A/N: I got Dead Rising for X-mas. ...I wonder if I'm suppose to have that much fun with a lawnmower...

Ahem. The reason for the late update is quite complex. My parents were all 'LOL, WEAR MOVIN'' Christmas morning. I spent about six days going 'WHATZEEFOOKUS?!?!?!' and packing crap up. Then school re-started and I had even more 'WHATZEEFOOKUS?!?!?!' moments. I am now safely sitting in the closet with my computer, typing away.

That's right. I'm in the closet.

Laugh it up.

You know, I don't think I'm ever going to get this done in time for Tolkien to beta. XD Doubt she's complaining.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy VII, Samuel L. Jackson, Vexen, Nyquil, or Square Enix, or anything else that is copyrighted. PLZ DUN SUE ME. Sophia, Emmie, and Roommate © Passè on an Angel.

IMPORTANT: XD If you wish to sign the petition, there be a link in my and Yami-Echo's profiles. I respect your views if you did not with to sign it/didn't sign it. I love all my fans. -HEART- If you'd still like to hear about it, reffer back to chapters sixteen and seventeen('The Return' and 'Sparkles and Bullet Holes') or PM Yami-Echo.

WARNING: This chapter is proof that I always take suggestions cerealy. The first person who suggests smut gets a face full of cold 'shampoo'. It's okay though, because you all know I'd write it. Well... Alright, I've successfully creeped myself out. -slams head against wall-

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Ongaku Niji

Happy :: New Year

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I left the house for three minutes in order to get some noise makers.

"SEPHARATH, STAP EATIN' THA STREAMERS!"

"Smo- MY COOKIES!"

"Reno, get away from the rum!"

'You should drink something. Loosen up.'

"RAWR! I ARE THE VAMPIRE!" CHOMP!

It was CAHMPLEETTE DESTRUKTIUN1! when I got back.

Slam! Boom! CRASH!

"-hick- Ruuuuuuuuudey!!! I found a pair... a pair o' 'lena's panties! -hick-"

More slam! Bigger boom! Louder crash!

"Kadaj, stap massen' with Tifa's hair!"

"Loz, Yazzo, put your guns away!"

"Y-Yuffie, get off of Nanaki!"

A collective, "Sephiroth, no!(Sepharath, na!)"

"MWETEOW!"

"THE RUM!"

"Calm down, Reno. There's more to drink."

"But... but... why is the rum gone?!"

Thus, another year ends. Allegedly. Time is technically a fabrication of the human mind to keep track of crap. Streamers fly everywhere, the floor is covered with broken glass and colorful decorations. Reno's sleeping on a keg. Cloud flops on my shoulder, his face is slightly red.

"Hi." he says, then chews on my shoulder.

'...Is Chocobo-head drunk?'

It... appears so?

'Maybe? Who's ever seen a drunk Cloud and lived to tell the tale.'

Nobody here, I guess.

Reno flies across the room, his hair on fire. Rude and Rod(in Chibi!Firefighter gear) follow after, Rude's head is red and blaring like a siren. Decide not to ask where they but his brain. He could be a robot... but all of those RudexReno fics I've read disprove that theory.

'Right... Why have you been reading yaoi fanfiction?'

Research. I'm part of a secret Japanese organization planning to stomp all the fangirls who're righting crappy fanfiction in an attempt to take over the world1.

'How does that relate to yaoi?'

Top secret. Now you must die...

The fire is out, I think. Sophia runs after Sephiroth, who decided that the room needs more silly string. I sigh, Roommate hands me a trash bag full of... something. Don't ask, it isn't healthy. I slowly make my way outside, Cloud is still on my shoulder, Vincent's attached to my leg. They're too cute, I can't exactly knock them off.

...Yes I can, actually. I stop, depositing the trash into the metal can(that's been graffitied) and attempt to shake off the parasites. Doesn't appear to be working, must get bottle of Chibi-Off.

Something crashes in the distance, I decide to ignore it. There's a high probability that it is Sephiroth related. The materia around my neck(yes, I wear it) begins to glow neon white. It feels like cold fire.

'Cold fire is nice, but not as useful as hot fire.'

I continue walking, oblivious to the fact that the ground ends quite suddenly. There's wasn't a whole there before... The world turns TECHNICOLOR! and begins to spin.

This is all Cloud's fault.

'How so?'

No idea, but everything wrong in the universe can be blamed on Cloud.

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I can't remember a thing of what happened the yesterday.

"My... head..." somebody groans, I think it's a chocobo.

'Happy National Hangover Day!'

"Drip drip drip." says the mysterious faucet. Mysterious, because there is no faucet in my house that drips. Somebody would have MWETEOW'd it by now. I open my eyes then close them tightly. Who the hell turned the sun on this early in the morning? Speaking of which, what time is it?

The alarm clock is missing. In fact, my entire room is missing.

'Maybe you're missing.'

...I'm right here.

'Where is here?'

The place I am?

'You're not where you can be found?'

"...STOP IT!" I jolt up, my head connects with a black bar. A nice bump/bruise combo was probably forming before I made a move

'There be a pole right thur.'

I hate you so much.

I'm in a cell, probably underground or deep within a building. Cloud's holding his head and talking to himself because, you know, he was a SOLDIER once. In his head. Vincent is chewing on my ankle. There aren't any windows or any light what-so-ever. The scary part about that is that I can see. This is probably a plot point from hell. Anyway, I know I'm not in Kansas anymore.

'We were in Kansas?'

It's a figure of speech, Todo.

'Todo?'

Well, maybe Chocobo-head's Todo. You get to be Oz.

'...What the hell are you on about?'

A metal door slams in the distant. Footsteps are heard and a dark figure approaches. Let's forget that I can see in the dark for a minute. He seems oddly familiar, silver hair from hell, creepy aura of immaculatarity. Immaculateness? Who could it be?

'Remember when you said meteor turned chibis unchibi?'

...Oh punkfaggot.

Weiss opens the door of the cell... without a key. I probably should have attempted to escape whilst I was arguing with myself... WAIT. I remember seeing something on the news about there being dead chibis on the side of the road. Damn plot holes!

'I bet she'll explain this real nice soon...'

Who?

'God.2'

"I see you're awake." he says in the patented 'I am so cool' voice. Sephiroth should sue, dammit! Grab Cloud, hold him as a shield.

"I have chibi power." I state. Cloud doesn't even look threatening as he rubs his giant, sleepy eyes. Weiss laughs his evil laugh. He's getting ready to tell us his EVIL plan.

"You're going to tell us where Jenova is." ...He's possessed by Hojo again?

I just have to ask, "Hey, have you gone after Omega yet?"

"...What?"

Oh damn.

'Snake! You can't go changing the future like that!'

I... didn't mean to?

Weiss doesn't say anything, maybe he expects me to comply willingly?

"...Somehow, I don't think you thought your cunning plan through."

"...Tell me where Jenova is."

"...No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No..."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, you body possessing freak!"

'He certainly is a freak.'

Weiss looks startled, then begins to laugh that Hojo-like laugh. The one that's haunted Dirge of Cerberus since it's birth.

"So, you're as knowledgeable as they say."

"Whose 'they', and how do 'they' know anything about me?" I would have used the finger quotations if I wasn't holding a chibi shield.

Hey, if I'm in the past Final Fantasy VII, does this mean that there's an un-chibi Cloud running around here somewhere?

'Probably. Hellooooooooo fanservice!'

Suddenly, a fantastic idea surfaces. Hojo-Weiss is laughing again. In one quick swoop I Vincent at him and run like hell down the hallway. Cloud hangs on for dear life. A scream and a thunk. Say a silent prayer for the chibi bling, run faster.

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"Calm down, Emmie," Now even I'm using that ridiculous nickname, "Samuel L. Jackson was on a snake full of planes and he kept his cool."

'...A snake full of planes...'

What? Oh, dammit!

"...Huh?" the most intelligent thing Cloud's said all day. We've been navigating through Deepground for over an hour. I wish I memorized that damn game map. We ended up falling into a sewer system... literally. I've been walking for about an hour and I finally see daylight.

A girl with brown hair and creepy, doll-like eyes blocks my path.

My response to this is as follows: ASDFJKL. ALT TAB F4.

"You're not leaving." The youngest Tsviet advances, probably preparing to kick my ass six ways from Sunday. Quick, create a diversion!

"J'habite un maison dans mon pied!" Shelke stops, a hint of confusion is present in her eyes. Bahah! Emotion!

"You live in a house in your feet?"

"Bingo."

I bolt in the opposite direction, heading for the nearest manhole. Shelke isn't fast enough for the King of Retreat.

Jesus Christ on a Bicycle!

I'm in Edge! Or Midgar! Whichever.

'BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS!'

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Ongaku Niji

Twenty One :: End

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1 If you're going to write fanfiction, please space your paragraphs and write more than 1000 words per chapter. My brain will explode if I see one more wall of text, I will suicide. That means no more Ongaku Niji because nobody knows my password. - This message has been brought to you by the Foundation to save the Passès.

2 Think about it. All fanfiction writers are gods in their own respect. They control what happens to the characters and everything. The reviewers are angels, somewhat influencing the writer's decision. The Gospel of Fanfiction. SOMEBODY SHOULD WRITE IT. (Not me.)

A/N: NOT THE END! Not even close! I read this once over and thought 'Am I setting this up for a seventeen chapter ending?' No way in hell. Nevaaaaar! I swear to Jenova that this story will reach fifty chapters before the end of 2007. Guaranteed!

Thanks to all my reviewers! Apocolyptical, Thunderstorm, Eyeofthetigeress, Kumiko, Yargy the Pirate Queen, Nectaris, Shadow, Skavnema, nanashi, Moonshine, 1wngdngl, Yami-Echo, and Rios Masquerade. Non-chibi!Cloud for all!

Next Chapter: Save :: Mama! Will their plan be successful, or will poor Emmie die before making it out? Tune in next time for the answer

Review or may snakes feast on you genitiles.