You guys can all totally skip like the second, third, fourth and fifth paragraphs. Legit. Do it. I don't even want to read them to edit because I don't care anymore.
The silence of the archives became too loud. I got up, shoved the book roughly back into place, crumpled up the paper, and trashed it while I walked out, then shunpoed out of that place as fast as I could. I knew some time in the next few minutes, I would completely collapse and start crying. It was as usual for me. Everything had come crashing down, and my walls were gone, for now. The reality of my situation was hitting me hard, like it always did. I stumbled finally, in the woods, rolled, and came to a stop by a pond. I sat up, and just looked at the surface. A beautiful simplicity lurked there, and it made me want to cry even more than I already did.
Let me tell you a story, dear reader. Because I'm writing this a while after this actually happened. See, in a sense, to me, it was like I'd been rejected. Albeit by someone I was in love with, but I'd been rejected. And that's only happened twice before.
The first time was in second grade. I'd like this kid for a really long time. He was a new kid. American. His name was Jacob. Anyway, I think I liked him from the first day of school, all the way to the end. And on the last day of school, I finally got up the courage to ask him out. And do you know what he said? He said no, obviously. But his reason was what got me. He said I was ugly. Fat. Too short. And an awful person. What do you think eight year old Katsu thought then? She believed him. And ate one meal a day, for the rest of the summer. And started in on the makeup wearing. Essentially, like I was before Tatsuki changed me back into a human.
The second time is the more relevant one, in this case. It was this kid, whose name I've blocked from my memory. I liked him in seventh grade. I fell in love with the idea of him in eighth. I asked him out in ninth. I was in love with the idea of this kid, because, well, he was nice. He was funny. He was cute. He was taller than me. He helped me through all of my problems. He was the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. And I wanted that. The greedy little bitch I was. I wanted him, and every time he went out with someone, I got furious and refused to talk to him until he broke up with her. Of course, I dated people too during that time, but he never made a fuss. Anyway, in ninth grade, I asked him out. And he, obvious again, said no. Why this time? Because I'd isolated him for two years. He had been in love with me, for real, and I'd toyed with him. I'd dated people, but he wasn't allowed to date, because he was mine. He'd waited, and waited for me just to ask him out, or for me to be single for more than a day, but no. He never got a chance. And it broke my heart.
And so, this third time. This was especially hard to take, because of the pretenses. And I'd been crying a lot these three weeks. It's like the smallest things triggered tears.
So, sitting by this pond, I burst into tears for the first, and only, time tonight. Full out sobbing. You'd think I'd run out of tears, but no. You'd think my body would get used to the agony. Nope.
After a few hours, I realized the sun had gone down, and wondered if Rangiku was going to try and find me. She did occasionally. Other times I just wandered back at three in the morning. But something felt off. Considering I'd just been staring at the pond for an hour, I knew it didn't look like I'd been crying anymore, so I got up, and started the walk back. I was surprised to find the entire barracks alight. Not on fire, but it was definitely bright. I wandered in, confused, and Captain looked straight at me, then his face relaxed a little, and he walked over.
"Are you stupid?!" he yelled. I cringed.
"What's even going on?"
"Kuchiki Rukia, and Shuhei Hisagi have been kidnapped. We thought you were too." I froze. Shuhei...
"We have to go find them. We have to."
"We will." I paused.
"Take me... Take me to where they were last seen."
"I can't baby you, Kita." and he walked away. I scowled, then shunpoed off to Rukia's division. She'd probably be in bed at this time, so I wandered into her room and paused, looking around. After a few moments, I closed my eyes and felt for her Spiritual Pressure. Once I picked it up, I shunpoed off after where it led.
And skidded to a halt in the clearing where I fought Yuudai. There was a fresh patch of blood, that was Shuhei's by the feel, but the Spiritual Pressure's stopped. I cursed, then shunpoed back and skidded to a halt in front of Captain. He didn't acknowledge me. I scowled. That only left one person to go to. Steeling my nerves, I shunpoed to squad nine, and ran toward Renji, sliding to a stop and panting to catch my breath. He just looked at me curiously. After a minute, I straightened up.
"Yuudai took them." I panted. His eyes narrowed.
"How do you know?"
"I tracked Rukia's Spiritual Pressure to the clearing where I got my ass handed to me on a silver plater." he looked like he was about to argue that, but stopped.
"Stay here." I narrowed my eyes.
"No." I'm going to have serious withdrawal later. Renji withdrawal.
"Katsu-"
"No. Just, no. You got your ass kicked last time you faced that guy. If you find him again, you're going to need me. I'm the only one who's already seen their fear happen." he narrowed his eyes.
"I don't believe that. Are you immune to it? Is that your Zanpakuto's power?" I clenched my hand into a fist, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. Never have I wanted to hit someone so bad. Except maybe Goka.
"No. If you need to know, it was you dying. If you don't take me with you, you're going to get your ass kicked again." I blinked.
"Where is Kyo?"
"He went home. What do you mean you saw me die?" I shot him a look.
"I don't like you right now. In fact, I'm seconds away from punching you. So stop interrogating me." a look of shock crossed his face.
"You do not understand how hard it is for me to be here right now. But Captain won't talk to me because he thinks I'm a delinquent. So you need to take me with you."
"No. Just go back to your room, and stay." I scowled, plan forming quickly. He obviously knew the look in my eye, and was about to say something, but I shunpoed back to my room, and waited.
Ö
An hour later, everyone was asleep. I got up, and opened my door quietly, then took off for Mayuri's lab. I located the thing that makes Garganta's, and turned it on, then walked through, and didn't look back.
Ö
Let me tell ya. Hueco Mundo is really boring. But the Shinigami had no chance of finding me now. I shunpoed for long periods of time, with only very short breaks, hoping I met no Hollow. Then I ran straight into Las Noches. Literally, actually. I ran into the big dome that surrounds it. Scowling, I scaled up it, and dropped in the roof, landing easily onto a tower. Nobody seemed to have noticed my entrance. I broke into the tower below me, and much to my surprise, found Rukia and Shuhei locked up, just there. I stared at them both for a minute.
"You're both real, correct?" they both nodded.
"Rukia, when was the last time you saw me before I died?"
"Beach."
"Shuhei?"
"In your apartment." I nodded.
"Anyone got a sword?"
"You can't do anything to the lock though." Rukia slid me hers, and I smirked.
"Steal, Sourusutira." the blade iced over at my words, and I hacked the lock off. The door swung open easily.
"How did you activate my Zanpakuto?"
"It's how my Zanpakuto works." I wiggled my fingers, showing off the ring, then giving the blade back.
"Now, I popped straight in from the roof above." footsteps echoed up the hall, and I turned around quickly, before hissing, "Freeze!" the sound halted before it turned the corner, and I walked over and looked at Yuudai.
"I should kill you right now, but I don't think we'll have enough time. Guys, get out of here!" I forced some of my compulsion, if you will, into my voice, and they were gone in an instant. I shot after them, feeling the wear on my senses from my Zanpakuto and using my compulsion. Then I heard the sirens.
"Freeze, damn it!" they silenced, and I watched Rukia and Shuhei climb through the roof. I jumped up after them, then something incredible happened. I froze. They did too, but usually I don't. After about two minutes of frozenness, I cried, "Get the hell out!" throwing as much compulsion into my voice as I could. And they were gone. Something burst through the rock behind me, and I was free. I shunpoed off as fast as I could. I came to a rolling stop beside Shuhei and Rukia, who shot through the Senkai gate. I followed.
"We won't be expected." Shuhei started.
"Which means the cleaner will be on us in a few seconds."
"In that case, you two shunpo faster." I didn't yell, but I used a little compulsion. Rukia seemed very happy to agree and go, but Shuhei hesitated.
"Abarai will kill me if I leave you."
"Just go. I'll be fine." I lied, pushing a little harder. He nodded slowly, then him and Rukia took off shunpoing. I just continued running, glancing behind me every so often. Then I saw the light of the cleaner, and started running faster. I couldn't switch gears into shunpo. It was on me within seconds, and everything went black.
Ö
My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the red all around. This was different then the blackness of near death. This was like death. Except, I shouldn't be alive.
"I'm confused." I groaned, still sinking in the redness. The sound of bells startled me, and I looked around, trying to locate my Zanpakuto.
"Do you want to live?" her voice echoed off everything and nothing. It was in my head, but everywhere.
"I'm already dead."
"Be serious!" I paused.
"I guess so. Yes."
"Why?"
"Because..." I closed my eyes, "Because despite my efforts to fall out of love with Renji, it's not happening. Because I have some friends. Because I will keep risking my life for him. For them. Because they need me. They need me, more than I want to be alive. They need me, and that's why I have to stay alive. I don't care if I live or die. However, I care about my friends. And if I die, Renji may as well kill himself. He considered it last time. I got sucked into the cleaner. I'm not going to be reborn. He had a small chance of finding me again last time. There isn't one this time." laughing, the bells again.
"I think you passed the test. Now solidify that resolve to live, and pull yourself outta this hell hole." a bright light appeared above, and a shadowed hand. I reached, but when my hand didn't reach, I took a deep breath, and pushed myself upward, clasping on the hand. Then everything went white.
Ö
"I still can't believe she's back here." I opened my eyes at Ichigo's voice, and smacked him.
"Asshole! I'm not redead!" he grinned.
"Why are you here?"
"Whadya mean?"
"World of the Living?" he prompted. I sat up.
"Urahara's?"
"Yeah."
"What the hell...?"
"We found you unconscious in the middle of the city. Any reason?"
"I got munched on by the cleaner." I summarized. Urahara let out a small noise.
"You shouldn't be alive then."
"Well, my Zanpakuto is a soul stealer."
"Zanpakuto...? You have no sword."
"Ring." I wiggled my fingers, then grabbed Ichigo's sword.
"Steal, Sourusutira. Bankai." my Spiritual Pressure flared, then I held the small black blade and swung it around. Ichigo gaped, then took his sword back.
"That's crazy."
"Not really." I shrugged, then paused.
"Anywho, I really need to get back now, because someone is out to kill me, and or kidnap me."
"I'll call." Urahara was gone, and I looked straight at Ichigo. He gave me a stern look.
"You and Renji were in a relationship before you died."
"Yes."
"And you remember everything."
"Yes."
"So are you still in a relationship?" I cringed, even though I expected this question. His gaze softened.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. He's being an asshole, and I've already sworn I'm done with him." he gave me a look, and we had a small staring contest, daring the other to break first. I broke first.
"Okay, fine. He broke it off because I almost got killed because I was protecting him from this guy. His name is Yuudai, he's a former captain that was above Goka, the guy who kidnapped me. Anywho, Yuudai's zanpakuto is this fear thing. It shows you what your fear most. Well I'd already seen that, so it didn't do much to me, while others were incapacitated. Then he went bankai, and I borrowed Kyoraku's Zanpakuto and fought with him. He caught me..." I showed him the scar. He winced.
"And when I woke back up, Renji decided he'd had enough of me almost dying." he gave me a sympathetic smile and hug. I rolled my eyes.
"Abarai is here to get you." I held my breath for a moment. Ichigo got up, and I heard them arguing for a moment. I stood by the door, listening.
"You're a complete and utter asshole." Ichigo started. I bit back a laugh.
"What?"
"You heard me. Katsu is a disaster on her own. And everything she does, is because she wants to. So she got almost killed twice and swallowed by the cleaner. That doesn't mean you leaving her is going to do anything. In fact, it actually got her killed." silence.
"She's dead?"
"No, but she was. Maybe she'll explain, if she doesn't stab you with her eyes and not talk to you." more silence.
"Swallowed by the sweeper?"
"Yeah."
"She can't be alive then." a pause, "I have to go back and report." my plan formed within a second, and I threw the door open.
"Urahara!" I called, stalking straight past the two, heading for the kitchen.
"Yes?"
"I need food!" I entered, and he threw a granola bar at me. I lurched backward to catch it after it sailed over me. Then he tossed a bowl my way, and I hit the floor to catch it, barely rattling the spoon.
"Fuck yes! I'm a fucking ninja!" he laughed.
"You're just jello because I'm a fucking bad ass ninja. Shit!" I licked the side of the bowl where a bit of the soup dripped, then grinned.
"Yeah. Fucking ninja." he shook his head and went back to cooking. I downed the soup, then stuck the granola bar in my mouth and turned around. Ichigo and Renji were staring at me.
"Yes? Do you need something, Ichigo?"
"How the hell...?"
"You learn a lot on the streets." I shrugged. He closed his eyes and shook his head, then sauntered over and hugged me again.
"I've gotta go, but it was nice seeing you, and have you steal the soul of my Zanpakuto." I grinned, and he did too, then left. I finished my granola bar, then let my stony look back onto my face as I looked at Renji. It took more effort than I remembered, but maybe that's because I never took it off before. The sudden urge to cry hit me, looking at his face, and I felt my features smooth. The stony looked all but vanished as I held back the waterworks. I wouldn't last more than fifteen minutes, I knew.
"How can you be so happy while you're with him, but so angry with me?" he questioned quietly. I fought to keep my lip from quivering, but failed. Instead, I headed back into the room, and slammed the door behind me, just as the tears started. I cursed under my breath, and slid down the wall, resting my arms across my knees, and hiding my face. The door opened fifteen minutes later.
"Katsu?" his voice sounded worried, and he dropped to the floor beside me.
"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I snorted.
"Not physically." I murmured, still hiding my face.
"You have to talk to me." he pleaded.
"Why the hell should I? Tell me that. Why the hell should I tell you anything?" my tone was biting. I would've recoiled, had I been on the receiving end of this question. But Renji is so thick...
"Because I can't help unless you talk to me."
"I don't need therapy! Jesus Christ. This is why I never should've..." started dating. Fallen in love. Died. All of those things came to mind to end that sentence.
"Did Shuhei and Rukia get back safely?" I questioned softly.
"Katsu, please don't change the subject." his voice was almost as quiet as mine.
"Just answer the question. It's the only reason I got munched on." he almost chuckled, but he cut himself off.
"They're fine." a pause, "Why are you so willing to die?"
"Not in general." I murmured, "But Shuhei was there when I died. He saved me from getting taken by Goka a second time. He convinced me to come back to Japan. He's someone I owe my life to. Otherwise this would've turned out differently. I couldn't just let Yuudai do whatever to him. I figure we're even now." he rested an arm around my shoulders, and I stiffened.
Oh my Gods this chapter is absolutely terrible. I'm so sorry for anybody who reads this. xD