Jack was confronted with men wishing to 'take Thera off his hands' Sam was given advice. First the helpful women asked many questions: was Thera's man unhappy with her, did he have habits that caused Thera to reject him, was he unable to preform. Sam assured the ladies everything was just fine but they didn't believe her. They offered advice on dress or rather undress, positions and subtle and not too subtle caresses. And finally if all else failed a few elixirs to get some action going under the covers.

"If all else fails" one woman said as she pressed an amulet into Sam's hand. When Sam opened her hand her cheeks turned red and closed her hand tight immediately. She nodded her thanks, words failed her.

Sam accepted the advice, the amulet and the elixirs with good grace and never said a word to the colonel. In truth she found the whole ordeal mortifying. Just imagining doing those things to the colonel brought a glow to her cheeks. She hoped her advisers would not ask if their sage counsel or aphrodisiacs worked.

Sam found herself alone again in their sleep space. It was the fifth night in a row he had left their bed. He sat in the shadows watching where the Tel'tac had been. She knew he was staring at that empty spot on the odd chance tonight would be different. She had told him she did this for the first week or two - the ships were gone. They weren't cloaked, they were gone.

When she first arrived she did much the same as he. The Tel'tac would land at night so the young Jaffa could have some R&R. To Sam it seemed very unJaffa like and obviously it had not been sanctioned. The young warriors had been reprimanded for their interaction with "chattel" as the older Jaffa had put it. He reamed them out and told them to stick to their own kind. The embarrassed boys fled in their ships and were now next to impossible to deal with.

Jack sat in his usual spot staring out into the night. There were nights he was lost in the millions of stars in the velvety black sky. They drew him in, so mesmerized by them he felt as though he was amongst them. Other nights the sky was bereft of any points of light and the memory of Maria Callas' voice fill the emptiness.

Tonight he needed to think, think about what he needed to be as Carter's commanding officer in this circumstance. He had noted that after her initial happiness on his arrival or more accurately her relief at no longer being alone, he noticed an air of depression or defeatism. This he supposed was natural and felt it himself but this would not help them escape. More than a pep talk was needed – they needed some decent ideas – they needed a plan.

Jack, as he churned over this, was worried with Carter over thinking their predicament and wanting to proceed into some dangerous territory, some physical territory. And no, he wasn't playing the shy and frightened virgin. He was concerned about the repercussions. If they 'sealed the deal' there would be repercussion for both of them. There were their professional position, of course, but furthermore he still had feelings for her no matter how hard he tried to ignore them. She had what's his name, the hum worthy cop, and Jack needed to protect himself. There were limits. He wasn't over her, didn't know if he ever would be – no point heaping on the pain and guilt.

Sometimes when he caught her looking at him he wondered if she were observing him like one of her experiments.

Run through a few simulations.

Play with it for a while.

Put it through it's paces.

Find out what made it tick.

Attach it to a power source, turn it on and see what it could do.

Take it apart and put it back together.

Then when she was through put it on a shelf and move on to the next gizmo that seemed interesting.

He didn't think he could live through that, didn't want to. Did any of her doohickeys fight back? He remembered one distinctly – it pinned him to the wall like a bug and then she let it kill him.

This was so unfair, he knew she struggled with their professional duties superseding their personal concerns. He knew deep in his heart she had loved him. 'Had' being the operant word. 'Love' this he could not, should not admit out loud and could not act upon. They had sworn an oath to a code of honor and it didn't matter what they called one another in this situation, they were still Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter.

She was strong, Sam would always withdraw if they got too close. But not Thera and Jonah. Jack cursed the day he had agreed to the code names. No, Jonah and Thera jumped right in. Slight inhibitions were quickly overcome and they became lovers in mere weeks. Jack had tried to blot those memories from his mind. They brought nothing but grief and vivid dreams.

Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter had known one another for years and yet kept barriers between each other. It was more than the regs. They had chosen to withdraw and ignore the problem rather than deal with it. It seemed to them safer than failure – could it possible be more painful?

He was used to shoving his desires to the back in order to accomplish a mission. It was getting old. He was tired of this way of life. He wanted something he was always telling her to go get. He wanted a life, something more than a job. He loved his job and he was damned good at it but he needed more. He wanted a life to share with her. Now she no longer wanted him.

And for all of that, he would sacrifice himself for her without a second thought.

There had to be a better way. They needed a Plan A and a Plan B. And hoped these didn't devolve into Plan F. He had to get serious – this was his responsibility.

He, as her commanding officer, had to keep her safe and hopefully help her escape. To accomplish that he had to keep her close. Jack rubbed his temples to alleviate the incipient headache. He was damned whatever he did.

Sam didn't know what Jack expected daydreaming out there. Did he expect the cavalry to descend out of the clouds? She had waited for that herself. Maybe he was restless or sleepless or desperate. Or maybe he was just avoiding her and the bed. Captain Carter thought nothing of cuddling up to a wounded freezing Colonel O'Neill for warmth. Here the two of them found it awkward and uncomfortable sleeping beside one another. Too many emotions and misconceptions swirling around. What Thera and Jonah did so easily was anathema to Carter and O'Neill's honor code.

If they were here for the long haul, what then? Did he still feel anything for her?

She wondered if she were out of balance - all brain and no heart. Is that how others saw her? Wasn't that how her professional military self was supposed to be? Did he still see her as a woman, someone he could love? What she didn't know was that he felt he had no right. She thought he felt no desire.

While she was about to wallow in self pity she wondered if O'Neill had a significant other too. She had moved on with Pete and whose to say he didn't have a girlfriend. He certainly was handsome enough, had a good job, a nice home but... There was always a but. Because of the erratic nature of their missions he was undependable about keeping dates and he couldn't talk about his work except for the lame cover story. Then there was his fashion sense or total lack there of. Sam wondered if he were color blind – how could a pilot be color blind. No, it must be Teal'c who took him shopping. This made her chuckle.

He must be lonely, she surmised, she certainly was. Even with Pete filling some of the holes in her life she was still lonely.