South Park © Matt & Trey.

Stan –

It's getting difficult to be around Wendy. I feel so guilty I can hardly stand to look at her... I don't know what to do.

I walk down the hallway in time to see Cartman putting Kyle in a chokehold. "What the hell are you doing?" I yell as I approach them.

Cartman lets Kyle go and turns to me, "We're just playin'. No big deal."

"Jesus Christ," I say, "that didn't look like playing."

"It didn't feel like playing either," Kyle coughs, rubbing his neck. "I couldn't breathe, fat-ass!"

Cartman shrugs. "Manson once said, 'Put a plastic bag over your head and you'll quickly learn what God is. God is Air.'"

"So you were trying to show me what God is, then?" Kyle asks dryly.

"No, no, no Jew," Cartman shakes his head, "I was showing you that I am your God."

Kyle rolls his eyes. "And dude, did you seriously just quote Charles Manson?"

"Say what you want about him, the man knows things."

"You would think that… sick bastard."

I watch their back and forth before cutting in. "Kyle," I say, "can I come over after school?"

"Why?" he asks, "you're finally speaking to me again?"

"Yeah… sorry."

"Come over in a little while," he says.

"Yeah," Cartman interrupts with a smug smirk, "I'll be there before then."

I want to punch him. I know he's trying to rub it in my face… it's pissing me off.

When I finally do go to Kyle's house, Cartman is already gone and Ike informs me Kyle just stepped in the shower yet again.

"Cartman is fucking your brother, you know," I say spitefully.

"Yeah… I know," Ike admits.

"And you're okay with it?" I ask.

"Well, it isn't my business. It's weird, that's for sure… but if Kyle likes it, then I'm okay with it," he shrugs. "Pretty much everyone has sex… it's natural."

"Hmph… there's nothing natural about Cartman and Kyle."

"Does it bother you?"

"Yes," I say tersely.

"It's selfish of you not to want him to sleep with other people when you're the one with the girlfriend. As long as you aren't tied down, there's nothing wrong with multiple partners. He's not tied down and neither is Cartman… but you are."

"How do you know about –"

"I heard you guys," Ike cuts me off. "I'm young, but I'm far from stupid. I know about these things."

"Am I about to get an earful from you?"

"No," he shakes his head, "just be careful what you do, because he has a lot of vulnerability when it comes to you."

"Even now?" I ask

"Even now," he confirms, "so don't play around with him. If you don't intend to be with him, don't keep dragging him along on a string like this."

"I know," I mumble before turning and running up the stairs.

Christ, that little kid is uncomfortable to talk to sometimes.

I toss my jacket on Kyle's desk chair and sit down on his bed… the bed Cartman probably just fucked him on. Shit, it's really bothering me. I can't let it go.

I think back to when I fucked Kyle – the way he looked and sounded… It might sound selfish, but I want to be the only one to see him like that. It's unfair of me. I can't find it in me to end things with Wendy, yet I want to keep Kyle to myself as well…

A few minutes later, Kyle walks into the room wearing a towel around his waist and using another to dry his hair. "Hey!" I say.

"AHH!" he yells, flinging the towel into the air. "Jesus Christ, Stan!" he shrieks when he spots me.

I snicker at his reaction. "Sorry. Did I scare you?"

"Just a bit," he mumbles tersely, bending over to pick up the towel and set it on the chair.

I stand up and wander towards him.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I've noticed something," I put my hands on his shoulders.

"What about?" he gives me a weird look.

"You've just… you've changed a lot and it seems sudden, but the only reason it seems sudden is because I missed it. I wasn't there as you were changing."

"Shut the fuck up," he says; pushing his face into my sweater.

"Okay," I laugh softly dragging him towards the bed with me. He lets out a surprised sound as we fall backwards onto the mattress. "Wait," I whisper when I feel him try to get up. "Stay."

"But I have to get dressed…" he trails off.

"I don't mind… you're comfortable," I say, shutting my eyes and wrapping my arms around him.

"Hmph," he grumbles slightly, relenting and lying back down on me.

I run my hand down the small of his back. He really is soft.

"Kyle," I say.

"What?"

"Sorry for not talking to you sooner."

"I know, Stan." He sounds somewhat exasperated.

"I've just been thinking a lot," I admit.

"I assumed as much," he says, lifting his head to look at me. "What have you been thinking about?"

"Not now." I pause. "I don't want to talk about it just yet."

"All right, fair enough."

He shifts upward and presses his lips against mine.

My hands wander down his back, grabbing a handful of his towel-clad ass.

He moans into my mouth. That's encouraging.

I decide to be bold and let my hands feel him beneath the towel.

We break apart and I ask, "Is this okay?"

Kyle pauses before shaking his head. "No. You're an awful kisser, Stan, and an even worse fuck," he solemnly states, "I don't know how Wendy puts up with you."

"What?" I deadpan with a scowl. "And Cartman is much better?"

"I'm just kidding!" he laughs. "It feels good."

"Am I better than Carman?" I ask.

"Jesus Christ, I don't know… Don't ask me this shit. There's no comparison. You're both different people."

"… You should stop having sex with him," I mutter, acting jealous and whiny even though I know I have no fucking right to.

"Stan," he sighs, "you can't ask that of me. You have no right."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because," he starts, "you are having sex with Wendy."

"Well… I haven't in a while… But what if I stopped?"

"You'd break up with her for me?" he raises an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I believe that."

I scrunch up my face before letting out a sigh. "I don't know if I can break up with her."

"Do you want to?"

"…I don't know," I admit, "I don't know what I feel… It's what I'm trying to figure out."

And if I'm going to be honest, the idea of being gay scares me. It would be so much easier to just stay with Wendy and do this with Kyle on the side… but I know how bad that would be. Things are bad enough. Plus, I'm attached to Wendy. I know it's probably not love like I used to think, but I feel so fucking possessive. It's wrong and I know it, but I can't help the way I feel.

Kyle looks impatient. "Well, if you're going to stay with Wendy, then we can't do this again. You'll need to tell her what we did, too. And even if you do break up with her, she still deserves to know why."

"I know," I sigh, still feeling up his ass.

"Mm..."

"Does Cartman do this to you?" I ask. "Or does he skip that step?"

"Stan," he says in between breaths, "don't g-go there today."

"Fine," I relent and he lets out another soft moan. I open my mouth to say something else, only to be cut off by a new voice.

"Ohoh, naughty! I didn't know you two had this sort of relationship with him, too! Damn, Kahl, you sure do get around. Who else are you fuckin'?"

I feel my neck crack as my head spins towards the doorway, where Cartman is standing. My jaw drops and Kyle's face heats up. "Oh, my God!" he shouts, quickly wriggling out of my arms and getting off the bed, kneeing my balls in the process.

"Ughnn," I groan, cupping my crotch, "Dude…!"

Cartman starts laughing loudly and boisterously.

"Sorry," Kyle snickers, while tugging his towel back into place only to have it ripped off by Cartman. "Hey!" he snaps.

"What?" Cartman asks innocently. "Clearly the secrets out, right? We've all seen it before, so there's no need to be shy now."

Kyle mumbles another insult as he walks over to his closet, quickly getting dressed. Cartman's eyes linger until he's finished, and I'm not gonna lie… so do mine.

Yeah… Cartman definitely ruined the mood… but maybe it's for the best. Kyle is right. We can't keep doing this. I don't want to keep cheating on Wendy.

"How the hell did you even get in here?" I growl at him.

"Ike let me in," he says, wandering towards Kyle's desk. "I forgot my wallet, see?" he picks the wallet up and waves it around.

"Tsk," Kyle mumbles.

"Can you, like, leave?" I ask.

Cartman holds up his hands, "Sorry, sorry, I didn't think I'd be interrupting something."

Kyle laughs uncomfortably and I feel myself pale considerably. "You better not tell anyone about this," I warn, finally sitting up as Kyle makes his way back over and settles down beside me.

Cartman is still grinning. I don't know why he finds this so fucking amusing.

"So how much will you pay me not to tell Testicle-Burger what I'm seeing?"

"Tsk, Cartman!" I growl. I should've known he would pull something like this. "And don't call her that!"

"I'm just playin'," he insists.

"Your idea of play is much different than mine is!" I shout.

He snorts. "Be realistic, Marsh. Do you really think your little hippie of a girlfriend is naïve? She's probably going to find out sooner or later. Probably sooner."

Ugh, I don't want to fucking hear this right now. It's nothing I'm not fully aware of. Then again, I probably deserve to have it thrown back in my face for being a cheating sack of shit. Nonetheless, I get defensive and shout, "I know that!"

"Guys," Kyle cuts in, "let's not argue…"

"Quiet, Jew," Cartman says.

"Fuck off, Cartman, you fat turd!" Kyle snaps. "This is my house – if you don't stop being an asshole then I can kick you out."

I find it really hard to believe they are fucking.