Chapter 18
I know I always start these with thanking everyone who's been reading my chapters but seriously you guys are the best. Thank you to everyone for reviewing it means the world to me. Anyone started Lord of Shadows yet. OH MY GOODNESS, I can't seem to put it down. I'm sad that the final one doesn't come out till 2019 or something, I don't know how I'll last. Anyway, as promised another chapter. I know the last chapter was a little slow, but I don't want every chapter to be insane with heaps going on because otherwise, it would get pretty boring really quickly. Anyway, thanks again to everyone who's been following along especially from the beginning it seems like I only started this yesterday, but it's coming to six months which is crazy. This chapter will probably be focused more on Alec again, might put a little of Izzy and Simon but I really want to develop this story line more. Ok, no spoilers or anything, on with the chapter. I wrote this chapter months ago but I was only just able to finish it today, I'm so sorry it's incredibly late but uni is crazy at the moment, and I completely forgot about it for a while.
Alec had thankfully lost himself in his study. He was completely oblivious to anything going on around him. There had been children screaming in the park, a group of guys played football, a man with a leaf blower came through, and someone had sat at the far end of the table and Alec hadn't noticed any of them. He missed out on one of the guys playing football catch the ball but with his face and almost broke his nose, blood went everywhere. He missed the kids putting a tantrum on for their single mother who was trying to win a losing battle; 3 against 1 she didn't stand much of a chance, but the power of counting down from five had surprised everyone at the park. Well everyone but Alec who had his nose buried in his textbooks. Alec enjoyed studying. He never showed off in class, but he always enjoyed knowing the answers. Teachers knew that Alec didn't talk much, but if no one was raising their hand to answer questions, they could always rely on him. Back in primary school, Jace used to copy from Alec or ask him for help. It was the only time Jace had shown any vulnerability to anyone. Alec had completed all of his History and Maths homework. He started working on his Economics project but had gotten frustrated and moved onto Spanish. Alec enjoyed learning languages. He had already taken French classes and wanted to do Italian but decided that Spanish would be more fun. His Spanish teacher very rarely set homework but Alec worked his way through the workbooks by himself. His teacher had noticed that his skill was above everyone in his class and started setting his different research tasks. At the moment he was watching a historical documentary on the Spanish inquisition, and he needed to write a paper on its effects on Spanish life, all in Spanish. Alec enjoyed the challenge. As the documentary came to an end, he looked at the time on his computer screen. It was almost 3, wow have I really been here that long Alec thought to himself.
Since Alec looked at the time, he lost all focus on his work. He was now checking the time every five minutes. He couldn't stop. Alec became frustrated with himself, he needed to finish this work before seeing Magnus, but he couldn't seem to stay focused. Finally giving up Alec closed his laptop and turned the volume up on his music. He could maybe drown out his thoughts if the music were loud enough. Thankfully Alec had brought a book with him. He was hoping he wouldn't need it, but he always had one in his bag. Laying down on the bench seat Alec started reading. He hoped he could pass the next half hour quickly. The longer he read, the more his stomach began to turn, he was becoming more and more nervous. Alec knew that he would only become more frustrated with himself. Closing his book, Alec walked back to his car. He could drive to the café and sit in the car and wait. Maybe that would help calm himself.
The drive wasn't long. Alec parked close to the café and turned the car off. He checked the time for the fifth time since leaving the park. Only 3:45 I still have ages he thought. Alec concentrated on his breathing; he needed to calm the butterflies. Alec took his time walking to the café. He decided to walk around the block in the opposite direction before walking to the café. Walk slowly he kept saying to himself. Occasionally he would find himself walking quicker and had to remind himself that he was early and needed to slow down.
By the time Alec had walked around the block as slowly as his legs would let him he was rounding the corner at exactly 4. As he neared the café, he saw a familiar face sitting at an outside table. He was looking busy scanning the cafe's menu. Alec felt all the butterflies rush back. After 15 minutes of trying to calm himself, one look at Magnus undid all of that. He couldn't help himself as his pace quickened towards the other boy. Magnus looked up at Alec before he reached the table as if he knew he was there. Magnus smiled casually and placed the menu back down onto the table. Alec sat down across from Magnus. He couldn't help but smile. Something about Magnus made Alec feel more relaxed. The anticipation of meeting Magnus was a lot worse. Alec could feel Magnus's eyes on him as he looked at the menu. Alec knew what they had, but he couldn't stop staring at Magnus and decided that looking down at the menu was the safest thing to do.
Magnus had been at the café for an hour. He knew he was early, but he had run out of things to keep himself busy with and decided that if he was going to be early, he might as well make this way there. He had seen Alec approach before Alec had seen him. He held up a menu to look like he had only just arrived. As Alec approached, he couldn't help but place the menu down on the table. Neither boy said anything; Alec was still studying the menu and Magnus couldn't take his eyes off him. Magnus had wanted to do something bigger than just go to a café, but he didn't want to frighten Alec. Technically he had only just broken up with Raphael, and Magnus still wasn't sure how that all ended. Alec placed the menu down and cleared his throat; he knew he'd need to be the one to make the first move, Magnus had asked him out, he could start a conversation. "How was the clean-up from the party?" He hadn't known what else to say. At least this was something.
"Tiresome and boring but it didn't take me too long. Everyone ended up leaving soon after you and your sister." Magnus was fiddling with his nails, less out of nerves and more out of habit Alec thought. The way he didn't look down at his hands was what tipped Alec off. "So Alexander do I ask what happened between you and Raphael." Magnus's eyes didn't leave Alec's face. Alec locked eyes with Magnus before looking down. His hands were playing with the hem of his shirt. After a moment he looked back up at Magnus. From what he could tell Magnus and Raphael had been friends for a long time and Alec didn't want to start any drama between them.
"Oh, nothing just difference of opinion I guess." Alec hoped that Magnus wouldn't pry. He did want to talk to someone about it but guessed that Magnus wouldn't be that person. His eyes locked on Magnus's as they shared a moment of silence. Alec could feel himself relax as he lost himself in Magnus's eyes. If he had Clary's eye for art, he would spend days drawing them, each one looking different. As each second went by Alec noticed something new.
"Didn't look like just a difference of opinion." Alec felt himself tense. This wasn't just going to be swept under the rug and forgotten about.
"You're close with Raphael I don't want to put you in the middle of things. I'm sure his story is very different to mine." Alec leaned back against his chair and sighed. Part of himself thought he was overreacting, but he couldn't help how he felt. "Well if I wanted to hear Raphael's side I would be spending my time with him but I'm here with you, and I want to hear your side." Magnus leaned back and smiled at Alec. He had a way of making Alec feel at ease.
"I'll tell you everything you want to know but wait until the end to ask questions or interrupt." Alec's lips curled upwards with the last part.
"Fine, but start at the very beginning." Magnus agreed begrudgingly. Staying silent wasn't a skill of his. He was going to have to bit his tongue if he wanted to hear everything.
Alec launched into his story of how he met Raphael. He had been down at the beach cafe, and it was actually Isabelle who had noticed him at first. Realising he was not interested in her but rather he brother, Izzy and Clary quickly made a plan for them to meet naturally. It had worked well, and Alec had ended up standing right next to Raphael ordering more drinks for the table. The rest Raphael started. Soon they were meeting every day. Mostly in secret. Alec hadn't told anyone but Izzy, and he knew Clary knew but was not ready for this to become more open, and he definitely did not want it to move too fast. Days turned to weeks and they were spending most of their free time together. As the summer came to an end things took a turn. Alec explained how he noticed Raphael move away from Alec whenever someone walked by, he started to let go of Alec's hand when they walked along the beach. He noticed how if anyone Raphael knew came up to them he was always introduced as just a family friend.
A waitress interrupted them to take their orders; neither boy took their eyes off each other. The waitress, Ali, collected their menus and left. Alec waited a moment before continuing his story.
While being introduced as a family friend started to bother Alec none of it really affected him. He had never been in a relationship before and just thought that the infatuation phase had ended and this was natural. Alec explained to Magnus how everything changed just before his party. Raphael had mentioned Magnus's party in passing, but from that moment forward he became more touchy and wanted to sit closer to Alec and put his arm around him. For Alec, he was happy. He thought that things were getting better and they were getting closer. Raphael seemed to trust him more and started to open up more to Alec. Alec explained how his feeling changed for Raphael and thought that it was a positive change. He thought that that was how he was meant to feel. It wasn't until Raphael kissed him that Alec knew something had changed. He had been kissed by a girl once on a dare, but he didn't count that, this was his first kiss. Alec saw Magnus's face change when he explained that it was his first, but not in surprise. Alec continued about how at first he thought it was the best thing to happen and how he thought the small knot in his stomach would go away. Magnus remained expressionless throughout the last part of Alec's story.
At this point, both Alec and Magnus had been absentmindedly drinking their coffees. Alec held onto his mug for warmth. He felt at odds with himself as he spilled everything about his very first relationship if it even was a relationship. As Alec paused to take a long slow sip of his coffee, he noticed Magnus look as if he wanted to say something. Alec quickly continued not wanting to hear what he had to say just yet. Alec explained how the longer he was left thinking about the kiss, the worse he felt. He hoped that it was just because he was caught off guard and that it was other things that were the real root of the feeling. Alec went into detail about how seeing him at the party calmed him if only for a moment. Raphael then started acting distant and almost unfriendly during the night. Alec's lips curved upward as he explained the butterflies he got whenever his eyes locked with Magnus's. He could feel himself start to blush but continued before Magnus could notice. As the night continued things only got worse between himself and Raphael. Alec admitted that alcohol had made him feel more confident and it affected how he responded to Raphael. The story was coming to an end, and Alec knew what he had to tell Magnus, the final piece that ended everything. Alec had walked up to Raphael and tried to hold his hand, and when Raphael pulled away, Alec got mad, which in turn made Raphael angry, and many harsh words were said. Magnus could tell the story was coming to an end and leaned forward so that his back was no longer resting against the back of the chair.
The waitress returned and collected their empty coffee cups. Alec sighed almost in relief as he finished what felt like the longest story in his life. Alec looked at Magnus for the first time since he mentioned kissing Raphael. Without saying a word Magnus stood and walked inside. Completed gobsmacked Alec sat back in his chair. What had he done, he'd shared too much. Magnus must have realised during his story he had made a mistake. Alec felt deflated. What was he meant to do now? How could Magnus just get up and leave?
Only a moment later Magnus returned putting something into his back pocket. He walked straight up to Alec's chair and grabbed Alec's hand. Without saying anything, mainly because he was in shock, Alec stood and let Magnus drag him away from the coffee shop. Alec expected Magnus to let go of his hand once he had stood up and started following, but Magnus never did. Even as they walked around the corner, Magnus kept a firm grasp on Alec's hand. Finally, Magnus broke the silence.
"During your story, I had so many questions and comments but the second you finished for once in my life I was utterly speechless." Magnus's eyes traced Alec's face, looking for anything to give into how he was feeling. Alec had become a master at hiding his emotions. They were standing on the side of an empty street. Alec Faced Magnus who had his back to the road. Magnus took a step towards Alec as the wind picked up. Alec's hair blew across his forehead; it almost reached his eyes now, he looked at Magnus and his hair that seemed to defy physics as it stayed completely still in the wind. Magnus was now face to face with Alec only a few inches away. Magnus wanted nothing more than to kiss Alec at this moment. He had been so vulnerable and opened up, Magnus wished he could take all of it away and do nothing but make Alec happy. He knew that any move now might scare off Alec, and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do. With all the restraint he had Magnus pushed Alec's hair out of his face and smiled.
"While I cannot change the past I hope that I can make you feel better about it Alexander." Alec's breath caught as Magnus said his full name. No one had called him Alexander in years, and he liked the way it sounded coming from Magnus. Alec stood there not sure what to say, they were still holding hands, and at some point, Alec had grabbed Magnus's hand back. There stood there in silence for a moment until Magnus broke the silence and started to walk forwards. "I hope one day I'll share my story as you did with me today but unfortunately I have to go." Alec's heart fell. He didn't want Magnus to go, but he wasn't going to say anything. Alec nodded. Magnus had a cheeky grin as he informed Alec "I'll be seeing you soon." With a squeeze of Alec's hand, Magnus left without another word. Alec stood there for a moment not sure what to do. Everything had seemed so abrupt. He thought about everything he had told Magnus and wondered if he had scared him off, he thought through everything he had said and realised that he didn't tell Magnus because he felt like he had to or because he wanted to, he explained everything because he wanted to say it out loud, to think through everything that had happened over the past few months. Saying out loud didn't change what happened, but it changed how Alec felt about it all. He realised that he didn't really care about Raphael, the feelings he had weren't of love or even infatuation they were more curiosity and fascination. Alec now felt relieved having said everything. Now he just needed to figure out how he felt about Magnus.