Thanks everyone for sticking with me :D I appreciate every review someone leaves, and i apologise for being terrible at replying, but rest assured i read and cherish each one.
Things are starting to look up. Or are they? ^^
"How do you think things are going, Emma?"
Emma takes a moment to stare out the window behind Archie. She stares at the wisps of cloud passing, the only thing marring the perfect blue sky. Unusual for Maine, really.
She wonders at the intricacies of the curse Regina put together, in creating Storybrooke. She wonders at Regina.
"Emma?" Archie prompts her again and she starts. She'd been staring for a while apparently. It was easy to zoom off into daydreaming these days. And she didn't jump as badly as she used to when brought back to the present.
Emma clears her throat. "Well, I think… progress… is being made?" She lets the words trail into a mild question and squints at Archie. "I've been going out. Having fun." Emma is never going to be the willing-spill-their-soul type so her words are slow and halting.
"Are you still having nightmares?"
Emma answers without hesitation. "Every night." Every night she wakes up with screams in the back of her throat and her heart trying to claw it's way out her chest.
"And have you found anything that helps you sleep better?" Archie looks at her levelly and Emma avoids eye contact.
"Well there is something." She stops to fiddle with her fingers and looks out the window again.
"Something?" Archie prompts, patiently.
"Well," Emma clears her throat. "More of a… someone." Her voice drops to a whisper.
Archie leans forward, nodding. "Ok. So there is a solution to this particular problem?"
Emma shakes her head immediately. "No, i… we…" Her frustration bubbles up and she sighs. "It's complicated… And I can't just. No. It's not an option at the moment."
The doctor ponders this for a moment, clasping his hands in front of himself, elbows resting on his knees. "Something happened." It's not a question. It's not really a statement either. She's ripped the band-aid off with Regina but Emma's head drops towards her sternum as the enormity of her guilt settles on her shoulders and slides down into her chest.
Pongo uncurls himself and moves to nose Emma's knee, she pets him distractedly.
"I can see that something happened that is distressing you." Emma snorts, eyes flicking up to meet his briefly.
"Understatement of the goddamn century, Archie."
The man smiles.
"Something non Neverland related."
Emma smiles, sadly. "Yeah. Pretty much."
"Do you want to talk about it."
Emma opens her mouth, determined to say something but the words catch. "I…"
"Take your time. We have time."
She twiddles her fingers and pets Pongo. Shame and disgust wash over her in equal amounts and every time she opens her mouth to just blurt out things she feels bile rising in her throat. The clock is ticking, and every click of the hand ratchets up the tension in her body. Every tick, reminiscent of a stick hitting her skin, every tock, a dirty boot to her stomach.
"Emma," she flinches as Archie's hand lands on hers. "Deep breaths. You are safe here."
Swallowing, Emma fiercely keeps eye contact with Archie and focusses on the rising and falling of her chest, imagining her diaphragm moving to keep her lungs expanding.
"I sexually assaulted Regina," she breathes, not taking her eyes off his. "I raped Regina. She said no. I didn't listen."
Archie doesn't say anything, he just maintains eye contact, and watches as Emma deflates, crumbles. He keeps his hand on hers, pushing Pongo's inquisitive nose away with the other.
"Ok."
Emma looks for judgement and finds nothing but pain in the tightening of the skin around his eyes. Compassion.
"Ok," he repeats delicately. "Let's talk about that."
So they do, and Emma's voice cracks and she crumples in on herself and sobs. And Archie listens, and offers no judgement, and no advice and no assuagement of guilt until she cannot talk or cry any longer.
Emma says thank you, quietly, clasping his hand. She ruffles Pongo's ear, and steps out into the clear air of the night.
She's by no means rid herself of guilt, disgust… anything. But she's allowed herself to cry and confront everything that horrifies and somehow… the pressure lessens a little more inside. Emma knows she will be the last person to forgive herself, but for a moment, for a hopeful moment, she feels like she might be able to one day.
Granny's isn't busy today, and Snow is taking a time out, seated by the window, just watching the world go by. She spies Emma's blonde hair, the red jacket, and watches her daughter striding down the street.
Snow takes a sip of her tea, savouring the flavour, and sets the cup down on delicate china. She tilts her head to one side, trailing a finger over her lips, and taps them thoughtfully.
She's got an idea of something forming in her head about Emma, and she's not sure what. It's a… feeling… that she can't excise, and she can't get fully formed in her head. Emma is a bit of a mystery to her. She wants so badly to have the same relationship Mary Margaret had with Emma, but… her daughter is resistant. And there is the fact that Snow is just not her meek cursed-counterpart.
It upsets her, but Snow is pragmatic, and knows there is no point in dwelling over things that have happened. She looks to the future. She looks to Emma's future, and, reaching down to run a hand over her abdomen, her future.
She looks back out the window at Emma, who's stopped to talk to Ruby. Snow leans forward in interest. Emma has her hands in her pockets and is smiling.
She doesn't smile like that for Snow.
It hurts, a little.
But her daughter is smiling, actually looking somewhat carefree right now, so she reminds herself of what is important.
She watches the two brunettes talk animatedly, watches them both laugh and gesticulate wildly. It's the most life Emma has had about her since… Since Neverland.
Emma has been so jagged and shattered since she came back. She's been a different Emma. A broken Emma.
Not broken, just, hurting, she hears David's voice scold in her head. Her beloved has a different relationship with Emma, an easier one. Once not constrained by the same tensions as mother and daughter…
Ruby now has her hand on Emma's shoulder, and it moves up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, patting her cheek like one would pat a dog. Emma laughs and bats her hand away.
Snow frowns. Surely…
Surely not. Ruby would have said something. Was she dating her daughter? She observed the two women talking, trying to study their body language with the eye of a hunter, someone used to reading the land, and people and animals. And there was… something.
Ruby initiates a hug with Emma and Snows eyebrows shoot up.
She purses her lips, and picks up her tea to sip at as her eyes track Emma walking away and Ruby coming to the diner to start her shift. She keeps her face impassive, debating whether to say something or not as the young woman enters the building, shaking off her leather jacket.
However, Snow was never very good at keeping her mouth shut anyway.
"Are you dating my daughter?"
Ruby almost trips as she hears Snow's question, and turns, her mouth wide open in surprise.
"What?" she chokes out, eyebrows almost lifting right off her forehead.
"Are you dating my daughter?" Snow asks coolly, her best poker face on. It's not a problem if they are. She just wishes someone had said something to her. She hates feeling left out. Especially by her best friend.
Ruby cants her hips to one side and crosses her arms, jacket still dangling from one hand. "Would it be a problem if we were?" She asks, her own face a mask of indifference.
They regard each other, both predators in their own rights, a throwback to who they were in the enchanted forest before Ruby snorts.
"No Snow, I am not dating your daughter, you ass."
Snow raises an eyebrow at the light insult.
Ruby laughs. "We did wake up in bed together the other day though," she drawls, slyly.
"Ruby!" Snow tries to stop all thoughts of her daughter having sex with her best friend.
"I love Emma to pieces Snow, but I am not into her like that. Though your face there would be worth it!" Ruby is practically doubled over, laughing. She straightens and presses a hand to her belly, trying to get her breath back.
"Is she dating someone?"
"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Ruby slings her jacket over the counter and pulls the seat across from Snow out to sit down.
"She's not going to tell me something like that, not when she's so busy trying to pretend she's not a mess and wakes up crying most nights."
Ruby blinks slowly, as though processing that nugget of information.
"Ok, it's not my information to tell, but she is seeing someone… I think," Ruby squints. "I'm only telling you this because you are my best friend."
Snow nods, calculating. If it wasn't Ruby… who could it be. She flicked through the options in town. Blue… She threw that option straight in the bin. Belle… The young brunette was so enamoured with Rumpelstiltskin she couldn't see Emma trying to break something up. She was quiet whilst she thought, not reacting to Ruby standing to go get her apron on. Her friend set a fresh cup of tea down in front of her. Snow raised an eyebrow at the realisation she was only considering women… Still… Her mind landed on a name that had her going "ah, of course" inside.
"Regina?" Her query was confirmed by Ruby's smirk. "Really?"
She didn't know how she felt about that.
Regina and Snow were… complicated… and that was the greatest understatement of the century. But slowly, slowly, Snow had come to regard the other woman as family, as antagonistic as their relationship was. And if Emma was finding some semblance of happiness with Regina… then who was Snow to stand in her way.
Although Neal and Hook were still buzzing around like flies.
"Are they actually dating?"
Ruby pauses her polishing of a clean table and ponders this for a moment. "I don't know. I just know there are feelings... But this isn't my story to tell you Snow, so don't ask me to betray Emma's confidence anymore."
Snow nodded her understanding. "But you've been drinking with her? Why wasn't I invited?" She pouts, for effect.
"Because Snow you have a bun in the oven, and no offence, but we were there for hard core drinking and dancing. And neither is your thing."
Snow bristles a little, opening her mouth to refute those claims but then deflates. "Yeah, fine."
Ruby smiles, winking. "Don't worry, you can come next time."