21. Powerless

Alice frowns sadly when Julius runs as she calls him out. She doesn't know what to say to him...but it's the first time she sees him so vulnerable. He looks...lonely and wounded. Julius used to be able to stand up on his own, he never cares that he's alone. And just now...

"Alice..." Elliot walks to her slowly and puts a hand on her shoulder. "Did he really—it can't be, right? I mean, you know him, right?"

Alice looks down with a scowl, not saying anything—thinking deeply. Elliot is worried about that rare expression and squeezes her shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay...? Do you need to sit down?" he offers gently.

Alice takes a deep breath and squeezes Elliot's hand on her shoulder. "I'm okay. I need to...be alone." She says and begins to run off from school. Despite that she's saying about being alone, Elliot frowns when noticing that she runs to where Julius is leaving.

~.X.~

Alice runs and finally arrives to Julius' house, right when he's trying to unlock his door.

"Hey! Why did you run off like that?" she asks, and he glares at her.

"Leave me the hell alone!" he hisses and slams his door open, stomping in without bothering to close his door. Alice sighs and calmly follows him, closing the door and takes the keys. Julius stomps upstairs and she can hear him slamming the door of his room closed.

The house is filled with the ticking of the antique clock. Julius curls on his bed, feeling betrayed beyond belief.

'Why...' he thinks loudly. 'Why is being honest not enough?'

It's not fair. He's given up on friendship and decides to stand up on his own. He works honestly—he works hard. Why can't anyone see that? Or maybe...why can't anyone believe him?

He hears the door of his room creaks open weakly. He mentally curses for forgetting to close his house and locks it, but then he can feel something warm is nudging his shoulder, and smells familiar. Julius doesn't budge, but feels that warm thing is taken away, and his bed shifts from a new pressure.

"I told you to leave me alone."

"No, I need to keep an eye on you or you'll get ideas on suicide," Alice deadpans, and sips her coffee.

Julius sighs and slowly spreads out his right hand. She doesn't say anything but hands him his coffee mug. He notices that it's the Cinnamon Coffee. He keeps looking down at the black liquid, not wanting to meet her eyes.

"Why are you here..." he mumbles coldly and sips his coffee.

The warmth somewhat begins to calm him.

"I've said it." Alice says again curtly.

There is another calming silence that's only filled with their sips of coffee and the clock's ticking. It's Alice's first time in his room, yet she doesn't have any interest on looking around—her mind is off somewhere else. Julius gloomily stares at his empty mug and drops it on his bed, groaning.

"Why...why are you still nice to me!?" his muffled yell comes out as he hugs his knees.

"I'm not nice!" Alice yells and he flinches. "You're just my friend!"

Julius is taken aback and feels a pang in his heart. He doesn't know what else to say. Of course...she considers him as a friend...but...maybe she's just here merely to stop him from killing himself out of pity. He's a loser.

"I don't need your pity. You're just saying sweet things and behind me you're probably complaining about why you're close with a cheating bastard like me..." he mumbles. "The homeroom teacher suspected you because you're close with me...everyone else probably thinks you're teaming up with me."

"I believe in you, damn it—you're smart but dense," Alice sighs and takes his mug, setting it on the nightstand with hers. "I've seen you study your ass off, even your smartness rubs on me, Julius—I passed, but barely above average. They didn't suspect me."

He can't help but feel curious, and looks up from his knees. Julius scowls. "It's so unfair how they easily believe that..."

Alice surprises him when she chuckles and takes his hand. "Julius, you know I admire how you can stand up on your own, right?" he frowns at her. "But you don't understand why I'm acting shy to others."

A gentle look is on her face, and her words make him realize the reason.

"Being honest is not enough. You need someone else to trust you, Julius." She squeezes his hand, and lets go. "Once people judge you, they think they know everything. They'll believe what they want to, because they think they know you." Alice huffs and pulls her feet onto his bed and turns to face him.

"The reason why I act shy...is because I want them to judge me as shy. No one will judge me harshly, expect things from me, mostly just ignore me—they think, a shy new student like me won't team up with you, that's why they easily believe me."

Julius is really taken aback by how cleverly manipulative she is. For him, who feels like he's being dragged by the tide of society, Alice is like a deity that can manipulate society to act accordingly to her will. Even though it's subtle, but her acting is flawless—sometimes her skill scares him. What if she's also been lying and acting to him?

"But it's so tiring," Alice laughs nervously. "I hate being in the spotlight, or getting expectations, so if they think of me like; oh, she's shy...just let her off—everything is easier for me! But, I like you, Julius,' she grins. "You never judge me. Too bad, you're just socially retarded."

For a second there, he feels irritated that he forgets about his current situation.

"Well, thanks a lot," he huffs and returns to his knees. "It's too late to change. It's over now."

Alice scoffs. "Huh, I guess this is one of the reason why I stick to you a lot; you're even more pessimistic than I am, and that makes me adapt to you—be more optimistic."

"One more thing to take advantage from me, good for you." He deadpans.

The girl chuckles. "It's not over yet, Julius." She says and pats his shoulder. He looks at her to see her determined eyes. "You didn't do it. There's no reason for you to hung your head in shame."

He raises his eyebrows, and she nods.

"Can't you just ignore those bastards like you usually do? So what if they think you're a stuck up study hermit?"

Julius narrows his eyes. "That's how you think of me?"

"Nah, not the stuck up."

"So I'm still a hermit."

"Anyways! Who cares if they think you cheated? You didn't do it! You know the truth, Julius. Who cares? Who needs them? Isn't that how you go through your life everyday?" Alice asks energetically, and he grits his teeth.

"But...they used to ignore me for being that way...and now..."

"It's still the same," Alice cuts him off. "You don't do anything wrong—there's no need to act like the culprit. There's no need to look down in guilt. Just ignore them!"

Julius grits his teeth impatiently. "Don't you get it? I'm going to be dropped out by Saturday! My parents will disown me, damn it, Alice!"

Alice falls silent, frowning at him in shock. Julius realizes that she doesn't know about the details of his drop-out. He cradles his head with his hand, and use his other hand to take hers. He drags her up from his bed.

"Please...just leave." He mutters and pushes her out of his room, but she persistently holds his door. He sighs and closes his eyes. "Don't worry...I'm not thinking of killing myself."

She doesn't seem convinced. Julius looks into her eyes—he can't lie to those eyes.

"I promise. I'll come to school tomorrow. For now, please...leave me alone."

Alice didn't budge, staring at him straight in the eyes, before giving a small, encouraging smile.

"I'm with you, Julius. I believe in you. So remember that you're not alone." She said, before giving a small wave and left, closing the door carefully.

Julius bites his lower lip, overwhelmed by the emotion, but hearing Alice's words makes him feels that he's not so powerless. Maybe it's too late to realize that you're not so powerless when you're not alone. He can't imagine what will happen if Alice Liddell never came into his life.