Marks
Olivia stares at Elliot in surprise. She had not anticipated this kind of reaction.
Elliot is surprised to find himself seething with anger. He has been through hell and back on the subject of August, and now that he is finally coming to terms with it, now that he has finally accepted that he has to let go of thinking of her as his child, Olivia wants to drag up the whole subject again. A part of him realizes that he is overreacting and that he should hear her out, but another part of him wants to get up and storm out of the room and leave her sitting alone in this place with her stupid ideas.
"Are you crazy?" he asks again. "After we've all been through to keep this quiet, after I almost died…"
"Don't blame what happened on this, on August," Olivia hisses at him. "We both screwed up, Elliot. That's why you got shot."
Elliot knows that she is right, but he has this anger building up in him like a volcano. All of the feelings he's been sitting on for the past month are boiling to the surface and he's unable to hold them back.
"We both screwed up because of our feelings for August," he hisses back. A passing waitress looks at their table in alarm, and hurries past to the kitchen, probably to warn the other wait staff to stay far away. "And now that I'm finally putting it behind me, you want to drag it all up again?"
His face is red and his eyes are blazing with anger. Olivia sees how upset he is and softens her tone a little.
"Elliot, maybe what we all need is to get this out in the open," she says gently. "Maybe keeping it a secret was the wrong thing to do."
He leans back in his chair, looking at her in disgust. "Really? You think my kids will enjoy talking about this?" He sits forward again, and says in a low, angry voice: "Do you want to be the one to tell Dick and Elizabeth that we slept together and that they have a little sister? How about Maureen and Kathleen? You want to tell them about our weekend?" He is so angry that he is shaking.
"No, of course not, El. I would never do anything to hurt your children." Olivia stops and takes a deep breath. Her words have unleashed something in him, things that probably needed to be said, but this isn't the place. "Listen, let's pay the bill and get out of here, and go somewhere where we can talk, okay?"
He sits back again, his face sullen, and Olivia looks around to flag down their waitress. There is no one in sight, so she does a quick mental tally in her head and pulls out enough money to cover the bill and tip and places it on the table. Elliot, who would normally argue with her over the check, is so lost in his thoughts he doesn't seem to notice what she is doing.
"Come on," she says to me. "Let's go." He stands up so abruptly that he almost knocks over his chair, and storms out of the restaurant, leaving Olivia to bring up the rear. She sees their waitress at the bar, looking surprised to see them on their way out.
"I left money on the table," she tells her as she hurries past to catch up with Elliot. In his current state, she's not sure he won't leave her there.
She finds him sitting behind the driver's seat, his head back and eyes closed, taking deep breaths.
"I'm sorry," he says when she opens her door and slides in. "I shouldn't have talked to you like that."
"It's okay," she tells him, although she's not sure that it is. She's seen Elliot angry many times, but never like this. "Are you okay to drive? Why don't you let me?"
He casts a withering glance and starts the car. They drive in silence for a few minutes in the opposite direction of his house. He finally pulls into a park and pulls into a spot overlooking a duck pond. Turning off the engine, he turns to look at her. "Want to walk?"
She nods, and they both get out of the car, zipping up their jackets. It's a mild day but there's a cool breeze. Elliot starts off down the concrete path that leads around the pond. There is one couple sitting on a bench at the start of the trail, but once they pass them, they are alone.
"El, I'm not trying to stir things up," Olivia begins. "And I'm sorry if this is upsetting you, but…I'm feeling really uncomfortable with keeping this secret from Dec."
"Why now, Liv? Why all of a sudden?" Elliot asks, now sounding resigned rather than angry.
"I don't know, I guess because I feel like he's sensing something." She stops on the path and puts her hand on Elliot's arm so that he turns to face her. "Elliot, I love him so much….I've finally found someone I'm happy with, and I don't want to jeopardize that by keeping secrets."
Elliot searches her face and sighs. "How do you think he's going to feel when he finds out you lied to him, Liv?" They resume walking, Olivia linking her arm through his, both to keep warm and out of concern for him. They are walking slowly, but she worries that he's overdoing it. He gives her a suspicious glance, but squeezes his arm against hers as they proceed.
"I don't know," she says honestly. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. You've gotten to know him pretty well, El, what do you think?"
They keep walking while he thinks. "He loves you and August, I know that," he says. "I imagine he's going to be pretty angry, but I would hope he would understand and forgive you. You can blame it on me and Kathy if you want. "
Olivia gives a soft, bitter laugh. "You're not the one who married him without telling him the truth."
"He's a good man, Liv," Elliot tells her. "He's going to be pissed, who wouldn't be? But he'll come around."
"So you're okay with me telling him?" She asks. They've reached a bench on the far side of the pond, and without discussion, they both sit down. A flock of ducks paddles up to see if they're going to be fed, and wander off again when nothing is forthcoming.
Elliot sighs. "Do I have a choice?" He is thinking about how awkward it will be to see Declan again. They've become pretty good friends over the past year, and he hates to ruin that. "El, there's something I never told you…" Olivia begins hesitantly. Elliot looks at her, not sure if he wants to know. No more problems please. "When Dec and I were first dating, he was really jealous of you. In fact, that's one of the reasons why we broke things off in the first place. He accused me one too many times of sleeping with you."
Elliot groans, and lifts a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose to relieve the sudden pressure building up in his head. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I thought it would make things worse. And he's been fine since we got back together. I think getting to know you and Kathy and seeing how happy you are together has helped. And he knows how much I love him now."
"But if you tell him the truth, he's going to know that we did sleep together," Elliot says bluntly. That's not an image any man wants in his head and he mentally cringes at the thought of Declan looking at him with new eyes. He knows how he would feel if the situation were reversed and he had to face someone who had slept with his wife.
"Well, if I'm going to tell him the truth, it should be the whole truth," Olivia says sadly. "There's no point in holding back."
They sit in silence for a few minutes, and then get up to start walking back to the car. "I think we need to tell Kathy about this before you do anything," Elliot says, "And I hope that you'll stress to Dec the importance of not telling anyone else. I really don't want to spring this on my kids."
"Of course not," Olivia assures them. "Even if he was angry with me, Dec would never do anything to hurt your family, El."
"I hope you're right."
Back at the house, Kathy has August lying on their bed to change her diaper. Eli is at her side, prepared to help and fascinated at the prospect. She pulls off her tiny leggings while Eli tickles her chin to keep her distracted. August is that squirmy age where she wants to make a game out of being changed, trying to roll over and climb away.
"Look, Mommy," says Eli when she has the diaper off. "She's got a map just like mine."
Kathy stares, speechless. Sure enough, on Augusts' hip is a birthmark in the shape of New Jersey. Eli has an identical one in almost the same spot that they've always teased him about, telling him that he was born in the wrong state. Kathy wonders how she has never noticed this before, and realizes that she hasn't changed Augusts' diaper since she was a newborn. Eli's birthmark hadn't become dark enough to notice until he was almost six months old.
"Isn't that something?" she finally says, realizing that Eli is waiting for her to respond. "You're twins." She quickly replaces the diaper and redresses her, scooping the little girl up for a hug. It's so easy to forget that this is Elliot's daughter, to put it out of her mind and treat her like nothing more than her best friend's child, but seeing the birthmark shakes her to her core. That little mark is a concrete link to her own son and a vivid reminder that not everything can be swept under a rug and forgotten.
When Elliot and Olivia get back from lunch, they seem subdued. Kathy is playing on the living room floor with the two little ones, supervising to make sure that Eli doesn't get too rough as he runs his toy cars up and down Augusts' legs, making her laugh as she tries to grab them out of his hands. Kathy sees the somber look on their faces and frowns, wondering what transpired over lunch. Has Elliot arrived at a decision about the job and told Olivia before her?
"Do you have time for a cup of coffee before you head back?" Kathy asks. Olivia nods, and Elliot gingerly lowers himself to the floor with the kids.
"You two go ahead," he says, searching for a comfortable position. "I'll watch these two."
"I need to talk to you anyway," says Olivia as Kathy pulls mugs from the cupboard and pours them each a cup of coffee. They sit at the table and Kathy waits for Olivia to begin.
"I told Elliot today….I think I need to tell Declan the truth about August."
Kathy sets her coffee cup down abruptly, afraid she will spill it otherwise, and listens as Olivia explains.
"How did Elliot react?" she asks when Olivia has finished.
"He…he was really upset at first," Olivia admits. "I haven't ever seen him like that before. But he calmed down and we talked. He wants to discuss it with you first, but he said he understood, and that as long as no one else knows so that your kids don't find out, he's okay with it."
Kathy nods absently. Elliot has had a lot of sudden mood swings lately, from quick anger and irritation and back to calm again, all within a short period of time. She can especially understand why this would upset him, knowing hard he's worked to deal with the issue of August.
"What do you think Declan will say?"
"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" Sighs Olivia. "I don't even know how to begin to tell him."
When Olivia leaves, Elliot and Eli snuggle up on the couch for his afternoon hour of cartoons. After the events of the day, Elliot is ready for a nap, but he's trying hard, upon the advice of his therapist, to stick to a regular sleep schedule.
Kathy should be starting dinner, but she sits down with them anyway. She and Elliot haven't had a chance to talk yet, but he gives her a weary smile over Eli's head. Eli climbs into Elliot lap and curls into a ball, his head against his father's chest as he watches television.
"Guess what, Daddy?" he says absently.
"What, little man?" Elliot asks, stroking his dark curls.
"August and me have the same map."
Elliot's hand freezes and he turns to look at Kathy for clarification. She nods.
"When we were changing Augusts' diaper, Eli noticed that she has the same birthmark that he does. In the same spot too."
They exchange a glance and Elliot sighs, reaching his hand out to grasp hers. How in the hell did life get so complicated?