The morning rays hit the Palace suite very early on and Chuck shielded his eyes against the sudden intrusion of brightness. It was when he saw his hand in front of his face that he realized that it was still bleeding. He groaned as pain shot through his neck. It was then that he realized that he was lying across the too small couch, his neck angled uncomfortably on the hand rest. Empty bottles of scotch surrounded him and his Armani dinner jacket lay crumbled in the floor.

It had been a rough night. It wasn't supposed to be, not from the looks of the way the day started. He was in Blair's birthday party and she had looked gorgeous. She had loved his gift. Just when he thought that it would one of the best days of his life, things started to go wrong. It started to go downhill from the moment his over-emotional sister had created a scene. Her words seemed to echoing in his ears. And then he had shown up- a handsome man obviously attracted to Blair had shown up. And to top it he was a fucking prince- He stood there watching the goddamn prince literally playing a scene from a fairytale with the love of his life.

He had stood there doing nothing, saying nothing. Because he couldn't say anything- Blair had very clearly told him that whatever they were doing came with no strings. Yet there was a string attached and it was pulling at his heart. So he left unable to watch them together and came back to wait...Wait for a call from her...a message from her... He waited up till dawn drinking and wallowing waiting for a call and it never came. He didn't even realize when he passed out.

He wasn't sure why the sight of Blair with Louis had hurt so much. Was it because he was everything she dreamed of come to life? Was it because when she was with him she had a glow on her face? Or was it because this time her eyes didn't swoop in to check the jealousy on Chuck's face?

Ever since Victrola Chuck hated the sight of any guy with Blair. He wanted to rip Nate apart as he did with Carter, Marcus and Cameron but it never hurt so much because he knew that the passionate love Blair felt for him was incomparable to the flimsy feelings she had for her suitors. But now she felt nothing for him- maybe she felt something for him but it wasn't love. Blair Waldorf was no longer his- and whatever she felt it would be destroyed the moment she knew.

He was so lost in the luxury of being by her side and holding her again that he forgot the reality, where she would hate him if she knew the truth. He knew he would have to tell her someday. She deserved the truth; she deserved to know and he deserved to be hated by the only one he loved.

The thought cut him like shards of glass. How could he have done that to her? He wanted to go back in time and strangle himself undoing everything he did. He stood up and rested his forehead against the window pane staring unseeing at the sights of the city.

He couldn't bear it if she hated him. She was the only one who ever loved him and the thought of Blair Waldorf hating him was like a venomous poison racing down his nerves burning his body. She couldn't hate him, could she? She wouldn't... She wouldn't… Not after all they shared. But then what had he done after everything she had done for him. As though his mind was tuned to torture him his mind flashed on Eva... Granted Eva was his savior angel- the one hope he had on surviving a world where Blair didn't love him, but how must Blair felt seeing him with her?

It was no secret that Blair didn't love him then, but seeing her replaced so soon after their break-up must have hurt her, especially because Blair suffered from self-esteem issues.

You are just upset that I have changed and the woman who changed me isn't you

The pain in her eyes when he said that had given a sadistic pleasure to him them but now he felt a rush of self-loathing fill him up. He hated himself, he hated himself so much. He knew no one should love him ever. He hated himself but he couldn't bear the fact that she would hate him too.

"Don't hate me Blair, please" he cried hating how pathetic he sounded "Please don't hate me... I will spend the rest of my life making everything right...Just don't hate me..." He felt tears sliding down his cheeks.

He wanted her to love him as she always did with eternal devotion and unconditional acceptance. And this time he wanted to deserve her love.

He straightened up staring at the room in disgust. What was he doing? Wallowing in despair and pitying himself? He had promised himself that it would all stop, that this time he would be the man she deserves. And that man didn't dull his pain with scotch. He swallowed hard and lifted to see his hand. Grabbing a monogrammed handkerchief he wrapped his hand around it. Staring at the blood soaking it his mind slipped back to the past.

The darkest thought you ever had the worst thing that you ever do. I will stand by you through anything.

And she had- She stood by him through everything. And he had exploited it but it was time to change the promise. It was time to make a new promise.

Every single thought that I ever have, every damn thing that I ever do, it will only be to make you happy, Blair.

…

Blair woke up strangely happy. For once the smile she wore at breakfast wasn't a fake one. Her birthday party was an awesome success. It had gone on till early hours of the morning and everyone was complimenting on how wonderful party it was. She was smiling because her parents, both set of them, were laughing together and her mother buttered Blair a croissant herself. Blair had gaped at her mother for a while before taking it and biting it tentatively.

Blair looked around and almost was grateful for the accident. It had in a curious way brought her family together. She remembered the warmth that she felt emanating from Cyrus, the pride in her mother's voice as she introduced Blair to her business associates and she realized that her parents loved her. Blair felt safe, safer than ever. She had everyone she wanted in her life while previously she only had Serena. Her smile disappeared when she thought of her best friend and her face as she left the party. Her phone rang. It was Prince Louis.

"Good morning Your Highness" Blair teased

"Blair..." he said with his adorable accent "I hope I didn't wake you up. You must have slept really late last night"

"The same applies to you. You were one of my last guests. I can't believe you stayed back for a round of truth or dare that Penelope very juvenilely suggested. "Blair said immediately realizing how childish it must have seemed to him. She cursed herself for not stopping Penelope "But you must realize that my parties usually aren't this way. We don't always do those juvenile things..."

Louis chuckled "I loved it, Blair. I felt so normal after so long. I have never had time to be juvenile or immature and so last night was like a get-away to my non-existent childhood. Anyway I was hoping we could meet today for dinner?"

"Of course" she said beaming when a sudden thought entered her mind. Jacqueline Wade, the owner of W publications threw an annual masquerade party for the crème of the UES. She imagined the look on everyone's face if she walked in with a Prince. "I am actually going over to this masquerade ball and I guess we could go together..." she shyly suggested

Louis chuckled softly "It would my pleasure."

She was going on a date with a Prince- a real Prince. She hung up and rushed to stare at herself. She needed to look perfect. Dorota rushed in with a worried look on her face, carrying a dress bag.

Blair stared at her expression with narrowed eyes.

"What is it? Don't tell me my dress for Jacqueline's Masquerade party has been tortured by the cleaners" she snapped at her maid.

Dorota swallowed hard. "No Miss Blair- The dress is good. But I saw on Gossip Girl that Jacqueline supposed to wear same dress ..."

Blair gasped. She quickly checked Gossip Girl and stood up "This is a disaster. There is no way in hell I will walk into the damned party as Miss J's doppelganger. We have a few hours and we need the perfect dress. Call in the resources. Tell my minions to hunt down every boutique for something exclusive. You and I are going to Vera Wang" Blair said very fast and scrambled to dress.

She rushed down the stairs almost colliding with Cyrus.

"Ho...Ho... Isn't this our very own Cinderella?" gushed the beaming man.

Blair smiled "Not at all Cyrus. Louis maybe a prince but I am no one's cinder girl"

"True, my girl! What is with the rush?"

"No dress for tonight's masquerade ball. I have only a few hours to get the perfect dress, get it fitted and ensure that Chuck has a matching bow tie..." she stopped suddenly, her feet hanging on the last step.

Louis... Not Chuck….

Oh god! She had just asked Louis on a date without considering what Chuck would say. She shouldn't be going out with Louis while she and Chuck were...what exactly? What were she and Chuck? Would he be hurt when he found out that she was taking Louis as her date? Would he make a scene? Blair scowled. He had no right to- She had made it very clear that their relationship wasn't about love. They weren't dating and he never asked her to be his girlfriend. On the other hand he might be totally nonchalant about this. After all he was Chuck Bass. Surprisingly the thought clenched her heart. He had to care, didn't he? He would care... It was in the way he looked at her, the way he held her as though she was too precious, the way he said her name in reverence…

"Miss Blair… I called everyone. We ready to go" Dorota said snapping Blair back to her senses. Blair nodded and bid Cyrus a goodbye. She had sat down in her limo when her mind started churning again.

…

On the morning of the most awaited masquerade ball of the season I close the poll on: Who will be Serena's next? Looks like Serena doesn't want to choose. Maybe she wants both the cake and the donut. We suppose they are both delicious in their own way, huh S? Or are you too busy trying to become best-ies with Queen B to care nothing about it? Speaking of Queen B-we hear she had a mystery guest! Way to go B! Meeting your Prince Charming is way sweeter is your prince charming is actually royalty! But what of C... Looks like the quest to the Queen's heart failed miserably. Poor C- I would say don't give up. I suppose that calls for a new poll. Who do you think Queen B should be with? King C or Prince L?

King C or Prince L –

The question seemed to waving around in her brain all day and if she knew anything about the UES everyone was desperately waiting for her to arrive to see who she arrived with. While she loved being the centre of attention and one of the main motivations of asking Louis to be her date was the favorable attention and press it would get her, she found herself oddly reluctant to exit the limo she was riding. She was sitting across Louis who was amusing her with regal stories of his childhood. She was smiling at him but her mind was far away. She felt oddly guilty at bringing Louis as her date and a matter of her wished she had called Chuck and talked to him. It felt too awful to just not call him today when yesterday she was being so close to him. They were on the verge of building something new as she learned of her past. She felt there was something joining them as they interacted now and he seemed to care so much about her.

But then she had made sure he knew that they were nothing. She wasn't cheating on him, she told herself. This isn't cheating. And it's not like Chuck is sitting around moping for her. He was probably busy himself. Not only he left the party early, he never called her today. He probably found some new amusement. An icy knife cut through her as she imagined him entangled with a glorious blonde. She felt suddenly sick.

She was standing on the side; her fists clenched shut watching as he lovingly spoke her name.

"I am pleased to inaugurate the Eva Louviere Foundation..."

She hated it- the way his hand slid across her waist, the way her blonde hair contrasted with his, the way he smiled at her- Not smirk but smile. He wasn't Chuck Bass with her. He wasn't Chuck Bass with her.

You are just upset that I have changed and the woman who changed me isn't you

Something broke within her. "If you really believe that, then you have truly changed because now you are nothing but a fool"

"Blair..." a voice said gently next to her. She slowly blinked her eyes. She was sitting in a limo with Louis driving to the masquerade ball. She wasn't anywhere else.

"Are you alright?" he said running a soothing hand across her cheeks

She nodded meekly "I am fine, Louis. I was just thinking…Please go on..."

He nodded, picking up where he left. Blair smiled at him but inwardly she scowled. She didn't know what triggered the flash but the implications were clear. She never thought she cared a button for the French floozy but apparently it killed her to see Eva with Chuck. She almost gasped as she realized the pain she felt when she saw with him and he paraded the French trash proudly around her. Suddenly all guilty feelings flew away from her mind. The limo stopped and Louis sighed as he offered her his hand.

"Ready to be accosted by the eager press?" he asked with an impish grin

She felt her heart soften at the grin and smiled back almost triumphantly "Most definitely"

The press, the over-eager staff of W and the distinguished guests of Jacqueline were almost fawning over her and her prince as she entered. Jacqueline was hinting very clearly that she wanted an exclusive interview with both Blair and the prince. Blair eyed her dress almost critically. She was wearing the same emerald green dress embellished with rich silver embroidery that Blair was supposed to be wearing. Inwardly Blair was happy to see that her backless purple gown was infinitely more beautiful than hers. She chose a pure silver mask to cover her face. However the masks were of no use. Everyone knew who they were and somehow that made Blair happier.

Louis was once again trying to politely get across the point to Jacqueline that he wasn't interested in any interviews or interactions with the press when she saw him. Chuck was, as always standing a little away from the crowd. He was dressed in a dark suit, a bowtie with the exact same shade of purple as her dress and his mask was flung away somewhere. She couldn't see what he had chosen but she knew what he should have worn. The mask of devil... He looked like the devil reincarnate as his eyes met hers across the room. A gorgeous, sinfully wicked reincarnate of devil... She shivered slightly as he mockingly raised a glass towards her.

He looked so smug that she wanted to smash the glass on his head and yet as she turned back to the conversation she could see a painful vulnerable look on his face. It pulled at her heart even when she laughed at something Louis said. She walked around with Louis but her senses remained highly attuned to Chuck. It was as though she left a part of her with him. It made no sense that he could affect her this way. It had something to with their past, the past that she didn't remember, the past which was painful, the past that would make her hate him and she didn't know the past. She didn't know their story. And yet she felt the connection.

She did say that they had no strings attached. But there were strings pulling at her even now. She shook her head trying to concentrate on the party, on Louis but it seemed impossible.

"I am looking forward to Eleanor's new line. She has such impeccable sense of fashion. I always adore her. It is a pity she couldn't come today..." Jacqueline was saying to Blair

Blair smiled "She flew out after lunch to Paris for some urgent business. She really wanted to come but I suppose…"

"Blair..." came a very familiar voice from her side. Blair wanted to scream as she saw her ex-best friend dressed in an icy blue dress and a golden mask appear at her side.

"Serena, it is good to see you" Louis said with his natural charm. Serena smiled back at him and Jacqueline. "It's good to see you too. I was hoping to steal your date for a few minutes"

Louis laughed "But of course"

Rather than make a scene, Blair allowed Serena to drag her to a side.

"Is this your new thing? Accosting me at public events?" she said as Serena pulled her into an empty corridor.

Serena pulled off her mask slowly and smiled, ignoring the venomous glare Blair was directing at her "You've no idea how happy I am to see that you came with Louis"

"Oh! Really" Blair said with mock excitement "The ambition of my life fulfilled because apparently all I want to do is make you happy"

Serena sighed, hating the icy glare that B was giving her. They had fought so many times but they always found their way back. This time she felt a wall between them, something that prevented her from reaching her best friend "I know you hate me..." she began softly

"Congratulations"! Came the answer

"I know... I wasn't a good best friend" Serena continued as though she hadn't spoken "I was always immersed in my world to know if you needed help... You were always the stronger one, the one that pulled us through every bloody time. When you were in that coma I realized that you were the only constant in my life. Without you my life is a blubbering mess. You are my sister, B. You are my rock and... I...I miss you" she stopped taking a deep breath

Blair felt herself swallowing a lump. She couldn't help it. This was S- her best friend, the girl who had held her hair back as she made herself sick. The girl, who waited outside the doctor's door when she had her therapy sessions, and she missed that girl...

"I made a mistake, B. I felt horrible about it. I was drunk and stupid. But you have made me suffer for it…I am sorry about Nate..." she continued.

The moment she said the name, it all became clear in B's mind. Yes this was S-the girl who stole her limelight and always made her feel second-best. The girl-who was the apple of her mother's eye and was always preferred by Nate. She was the one who stole everything B wanted with a single smile.

"I love you, B and I miss you. Please don't throw this out..." she finished

Years of resentment and jealousy poured out of Blair in that moment. "You might miss me S but I don't. I don't miss being the invisible one when I stand next you. I don't miss the person who takes everything away from me."

Serena gasped "Blair...please...You aren't being fair. I am trying my best here..."

"Well don't. There is nothing here to salvage. I am much better off without you in my life. I suggest you stop trying to make me like you and go fuck whoever you are fucking nowadays" she replied haughtily ignoring the pang in her heart.

"You know what? Maybe I will. Have a good life" snapped Serena red-faced

"You too" she replied sweetly

She watched as Serena walked away, her perfect façade falling away. It hurt to see her walk away but a part of her was pleased. Serena was nothing but a thorn in her way, an obstacle which intentionally or unintentionally ensured that she never got what she wanted. She heard someone next behind her and she rearranged her perfect society smile.

"You really think you're doing the right thing?" Chuck asked gently.

She closed her eyes as his breath caressed her neck. She took a deep breath and turning around.

"What are you doing here?"

"Stalking you" he said matter-of-factly. He stared at her watching her narrowed eyes and said "You seem to have acquired a very interesting birthday present"

Blair smiled "Yes thank you. I am enjoying it very thoroughly."

"Really?" he asked, his eyes flaring up "Because I didn't think tall, yawn-inducing and pedestrian was your type"

Blair gaped at him "Pedestrian? He is a prince!" she said indignantly

"Ah!" he said with a superior air. "There lies the attraction"

Blair scoffed loudly "Have you any idea how desperately jealous you sound?"

There was a silence and then he moved forward. His jaw was clenched and his eyes flashed dangerously "Why didn't you call me?"

Blair swallowed an unreasonable fear rising within her but stood her ground "Why didn't you?"

He looked unsure for a moment before saying desperately "I was waiting for you to call first"

"And I was waiting for you to call" she retorted in the same tone.

They burst out laughing. Chuck shrugged "You have to forgive me. I don't have much experience with calling girls the morning after and... And I thought you were busy with Frenchie" he added ruefully.

It was his pronunciation of the word that made her remember. "Well we both seem to appreciate the French culture"

He blanched but his eyes looked almost hopeful "What are you saying?"

She shrugged, trying to maintain a nonchalant attitude "Well you keep on saying how much we were in love and all that but somehow never managed to explain the existence of the French floozy in your life"

He closed his eyes "I met Eva after... after we broke up"

"And proudly paraded her in our circles?" She asked in a would-be casual voice

"I wasn't thinking about you. I was only thinking about myself and how Eva made the pain seem a little less" he whispered

Blair looked up, a knot within her untwisting. He was in pain. He was on the rebound from the pain their break-up caused him.

"So she was your rebound-girl?"

He shook his head grimly "More of a survival tactic. I didn't know how to be without you and so I allowed myself to become someone else"

It was as though her mind had sworn to remember everything about Chuck Bass because the phrase came unbidden to her mind.

I 'm not Chuck Bass without you

Hardly aware of what she doing she whispered as though in a daze "You are Chuck Bass without me"

His returning smile was dazzling "And I never will be"

They stood there standing in the dimly lit corridor and for once she felt much more sexual tension. She felt the cracks without seeing them. She felt the love without knowing it.

He broke the silence suddenly "Can I come see you tonight?"

Without thinking she nodded.

…

There was something different about tonight. Unlike the nights she passed in his arms making feverishly passionate love or the ones where they fought like foes meeting in a battlefield. Tonight there was a camaraderie in the air and yet not. It was like the last broken note of Beethoven's symphony. It was a night where Blair sat listening to awe to what seemed likes a love story written by a poignantly emphatic writer but was indeed her own life.

She had left Chuck and rejoined Louis after their conversation. She never once even looked at Chuck's direction thereafter but she felt his presence. She didn't acknowledge it for she knew it would offend Louis and she had no wish to offend a prince who seemed so very interested in her. Louis was so good to her. His smiles made her heart jump a little, she knew she was attracted to him but it didn't change the fact that something much more powerful engulfed her heart throughout the party. She yearned for someone; she felt an all-consuming towards Chuck. So much so that when at the end of the party, Louis leaned for a kiss, she found herself backtracking and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

She returned home and undressed in anticipation. He had arrived moments later and unlike normal times she didn't throw herself at him nor did he make a move. Instead he sat on the edge of her bed, his jacket thrown across the bed and his bowtie undone. His light lavender dress shirt rolled to reveal his forearms. She sat cross-legged against the headboard with a pillow clutched to her chest.

"So it took you one whole year to say those words?" she asked finally

He looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well... yeah!"

"That is cruel" she said shaking her head "You should have said it the moment I asked you"

"Then you shouldn't have brought Lord Marcus" he replied slowly

"And you shouldn't have abandoned me in Tuscany..." she said casually. She supposed she should be angry but somehow she understood Chuck and his emotions. She knew the cynical bad boy she grew up with and she knew the walls that he kept against him. Hence she understood how difficult it must have been for him to break those walls and let her in.

"I...I was scared. I was scared that you would see the real me and run away." He said vulnerably

Blair's heart clenched and she suddenly felt angry at Bart. The man had ensured that Chuck believed no one could love him. She wanted to reassure him but he continued before she could speak.

"You once called me a coward and you were right. Every single time I found an excuse to not say those words because I was always scared. Scared that you won't say it back, scared that once I say those words I would be totally vulnerable to your actions, scared that if we did become a couple I would mess up and we…" he stopped suddenly. His eyes turned glassy "And I would lose you for good"

"But you didn't..." she said sweetly trying to change the mood of the evening to a lighter tone.

He picked up what she was trying to do and nodded but seemed unable to say anything. Blair laughed.

"Chuck Bass what has happened to you?"

He grinned "I 'm whipped"

Her heart skipped a beat and she looked down. His phone rang and he checked the caller ID.

"Why is Lily calling me so late?" he wondered aloud. Blair cast a glance at her clock. It was around 3 am.

"Hello...Yes... I... WHAT?" he cried suddenly. Blair looked up at his frantic expression, a premonition of impending doom coming to her. "Of course... yea... I... we will right there"

"What happened?" she asked

He stared at her, moving closer. "Blair, its Serena... She is in hospital."

…

Another LONG chapter…. In case you are wondering Blair doesn't know of any of the events that happened after they became a couple yet... They were getting there when they were interrupted by the call.

Once again a huge thank you to my reviewers- Chair fan and RF –thank you for your support... I can't seem to reply to your reviews so there you go.

Please let me know what you think. I would like to know whether the story is moving in the right direction and do you think Chuck is doing the right thing?