Chapter Twenty: We Are Broken
I am outside and I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers
Tower over me 'cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again 'cause we just wanna be whole
~Paramore
By the time Nilly had gotten back into Mystic Falls and dropped a drowsy Bonnie off at her house it was close to midnight. She snuck into Elena's house quietly. Joy exploding her heart as she stepped foot in the house, finally home. It was like crossing the finish line of a brutal bloody marathon.
She was still in pain but it seemed like she was healing quickly. She took a few more painkillers that she found in a kitchen cabinet and then lugged her duffle bag upstairs. The house was dark and silent, and Nilin tried to be as quiet as possible. Everyone was clearly sleeping. That was okay though, she'd let them sleep and greet them in the morning. Even though she desperately wanted someone to be awake waiting for her, it was probably better they were asleep.
She made it up to the guestroom, closing the door behind her. A smile spread across her face as she looked around the still over-cheery bright yellow room. Just as light and fluffy as she left it a few days ago. Nilly opened the windows wide, letting the cool night air in. She could hear the sound of early summer bugs outside her window.
Though her eyes burned and her body ached, Nilly couldn't sleep. She doubted she would even be able to fall asleep. So instead of brewing some chamomile tea and putting on soft music like a normal person would, she began unpacking all her things and flicking on her radio to the rock station. She recognized the song that came on.
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listened
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming I woke with this fear,
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
The song suddenly gave her shivers. The words making her hairs stand up as something about them had her feeling uneasy. Quickly taking the stack of CD's out of her duffle bag, she stuck one in the stereo and pressed a button. Music filled the air. She turned it on low as the drums picked up. Moving around the room she sung to herself quietly;
I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today
She went back to unpacking. Pulling out her dark navy down comforter she brought, Nilly tossed it on the bed. She pulled the clothes and shoes out of her duffle bag next and placed them in the closet. Her mind drifted from the song playing as she focused on the picture frame she pulled out of the bag. She placed it carefully on her night stand, smiling at it.
Shoving the now empty duffle bag under her bed, Nilly kicked off her shoes and pulled off the sweatshirt. Without warning, tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. Whether from the lack of sleep or emotions crashing down on her, she didn't know but the tears came, running down her cheeks and dripping on to her open palm.
What was going on with her? She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, trying to get rid of the tears. Nilly felt like she was slowly losing control, that soon she'd shatter and no one would be there to pick up the pieces. She took a deep breath to calm down, but she couldn't get a hold of herself.
Still wipping the wetness out of her eyes, she slowly changed out of her clothes and put an oversize t-shirt on. Walking into the bathroom, she noticed her wrist bothering her. She saw her silver chain around it, rubbing against one of the bites there and causing it to become raw. Nilly unclasped the bracelet and placed it on the nightstand. She'd be safe without it for one night.
After that, she pulled the bandage off her neck. She stared at the bite mark in the mirror. It wasn't as bad as it was this morning and the pain was fading as well. She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands one last time before flicking off all her lights. She turned her stereo up and crawled into bed. She didn't expect to find sleep so quickly, but she did. Her eyes fluttered shut as she drifted off with the music.
Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It's on my sleeve
My skin will scream
Reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I'm driving
There's no hiding for me
I'm forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel
He had been perched in the tree outside her window when she had come home. Damon had gotten bored and ended up waiting for Nilin to return. It wasn't that he was watching out for her, it was honestly just boredom. That's what living for an eternity does for you. He kept his eyes on her as she went up to the bedroom and looked on as she scuttled around the room. But then he saw her start crying, which confused him because a moment ago he had seen her beautiful smile. Now the tears leaking from her blues eyes troubled him.
Finally she turned off the lights. He waited a little until he was sure she was sleeping. Then in one graceful movement he pushed off the tree branch and through the open window. He landed on the hard wood floors soundlessly and he smiled to himself in the dark.
He walked over to the sleeping girl's bedside and looked down at her. Nilly was lying on her side, a blue comforter nuzzled around her. Gently he brushed a curl behind her ear. Something about watching Nilin sleep that amused him.
Out of habit, Damon sent his mind out to try and find hers. Usually he couldn't, she had a barrier around her thanks to the vervain she constantly wore. Pesky little herb. He expected to hit the barrier again, but instead he broke through and became immersed in Nilin's mind. Suddenly, he was seeing everything that was running through her head.
Nilly moved in her sleep, snapping Damon out of her mind. He watched her carefully until she settled back down and her breathing became even again. Well, wasn't it his lucky day. No vervain, he realized. Like flexing a muscle, he sent his power out again. As he found her mind he was surprised to see himself in her dreams. It was more of a memory though, of him telling her about Katherine. He could feel everything she was felling at that moment; betrayal, disappointment, loneliness.
Suddenly the dream changed, Nilly was standing at the Mystic Falls High School dance. She had on that little black dress of hers as she looked around frantically. Damon watched as she barged out of the school and began running through the parking lot until she reached the woods.
What could she possibly be running from? Damon followed her dream as the scene changed again. He didn't recognize this place, it looked like some parking garage with lines of cars and lights above them. Nilly was frozen, fear in her eyes.
Damon pulled out of her mind to look down at Nilin. Her arms were clutching the blanket around, her eyes were squeezed shut and he swore he could see a slight glisten of wetness on her cheeks. Something stirred in him, he wasn't enjoying this. He almost couldn't stand feeling the terror, her terror. The scrawny human part of him wanted to make her fear go away.
So once again he entered her mind, this time taking control of the dream. They were sitting on a bench in the Common, like they had many times before. No one was around, complete serenity. The sun shown bright, and there was a light summer breeze. Nilly squinted her eyes in the sunlight as she blinked a couple times at him.
"Damon?" she asked her voice innocent.
"Dreaming about me again, princess," he said coolly. He watched as her smile widened and she started to laugh.
"This is the strangest dream," Nilin groaned. "It's like my subconscious is on crack," she said, shaking her head as she looked around. "We're in the Common. What is this, our place now?" she asked, giving him a little smirk.
Damon laugh, "Our place. Yeah, why not?"
Nilin nodded, satisfied with that answer as she angled her head back to soak in the summer. Damon's face sobered as he looked at her and said, "You're safe now, Nilin. Nothing can hurt you here."
A smile came to her lips as she continued to stare up at the sun. "No, not with how my head works. My mind can be a very scary place," she said.
"And why's that?" he questioned.
"It holds the truth," Nilin told him with a wink. She rested her head on his shoulder and he felt her relax into him. He wanted to leave her in this gentle peacefulness but he was curious about something.
"What were you running from, Nilin?" he asked. He felt Nilly stiffen a little but she chuckled. It sounded strained and forced.
"Stalking me in my head now, are you?" she joked but then she looked up at Damon, her memorizing blue eyes swimming. "Him," she answered simply.
He wasn't going to push it any farther. Damon let her lay her head back down and then he gave her back control, stepping out of her mind. He stared down at her now. She was grinning slightly, her lips parted. Damon brushed his fingers across her cheek. She made a noise in her sleep that almost sounded like a purr. He chuckled quietly to himself, but then froze. Nilly rolled on to her back, her head turning to the side.
At first he froze because he thought she was waking up, but she still slept soundly. He was now frozen, his eyes locked on her face. Her delicate lower lip was split and she had a faded cut under her left eye. The pillow had been hiding it but now he could see it.
He felt anger and rage well up in him as his eyes looked over her and he saw the wound on her neck. Two distinctive puncture wounds, in a large half circle on her throat. It was the sign of a vampire bite. Not a careful one either, one whose intentions were to inflict pain. The way her delicate skin was ripped at, made Damon clench his fist in the darkness.
He wanted to hunt down whoever did this to Nilin. That's when he made the connection with the 'him' she kept mentioning. Could that 'him' be the one who had done this? Was this the reason she had been crying? The reason why she wears vervain? Was Damon not the first vampire Nilin has come across?
Suddenly Damon was hungry for answers, but he knew he wasn't getting them tonight. He ran his fingers over the bite on her neck gently, causing Nilly to turn her head towards him. He stopped dead, but her eyes were still shut. He bent down slowly, and lightly touched his lips to hers. Then he was gone, back into the night.
She woke extremely early the next morning, at least she had gotten a few hours of sleep in. The house was still silent, Nilly got up quietly. She put a white long sleeve shirt on. It was formfitting, hiding the marks on her arm perfectly. Some cover up and a simple side braid concealed the healing wound on her neck.
Chaining her bracelet back on her wrist, Nilly went downstairs to the dark kitchen and made herself a cup of tea from the special blend Mildred had given her. A few minutes later, she was on the front porch, sitting on the steps. The sun had pushed its way through the horizon as it gave the sky a pinkish color. The air smelled like summer as sprinklers began to go off, watering lawns and slicking the sidewalks.
Nilly could hear a dog barking in the distance, a small dog with a high pitched yap. Someone's car roared to life as she heard the sound of a door closing. Nilly just sat there, stretching her legs out in front of her, sipping tea. The screaming of emotions inside her made up for her silence as she waited for her family to wake up.
Time escaped her, she counted the number of cars that passed instead. She had counted ten by the time she heard movement in the house. It sounded like Jeremy was awake, and maybe Jenna. Nilly continued to rest on the steps. Four more cars later she heard Elena's voice muffled from the front door. Nilly stood up tenderly, empty mug in her hand and opened the front door. She stepped in quietly, shutting the door softly behind her. When she turned around, she saw three heads popping out of the kitchen.
Suddenly she was being rushed at, Jenna and Elena hugging her and Jeremy lifting her up to swing her around. He placed her back on the ground, she stumbled a little, but Elena caught her by wrapping her arms around Nilly's neck. Somehow they ended up in the kitchen and Nilly's empty mug was refilled with steaming coffee. Jenna kissed her on the side of the head as she poured milk into Nilly's cup. They had a lot of questions, the first of which was "What happened to your face?"
Nilly expected that, so she looked down at her cup of coffee like she was embarrassed and said "I kind of fell off the bed again. I think I did this," she indicated her cracked lip and fading cut, "on the nightstand by the bed."
There was a moment of silence, and then they all started laughing. Nilly shook her head with a smile, at least they believed it. But when she looked up, Elena was staring at her strangely. Luckily she didn't have a chance to say anything because Jenna began asking about Nilly's dad.
Nilly told them what happened, and summarized what the doctor had told her. She got looks of sympathy, but no one said to her "I'm sorry", because they all knew her well enough that she had enough sorrow from people and despised when someone said that to her. Instead they asked what they could do.
Nilly just smiled and said "He's taking this more seriously now. He was worried about me, you know, just wanting me to be happy. He told me himself that he rather me up here with you guys, then taking care of him. Besides, he's not really alone. Mildred's with him."
That started the questions on how Mildred was, how Bonnie liked the trip and what Nilly was planning to do all talked until Jenna took a look at her watch, cursed and then ran out the door, late for work again. Nilly followed Elena and Jeremy into the family room. She plopped herself on the couch, laying her legs across Elena's lap. She didn't feel tired, but she must have looked it because Elena suggested they spend a lazy day inside. "Watch some movies, order take out later. What do you say?" she said.
"I'm up for that." Nilly said. Jeremy backed away slowly.
"I'd love to spend girls' night in with you, but I have plans," he said. Nilly threw a pillow at him.
"Stop doing that!" he complained, but Nilly and Elena were too busy laughing. He mumbled something and then went upstairs. Nilly and Elena looked at each other and busted out laughing again. Jeremy left a little while later, smacking them in the head witha pillow as he walked by.
Elena when upstairs, grabbing all the pillows and blankets as she could and dumped them in front of the TV in the living room. Nilly had grabbed a stack of DVD's and a freshly popped bag of popcorn. She settled herself next to Elena in the mound of blankets, feeling like they were eleven again. They laughed and watched movies all day, completely care-free. By the time evening came around the girls were starving. Elena ordered from their favorite Chinese place, while Nilly straightened out the family room.
"Do you mind if Stefan came over?" Elena asked after she hung up the phone. Nilly shook her head.
"Of course not," she said. "I like Stefan, he has a sweet heart."
Elena looked at her, blushing slightly. "Yeah, I got pretty lucky didn't I?"
"Very." Nilly said, smiling. "You deserve someone like him, Elena."
"No one deserves anything," she said, walking into the kitchen. Nilly looked at her confusingly as she followed her. She sat down on one of the stools by the island.
"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" Nilly asked, eyeing her cousin. Elena just shrugged.
"It just feels like we're dealt more of the bad than the good. So who decides who deserves what?" she said. Nilly thought a moment.
"Maybe that's the beauty of it. We go through so much hell that the smallest of good things seems great. We're able to enjoy things that everyone else takes for granted and when something extremely great happens it feels like it should make up for the crap we deal with." Nilly said, leaning her elbows on the island's counter top. Elena smiled at her, leaning her elbows on it too.
"When'd you become so deep, Nee?" she asked. Nilly laughed, just as the doorbell rang. "Food or Stefan?" Elena asked, standing.
"Hopefully food, because I don't think you'd like it if I ate your boyfriend." Nilly answered with a smile. Elena rolled her eyes as she went to get the door. Nilly laid her head on the table, a few minutes later Elena walked in with Stefan behind her.
"Damn," Nilly said, lifting her head up. "I was hoping for General Tao," Nilly explained.
Stefan just chuckled as Elena walked over. "She threatened to eat you," she said. "She called you sweet, too." Nilly eyed Elena.
"Lies," she said. "I'd never do that."
"I'm sure you wouldn't." Stefan laughed. "How was your trip? Everything okay with your dad?" he asked. Nilly smile at him, he actually cared. She could see it in his eyes, and the way his forehead creased with worry.
"It was a long tiring trip, glad to be back. He's doing fine, they were running some test when I left. He said he'd call me with the results." Nilly explained.
"Well he'll be fine, I'm sure of it," he said.
"I know, it's just the not knowing that bothers me the most." Stefan nodded in sympathy. The doorbell rang again, Nilly head popped up.
"And there's your General Tao." Stefan said with a smile. A few minutes later they were all eating Chinese food. Well, everyone but Stefan, who said he had eaten before he came.
"You sure you don't want an eggroll?" Nilly said, eyeing him.
He chuckled, "I'm good, thanks."
Nilly shrugged. "You don't know what you're missing," she said, taking a bite out of one. Nilly was sitting across from Stefan and Elena in the kitchen, food spread out on the island. Elena was leaning on Stefan as she popped a dumpling in her mouth.
"Very lady like." Nilly joked. Elena just eyed her.
Nilly heard a phone ring, she reached for her pocket to see if it was hers when Stefan said, "Oh, that's mine. I'm going to go take this." He kissed Elena's head and left the room. Nilly made a kissy face at Elena, puckering her lips. "Jerk," she said as she threw a fried noodle at Nilly.
"Hey!" Nilly laughed as she reached for a hand full of noodles. She went to pull back when Elena grabbed her arm. "What-?" Nilly stopped, Elena's eyes were fixed on her wrist. Nilly tried to pull out of Elena's grip. She tugged her arm back, quickly sliding down her white sleeve, covering the bites on the inside of her arm. The room had gone silent, Nilly looked up to find Elena's horror stricken eyes burning holes into her. Nilly swallowed hard, and looked back down.
"Who did that to you?" Elena asked softly, her voice cracking.
Author's Notes:
Chapter Twenty up! Clearly someone has some explaining to do...
Thanks for reading guys and thanks for all the new Followers and Favorites. It really means so so so much to me. I'll be back Friday. You finally gets to hear a part of Nilin's back story. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed. Keep up the good work.
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