Chapter 20
You are Terezi and you are more determined than ever not to be thwarted again. You lead Gamzee and his burden to a ramshackle house at the edge of the town and begin knocking on the door.
"Go the fuck away!" You hear coming from deep inside the house. You don't relent and pound again on the door. A small window slides open and someone wearing a pair of aviators peers out at you.
"What the fuck?" He says impatiently.
"Are you Dave? The DJ who worked for the Condesce?" You ask.
"That huge bitch fired me, but thanks for coughing up the subject like a slimy hairball on my doorstep. Since it's already there why not leave dead feathery assholes as presents for me to find later? I'm so fucking done here."
The window slides closed again as the stubborn human refused to cooperate. You continue to pound on his door not intending to give up so soon.
The window slides open again and you can tell the human is glaring at you even through his shades. "Fuck off, or I'll sick the brute squad on you."
"I'm on the brute squad." Gamzee chose that moment to interject .
"Shit, you are the brute squad." He looks up at Gamzee with feigned casualness.
"We need a miracle, it's important." You tell him.
"Look I know I'm the shit but people can't just come up all the time expecting me to solve all their problems for them. Besides, I'm just a DJ that some troll bitch couldn't stand. I'd probably fuck it up and kill someone or end up with a pile of dead Dave's trying."
"I wouldn't worry about that. He's already dead." You grin at him showing all your sharp teeth.
"No shit? Fine I'll take a look. Bring him in." The door unbolts and opens for you to enter. Once inside you help Gamzee lay the man in black out on a table and you notice the delicious red pajamas he's wearing.
Once situated Dave grabs an arm and raises it somewhat only to let it go and watch it flop back to the table. He looks up at you then and shrugs. "I've seen worse."
He then begins to poke at the body and you suddenly become impatient.
"Could you hurry it along? We're in a hurry."
"Don't rush me. You want a miracle? Give me time. Since I'm fucking made of time I clearly control all miracles. You got boondollars?"
"Sixty-five boonbucks." You tell him promptly.
"Chump change." He scoffs at you. "I never work for so little. Well, there was that one time but that was for the sake of irony."
"This is totally ironic." You temporize, "He has a puppet with only one leg to take care of and only orange soda to feed himself."
"Is that the best you could come up with?" one of his pale eyebrows lifts over the top rim of his shades as he stares at you.
"Fine, some bitch blinded me and I need him to get revenge."
"Your first story was more ironic. Where's my turntables?" He turns around looking for said item and wheels it over next to the table. "He probably owes you money, I'll ask him."
"I thought dead people couldn't talk."
"Since when do you know shit about what I'm doing here?" He fires back at you and you can only shrug. "Dude is only mostly dead anyway. Which means he's alive enough to answer my question."
He then proceeds to flip on the machine and adjust some of the settings before placing the man in black's hand over the nearest turn table. A low beat could be heard coming from a speaker nearby. Dave then leaned over and yelled into the man's face.
"Yo Bro! Pay attention dude! What the fuck are you still hanging around for? Why bother surviving?"
As Dave let go of the man's hand it fell the slight distance to the record and slipped off to the side pushing several dials around in the process. Through the speakers they heard a vocal come through and simply repeat itself.
"-ue love, true love, true love…"
"You heard him. True Love. What's more ironic than that?" You ask.
"Uh-huh, yeah. Some cool as fuck guy mooning away for a choice piece of ass is pretty ironic. But that's not what those lyrics are saying. They really say "untrue lover" so obviously someone cheated on this guy and he's out for some payback."
"Liar! Liar liar pants on fire!" You hear a girl yell angrily as she runs into the room. She's wearing a black dress and has curious looking horns, until you realize that those are dog ears poking out of her long black hair, not horns.
"Get off my case witch!" Dave yells back as she threatens to pummel him with her bare fists and he absently fends her off.
"I'm not a witch! Well, yes I am. But that's not the point! I refuse to go out with you anymore until you admit that this man meant true love!" Tears sprang to her eyes and you can tell Dave can't deal with a crying female because he holds his hands up defensively.
"Whoa, shit don't cry, Jade!"
"True love. He meant true love, Dave!" She turned to you then, "He's just afraid that he's not as cool as he thinks he is anymore. Ever since the Condesce fired him he lost his confidence."
"Fuck you promised not to say that name!" You can sense his cheeks flushing under his shades.
"What? Condesce? Or should I say Condescension? Is that what she did to you? Gave you a dose of her condescension?" Jade taunted him.
"Fuck no! I'm not gonna sit here and take this shit." He gets up to leave but Jade quickly grabs his arm.
"This love needs help and you won't even say why you won't help. Cool kid is too cool for that shit."
"If it helps," you interrupt, "His true love is Jake English. If you heal him he will stop the Condesce's wedding."
They both look at you in stunned silence for a moment before Dave gathers his wits.
"Wait, so…I fix this guy and the bitch suffers?" Dave asks with the hint of a smirk on his face.
"Their shit will be wrecked." You confirm.
"Done. Give me the sixty-five. Jade go find Jane."
"Yay!" Jade squeals happily and runs out the door. A few moments later She comes back in with another girl With short black hair and nervous blue eyes as she listens to Jade.
"We need you to make him something that will make him better." Jade finishes her explanation and Jade looks at the prone figure on the table.
"W-well I'll need the kitchen then." She says hesitantly.
You all clear out of her way as she begins to…bake a cake.
Seriously.
She bakes a fucking cake.
Jade must have seen the look of incredulity on your face because she pipes up after a while.
"You know, Jane was once known as the Maid of Life. Her baking was legendary when it came to healing the worst injuries. She'll give you your miracle.
Indeed, as soon as the cake she pulls out of the oven is cool enough she slices into it and hands you a piece on a plate. You try not to stare as the piece of cake glows an eerie white. You are just glad you are not the one who has to eat it.
"Wait a few minutes for it to cool some more before you give it to him. " She instructs you as you and Gamzee gather up the man in black and head out the door.
"Thanks." You say as you head out.
You hear them call out to you as you walk away.
"Bye!" Jade giggles.
"Have fun beating the shit out of the huge bitch." Dave deadpans.
In a whisper that you're sure you weren't supposed to hear Jane asks Jade and Dave a question.
"Do you think their plan will work?"
"It would take a motherfucking miracle." Dave answered for both of them.