Chapter 21
They had only been in the car a few minutes when Meredith spoke up
'Do you think we could..?'
'Could what?' Derek asked as he allowed himself to look over at her from the corner of his eye
'Go somewhere...anywhere really, I just don't really want to be at the house by myself'
'Urm, yeah, sure' Derek replied, confused, wondering if he should offer to sit at the house with her till Alex or Cristina got back.
'thanks...really...thank you' Meredith spoke and Derek recognised that she wasn't just talking about agreeing to take her somewhere else...the thank you held much more depth than that and he realised in the instant that offering to wait with her, at her house, was not the answer. She had asked to go somewhere, so that is where he would take her.
'I have a thing for ferry boats' he offered
'What?' Meredith looked at him wondering where he was going with this
'Seattle has ferry boats. I lived her 6 weeks before I realised that, did you know Seattle had ferry boats?' he asked her, trying to keep the conversation light
'Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides.' she laughed back at him
'I know that now' he laughed, glad that she was smiling. He was helping - or something.
They carried on driving for a few minutes, neither of them speaking, until Meredith began to recognise the ferry terminal up ahead
'The ferry...seriously...'
'You said anywhere' he smirked as he looked over at Meredith out of the corner of his eye
'Well I haven't been on the ferry yet since I got here, but where does it go?'
'That you will just have to trust me on...ok?'
Meredith looked up at Derek, she had no idea where she was going, hell she hardly even knew him, but at this moment in time she trusted him completely.
They decided to stay in the car on the ferry, the weather was bad and they didn't have an umbrella between them, so they decided to sit out the journey from the inside of his jeep.
'You know I had you down as the flash motor kind of guy' she joked
'What's wrong with my jeep?' he asked faking sadness
'It just doesn't seem like the wheels of choice for a neuro surgeon – a cocky one at that if Alex is to be believed!'
Derek went silent for a few minutes and Meredith worried she had said something wrong
'Crap, I'm sorry, it was just a joke, and it's a fine car...jeep or what ever...crap...sorry'
'you don't have to be sorry...it's just...as much as you have a story to tell, I do too, and I'm just not sure if I'm ready to share yet either 'he snapped slightly, and regretted it the minute the words left his lips
'Oh...' Meredith looked away, embarrassed 'can we just turn around and go back, when we get to the other side, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I think I'd like to go back to the house now please.'
'What? Why? No I'm sorry; I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to snap, especially at you, I'm sorry, please Meredith...stay.'
She could hear the regret in his voice and how sorry he was, he hadn't meant it, she knew that.
'It's just...I know nothing about you' she offered, trying to remain calm and not be upset that she had forced that kind of reaction from him
'I know nothing about you either Meredith, and here I am trusting you anyway.'
'Trusting me? What am I going to do?' she laughed 'if Cristina knew I was on a ferry with a stranger right now.'
'I'm not a stranger Meredith, friends...we said we were friends?' she heard the hurt in his voice, she had done it again
'I didn't mean it like that, crap, I'm useless at this...I'm sorry' she was almost begging him to let the last comment go, she needed to think before she spoke, especially around Derek
'Trust me Meredith, please, there is somewhere I would love you to see.'
'ok' she heard herself agreeing, he had snapped, but she knew he was sorry, she couldn't push him, he was respecting her silence, and she had to respect his too.
She couldn't help thinking how surreal this was though, she really did hardly know him, she didn't make friends easily, but in such a short space of time he had become a friend...
Derek drove off the ferry boat as soon as the boat was docked and headed out towards the woods up ahead
'You know Cristina thinks the woods are full of smack heads and gang bangers.'
'Smack heads and gangbangers? Really in Seattle...? He laughed
'That's what I said, but seriously, the woods?'
'Yes the woods, just be patient I want to show you something'
'Are there bears in the woods?'
'Honestly?'
'Yes! Honestly!'
'Yes Meredith there are bears in the woods, this is Seattle, and yes, there are bears...'
'Wow...'
'Did you just say wow?
'Yeah, wow...don't look so surprised...bears...wow!'
'Most people would scream, or at least look a little scared.'
'I'm not most people.' she smiled
'No you're certainly not' he replied, and he knew then that he didn't need to be nervous of showing Meredith his home, she wouldn't judge him, she wasn't that person, she wasn't Addison.
The car fell into silence as they continued the drive into the woods, Meredith was nervous, she didn't know why. He was a brain surgeon, her friend...he wasn't a knife wielding axe murderer... she shook her head ridding herself of her crazy thoughts...he was her friend.
She looked up as the jeep began to slow, and she allowed herself to look over at Derek, he looked tense, worried.
He felt her glaze locked on him, but kept his eyes on the dirt track in front of him, this was crazy, she would think he was insane, living in the woods, he shouldn't have brought her here.
'Where are we Derek?' she spoke softly bringing him back in the moment
'Urm...you will see...' he smiled over, hoping that she would think this was ok, he had bought her to the middle of nowhere she could hate it.
As he parked the car up, he was surprised at her eagerness to get out of the car, it had started getting darker now as dusk set in and the path was dark up ahead
'Hey wait up...'
Meredith spun round and flashed a smile over at Derek that melted his heart, for the first time since he had met Meredith that really looked real, there was no falseness at all
'You look happy'
'This is just...wow...all this open space...it's amazing...'
'You like it then' he chuckled as he breathed a huge sigh of relief; maybe this wouldn't be so bad...
'I mean wow, the trees, and the fresh air...and...' her eyes fell on the glistening water up ahead. The last few rays of the sunlight disappearing behind it...'a lake...Derek...this is beautiful...'
He couldn't believe her reaction, and he hadn't even shown her the view or his home yet and already she was mesmerised.
When he had bought the land he had thought it was the best investment he had ever made, he had plans, all the land, a family house for himself and Addison and kids...lots of kids and he couldn't wait to show it to her but in typical Addison fashion she had been less than impressed. 11 years of marriage and she had laughed off his crazy idea as an early mid life crisis but now, right now seeing Meredith's reaction he knew the land wasn't a mistake, seeing her so excited was making him fall in love with the idea all over again.
'I just...I mean how...how did you find this?' Meredith asked as she turned to see Derek leaning back on a large oak tree just behind her.
'You like it huh?'
'Like it...just look at this place...it's beautiful...all this land...?'
He smiled at her and took a few steps towards her as he motioned for her to turn around. She followed his gaze and her own fell on an airstream trailer sitting in the middle of the woods. A trailer with a deck, and chairs...it looked...perfect...peaceful.
She looked over at Derek, confusion on her face...
'Where are we?' she asked trying to make sense of the sight ahead 'we are trespassing or something, we should go, and we can't just invade someone's space Derek...'
He looked over and held her gaze as he let a small smile creep over his lips
'You said earlier I was a stranger. I don't want to be a stranger, I want to be your friend Meredith...if you will let me...so this is me...trying...'
Meredith looked between Derek and the trailer, unsure of what he might say.
He saw the confusion on her face and laughed.
'trying? What? I'm lost...' she managed to whisper as she turned to face Derek again.
'I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favourite novel: The Sun Also Rises. Favourite band: The Clash. My favourite colour is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just...just gonna have to take on faith'
Meredith could feel the smile spread across her face, 'you live here...in the woods? This is your escape...'
'I do...and it is' he smiled.
She looked over towards the trailer and surprised Derek by starting to walk towards it...before turning around and shouting over at him to come and give her the guided tour...
He stood there a few seconds watching her as she skipped over to the decking... she loved it, he could tell, she was the exact opposite of Addison...she was...perfect!
Meredith had laughed as the grand tour took approximately 5 minutes, and gladly took the beer Derek was offering her as they sat on the edge of the decking, the lights around the trailer now illuminating the area, as the darkness crept in some more. Neither spoke for a few minutes as they enjoyed the silence...neither realising they were thinking about the very same thing...
'Addison...' Derek began and Meredith sat up with a start.
'Derek, you don't have to...we don't have to do the thing.'
'The thing?'
'Exchange the details...you know.'
'I want to...I want you to know me... and I just need you to know...that I know you're not ready, and that's ok, but I am, I am ready to tell you things, things that most people know anyway.'
'Ok.'
'Addison was...is my wife, soon to be ex wife.' he took a deep breath as he turned to look at Meredith, and was relieved to see her looking back, almost encouraging him to continue.
One night I parked my car, I unlock my front door, go inside my house, and something's different. Nothing's different, everything's the same, but yet, still, something's different. And I stand there for a while. And then I know. See, there are moments for me, you know, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just know what's gonna happen next. So I go upstairs, as I'm walking down the hall I try to prepare myself for what I'm going to see when I walk into my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I know... just shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize, what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just going to see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm going to see that my wife is cheating on me with my business partner Chris, who happened to be one of my best friends... I walked out, flew out to Seattle.'
'Oh Derek...I' she rubbed the space where her wedding ring should be sitting, and let her eyes drift over to Derek's hands, she had never thought to look before...his ring finger on his left hand...empty...
He smiled weakly as he continued
'if only it was just that, she followed me, begged me to forgive her, said she would change, she played every card she could basically, and I believed her, I was the mug who let Addison Montgomery walk all over him. We tried, for a long time we tried, I thought this – he said pointing at the land and the trailer – would impress her, how wrong I was. She freaked when she saw the land, she despised it, and from the moment I showed her things began to change again...and it didn't take long for me to walk into an on call room and find her being fucked against the wall by some rich, up his own arse intern...' he paused, he couldn't keep going, as he felt his throat close up, he wouldn't cry, he was better off without her but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less not so much the cheating more that he was foolish enough to take her back in the first place.
'I'm sorry...' Meredith heard herself say as she stood up and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, 'I'm sorry'
Derek looked up and his eyes locked with Meredith's for a few moments, he let his gaze drift down to his shoulder where her had still remained and he gently placed his own hand on top of hers and reciprocated the squeeze...
'thank you.'
Meredith didn't move her hand, she surprised herself by leaving it under his a little while longer as the pair remained outside the trailer, enveloped in silence.
He had proved he trusted her, by explaining what had happened with Addison, he was being a good friend, she needed to give him something in return, she knew that.
'Derek...?' she started to speak but was surprised when Derek stood up to face her, keeping her hand held in his own as he looked into her eyes.
'Mer, I get it. I've been there, and I know there are times when you just need to figure things out before you can talk. And I'm not asking you to tell me everything; I just want to be there for you if you will let me.'