Chapter 20 – He's your son.
Dean returned to Caleb's as the Impala roared down the road in the other direction. Perfect timing. He found Lisa walking around the back yard and Claire slipping out of the barn, her hair mussed. Dean watched her. Claire stepped up the porch and stared at Lisa. "You're the reason John thinks Caleb has a type."
"What?" Lisa frowned.
"Nothing. Forget it. You just… have the same coloring as the woman he was in love with. Eyes are different but… Jesus." Claire raked her hands through her hair. "I've got to get out of Lincoln."
"It's almost over." Dean promised and laid a hand on Lisa's belly when she paused near them. "This is safe."
"So, I'm going home?" Lisa looked from person to person. They just nodded. "Your dad. Super scary by the way."
"That's Dad." Dean nodded and entered the house to find Caleb hammered and cleaning his guns. Dean growled and hauled the man up and tossed him in the shower. "Stop drinking and cleaning your guns. You can't handle your alcohol."
"Fuck you! And fuck that other Winchester, too!"
"He's a fucker. That Winchester is." Dean leaned in. "John Winchester is a judgmental piece of shit on his best day. You are going to be fine."
"You don't know that."
"I do." Dean let him go. "She's in your future, man."
"Who?"
"Little girl… with your eyes. Cute as a button and freaky as all get out." Dean shut the water off. "If you shoot your own head off, you'll never make her. Go out. Get laid. Get some fucking sleep, man."
"I don't know how to live without her."
"Guess what, man? You have been living without her." Dean knelt to see Caleb's face under his wet hair. "It's been years, man, and the more of it you spend in a drunken haze, the less of her that you'll remember. Get a routine down. Measure your life in moments of good. I'm not talking about church or community service. I'm talking about killing monsters. Learning and training. You can be good at this… saving people, hunting monsters."
"John Winchester fought in a fucking war. Face in the mud, guns blasting… bullets whizzing by his head. I'm not a soldier."
"Neither was he. He was a dude that wanted to marry a girl. Then he went to war. Then he got badass. Then he married the girl. Then she died. Everyone dies. You don't give up before that happens." Dean smacked him in the head. "You always keep fighting. Always."
"Get your girls out of my house."
"Gladly." Dean stood and left him to himself. He started gathering their gear. Claire watched him for a minute then stared at the bathroom door. Caleb didn't come out. Dean touched her arm. "He'll be okay. You know he will."
"I'm gonna get the backseat situated." Claire grabbed a few pillows and a blanket and vanished out the door.
Lisa watched them for a few minutes then began gathering their things. She jogged upstairs while Dean was packing weapons. Claire took a walk around the house to make sure they got everything. She left a pile of books on the table for Caleb to read that night. She got Lisa in the car and Dean started driving.
Dean waited for it but Claire wouldn't look at him. Then Lisa slipped a flannel shirt across the top of the seat. Claire took it and inhaled it. She cried into it. Claire curled up around the shirt and went to sleep. Lisa stuck her feet between the front seat bucket seats and tried to relax. She started a bit when Dean rested his hand on her feet but relaxed when he squeezed her toes and dug his fingers into the ball of her foot.
"You're very kind, Dean."
"You're the only person to say that."
"I think more people would say it if you let them."
"You didn't talk nearly this much when we had our fun in your loft."
"I wasn't interested in talking then."
"Why are you so keen to know all about me, now?"
"I have a vested interest now."
"All I do is cause you pain."
"No, I know me. There's more than pain there." Lisa sighed and stretched her foot into his hand. "I know that my life can be what is considered… suck. I live in a one-room apartment that I call a loft because it makes me feel better. I didn't go to college because I thought I was in love with a yogi. I learned everything from him and he left me for someone that was barely 18. Someone he could teach. So, my livelihood is a daily reminder of him. I should go back to school. I'm thinking business classes but now… I'll have to put them off… because I'm going to have a baby and he's going to wear me out and then… probably, he'll build me up."
"How do…"
"My dad died recently and I've been in pain. My grieving process seems to involve a bit of hedonism. I'm not really into drugs but I was high and drunk when I met you. I'd been doing that a while… since he died. I've been fighting with my mom since he died. Her favorite word to throw at me is slut. That word bothers me. I'm okay with other words. Bitch. Whore. Loose. I hate the word slut." Lisa pulled her feet back and leaned forward. "Can I tell you something?"
"What?"
"When I took you home that night… I thought you'd be gone when I woke up in the morning. I was counting on it. I was going to shoo you out. Then I saw you making breakfast. Whistling and singing to the radio. Not a care in the world. Then you saw me and your smile…" She laughed to herself. "It was the biggest smile I've ever seen in my life and I knew you weren't 21 like you said… but in that moment… I wondered how young you were because you… it was such a kid in a candy store smile." Her smile faded a bit. "No one has ever looked at me that way."
"I'm sure someone will, eventually. There's a lot I never learned about you." Dean sniffed.
"I never got high again… after that weekend."
"You don't know that. You just know you never got high between that night and now."
"What I do know is that I saw a man smile at me like he won the lottery and he spent three days and nights in my shitty little apartment and he's the one that's traveled back in time to make sure my baby lives. Not some other guy that may or may not smile at me like that sometime after now."
"You should get some sleep." Dean croaked out.
He drove them to a motel in North Dakota. Just in case. Claire kept a post by the window, wrapped up in Caleb's flannel and gun in hand. She refused to talk to anyone. Once, Dean thought he saw her writing letters. She'd tuck them into her pocket and start another. Then he thought he saw her setting them on fire outside in a trashcan.
Lisa got busy with cooking. She took over taking care of them because Dean was drunk and Claire was sad. Lisa read a book on her fetal development and made sure the others ate. Then she watched as Dean's hand started shaking. Just the one. He'd grip it tightly and take another drink.
It got real bad the night Claire snapped out of it. She tried to keep Dean inside but something she saw in him made her let him go. He paced the parking lot for an hour before going off to get more booze. Claire turned on the local news and paced and checked her watch over and over.
Lisa munched on vegetables and watched late night reality shows. She watched Claire. Claire's blonde hair was everywhere. Then Dean walked in near dawn, covered in blood. Lisa rose to her feet but both of them made her sit down. As soon as he was cleaned up, they left. Dean slept in the passenger seat and Claire drove them away.
The next motel was in Utah. Claire read newspapers endlessly. She counted days on the calendar and then stood up suddenly. "Dean, what happened on this day?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been pretty regular with your… bloodbaths and you didn't have one here. What happened that day?" Claire crossed her arms and tried to look into his eyes.
"Something that wasn't supposed to." Dean shrugged and tossed back another slug of whiskey. Then he got up to find another bottle.
Claire frowned after him then turned on Lisa. She pointed to the calendar. "Anything ringing a bell about this day? I know we were still at Caleb's."
Lisa took the calendar and shrug. "Most of the days run one into another. I was eating, walking and doing yoga daily."
"I think I was asleep for most of this day." Claire mused. "He went out, I remember. I waited up. He came home with barely bruised knuckles."
"OH…" Lisa gasped. "Um, we went for a walk."
"That's it?"
"That was all it was supposed to be…" Lisa hedged a bit more.
"What happened?" Claire demanded. Then she was storming outside with her answer. "You stupid son of a bitch."
"It only happened once." Dean leaned on the trunk of the car with his beer. "I should have taken a drive but she wanted to go for a walk and I… the mark took over."
"Whoa… you let the mark take over when you were alone with her?"
"There is no let. It just does." Dean looked her over. "I have these urges all the time. Any time I look at you, I have an urge. I tamp it down. I make a bad pass and you brush me off. And I'm very glad you don't want to take a roll with me. That would be awkward." Dean sniffed. "I don't let us be alone together when I'm like that anymore… because she doesn't put me off, because she wants me to."
"I'm all for the fact that she's in love with the Dean Winchester who banged her brains out some months back but you are not the sweet-faced boy you used to be, no offense intended. You're a bit scarier now than when I met you."
"She's… hanging on to something and… I think she's leaving me clues but… I don't know how to read them. She's…" Dean sighed. "Sam was talking about the Enochian symbol that gets left on the hearts of people struck by cupid… I dismissed the idea because you can't check the hearts of living people… I just… shut him down but I'm starting to think he's right. That it wouldn't matter what I looked like. I could be the hunchback in the bell tower and she'd be all over me."
"You think you got shot by Cupid?"
"Yeah but I can't figure out why? Usually that sort of thing furthers a bloodline but aside from Emma… I'm a dead end. She's dead."
"Our Lisa isn't quite at the end of her fertile years, Dean. That could still happen." Claire pointed out.
"No, it can't. Cain didn't have any children after he got the mark."
"You know that? With complete certainty?"
"We didn't do bible study as kids. I don't know."
"I did. Then again when I started hunting, especially after we figured out that it was a bloodline thing. I saw Caleb's notes… I just didn't ask him about it."
"Well, there's no one we could ask."
"Except Cain."
"No."
"Maybe it's something you need to hear."
"We can't."
"You can't." Claire stared at him. "Where is he? I'll ask the questions you can't."
"No."
"Dean…"
"We're going home soon. I don't know if that's days or weeks but it will be soon and I don't want to put you on the radar to the big nasty things." Dean stood still for a moment. "It is possible… for demons to father children. The circumstances have to be right and any child born that way has a chance of being… something all other creatures would hunt."
"Dean?"
"There's a little boy… well, he'd be a man now, in our time. His mother was a human and his father was a demon and… he's different. Last I saw, he was on the run… from demons and angels alike."
Claire stared at him for a long time. "I know this is…" She tried to choose her words. "I know why you might have been hit by that arrow."
"Oh yeah?"
"You saving Lisa and Ben now is important."
"Why? If you know so much, tell me."
"I was asked to kill Lisa. To spare her and Ben a life with you in it." Claire looked to her feet. "I could never do that to Lisa. I love her like a sister." She looked up at him. "I know that Ben and Erica are meant to conceive some child that brings about balance in the world. I know that it's possible they have already been struck by that arrow."
"Claire…"
"It's because he's your son, Dean. Ben is your son."
He began shaking his head before her first sentence had cleared her mouth. "No, he's not."
"He is. Lisa good as said so that day we saved her life. I just didn't say anything."
"No."
"You said yourself that you already know her mind gets wiped. Maybe she makes up the story about the barback because she doesn't remember the truth. She has a fear in her that he'll get taken away. A fear that we put there."
"No, it's… not…"
"He looks like you… a blend of the two of you. I've seen the way you look at her. At him."
Dean looked to the room where Lisa was staring at them through the window. "It just can't be."
"Why? Dean, what would be so bad about being his father?"
"I'm not a father." Dean bit out. "I fucked it up before."
"Maybe, you did… but the universe keeps throwing more chances at you. Just all the time. They bring you back. They bring her back to you over and over and you piss it away." Claire sobbed. "I loved Caleb but I see now, the way he mourns her… He loved Alannah. I loved John and he loves his Mary. I can't blame them but I would kill to have someone love me the way I love them. The only person on this planet who loves me that deeply is my child."
"Claire…"
"These are facts, Dean. Maybe you're afraid but it's the truth. I wouldn't lie to you."
"I know." Dean nodded. "We should take her home."
"You're right. You should." Henri spoke into Dean's ear. "You should send a letter, too. I have a date for you."
Dean spun around and Henri was gone. Claire stared at him. "You okay?"
"Fine." Dean shook his head. "We should take her home. In the morning."
"I need a drink." Claire stormed off.
Dean returned to the room and sat on the bed opposite Lisa. She shrugged. "Sorry. I let our… walk slip."
Dean leaned forward and laid his hand on her belly. She moved it over and he felt a kick. "He's strong."
"Yeah. He is." Lisa smiled at her belly. "This has been such a weird vacation. It will feel strange to be back and in my old life."
"How do you know you're going home?"
"Your face is… easy to read." She leaned back a bit and let him continue to feel Ben kicking. "What is now you doing right now?"
"Dad dumped us off so Sam could go to school and I guess so he could go meet Caleb for the first time. I'm 19 and I want to be out but I'm taking care of Sam. He's 15 and… we're having a prank war." Dean laughed low in his throat. "It's going to end in three days. He'll glue my hand to the whiskey bottle I wasn't supposed to touch. Then I'll shred his homework. Then he'll put a rotten egg under my pillow. Then I put Nair in his shampoo. Dad comes home right when Sam comes screaming out of the bathroom, half bald."
"You love him."
"I do."
"That would be nice. To have a couple of kids to play with each other. I have a sister and we fight a lot but she's a little younger." Lisa sighed. "You know… I've been gone a while. My apartment is probably gone. I'll have to live with my mom for a bit."
"Probably not." Dean pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket. "I can't take it with me. Claire's probably got a wad, too. A lot of these bills aren't in circulation anymore."
"Did you know she hooked up with your dad back at Caleb's?"
"Double standard." Dean took a breath. "No, fine. Whatever."
"It took days. He wore her down and she didn't cave until right before he left and I'm pretty sure she made it a condition." Lisa grinned. "She has it bad for him."
"Yeah."
"How did they meet?"
"Dad and I were on a hunt. I got snatched by a pixie. The… walls between dimensions got real thin. So I got dumped off somewhere far way, deaf. Same time she got snatched by a different pixie and she lands near my dad and he saved her life but… she'd already been terrorized, raped…" Dean dropped his hand from her belly. "It's strange that sensation… that feeling that you were forced to do something you didn't want to do."
"Dean…"
"He took her to a hospital, she was mute. Both of us had no memory except what had just happened and even what we had was hard to put together. Doctors wanted to send her to the bughouse. He let her choose is what he said. She chose to go with him and she stuck with him for almost a year… maybe a little over. When they caught up to me… they were in the middle of an implosion and I prolonged it. When she remembered, it all got worse, I think."
"You think he'll remember this visit at Caleb's?"
"I remember that he was drunk a lot. He probably barely remembers her. He came home and drank and had nightmares and drank and then went off on another hunt."
"So, he didn't recognize her?"
"Nah. Claire's 40 or thereabouts. When he meets her in a few years… she's 28 or so. Beautiful. I mean, she's hot now but then… Just… mindblowingly hot. I used to feel sorry for her… being hooked on the old man like that. She could have gotten anyone."
"Why didn't she? I mean…"
"From what I've seen. Her parents expected very little from her and that aggravated the shit out of her. She went out of her way to be purposeful and she wanted more than to be someone's wife."
"I figured out she knew Caleb in your world. What happened there?"
"She fell in love with him, had his kid and then he died. Their kid was barely a few weeks or months old. I don't really know the timeline." Dean shrugged. "Dad was on the phone with Caleb when he died. We watched my dad listen to him die."
"Where was she?"
"Already in the wind, I think. It was a dangerous time and… all our friends were… Most of them are dead."
"Dean… will you… please… hold me." Lisa asked softly.
Dean sighed and nodded. She slid over and he kicked off his boots. He hummed and listened to her babble about the dreams she had of opening her own studio and the kind of house she wanted and the kind of life she wanted. She was asleep soon enough. Dean was still humming when Claire returned, soused.
"I, uh…" Claire took a breath. "I was drinking and calling agents in Cicero. We got an appointment in a couple of days to get her someplace to stay. I got enough on me for six months rent."
"Good." Dean nodded.
"Your dad likes to whistle that tune." Claire commented.
"He taught it to me."
"We should get moving."
"Load up. I'll put her in the car when you're done." Dean shut his eyes.
"She's showing quite a bit now."
"Yeah."
"Dean?" She asked while she packed. "I was going to tell you before I told you about Ben…"
"Yeah, what?"
"That reaper… told me Lisa is pregnant… in our time."
"What?" Dean nearly leapt out of the bed. "But…"
"That's the real reason we were sent here… to stay out of it."
"But…" Dean breathed in and out and then started packing. "No."
Claire got moving again. "I sent a letter to Erica. Just to give Lisa some words of mine. Nothing to sway her mind… just… to let her know that I'm thinking about her and want her to be happy."
"She wouldn't keep it."
"Why wouldn't she?"
"She's got her life together and Ben's almost grown… and I'm nobody to her."
"You were nobody to her the first time."
"Fuck me." Dean grabbed their bags and stormed out to put them in the trunk. Then he stormed to the office to ask for pen and paper. He had his pen poised when Henri appeared again. "You're a fucker."
"Write your letter. I'll hold time a bit for you."
Dean glared and stared writing. "Dad, I don't know exactly how long we've been gone but I'm told time is passing there. Hopefully you got everyone squared and you're not freaking out too much. Claire and I have got this. This has been one giant circle jerk. I'm here so that I'm not there. That's the only reason. Things have to happen without me to fuck them up. I do that. I fuck everything up."
Dean shut his eyes for a long moment before he put the pen in motion. "I just got the best and worst news possible. I knocked up Lisa Braedan back in '98. You remember I went on that 5 states 5 days thing. Well, I spent it with that knock out and I never knew that he was mine. They sent me to her to protect her, they even sent demons after us to make sure I stayed with her. I just found out that I'm her son's father. You're a grandfather… again… or still. I don't know how that works. I did something a few years back. I almost got them killed and I got Castiel to save their lives and put them back without any memories of me. When Bobby died, I sent Claire to watch over them. That's the only reason they're in her life now. Dad, he's my son and I made him forget me. He loved me even when I was a monster, a literal monster and he doesn't remember. Protect them. Please. – Dean."
"That was nice." Henri nodded. "Not too much information. Good."
"Shut up." Dean muttered as he folded the letter and addressed the envelope. "What's that date?" Dean put it when it was spoken and stared at Henri. "Claire told me… about Lisa's baby… it's that time…"
"I know."
"You're taking a choice away from her."
"No, we are letting her make it." Henri shook his head. "You have all of these… extenuating circumstances and I recall that you making all the rules is what ruined your happy life."
"A demon ruined my happy life."
"Demons, Angels… Reapers." Henri shrugged. "It's always something, isn't it."
"What's the point? Shouldn't she get to be happy?"
"That is my point. Everyone has their happy little lives or their miserable little lives… That's their life. You don't get to decide which it is for someone else. You only decide which for yourself. People ask all the time… what is the meaning of life? I'm not allowed to tell because I'm not allowed the answer." Henri sat back. "As I understand it… no one's life is all good or all bad. Even you… have had some good moments in your life. This strange notion of happiness you have… ruins all your happy moments. Consider this… free therapy. It doesn't matter what you think life should be. It just… is."
"That's horseshit." Dean threw his pen down and tossed his letter on the stack of outgoing mail after helping himself to the electronic mail stamp. "She should know what kind of life her kids are going to have."
"They're going to have the same life whether they know or not." Henri called after him. "All you're doing is delaying knowledge!"
Dean got the car loaded and Claire alone before they woke Lisa. "Anything else you want to tell me?"
"No."
"No?"
Claire took a breath. "I fucked your old man, again."
"I already knew about that." Dean waved her off.
"Let's get going." Claire shook her head.
They arrived in Cicero just in time to wash up and get Lisa to the realtor. Dean sat in the car and counted out bills. He set a stack on the dash and tucked the rest into Lisa's bag. Claire followed suit. They had a little nest egg tucked into the bag and a good chunk of change to hand Lisa when she got back. Dean was standing on the sidewalk, keys in hand when he felt them. Three of them. He tossed the keys to Claire and took off running down an alleyway. Claire drew her gun and tossed the bag in her hand to the sidewalk. The demons split up, two went after Dean and one ran for Claire. Claire stayed between the office and the demon. Then two more demons showed up.
Dean returned from the alleyway covered in blood. Then he ran for the demons closing in on Claire. Holy water splashing over their faces, Claire ducked when Dean fired his gun at the closest one. Two bullets later his gun was empty and he had his hands on the demon. Hands under his chin and he spun the head clean off. Claire gaped at sight of blood spurting out of the neck. Dean was already reaching for the next demon. The third started to run, Claire tackled him and tried to get an incantation out while the demon struggled to get away. Claire flew backwards as Dean got his hands on the third demon.
"Dean!" Castiel strode up the street and tossed Dean a weapon from his jacket. Dean used it on the demon.
When he was still again, he was covered in blood, in broad daylight. Lisa stood in the window, face pale and hands on her stomach. Claire set the bag by the door and walked over to Dean, who was shaking. "I think it's time to go."
"Did she see?"
"I think so."
"I will fix your mess." Castiel told them as he laid his hands on their foreheads. He made the bodies disappear, then he paid a visit to each store in the strip. He saved Lisa for last. "Who all did you meet?"
"Caleb… John… and Dr. Robert." Lisa told him.
"I have to take most of the memories."
"What will you leave me with?"
"A weekend." Castiel touched her forehead. A moment later she smiled at him and walked out the door. She picked up her bag and kept walking.
TBC