A/N: Hello everyone! I am SO SORRY for the 14-week delay. I've never posted this late before. 6 weeks is usually my limit, and 3 weeks my norm. But things have been really busy here in my life lately. Had something exciting happen recently…and then something really crappy happen after that…and I went on a long vacation, have been trying to change careers, and my 5-year-old started homeschooling, etc. But I will try to catch up as quickly as possible now. First half is a bit slow, but it gets much better. Enjoy!
It's been about two months since we came to this place, maybe more, maybe less. I haven't really been keeping track lately. Everyone has been extremely busy lately, in fact, I haven't really seen Scully, Krycek, or any of the others in about two days now. Just a lot of Allison, because we work in the same building right now. Alison. Hmmm. What can I say about her? It's a long story. I think we are an "item" now. But I'm not really sure. Last night, we hit that physical level. It wasn't planned, and it hasn't been talked about since then. It just kind of…happened. And it was really great, too. So, I'm not exactly sure why I feel a little guilty about it right now. A part of me feels like I'm betraying Scully. I mean, I know she's with Krycek now, and that whatever we had between us long ago is far past over, forever. And I'm pretty much over all of that now, for the most part. But I haven't exactly told Scully about Allison and I. Not even Krycek. Only Skinner knows, only because he's the one that pretty much hooked us up. And I guess that I feel like I've been keeping Allison a secret this whole time. I didn't even realize that something was actually happening between us until just last week. I was completely clueless to her advances, until Skinner said something.
But I'm not ashamed of her. Far from it actually. I 'want' to show her off. But it's been so long since I've been with anyone, that I'm not sure that I even remember how to have a normal relationship. And I realize now that what Scully and I had was not normal. And I'm not going to lie, at first, I tried to compare Allison to Scully. But she is the complete opposite of her. In every shape and form. For starters, Allison is like Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. She has a percentage of alien DNA in her, and she was one of the beings sent down to gather up her own group of people. And I have to admit, it's rather exciting to think about. And then I really got to know her a lot better over time, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked her differences. She appreciates my weird humor, but she also challenges me on a daily basis, and she's beautiful, and smart…and she's one of the most genuinely kind people that I have ever known. But she also puts me in my place when it's needed. And she brings out the best parts of me. So maybe she is somewhat like Scully, but in a different way, if that makes sense. Oh, and she thinks Krycek is an egotistical prick. So, that's a plus…in a very positive direction. Even though I've actually somehow started to develop a sort of friendship with him. But that's a different story for a different time.
It's not even close to love, yet. But it has a lot of potential. And right now, I'm happy. And I've also decided that I'm going to tell everyone about her, today.
XXX
Sharon warned me that I would feel a little sick for a few weeks once the treatments started working, but this is insane. This is far worse than I expected to be feeling. The nausea started a week ago. The fatigue started two days after that. And ever since yesterday, I have been feeling like I'm going to start the worst period of my life. But I'm actually two weeks late. Which Sharon also explained would happen during treatments. In fact, Alex and I haven't been intimate with one another since the day that he got his new arm a month ago. Everything is fine between us besides that. I just haven't been in the mood to do anything, which Sharon also explained might happen at first. And Alex has been completely understanding with it. Well, for the most part. I've sensed a bit of tension with him at times, as if something has been bothering him lately. But for the most part, he's seemed fine. I've just noticed at times, usually only when we are alone, that he gets a bit anxious with me. Almost like a teenager on his first date. But there have been no other warning signs to show that something might be wrong, so I haven't brought it up. It doesn't seem to really be a cause for concern. Well, it wasn't…until today. It's not even anything that Alex has done. It's all 'me'. I woke up rather moody yesterday morning. Probably because I'm finally about to start my period. And these treatments have messed up my hormones a bit. I know that it's normal, and that it will go away in a few more weeks. But today, God, it's pretty bad. I've been so nauseous today that I almost spewed my breakfast all over Skinner in the supply room this morning. Then he tried to make me take the rest of the day off, and of course I told him no. But now that I'm sitting on the bathroom floor puking up the very little amount of lunch that I ate, I'm not so sure that I will be able to make it to my check-up with Sharon later today. I was actually supposed to have my weekly check-up with her yesterday. But I was feeling so bad, that we decided to reschedule. She was only able to get through my weekly blood test, before we decided to do the rest today.
But as I rinse out my mouth and wash my hands, I decide that it's best to go see Sharon and maybe try to find a way to lessen these side effects a bit. So, I slowly head over to the medical building, willing myself to not projectile vomit on passerby's on the way, and then finally make it into the medical facility, where Sharon and I work at most of the time. Sharon quickly walks up to me the moment I enter the room, anxiously clutching at a blue folder in her hands. I immediately notice that she has something important to discuss with me, but I can't tell if it's good news or bad news.
"You're finally here." She sighs in relief, with slight worry on her face.
"Yeah, uhm, sorry that I'm late. I'm still not feeling very well." I grumble, as I plop down into the nearest chair.
"I can see that. And, well, that—that's what I need to talk to you about." She sharply inhales, looking down at the folder as she begins to pace.
"Yeah, these symptoms are a lot worse than I originally expected. I was told that they would be rather mild and barely noticeable. But I'm sure that we can figure out a way to lessen the negative side effects. Besides, it's not going to last much longer, right?" I say through a small smile.
"Well…" Sharon says through a nervous laugh.
Sharon's strange facial expressions immediately catch my attention, and I prepare myself for some bad news. The treatments didn't work. That's what she's going to tell me. She's going to tell me that there is no hope for me, and that they were not able to fix me. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. Dammit.
I hang my head and heavily sigh, before looking back up at her. "It's not working, is it…" I quietly ask, as I try to keep my emotions from getting out of control.
Sharon's eyes narrow and then widen rather quickly. She slaps the folder against her left hand with her right hand and shifts her weight from side to side a few times. "Oh, no, it's working. It—it's working better and quicker than we had originally calculated." She says with a shaky breath.
I furrow my brows at her and look at the folder in her hand. "What do you mean? And what is that?" I ask as I point at it with slight confusion.
Sharon opens the folder, briefly looks at its contents, and then quickly shuts it, as if she's making sure that what she is reading is correct. "These are your test results from your blood work yesterday."
"What test results? I thought that we didn't finish everything yesterday?" I stand up and reach for the folder.
Sharon hesitantly hands me the folder and swallows. "Well, you see, I decided to run some extra tests last night after you told me about the symptoms you had been having. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't having a negative reaction to some of the procedures."
"And?" I ask, as I slowly open the folder and look down.
I begin to skim the first part of the first page, but Sharon's voice pulls my eyes up towards her for a moment.
"And-and you're…" She trails off, looking back down at the folder in my hand.
I furrow my brows again and look back down at the folder. I quickly skim the first page, and then the second. But I realize that I must be really tired, because I know that I am not reading these results correctly, and I find myself laughing out loud as I begin to re-read the first page more thoroughly this time. But as I look up at Sharon while flipping back to the second page, I notice that she is not laughing. This can't be right. I can't be.
"Th-this doesn't make sense. I—I think my results were mixed up with someone else's." I shake my head and finish the second page a second time, before flipping back to the first page a third time.
"It's all correct, Dana. I did two separate tests, and double checked both results. But if you need more proof, then maybe you should try this also." Sharon quietly replies, as she hands me a pregnancy test.
I look down at the pregnancy test for a long moment, and then back up at Sharon. Then I shut the folder and toss it onto the counter and reach for the individually wrapped pee-stick in her hand.
"Alright. Fine. But I'm not pregnant. Alex and I haven't-in a—in a month. And before that, I had my period. And I wasn't ovulating that day that we-I-I still had another week. So, I can't be. These results are wrong." I shake my head and quickly make my way to the nearest bathroom, as I savagely rip at the thing and toss the plastic wrapper in the trash can on my way.
Sharon follows me and stands outside the bathroom door as I sit on the toilet and pee on the damn stick with intense skepticism.
"Well, actually, it seems that the procedures may have changed your ovulation days. There was always a small chance that that would happen. You of all people, as a Doctor yourself, knew that." Sharon hollers from the other side of the door.
I heavily sigh and jam the top back on the stick and place it on the counter. I can't even bring myself to look at it as I flush the toilet and wash my hands. Then I'm looking at myself in the mirror for a long moment, as I impatiently wait for the lines to show up on the stick. Sharon knocks on the door and then slowly enters the bathroom, walking up behind me. We make eye contact in the mirror, and I nervously run my tongue along my bottom lip. Sharon reaches for me and places her hand on my shoulder.
"Do you want to look, or do you want me to do it?" She asks through a sigh.
"I can't be, Sharon. It—it's too soon. I—I would be like 3 weeks pregnant, and morning sickness usually doesn't begin until 6 weeks into pregnancy. You yourself said that I would experience all these symptoms. Maybe even a false positive."
"Yes, I did say that." Sharon says, as she reaches over me and grabs at the stick and looks down at it. I find myself looking away, as my heart begins to race. I can't look at it yet. I can't even look at Sharon at the moment. But when I hear the emotions in her voice, I already know the answer. "But we both knew that these procedures were unorthodox and alien, and after everything that has happened the past two years, you of all people should know now that almost anything is possible." She says, as she hands me the test. "Besides, blood tests are a lot more accurate than urine tests. And I doubt that two blood tests and a urine test would all show a false result, along with the symptoms you've been having, Dana."
We both look down at the stick in my hand, and I suddenly feel like I'm going to throw up again. A plus sign in both little windows. Pregnant. I'm pregnant. With Alex Krycek's baby. Oh my god.
"Get a second pregnancy test, please. NOW."
XXX
A whole fucking month later, and I still haven't been able to do it. I am such a wuss. I don't even know what's stopping me. Not the right time and place? Maybe. But it could also be because I have never proposed to anyone. I was never the type to settle down, or even have a steady girlfriend. I never wanted to be married before all of this shit. All this…this wonderful shit, that I know I don't really deserve. I don't deserve Dana. I don't even deserve to be alive right now. Or have my arm back. I know that, and always have. And maybe 'that' is why I can't do it. Because I know. I know that I'm scum. Or that I used to be, whatever. And even though I have changed, A LOT, I still can't stop thinking about how pure and kind Dana is. How opposite we are. How I don't measure up to her standards, and never will. I don't even know why she loves me. She was supposed to be Mulder's. I know that also. I don't like to admit it, but I always knew. But here we are, together. And each day is better than the last. And, GOD, I don't even know why I'm thinking about proposing. What if she says no? What if she responds with, "Why?" What if she tells me that there's no reason to marry these days? I mean, I know that she's already told me that she would still consider it with the right person. But what if she's changed her mind, and has decided that I'm not the right person? We haven't even been intimate in a month now. I mean, I understand, because Sharon said that the procedures that Dana was having would mess up her hormones for a little while. Oh, and that's another thing that I'm kind of freaking out about right now. What if the procedures work, and Dana asks me to give her a child in the future? I mean, I know that she has told me that she didn't actually want a baby, that she just wanted the option. But what if she changes her mind on that also? I can't be a father. I can't bring a baby into this new world, that's half me. God, that could end very badly. Right? I mean, I can't lie, I've entertained the idea of giving Dana a baby. But in reality, it's just not a good idea. At least not for a long while. I would need some more time to think about it and prepare. And yes, I would do anything for Dana. I really would. I just feel like I would greatly disappoint her in that department. I would try my damnedest to be a good father, of course. But in reality, we all know how that would turn out. I would probably turn out like my own father. And that's what scares me the most.
I am suddenly pulled out of my deep reverie by a voice behind me. I quickly turn around and realize that Skinner is standing behind me with his arms crossed in front of him.
"Krycek, what are you doing in the janitorial closet?" He asks with furrowed brows.
"I, uh, I needed some tools." I clear my throat and reach for the tool box to my right.
"Right." He pauses, raising an eyebrow at me. "Well, I watched you enter this room 15 minutes ago, and you're still here. Why?" He firmly asks with slight skepticism.
I look back up at Skinner and heavily sigh. I know that he still doesn't trust me. I get it. After everything I had done to him and everyone else, I understand. And honestly, he's adjusted to the idea of Dana and I better than I thought he would. Except for the glares and threats under his breath every time he passes me…on a daily basis.
And then I find myself thinking, If I did propose to Dana, and she said yes, would he be the one walking her down the aisle? God, that would be weird.
I shake my head and put the tool box back down on the floor, using that same hand to rub over my face. I guess I'm still not used to being able to use my left arm again, so I've still been mainly using my right. "I don't really know." I sigh again.
Skinner's hard eyes skim over my face for a long moment, and then his face begins to soften. Then he is heavily sighing, and I catch him rolling his eyes out of the corner of my eye. I don't know why, but it makes me want to laugh a little. I can't deny that I sometimes still get some pleasure out of annoying Skinner and Mulder.
"Something the matter, Krycek?" He says with slight annoyance. I bet that was hard for him to ask. I bet he is only being nice to me for Dana. But hey, I'll take it right now.
"No." I lie. I don't exactly want to be standing in a closet with Skinner right now, telling him my secret feelings. In fact, he's the last person I'd gush to, right behind Mulder.
"Bullshit." He says, slightly catching me off guard.
I look up at him with wide eyes, and we both stare at each other for a long moment. Then I find myself chuckling a bit, and also nodding my head at him.
"Are we really going to do this right now, Walter? Because I highly doubt that you are even the least bit interested in how I'm feeling." I say with another chuckle.
I see the hints of a smile on Skinner's lips, but he still holds his cool exterior as he stares at me again. We are the same height, but right now he seems to tower over me with authority.
"You're right. But Dana seems to trust you, and Mulder seems to have accepted things, and they are like family to me, so it would make ME the bastard if I didn't at least pretend to care." He says with sarcasm, and I nod in agreement.
"Do you really want to know?" I'm trying to give him a way out of this, but he's still not taking my rather generous offer.
"No. But why don't you tell me anyway." He grunts and sighs, leaning up against the wall.
"Ah-I think I'll pass." I try to make it past him, completely forgetting about the toolbox, but he stops me with his hand.
"Look, Krycek, I've been keeping a close eye on you since you got here, and-"
"I noticed." I interrupt, but he ignores my comment and keeps talking.
"And I can see that you do care for Dana, and that maybe some things have changed. But the moment you fuck up and lie to me, or keep anything from me, I will not hesitate to remove you from the premises…even if it does upset Dana. I promised to protect everyone…and protect everyone I'm going to do…at all costs." He warns me. But I don't sense any hatred in his words.
It's simply just a warning, because he cares. But what he needs to realize is that I care too. Maybe it's time to show him how much I do care. I think I'm pretty much done pretending that I don't.
"I've been trying to propose." I blurt out.
Skinner blinks several times as if he doesn't believe what he just heard. I force myself to look him in the eye, and he looks back with suspicion. But I know that he sees truth in my eyes, and hears emotion in my voice, and he can only step back and run his hand over his bald head several times for several moments.
"I have to admit-that is-that is not what I was expecting you to say." He pauses, and I shrug lamely. "Krycek-"
"I fell in love with her. And it-it's frustrating as hell sometimes. Because it's changing me, too much, too fast. I'm a fucking mess." I blurt again. My voice now even thicker with emotion.
I then find myself sitting down on the toolbox, and Skinner sits down next to me on a crate. We both sit there in silence for several moments, until Skinner finally speaks again.
"Wow." He clears his throat.
"Yeah." I sigh again, running my hands through my hair.
"That's-that is-" He pauses, shaking his head.
"Yeah." I say again. That's all I'm able to say right now. And I know I've already said too much.
"I, uh, I didn't know it was 'that' serious." He admits, and I find myself quietly groaning into my hands.
"Yeah, it's been like that for quite a while now." I pause, and Skinner seems to actually be interested in what I'm saying right now. Either that, or he's good at pretending. And now I can't stop talking. I try, but it's all spilling out of me like word vomit. "But it wasn't like that at first. We couldn't stand to be around each other. She—she literally wanted to kill me. And GOD she was a pain in the ass. I mean, I know I've always been one, and I really don't know what she sees in me honestly, but we both pretty much fought all the time at first." I pause again, and Skinner chuckles, shaking his head. "And then, uh, then something just happened between us. And one day, I realized that I couldn't live without her. And it just pretty much blind-sided me, and before I knew it, I wasn't "Krycek" anymore. Just-just Alex." I finish, and when I turn to look at Skinner, he looks rather stunned.
Skinner grunts and leans forward, clasping his hands together between parted knees. "Well, uh, if she really has softened you, and you both really love each other, then I can't stop you. But that doesn't mean I'm giving you my blessing or anything." He hesitantly says over his shoulder.
I can't help but smirk at him as we both stand up and head over to the door. "I'll take what I can get." I say with slight sarcasm, and Skinner reaches for the doorknob.
But then he stops for a moment and briefly turns around to face me. "Oh, uh, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go with Mulder to search for some more supplies. Some of our regular monthly supply guys came down with the flu, and we are really limited right now."
I shrug and nod. "Yeah, I'll do it. How long will we be gone, and when do we leave?"
"About a week, and tomorrow. It shouldn't be too difficult. I mean, our guys will occasionally run into some gangs, but it's been pretty quiet out there lately." He explains while turning back around, and I nod. "And, uhm, Kry-Alex…glad you got your arm back." He says over his shoulder, and then clears his throat and opens the door.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, desperately trying to hide the smile that is threatening to take over my lips, and I slowly follow him out, toolbox in my left hand. We both reach the hallway, and who do we see just standing there in front of us like a deer caught in headlights? Frickin Mulder.
"Oh, uhhhhh, why-" Mulder pauses, eyeing us both with confusion. "You know what, never mind." He stutters, shaking his head.
Skinner and I awkwardly eye each other and begin to walk in different directions.
"Get to work." Skinner hollers at me over his shoulder.
"Yeah, sure." I holler back, leaving Mulder just standing there with a box in his hands.
I don't know what just happened in that janitorial closet, but I have to admit, it kind of helped calm my nerves a tiny bit. And it made me realize…that I have to propose today. I have to do it before I leave tomorrow. It's going to happen. Oh shit, I'm really doing this.
XXX
It's been 6 hours, and I have been purposely avoiding Alex all day. I can't bring myself to tell him. Not yet. First of all, I have absolutely no idea how he will react. I mean, I didn't exactly display a positive reaction this morning, so I can only imagine how he's going to take it. What if he decides he doesn't want it and he wants to leave? What will I do then? Have Mulder, Skinner, Sharon, and everyone else help me raise it? I know that they would help me out, but that's not the point. The point is, I'm not even sure that 'I' can do this. So why would I expect Alex to want any part? And why am I even worried about him running off? I know he loves me. I do. But Alex Krycek isn't exactly the fatherly type. Then again, I never thought he was the long-term relationship type either, but he proved everyone wrong there. And this could just be my hormones talking, but I'm scared. I always secretly wanted a baby, someday. But the world is a very different place now, and I am a somewhat different person these days. I simply just wanted the option to have kids. I hadn't actually planned on having any anytime soon. My God, what do I do now? I'm pregnant, with Alex Krycek's baby. If someone would have told me two years ago that I would be in this position two years later, I would have cuffed them and called the nearest mental institution. And here comes the nausea again. It has been coming in waves all night and day. But I think that right now, it's mainly because of my nerves. What do I do? Alex is the one that I almost always go to these days when I need to talk. But I just can't do that right now. And Sharon was just stressing me out more, pacing back and forth and asking me a bunch of questions. Who can I vent to? Mulder. I need to talk to Mulder. I don't even know why we don't talk anymore like we used to. I need to fix that. Mulder is still my best friend, and I trust him.
And just like magic, Mulder appears in the doorway with a box in his hands, causing me to jump a bit. For a moment there I thought it was Alex, and my heart skipped a beat or two.
"Heya Scully, Sharon said you needed some more supplies in here." He cheerfully says as he sets down the box on the counter next to me.
I nod and begin grabbing things out of the box. For some reason, I can't look Mulder in the eye, and I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to talk to him about this either. But Mulder seems to immediately notice that something is off with me, and he begins to intensely observe me with his hands on his hips.
"Hey, you alright? You seem a bit pale today. And Skinner said he tried to send you back to your room this morning."
"Uhm, yeah, I'm fine. It's just-it's just these tests. I'm just a little tired." And that's not a lie. It does have to do with the tests, and I AM tired. But this isn't like me, to keep things from Mulder.
"Yeah, Sharon said this would happen, huh. I just didn't think it would be this bad. I mean, you look REALLY tired today." He begins babbling, and I find myself only half listening, as I begin to get more and more anxious. And now I'm pulling things out of the boxes even faster and find myself slamming them down on the counter with loud thumps. But Mulder doesn't seem to notice. He just continues talking, looking as chipper as ever. "-and you really have to make sure you're drinking a lot of fluids with these tests, because-"
"Mulder." I heavily sigh, but Mulder keeps yapping.
"-Sharon said that you could get easily dehydrated or nauseous. I mean, I'm not the Doctor, you two are, so I'm sure you know what's best for your own body. I'm just-"
"MULDER." I turn to face him, but he's still going. Why the hell is he so happy lately?
"-saying, it would suck if you got sick and-"
"I'm pregnant." I blurt, closing my eyes.
"-you ended up having a negative reaction to everything and-" He pauses, looking down at me with furrowed brows. "What did you just say?" He cocks his head to the side. I heavily sigh again and run a hand over my forehead. I'm not sure that I have the energy to repeat it. Mulder chuckles and shakes his head at me. "It sounded like you said you were-" He bends over at the waist with silent laughter, slamming his hand down on the counter. "I'll tell you what, I've been having the weirdest day. First, I thought I saw Skinner and Krycek walking out of a janitorial closet together earlier, and now I'm hearing things."
"You heard correctly." I say with a shaky voice, as the nausea begins to intensify.
Mulder furrows his brows again and takes a step back. "Uhhhh, what are you saying?"
God Mulder, do I really have to repeat it for you? "I…am…pregnant." I say just above a whisper.
Mulder looks at me for a moment, and then begins to laugh again, as if I'm joking. Oh no, I need a toilet. I don't even think I'm going to make it to one right now, so I push past Mulder and bend over the nearest trashcan behind him. I didn't have much in my stomach to begin with, so not much comes up at this point. And when I'm finished, I force myself to look up at Mulder, with my hands still tightly clutching the sides of the tall trashcan. He is looking down at me in horror, and I'm pretty sure that he is paler than I am right now, as he tumbles back a few steps, knocking a box of gloves off the counter.
"Holyyyyyy SHIT." He says with a swallow. "Are you sure? Does-does Krycek know? HOLY SHIT." He runs his fingers through his hair, swallowing again. "Is it-I mean I know it's his, but do you think he-" And there he goes babbling again. God, he's worse than Sharon was.
"Yes, I'm sure. And no, he doesn't know. I just found out this morning. Only you and Sharon know right now." I weakly reply, as Mulder hands me a paper towel.
I wipe my mouth and tie up the trash bag, and then I walk over to the sink to rinse my mouth out and wash my hands, while Mulder follows me with a concerned look on his face.
"How did this happen?"
"Well, Mulder, when two people love each other very much…" I begin with sarcasm, and Mulder waves me off.
"That's not what I meant. I mean, I know how it happened, and I don't need that image in my head right now thank you very much. But I meant-how did it happen so quickly? What are you going to do? If he runs off, so help me God-"
"Mulder, please." I put my hand up to stop him, and he shuts his mouth, surprisingly. "We don't exactly know how it happened so quickly. But it was never an impossible possibility. I just-we just never thought it would happen so fast. And it wasn't planned, if that's what you're wondering. And I have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't know how Alex is going to react…" I say through a sharp breath.
"He's going to freak-" Mulder begins to say, but I shoot him a dirty look. "Sorry." He apologetically sighs. "He-he will be okay, once he has time to let it sink in. I'm sure of it, Scully." He reassures me with a friendly pat on the shoulder. I want to believe him. I really do.
"I'm not so sure of that, Mulder…" I'm desperately trying to stop my lip from quivering.
"This is-this is great news, Scully. Caught me a little off guard, and it's crazy to think that you and Krycek are having a baby together, but this is what you always wanted, isn't it?" He is now trying to reassure me with a smile, but I see the uncertainty in his eyes.
"How did all of this happen, Mulder? How did things change so much?"
"Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…" He jokes.
"Mulder shut up." I slap him on the arm, rolling my eyes.
"But on a serious note, I'm wondering the same thing. It all almost seems like just a dream." He sighs and leans against the counter. And I have to admit, he is taking this a lot better than I thought he would. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in for him yet. "I'm happy for you, Scully." He adds with a warm smile, as he pulls me into a big bear hug. "Not so thrilled with who the father is, but Skinner and I will make sure he doesn't fuck anything up." He also adds, rocking me back and forth.
I can't help but chuckle at that, even though this is a serious matter. "Mulder, so help me God, you better let me-" I begin to pull back, but Mulder pulls me to him again.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him."
"Thank you." I whisper into his shirt.
"But if I were you, I'd tell him today."
"God, Mulder, I don't know if I can tell him today. I might need a few days. I've only just found out 6 hours ago."
"Well, Krycek and I are leaving for a week-long supply run tomorrow."
"What? Why?" I pull back and look up at him with furrowed brows.
"Skinner asked us to because a bunch of the supply guys came down with the flu over the weekend."
"Shit." I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment. "Well, maybe this is a good thing. It gives me some time to think about what I want to say."
"Yeah, but man, this is going to be an awkward trip for me." Mulder sighs again.
"Mulder, you won't tell him, right?"
"Scully, I gave you my word. My lips are sealed."
I nod and relax a bit. "I'm not the only one with big news though, am I right?" I ask with a smirk. I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind. I've seen Mulder hanging around that blonde woman Allison a lot lately. And I know that he's been wanting to talk to me about it. And I'm happy for Mulder, I really am. I'm glad that he has someone now. It takes the lingering tension off of Alex and I.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." He nervously says while looking down at his feet.
"Her name is Allison, right?" I cross my arms and smile up at him.
"H-how did you know about-" He stutters. And I have to say, I'm a little shocked that he really thought no one knew.
"She seems really nice." I add, while patting him on the forearm.
Mulder heavily sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "It's not going to be weird now, is it?"
"Mulder, there is absolutely no reason for it to be weird. This is a different world now, and we are not the same people we once were. If anything, it helps things to NOT be weird."
Mulder nods in agreement, and the uncertainty slowly dissolves from his eyes. I sense a little bit of brief sadness between us, with a silent "What if things were different?" lingering in the air. But it is quickly squashed by the both of us, since we both have now realized that things are how they were meant to be. We both know that, and it is no longer an issue with us. I can see that Mulder has finally let that part of me go. "She IS really nice." He smiles down at me. "But it's nothing serious. It's just-"
"I'm happy for you, Mulder." We hug again, both sighing in relief. "Tell me more about her."
XXX
I haven't been able to find Dana anywhere today. Every time I check her working area, she's not there. Skinner doesn't know where she is, I haven't seen Mulder since that awkward encounter in the hallway this morning, and Sharon acts really weird around me every time I see her. Something is going on that I don't know about, and I'm going to find out what it is. Plus, I really need to see Dana. I need to do this before I chicken out again. But the more time that passes, the more irritated I get, and less sure about things I'm becoming. Dana isn't avoiding me for some reason, is she? She didn't find out about my intentions, and freak out and-alright, I need to cool it. I'm getting ahead of myself right now. God, where the hell is she?
And just as I'm turning the corner, back into Dana's work area for the tenth time today, I almost run right into her. Her eyes immediately widen and her face pales. Alright, what the hell is going on?
"Shit, Dana, I've been looking for you everywhere." I rasp with exasperation.
"Oh…well I've been right here. All day." She quietly says, while obviously avoiding eye contact with me. She tries to pass me, but I firmly grab at both of her arms.
"W-Where are you going? Didn't you just hear what I said? I—I need to talk to you." I realize that I am coming off as a little demanding, but now I'm a little worried with how Dana is acting with me today.
"Alex, can we talk later? I'm really super busy today."
I clench my jaw and tighten my grip on her when she tries to escape me again. "Hey, you okay? What's going on?" I quietly ask, as I reach up to touch at Dana's cheek. She noticeably flinches at my touch.
"I—I'm just tired. The-these procedures are just wearing me out lately. I'm fine." She says while looking down at my chest.
Bullshit, woman. I pull her into the room she works in and shut the door. "Tell me what's really going on." I softly demand.
"I just told you, Alex." She snaps at me a bit, and I immediately tense up. What's with the attitude today? Did I do something wrong?
"Are you on your period or something?" Crap, I need to remember to stop saying that every time Dana seems upset. From previous experiences, it usually ends up leading to an argument.
Dana's eyes widen, and she tightens her lips into a thin line. "NO, I am NOT on my period if you must know." She raises her voice a bit.
"Then what's the problem?" I ask with a heavy sigh.
"Alex, why can't you just believe me when I tell you that I'm just tired." She lifts her hands up with exasperation, and I notice that she is still not completely making eye contact with me.
"Because I know that that's not the truth." I huff.
"Oh, so now I'm a liar?"
"I didn't say that."
"You basically just did."
I find myself rolling my eyes at her as I run a hand through my hair and shift my weight. This seems to upset her more. "Are we really going to start an argument right now over stupid shit?"
"Stupid shit?" Dana huffs back, crossing her arms. Her eyes are beginning to moisten, as if she's about to start crying.
"Goddammit Dana, why are you crying?"
"I'm not crying!"
"This is ridiculous. And this makes it a lot harder for me to say what I was going to say now, when you're being—when you're being like this." I motion my hands at her.
"Being like what, Alex? Huh? Tell me, what am I being like?" She purses her lips at me, arms crossed in front of her again.
"You're being-you're being-a—a woman, God!" My hands fly up in the air again.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? There you go stereotyping females again. I can't-I can't do this right now Alex."
"Oh my GAWD, are you for real right now?" I shout. Now I'm angry, and things are ruined, and Dana is being a…well, she's being a bitch right now. What the actual fuck?
"I need to get back to work." She says, but I stand in front of the door and block her from leaving.
"You're not leaving this room until you talk to me." I firmly demand.
"ALEX, let me pass." She barks at me.
"FUCK no." I growl back through clenched teeth. Why does this feel like we've somehow spiraled backwards in time?
"If you don't let me out of this room, I'm going to scream." She threatens me. Since when did Dana Scully act so immature? That was usually mine and Mulder's area of expertise.
"So help me God, Dana, if you even try to-"
"LET ME OUT OF HERE, ALEX!" She shouts, just like she said she would.
Next thing I know, I'm firmly grabbing her and pushing her up against the door and punching my fist through the wall right next to her head. Her eyes widen in fear, but quickly narrow in fury, and then begin to well up with tears.
"I see that some things have not changed." She says through gritted teeth, as a tear slips down her cheek.
"You're one to talk." I hiss back, and finally back away to let her leave.
I stand there with a red-hot face, breathing heavily, as I watch Dana open the door and slam it shut as she storms out of the medical room.
"What the fuck just happened?" I say into the empty room, as I look down at my bloody knuckle.
This was NOT how I thought that was going to go…at all.
XXX
A/N: I decided to split up this very long chapter into two chapters. So hopefully the next chapter will be up within the next 24 hours, and much more interesting than this one. It's almost finished, and all I really need to do is read through it a few times and check for any errors, then I will post it shortly after this chapter. Oh, and send me lots of love, and you might even get Chapter 22 sooner than 24 hours! ; )