AN: I know I owe some acknowledgments from the last reviews. Will get those out, but it may not be today. I appreciate each and every one your comments. There are vague references to multiple episodes in this one, I'll let you fill in the blanks for most of them. I will however specifically call out "There But For the Grace of God," "Point of View" and "The Ripple Effect." No copyright violation intended. This will become clearer later.
Reminder: Information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. Used as many identified team members as possible. Summary for you: SG-3 -Marine combat/search and rescue, led by Colonel Reynolds; SG-5 - Marine combat, led by Major Altman; SG-6 search and rescue, led by Colonel Barnes; SG12 Medical/military, no identified members on site - I named leader as Captain Mumar.
***SG1***SG1***
Peering into the early morning dusky light, Jack felt a rush of fatigue pass through his body. Looking around, he knew he was not the only one. Between the darkness and stopping every fifteen minutes to check on Nelson and switch litter carriers, it had been slow going. They were still at least three clicks out from the gate. Allowing water to trickle down his throat, he focused on the feel of the water coating and soothing the dry parched skin. Looking across the small clearing, he could make out the shape of someone holding the canteen to Nelson's lips encouraging him to take a sip.
The image snapped his mind to a room far away and his own attempt to get Sam to take a drink and eat a little bit.
"Carter," he nudged, his tone low. "Come on, you need to eat something." A shaking of her head against his chin told him she wasn't interested. "Hey," he called, trying to get her to move away from him so he could see her better. "Need to keep your strength up so you're ready when we get out of here," he added, noting she didn't voluntarily move away at him.
"Doesn't matter," she mumbled against his chest. "Please don't let me go."
A frown creased his forehead at the desperate tinge in her voice. "Carter?"
"Sierra Gulf One Niner, this is Sierra Gulf Five Niner."
The radio call snapped Jack back to the present. "Sierra Gulf Five Niner, what's your situation?"
"They're coming at us from both sides, Sir. At least twenty on the planet, more trying to come through." The words were punctuated by the sounds of gun fire in the back ground.
"Roger, we're on our way. Hold on," Jack snapped back, gaining his feet. "Captain, you and your team bring Nelson. The rest of you move it," he ordered, starting to run almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Running, Jack felt the impact of each step in his feet, vibrating up his legs. Around him he heard the shuffling of the underbrush as the others followed him.
Nearing the gate, he heard the battle before he saw it. The acrid smell of gunpowder and plasma bursts punctuated the early dawn air. Dropping to his knees, he scanned the area. "Reynolds, take your team and try to flank them. Barnes, we've got the gate." Men drifted quietly into the night even before Jack had finished. "Sierra Gulf Five, you've got friendlies coming in and around. Watch your cross fire." Glancing back, he nodded at the remaining men.
Darting to a closer position, Jack began firing at the Jaffa coming through. Instinctively he flinched at the blast of mortar going off nearby throwing debris at him. "Move up!"
Starting forward, time seemed to slow to a crawl as he spotted the Jaffa firing in front of him. Watching the fire ball leave the weapon, he heard the cry of pain ring out near him. Turning, he scrambled to reach Daniel, firing his gun as he went toward the Jaffa.
"DANIEL!" he yelled, dropping beside him, tearing his eyes from the battle to look down at him. The smell of charred flesh and blood assaulted his senses. Reaching down, he desperately felt for a pulse, a rush of relief flooding him as he felt the steady beat. Almost as fast, anger at his failure to protect another member of his teamoverwhelmed him.
Surging to his feet, he began to bombard the area where the Jaffa were hiding with weapon fire, paying no attention to the danger he was placing himself in by being in the open.
"O'NEILL!"
Teal'c darted from his cover and made a flying tackle at his friend. Rolling as they hit the ground, the Jaffa grabbed Jack's vest and drug him behind a tree before he had a chance to recover. Letting go, he grabbed the weapon coming at him before it could impact his head. "O'NEILL!" Teal'c called again to penetrate the fog and get the younger man to listen.
When Jack froze at his name, the big man pushed his face into O'Neill's. "You will not risk yourself unnecessarily," he growled, his dark eyes hard.
Gasping to catch his breath and reign in his emotions, Jack allowed Teal'c's words to seep in. Nodding once, he met Teal'c's eyes to tell him he understood. Turning over to his knees, he refocused his eyes onto Daniel who was beginning to move. Judging the distance and cover back to him, he keyed his radio. "Barnes, can you get to Daniel? Teal'c and I will cover you."
***SG1***SG1***
"Did you sleep at all last night?" Tiffany asked, easing the chart in her hand onto the bed.
Shrugging, Sam ran a hand through her hair. "Not that unusual. Even before this," she said a small edge of defensiveness in her tone. "I rested for a bit," she added on, seeing no change in the psychologist's features indicating she was expecting an answer.
"I take it no one has returned your call."
A sharp shake of her head. "Neither Daniel nor the Colonel are picking up. I thought about calling Janet, but," Sam stopped, not finishing the sentence.
"She either won't know anything more than you or she won't tell you if she does and it's bad news," Rogers surmised. "It's that whole do no harm stuff," she added lightly, sitting on the bottom of the bed.
"That never works you know," Sam said tossing the doctor a look. "We know when you aren't telling us something and without the facts, we can come up with all sorts of theories."
"We?"
"Okay, me," Carter amended. "No," she immediately countered, shrugging. "All of us; me, the Colonel, Daniel, Teal'c, others."
"Okay. What theories?"
Shaking her head, Sam moved back to the window. "Well, we're still here so that's something."
The obvious non-answer brought a frown to Rogers' faced as silence descended in the room. "What's going on Sam?" she asked quietly after a few minutes.
"Did you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made different choices? Didn't join up or maybe accepted a transfer you'd turned down?"
"Sometimes," Tiffany replied carefully, not sure where Sam was going with the question. "But," she sighed, "that means all of it would have been different, not just the parts I didn't like."
A small nod acknowledged the words. "I almost left a couple times." Sam's quiet admission hung in the room. "After ... other stuff," she added after a moment.
"Like what?"
Sam glanced back. "Not sure I can really say."
"Tell me what you can then."
Sam shook her head, a finger tracing the bruise on her wrist. "Let's just say that the people of 493 aren't that unusual," she sighed. "Even when they don't act like it at first, they very often aren't what they seem."
A frown pulled on Tiffany's brow. "Surely not everyone is like that?"
Shrugging, Sam conceded the point, a small smile pulling on her face. "Some are good, kind." Her features sobered, her gaze going back to the window. "They often don't last or stay that way though."
"Sounds like a pretty depressing place out there," the doctor said, a frown pulling on her features. A shrug met her observation. "So, why did you stay? Why didn't you transfer?"
"No one else to do it," Sam breathed, her eyes closing briefly at the words. A snort followed. "Sounds conceited, I know," she added, glancing back. "But they're not my words; they're the Pentagon's."
A flash of surprise passed over Tiffany's face. "They wouldn't let you?"
"Foremost expert on the Stargate and alien technology," Sam said, a hint of fatigue and derision in her tone.
"And if you hadn't of joined up?"
Another humorless chuckle had Sam tipping her head back. "There's the total irony of it all. We wouldn't be having this conversation. Earth would have been destroyed by now or we would be totally ignorant of everything out there and what happened wouldn't have happened," she said softly moving to a chair and sitting down.
"You can't know that for sure."
Sam nodded slowly. "Pretty sure," she said, her voice holding a confidence that belied her words. Seeing the crease in Roger's forehead, she sighed. "Quantum physics says that for every event, every choice, option you don't take, there are infinite possibilities of alternative realities where those other events or choices happen."
"Okay," Tiffany said, still not understanding what Sam was getting to. "It's a theory."
"Oh, it's more than that," Sam muttered, looking down before raising her eyes toward the doctor.
The look in Sam's eyes, made Tiffany's eyes widen in surprise. Clearing her throat, she nodded. "And, so, theoretically, that happened? Earth was destroyed? Because you didn't join?"
Sam paused. "No, not because of that," she said, a frown on her face. "I was still involved, just not always military."
"What about the others? Were they there?"
Nodding, Sam lowered her head, her eyes on the floors. "Sometimes. Teal'c wasn't always a good guy. Daniel had a penchant for being dead." A tight smile crossed her features before she sobered. "The Colonel... He, uh," a wince crossed her face. Taking in a deep breath, she added, "He was dead or died trying to stop whatever was happening."
"I see." Pursing her lips she ran the conversation back in her head. "So, you're saying that even with the infinite choices possible, you all ended up doing the same exact thing that you are now?"
"Pretty much."
Tiffany nodded slowly making connections in her mind. "So it's some sort of cosmic fate for you to be raped?"
A tight, pained smile crossed Sam's face. "Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" she sighed, shifting the cell phone in her hand.
Tipping her chin toward Sam's hand, noting the lack of color in her fingers from the intensity of her grip, Rogers added, "And it's making you wonder if maybe this is the time when he dies?"
"Maybe," Sam said, her eyes coming up to the doctor. "He's died or been declared missing presumed dead more times than I care to remember." The grip on the phone tightened until she could feel the corner of it painfully dug into the palm of her hand. "I'm wondering if any of it matters. If it's all some sort of predestined," Sam paused, struggling to find the right word, "inter-demential melodrama and it doesn't matter what we do or don't do. It will all end up at the same place eventually. One or both of us will be dead and all of it will have been for nothing."
"I see." Rogers looked away for a moment. "So, it's not possible in your mind, even with all of the infinite realities you mentioned, that somewhere out there," a hand gestured toward thin air, "there is a happy Sam with no potential world domination or destruction hanging over her? Or maybe one who is fighting to save the world but still has everything else she wants in her life and that makes it okay?"
Sam's eyes closed as she focused on the feel of the phone pressing into her palm. Drawing in a breath, she allowed her grip to ease as she opened her eyes. "Sometimes, it's hard to believe that it's possible."
***SG1***SG1***
Leaning back into her chair, Doctor Rogers raised the dictation machine to her face. "Notes for Carter, Samantha, Major. Patient is working to determine how rape fits into her belief system and what it means for rest of her life. Although not overtly stated, suspect she questions if future intimacy is possible. Experiencing additional stressor of usual support systems being unavailable. Is aware unit was redeployed into combat situation. Normal reactions and concerns for their safety present. Some evidence of clinical depression with sleep disruptions occurring. Sleep aid prescribed PRN. End transcription." Clicking off the recorder, she allowed her eyes to drift out the window as her mind toyed with the idea of infinite possibilities in infinite realities.
***SG1***SG1***
AN2: My muse had me scratching my head on where she was going with Sam on this one until the clinical notation at the end. Go back and re-read it with this in mind. It makes much more sense then. :)
AN3: Also, I am not trying to place this story into cannon timeline. I leave that to you to insert where you see fit. That is why I referenced all three episodes about alternate realities. Hopefully didn't miss any. :)