A really big thank-you and partial credit for writing a part of this chapter goes to Quoth the Raven, who helped me turn the writer's block wall that had built its self around this fic, into a pile of dust and rubble

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Chapter 21

Memory after memory they went through, only this time they saw from Don's point of view. There were good memories: Mike and Don hiding together under the bed as Leo and Raph fought; Don and Leo playing chess; Raph and Don working on Raph's motorcycle. The four of them lounging out at the farmhouse, watching movies together.

But there seemed to be more bad than good. There were overheard conversations, teasing remarks not meant to hurt, but did anyways. The number of names they had called their brother, both in jest and just to be mean. Numerous times where he was unintentionally and intentionally left out of games being played or random moment spent together.

There were also memories that they probably were meant to see. Discussion between Donatello and Splinter, private things he had never shared his brothers. It was after the memory of when Leo was ambushed by the foot and Shredder that they realized just how much Don sacrificed for their family.

It had always seemed to them that Don didn't feel emotions as strongly as them or some times, that he never even had any. But they now knew that Don did feel and apparently they were as strong or stronger than anything his brothers had ever felt.

They now knew that he had the ability to shove his emotions aside, lock them away until all that remained was calm, cool logic and a collected mind. But when he gave himself the chance to just let it out, everything seemed to magnify, each emotion became more intense the longer it had to wait to be let out.

The thing was he choose to ignore the one thing that could help him handle everything the most: his family.

As they dropped into that black void again; Leo, Raph and Mike couldn't help but wonder what was next.

The three found themselves once again in darkness, but this time something was different.

The coldness was the first thing he noticed as he came to. His eyes slowly opened as he sat up and looked around. He saw both Leo and Raph a short distance away.

"So where are we now?" Mike asked as he crossed to his older brothers, offering them a hand up. The three looked around the dreary looking place.

There was no color to speak of; everything was black, white and gray. There was no landscape really to speak of either. There were lots of rocks and boulders, but no greenery, no plants... there wasn't a whole lot of anything in this place.

But then they heard the voices,

"Wimp." "He's to busy with his computer to play with us Sensei." "Donatello, we cannot move forward in training until you master this skill."

"When you gonna learn to fight?!" "Donatello, you have fallen behind again." "Why do we always have ta protect him? Even Mike can defend 'imself."

"I'm tired of them too, but we can't move on until Donnie gets it. Maybe Sensei could give him extra lessons." "Raph and Mike can do it. Can't you."

"For someone so smart you sure can be stupid." "Smart-pants." "Sissy." "Our game's probably to dumb for him to play." "Crybaby."

"Tattle-tale." "Why can't you just be normal?" "Big Baby." "In English brainiac." "I don't wanna be Donnie's partner. I wanna be Raph's."

"I have never admitted this to anyone, but myself Ms. O'Neil, but I do not understand Donatello. I never have." "Man, Don can be such a jerk."

"Can't you just speak English like the rest of us?!" "What you think because you use big words means you're better than us." "Nerd."

"Leo junior." "I don't need you for a brother." "I don't want you for a brother."

"Perhaps, I made a mistake in making him leader in Leonardo's absence."

"You aren't Leo. You never will be Leo. So quit trying to act like him!"

Guilt descended on all three, but it was another voice, one that was familiar, yet different that caused them to worry and start to run...

"He's not coming back." "They don't need you." "They don't want you."

"Everything was just fine until Leonardo left and you took over as leader."

"You failed"

"You're nothing but a disappointment."

"How could you ever think you were good enough."

They skidded to a stop when they found the source of the voices.

It was a dark gray colored turtle with a black mask. Repeating those harmful words over and over. Mimicking painful memories, bringing back sorrows. It slowly circled, taunting a figure that sat with his hands over his ears, his face buried against his knees, his shoulders shaking with sobs...

DONNIE!!!

Mike was the first to react,

"Leave Donnie alone" he cried as he rushed forward to help his brother only to run into...

"What the hell?...Mike you ok?" Raph asked as he and Leo helped their youngest brother to stand.

"Ummm... ow" Mike shook his head and rapidly blinked his eyes to bring the world back into focus.

Leo reached out a hand and was confused when he touched something solid,

"What the hell is that?" Raph asked.

"… I think… I think it's more like a mental block. Don put it up to keep the fear out...only, I think it back fired and he's trapped with the fear." Leo said.

"So that scary looking dude is Don's fear come to life..." Mike asked, clearly confused.

"I guess so…" Leo replied.

Raph had stopped listening and was currently pounding on the invisible force between them and Don.

"Snap outta it Donnie!" He yelled, pounding as hard as he could. But neither figure heard him; the dark turtle continued to circle, taunting. Don remained huddled on the ground, trying to ignore the words.

The darker turtle let out an evil chuckle at Don's whimpering and pleas to stop.

As they stood there watching fraternal instincts began to kick in as the over empowering need to protect a brother in need, that suffered, to get back what was theirs.

Raph pounded that much harder on the shield separating them from Don, as the instincts grew stronger. His little brother needed him was the only thought in his head.

"God Damn it Donatello! Let it go!!" he emphasized each word with a punch to the shield, "RAAHHH!" With that cry of rage, he hit the shield again...

Only this time something happened. A sound as loud as a gunshot ripped through the air; a large crack became visible on the shield.

"Whoa" was the only thing Mikey could think of to say, but it was the almost whispered response heard that caused the three to freeze,

"R-Raph?"

There was a moment when time seemed to stop as they couldn't believe what had happened or what they had heard, but when Mike saw the crack began to disappear, he jumped forward catching the edges with his fingers.

"A little help here guys." He gasped as he tried desperately to keep the crack from closing.

Leo came too with a gasp. Leaning forward, he braced himself on his hands as best he could against the floor without falling on Don.

He could hear Raph and Mike gasping as well.

"What the hell?" Raph wheezed as he finally sat up.

"Wha' happ'ned?" Mikey asked as he lay on the floor.

"I have no idea." Leo was finally able to manage as he looked at his brothers.

Mikey was sprawled out on the floor to the right of Don, still looking rather pale from whatever the hell that was that just happened. Raph wasn't as pale, but seemed rather dizzy as he sat to the left of Don.

Leo was sure he probably looked somewhat out of it to his two brothers as he tried to sort out what he saw and learned from their little trip.

"My sons" Leo heard Master Splinter call as he turned his head towards the voice. The room swayed slightly at the sudden movement, but Leo closed his eyes and focused on his breathing for a few moments. He cracked an eye to see if the room was still moving, but the dizziness had passed as he looked up at Splinter, "Are you alright?"

"Peachy" came Raph's reply. Leo glanced over at his red-clad brother to see that Raph apparently thought Mikey had the right idea and was lying on the floor next to Don.

Leo was beginning to agree and leaned back against the couch.

"Ok...who else thought that was really weird?" Mikey asked as he propped himself up on his good arm.

Raph gave a grunt in response, but pushed himself back up into a sitting position. Looking over to his weakened brother, he wondered for a moment if the wounds they'd seen could ever be fixed, if the damage was just too big… Nuh-uh, he thought, viciously cutting off that morbid fear. Ain't happening. Don's come back from worse'n this, he can beat this too.

Yeah, but that was only worse on his body, the snide inner voice he hated so much reminded him. This is something you can't fix with bandages or a cure cooked up in a lab. Raph told the inner voice in graphic detail exactly where it should go and what to do with itself when it got there, and looked back down at Don.

"He looks like he's sleeping," Mikey mumbled, hope warring with doubt in his voice. He wanted to believe that Don was just sleeping now, wanted to believe it so badly he could taste it, but he'd seen what was inside his brother, what he'd put there and helped others to put there, and he just couldn't be sure of it at all.

"So what happened in there?" April asked anxiously. "You all were so still, then you collapsed like you'd been through the wringer. Did you find Don?"

The three of them looked at each other, silently. Each of them knew that they could never reveal what they'd just seen to anybody, except for Splinter. "Sort of," Leo tried to hedge the question. "We'll have to go back in and-"

"No, my sons," Splinter interrupted, his whiskers twitching in unease. What is this aura surrounding them? This taint of guilt and shame and fear? What did they see? Fear began to flow through his bones, not just for his unconscious son but also for the other three as well. "I shall enter Donatello's mind myself. You are not strong enough to return so soon. You require rest. Tell me what you experienced that I shall need to know, and let me –"

"No." And it was spoken by all three at once. Quietly. Firmly. As one. "Sensei, we need to go back. I…" Leo hesitated. Should Splinter know of the pain inside Don, or not? It was bad enough they'd glimpsed into his very soul, which should be held private – indeed, sacred – but to have Splinter see it too? Yet their sensei had as much need to know of Don's needs and pains and terrors as they. What should I do?!

But before Leo could come to a decision, Mike noticed that something was wrong with Don.

"Donnie?" the youngest whispered when he noticed his brother's face was contorting and it seemed as though he was having some internal battle.

"Whatya thinks going on in that head of his now?" Raph asked as he gripped Don's arm in worry. No one could answer him because even with everything they learned while in Don's head, there was still so much about their brother they didn't know.­

"Raph? M-Mikey?" They were here, his brothers were here. Weren't they?

"Don't try and fool yourself into thinking that they were here." that malicious voice said, "They weren't really."

A small whimper escaped as Donatello wrapped his arms around himself. 'But I heard them… I heard them.'

The darker turtle laughed, "You actually thought they were here. Why would they waste their time trying to help you now when they've never done it in the past."

Raph caught Leo and Mike's eyes, a silent conversation passing between the three. Donnie was fighting to come back, but needed help.

"Sensei, Don has trapped himself within his own mind to control his fear. When we finally found him, Raph was able to crack whatever mental block Don had up and Mike tried to keep it open when it was closing back up. Only we were suddenly thrown out of Don's mind. I think he's trying to tear it down, but he… he can't do it alone."

"Leonardo?"

"He needs our help… He needs your help father."

'I heard them.' He drew himself in tighter, trying to block the words.

"Even if they were, why do they think they were even trying? Hmmm?"

The confusion was clearly seen on their father's face, but as he studied each son, he began to understand. As much as they wanted to tell him what they had seen and learned, they could not because, Splinter realized, what they had learned were things so personal and private that telling would be breaking the last bit of trust Donatello had with them. It would mean breaking the very trust that made them brothers.

"Alright my sons, relax your minds. Positive thoughts and concentrate all positive energy on your brother."

"I heard them." He whispered quietly over and over, like a mantra.

"They were probably just feeling guilty and were trying to ease their conscience."

"I Heard Them."

The crack Raph had created and Mike had kept open, began to grow. As it did, Donatello could feel a warmth come in, blanketing him, surrounding him. Giving him the confidence to face the darkness that had taken control of his mind.

"I HEARD THEM!" He shouted, the words echo against the invisible prison he had trapped himself.

The crack began spreading and when a deafening roar, it shattered, raining down around the two figures.

The silence that followed stretch on, surprise marring both faces, but as Donatello found the energy to stand, the dark turtle whispered a warning as it faded,

"You may be free now, but I will always be here."

Raph was the first to notice the change, the whole room seemed calmer, more peaceful. But it was Don's eyes slowly blinking open that he him breaking the silence.

"Guys"

Splinter moved so that he was kneel between Leonardo and Raphael. After so long, there was that spark back in Donatello's eyes,

"Welcome back my son." He said as he gently stroked his son's brow, "Welcome back."

Well, what do you think? Don't forget to R&R