I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS.

--No copyright infringement intended--

Chapter 19: Remorse

Bella POV

I was vaguely aware of the arms that had me cradled against a comfortably warm chest as our two bodies were sprawled out on a soft bed. The sweet smell of sunshine that radiated off of the body was only faint to me at this point. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to pay much attention to my senses.

It has only been two hours, thirty-six minutes, and seven seconds since I killed a boy.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

Time kept ticking, and it was never going to stop, never going to rewind, never going to give me a chance to undo what I had done.

Such a horrible, masochistic fault. My hands stung with shame and revulsion. I have yet to look at myself in the mirror, and I hide my face from my family—not wanting them to see the monster I am.

My eyes were closed, in a wish to sleep. Sleep had given me peace as a human; I had been pulled into dreams that took me to other places and other times. Now as a vampire, I am stuck in the here and now.

Sometimes even my nightmares were a relief. At least they yanked me away from what I desperately wanted out of. Then when I would wake up, the pain, the hatred, and the bad memories would creep upon me. The pain, the hatred, and the bad memories were known collectively as the real world.

The real world is a cold, cruel place full of hustlers, cheaters, liars, ignorance, and murderers—like me.

Maybe I'm not so—

Suddenly, I became aware of a familiar melody being hummed—my lullaby—and my train of thought was derailed.

"Edward…" I mumbled.

"I'm here, love. I'm here." He whispered reassuringly into my hair. The sound of his voice allowed me to let out a sigh of relief.

"Edward, I love you." My words were almost incoherent.

"As I love you."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the bedroom door, and Alice walked in without waiting for an answer. Jasper following closely behind, giving me a smile that said "Sorry for my wife's intruding." I nodded acceptingly to him.

Alice cleared her throat unnecessarily, "Um, the…uh…funeral is going to be tomorrow…or later tonight I suppose, considering the time." It was 1:37 in the morning. Alice didn't look at me when she spoke—she stared at the floor.

"Already?" Edward questioned.

"There's no reason to wait any longer. Anyone who would attend is in town already. They don't know many people outside of La Push and Forks."

There was silence.

Edward spoke first, "A combined funeral?"

"Yes, well, Jacob and Embry were close, and so were their families. And they didn't have enough funds for two funerals." Alice answered.

Embry. That was the name of the boy I had killed. I laughed humorlessly in my mind. I was such a sick person.

More silence.

This time I broke it. "May I go?" My voice was weak by choice. I had no right to act strong at this time.

They all looked at me questioningly.

"I want to say goodbye to Jacob." I explained.

"It's a closed casket…" Edward started.

"I still want to go."

"Love…"

I twisted my head up so that I could meet my eyes with his. "I…I need to apologize to…Embry."

"If you really want to go…"

"I do." I said getting up from the bed and standing next to Alice.

He got up too. "Then we shall go."

"Thank you."

"Come on," Edward took my hand, "Let's go hunt." He smiled.

***

"The service will start in about fifteen minutes," Edward whispered as we stepped out of the ostentatious black car.

"Does Billy know we're coming?" I whispered back.

"Yes, he does."

"What about…Embry's family?"

"Yes, they do too. Billy informed them."

Edward led me into the Forks funeral home, only Alice, Carlisle, and Esme followed. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had not felt the need—or the wish—to come.

The large room was full of people, all mingling quietly to each other—some sobs had broken out before we arrived. Only few seemed to notice us, that I was thankful.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the caskets. I thought it best that I see Embry first, seeing as it might put off a lot of my remorse.

"His name is Embry Call." Edward noticed what I was wanting. "Those people over there are his family." He pointed to a small group of people that had gathered. I nodded, letting him know I understood. The two of us walked silently over to the closed caskets, while Alice, Esme, and Carlisle took their seats in the rows of black, metal foldout chairs.

The wood of the casket was beautifully polished and had a mahogany color to it. The name "Embry Call" was carved into the top of the casket. Above it, there was a picture of a young boy whom I presume was Embry as a human. But I knew that under this thick wooden cover lies a husky wolf.

Knowing that I had been the reason he died in that form was enough to make my body shake with sadness. I wanted to cry. I needed to cry. But I couldn't. It is physically impossible.

This is the first time I've ever been angry about being a vampire.

Edward had his hand on my back and was rubbing small circles between my shoulder blades.

"Embry Call." I addressed the casket. "I…I have never been so sorry, so…so shamefaced in my life. I know that I will never be forgiven and that I will live with the tile 'killer' for the rest of my existence, but I must say…I'm sorry."

I pursed my lips.

Edward reached down and took my hand, and then leaned over to kiss me gently on the cheek.

I smiled wryly up at him and then focused on the task ahead.

I took baby-steps over to the second casket with a different name carved into the top.

Jacob Black.

My little Jacob.

A/N: Long awaited...And it's finally here! I apologize for having to put this story on hiatus. I want to thank everyone who stuck with me through my writing-depression, because I was really sad when I noticed my subscriber amount dropping.

Special thank you's to:

caww & april nichole

You guys are awesome. =]