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Going Home

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Rossi said.

Emily looked up in surprise. She hadn't noticed that everyone was gone except for her and Rossi.

"What are you talking about?"

Rossi took Reid's chair across from her desk. "Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. I want to know why you feel it necessary to push Reid away after all you've done to him."

"It's none of your business." She pushed out of the chair. "I'm tired and I'm going home."

"No."

Her eyes went cold at his commanding tone, "Back off Rossi."

"I don't respond to that "daughter of an ambassador tone" you're taking with me. You're breaking Reid's heart again and I want to know why."

"I told you it's none of your business."

She picked up her bag and took one firm step toward the double glass doors leading to the elevator.

"Why don't you just admit that you're terrified and put all of us out of our misery?"

Her hands began to tremble. She swallowed hard and curled them into fists so he wouldn't see. "Don't push me! I don't want to hear it!" She hissed through clenched teeth. "Especially not from someone that's been divorced three times. What do you know about keeping a relationship together David Rossi?"

To her surprise, he laughed at her. "You're right. I don't know anything about keeping a relationship together. I'm a cold and selfish man who doesn't care who he hurts with his brutal words and careless sense of humor."

She couldn't make her feet take the steps they needed to take to walk away from him and what he might say to her.

"Rossi -"

He waved her off as though waving off a fly. "I'm too old." He said. "I can't change and I don't want to change. I like my life the way it is. Reid isn't I, though. He's a kind, unselfish man who loves you desperately. He's pretending that going home alone every night doesn't hurt him, but we all know better."

He scowled at her surprised expression. "Right, I forgot that you hadn't noticed. "You're too wrapped up in your own feelings. It's all about you Emily Prentiss." He shoved a finger in her direction.

She didn't know why she suddenly felt like confiding in him. Perhaps it was because he was right, even though his words cut to the core of her being. "I'm just waiting for the right time."

He sighed. "Emily… Let me tell you a story."

She sat down because her feet hurt and they were swollen, not because she had any interest in what he had to tell her. "Fine, if it will get me out of here sooner rather than later."

"Don't worry; it's not a long tale." He smirked at her. "There was a man and his son. They liked to go sailing together. One weekend his father asked him to go sailing. The son said there wasn't enough wind for sailing. His father finally convinced him to go out on the water. Of course, the son was correct that there wasn't enough wind, but they spent an afternoon fishing and talking anyway. The father reminded his son after an afternoon of wonderful conversation and getting to know each other better than ever, that if he waited for the time to be just right for any occasion in life, he'd miss everything that was important."

Emily unfolded her arms from around her torso. "Are you finished Rossi?"

"I'm done." He said. He looked at his watch. "Now, I'd like to go home and enjoy a nice glass of brandy.

"I'm not stopping you." Emily said, but she couldn't quite manage anger anymore.

"Good, I'll leave you to your thoughts."

She watched him walk away as though he didn't have a care in the world, and she supposed that he didn't. She, on the other hand, had something she needed to fix.

Spice and the kittens were in the basket she'd gotten for them just before Spice had given birth four weeks ago. The kittens were climbing over each other and mewing. They were so cute now that they had opened their eyes and could play.

"I'll bet you think I'm crazy too." She said to Spice as she picked up the smallest of the kittens.

The tiny animal dug his claws into the material of her shirt and meowed loudly. It was black, with white feet, a white bib and a white tip of the tail. Its yellow eyes seemed to capture her in the same way that Spencer's eyes could capture her. The other kittens were destined for other homes, but she knew she couldn't give Toto away.

"Hey there Toto… How are you today?"

The other kittens meowed as if they wanted her attention too. She smiled down at them as they climbed over each other and Spice. Toto's brothers were black as Sergio and the only girl was a Calico just like Spice. The little female hissed as her brothers attacked her at the same time. She swiped her little paw at them and growled.

"That's right; don't let the boys gang up on you." Emily laughed, "Now I can't stay here and play with you tonight. I've been a bit of a bad girl." She said to Toto and his brothers and sister."

Toto meowed again and butted his tiny little head under her chin. "It's true. I have to go see Spencer and make it right."

When she pulled up to his house, it was almost ten pm. She sat in the car debating the best way to approach him. She'd hurt him so badly and still he'd stood with her because of the baby.

He loves you!

Somehow, she opened the door and got out with her go bag in one hand and her heart in the other. Rossi was right; she just had to hear it from someone else.

Night held sway over this neighborhood, but even though the chill of fall had come, there were a man and a woman walking along the sidewalk with their hands entwined. They nodded to her and continued their conversation as they walked slowly down the street. They wended their way along as if they had stepped out of some Gothic romance novel. The man inclined his head to the woman and she laughed. Emily stood there watching them until they vanished from sight around the corner. She bit back tears that wanted to flow because if she got started she'd never be able to stop.

Reid's home was completely dark except for a low flickering light in the living area. She frowned. If he'd had another headache, she hadn't seen it at work, but then, as Rossi had pointed out, she'd been missing a lot about Reid these days.

As she got closer to the house, she could hear piano music wafting from the house. She climbed the steps to the long covered porch and approached the living room window. It was open just a little and the curtains were pulled about halfway open so that she could see Reid playing the instrument she'd given him as a house-warming gift.

The ebony Steinway grand piano that used to stand in her father's library now stood in one corner of Reid's living room. It looked right there, as it never had in her family's ancestral home. Her eyes tracked to Reid sitting there in candlelight playing and her breath died in her throat. The wavering light of the candle threw his face into sharp relief as his shadow danced behind him. As the music, beautiful and heartbreaking, reached outward from the golden light, she saw what everyone had seen in the last weeks. Her beautiful Spencer suffered like some angel fallen from heaven. She thought she could almost see wings, tattered and broken from his descent to earth. She shook her head and bore down against tears. It was time to make the pain on his face, now so clear for her to see, go away for good.

She backed away from the eerie, mesmerizing music and the face of her own angel. She knocked on the door and waited, but the faint music didn't stop. "Spencer…" She called. "Please open the door."

The music stopped with discordant clash that made her wince. Minutes passed before he opened the door. He smiled, but the light in his eyes she was used to seeing was gone.

"It's late… What are you doing here?" He said.

"May I come in?"

He nodded and let her in. "I'm sorry about the lights. I didn't feel like bright light.

"Are you having another headache?"

He nodded again and went into the living room to sit down on the piano's bench. She followed him inside and took a seat on the couch. "Spencer… I came here to apologize."

He looked down at the ivory and black keys. One of his hands began pick out a tune she didn't recognize. His long fingers moved as though he didn't have conscious control over them.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," he said softly.

"Yes, I do Spencer. I keep screwing up." She looked away from his hands because they made her heart speed up and she had to say what she'd come to say.

He didn't contradict her; he just kept picking out the mournful little tune that raised the hair on the back of her neck. "Someone made me see that I've been a selfish bitch. I've hurt you so badly I wouldn't blame you if you never trusted me again, but I hope you can. I want to come home Spencer. I don't want to spend one more minute without you."

He played as though he didn't hear her. He stared at the keyboard with the same concentration she saw when he had a problem he couldn't solve.

"Did you hear me Spencer?"

He seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts. His eyes lifted to hers and what she saw there made her hands begin to shake.

"I heard you."

"I felt so overwhelmed, and I forgot to think about you. Please forgive me."

He stood up and walked to her side. He sat down and stared at her, his continued silence beginning to scare her and it was worse than all those months dealing with Ian Doyle.

He reached over and touched her belly with trembling fingers. "I missed you." He said.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry."

"If I let you stay, you'll just leave again."

"No," the tears she had tried to keep back overflowed her eyelids and began to slide down her cheeks.

"Everyone leaves me. There's something wrong with me I guess." He dropped his head.

"There's nothing wrong with you." She reached out and cupped his face with her hands, bringing it up so she could see his eyes full of tears. "It's not your fault. It's my fault! It's everyone that's ever hurt you."

"Go away." He said.

"Spencer…"

"I said go away."

"No!"

She pulled him into her arms and held on tight when he tried to pull away from her. "I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay. We're going to be a family. I swear to you on the life of our child. I love you and I'm never going to hurt you again."

"I don't know if I can believe you." He said.

"What can I do?"

He looked up at her with the eyes of a badly used child. "I don't know. I should tell you to go, but I need you. I need you." He repeated. "I love you and the baby. Please don't go away."

"I'm not going anywhere."

He twisted his hands into her hair and pulled her close. "I believe you." He kissed her and something that had been wrong for the last few months righted in his embrace.

"Why did you come here?" He asked her hours later.

She shifted awkwardly in his arms, trying to find a more comfortable way to lie. "Rossi told me off and made me see that it's all been about me."

"I'll have to thank him in the morning."

She slapped his bare shoulder. "As much as I hate to admit it, he deserves a thank you. He made me see that I was a selfish bitch. Yeah, we made a mistake when we let out passion for each other get the best of us, but I'm not sorry we're going to have a baby."

His hand stroked her belly sending shivers up her spine. "I'm not sorry either." He agreed.

"Everything happened so fast and I got caught up in it. I let all the mistakes I made drag me down. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I'm sorry for running off and buying this house without talking to you about it."

"I'm not mad about that. In fact, I'm glad you made the decision. We need a bigger place. You're the logical one, I should be thanking you."

He laughed in the dark room and hugged her closer. "We've both screwed up Emily. It's over now so let's just start back at the beginning.

She shifted again, pulling the bed sheets around her breasts. "Sorry, it's tough to get comfortable anymore and it's only going to get worse."

"Actually, there are several symptoms you should be aware of as your pregnancy progresses. You may experience problems with hemorrhoids -"

"Aargh… Did you have to mention that first?"

"I thought that would get a rise out of you."

She smacked him again. "Don't make me hurt you."

He kissed her hard enough to make her legs go to jelly.

"You won't get your way by kissing me." She informed him.

"Hasn't failed me so far."

The bed shook suddenly and they flinched together as an irritated meow sounded in the darkness. "Oh right, he kind of sleeps here every night."

"Why do I try?"

"You lost that battle a long time ago." He informed her and she knew he was smirking in the dark.

"Then I guess I'll have to start training the kittens early."

She heard him laugh in the dark. "Where are the kittens? I miss seeing them and Spice."

"I took them to Garcia's. Violet was thrilled to play baby sitter. I thought you and I need this time alone. Well… Alone except for Sergio."

On cue, the cat meowed in the darkness and Emily snorted.

"He's a smart ass remember." Spencer said.

"I remember."

She snuggled closer to him and fell into the best sleep she'd had in weeks.