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Saving Snape: Testing a theory

"Okay. Get me a knife," Lily and Sirius where in the basement kitchen.

"What are you going to do with it?" he asked, anxiously. He was still shaken and in shock. Why wasn't she dead?

"I'm testing a theory." Lily head out her hand, and Sirius placed a small paring knife into her hand.

Lily examined it, then, without warning, slashed open her finger. Blood poured from the wound. "Ouch. Okay," Lily sucked at her finger then tapped it with her wand, sealing it up. Sirius fell into a chair. "Sectumsempra," she said, pointing her wand at her finger again.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" he half yelled.

Nothing happened.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, and sat back in his chair.

Lily started pacing, thinking. "Well, your spell should have killed me, and I want to know why it didn't."

"So? Why not just accept the fact that you are alive and get on with it! Don't keep hurting yourself!" he said, looking pale.

"But I'm not. The spell did nothing, so it's fine," she said, dismissively. She got a good look at his face, and frowned. She sat down next to him. "Sirius, believe me, I am very happy that I am alive." she smiled at him. "And I'm glad you cared enough to try to save me even though I wasn't hurt." She sighed. "I haven't been that looked over since…well." She winced, thinking of Snape again. "It's been awhile," she finished.

Sirius looked up at her. "You're not feeling sorry for yourself, are you?" he raised his eyebrows.

Lily smiled sadly. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "I just had an idea of what my future could be like, and then, suddenly, it was gone. I also lost a friend, someone I spent a lot of time with. I'm ashamed of myself, Sirius," Lily looked up, her eyes pleading. "I've spent the last months since Christmas avoiding him and drawing away from my friends. Tonight, something terrible will happen, and I think Harry will need me." She thought quickly making a decision. "That is why I wish to come with you tonight."

"Come with me? Come with me where?" asked Sirius. "You know Dumbledore does not permit me to leave this house."

"But you will leave tonight," said Lily. "And it may be your downfall." She sighed. "I do not wish you to go, but I see only one future." She looked Sirius in the eye. "You will go, because what you seek to save you value more than your own life." Lily took Sirius's hand. "You are a brave man, and I love you for it. I wish you were my godfather too."

"Sorry to break up this cozy gathering," said a slippery voice from the doorway.

Lily got to her feet, staring Snape down. "You should be," she said, attempting a neutral tone. Sirius looked from Snape to Lily, frowning. "Deliver your message, then leave," she ordered, looking away from him.

"Potter, besotted with some strange notion, seems to think you are the Dark Lord's prisoner in the," his eyes flicked to Lily. "Department of Mysteries."

Lily bit her lip. So it begins, she thought.

"As you are obviously here, I will take my leave. I should alert Potter to the insanity of his ideas, and tell him that his godfather is still, like a coward, in his mother's house."

Lily saw Sirius's hands tighten, and he started for Snape, opening his mouth to retort. Lily thrust out an arm, stopping him.

She looked at Snape, her face full of hate. You've just ensured his death, she thought at him.

"Ah, Sirius, you should be glad she is here. She just stopped you from making a mistake," Snape said, silkily. "And you, Evens, I am happy to see you have found a new lover. May he make you," he paused at the look on Lily's face. It was something akin to physical pain. "Happy." He finished, sounding unsure of himself.

"Now see here, you!" said Sirius. "You think that I would take advantage of a girl like her? She could be my daughter!"

Lily could tell he was embarrassed. She could not summon any other emotion than pain mixed with anger.

"Snape," Lily spat. "Sirius, you are wrong." She frowned. "Sirius is only a few years older than me. Indeed, less than thirteen, I would imagine. You are only forty?" she asked Sirius.

He nodded, looking slightly bemused.

"You cannot be much older, or younger, seeing as you were in the same class at Hogwarts," Lily reasoned, the anger fading, now that she was thinking of math, not of a lost love. "That would make you only thirteen years my senior."

"But…," Snape spluttered. "How is that possible?"

"Well," Lily started, and then she bit her lip. "I can't tell you."

Snape swore. "Lily, why are you doing this to me!" he yelled at her.

"I don't want to lie to you!" Lily yelled back. "You act like this is my fault, and it isn't!" she screamed. "You were the one who pushed me away."

"I wouldn't have pushed you away if I knew you were twenty-seven!" he yelled back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked!" she screamed back. "If you had told me that was the problem, I would have told you!"

"Well! You!" he spluttered.

"Just go! I don't want to talk to you! You need to find Harry anyway." Lily turned her back on Snape.

A silence fell, then stretched on. "Lily," he said, very softly. "Please forgive me."

Lily looked back at him, then shook her head. "Not now." She sighed. "At the beginning of next year, apologize again. I may be ready to accept it."

Snape nodded, then turned to leave. His footsteps started, and slowly faded away. When she was sure he was gone, Lily sunk into a chair.

"Well," said Sirius, looking slightly amused. "That was intense."

"Oh," Lily said, looking over at him in surprise. "I forgot you were here."

Sirius started laughing. "Wow," he said, wiping at his eyes. "Severus Snape, eh?"

Lily shot a look at him. "Yes," she said, looking away from him. "I don't need your approval."

Sirius shook his head, a smile playing with his lips. "No, you don't, but I'll give you my approval in any case."

Lily looked up sharply. "But I thought you hated him."

"I do," said Sirius. "But I hate him because of what he has become, not what he always was." He sighed. "It is really partly my fault he is the way he is now. I know it, and so does he, but I cannot apologize, and he cannot forget." He smiled at Lily, who was shaking her head. "I know, you think I could apologize, but it's not that simple. He would not accept my apology, first of all."

"He might," Lily contradicted. "He's changed in the time that I've known him."

Sirius looked at her in surprise. "He has," he agreed. "Have you thought that you could be the reason?"

Lily laughed. "Me? Not likely!"

Sirius looked seriously at her. "You place a lower value on yourself than you should. You remind me of her, the other Lily. Her soul was just as warm as yours and her kindness too. You two are very different, but if there is a chance of bringing that man back from the brink, you can do it. She could've too."

"You think I should forgive him," Lily stated.

"Yes," Sirius confirmed. "If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

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