Chapter Twenty:

Where to Go From There

Saita had a rather notorious reputation of being able to sleep through anything. Nothing ever disrupted her from her precious sleep and lived to regret it and as much as she had tried to ignore the nuisance she just couldn't. She had been trying her best to ignore it, but after two and a half hours her thin line of patience was gone. She wasn't about to flop around like a fish in a skillet pan just to get away from the irritation, but enough was enough. If it continued on, Saita knew blood would be spilt and for once she would've been remorseful. But Kami help her it was just too much.

With a deep growl of anger she pulled the heavy limbs of her red-haired bed partner out from around her waist and pulled her sleepy body into a sitting position. Her eyes narrowed into thin slits at the offender. That damn redheaded bastard was fucking snoring! Of all the Kami-forsaken things he just had to snore when he slept! 'Fuck it all!' Saita absolutely hated people who snored with an unbridled passion and now Renji was on her list.

Sensing the loss of his bed partner's warmth the sleeping fukutaichō blindly stretched out to find her, but Saita was not in the mood to cuddle with him. Saita vigilantly avoided Renji's searching hands. Until he rolled over to her side of the futon and grabbed hold of her midsection, pulling her back down to lay beside him. Saita's glare hardened, even through all that he was still snoring!

Having both her arms free from his grasp, Saita drew back her left hand and halfheartedly slapped Renji across the left side of his face. The effect was instantaneous. Renji's body tensed for a second, before he jumped up, his loose crimson hair smacking Saita in the face, blinding her in a sea of scarlet. Renji sat stiffly on the center of the bed his eyes blinking owlishly, while he tried to figure out what the hell just happened and where he was. Renji's gaze locked on an old painting of high dark waves crashing against a cliff and everything came back to him.

With a low frustrated growl he ran a hand through his long hair brushing his long bangs out of his face and turned his head to look at his displeased companion. Their angry gazes locked, each challenging the other to test their patience and temper by making some smart ass comment. "What the hell was that for?" Renji asked irritably after a moment, wanting to know just why his face stung.

Without so much as blinking or lightening her glare Saita replied. "You were snoring." If he didn't know better Renji might have thought that a Zanpakutō had taken the place of her tongue. Her words were cold and razor-sharp enough to cut lesser men down within an instant. However he was not a lesser man.

"I was snoring." He repeated with a disbelieving tone. His caramel gaze hardening to match the blonde's. "That's why you hit me, because I was fucking snoring?" Renji sneered threateningly, daring her to repeat what she'd said. He couldn't believe that she would hit him over something so trivial. It was just absurd. He couldn't control when that habit and there was no reason she should have hit him, even if it annoyed her.

"Yes I fucking hit you because you were fucking snoring!" Saita snapped back, lashing out to strike him again. That did it. Saita had royally pissed him off. Renji's hand snapped up and caught her fist in his hand before it even got close to his face. He deftly caught the second that was sent towards his face and in one swift move had the violent female pinned to the bed. She thrashed and slung curses at him, but he didn't move.

After several minutes of struggling Saita finally calmed down, but he still didn't release her, she could be more dangerous calm than in a fit of rage. "Now that you've finally calmed down." Renji spoke, his voice unusually calm, as if he hadn't been angry enough to actually hit the blonde haired girl beneath him just moments before. "Would you mind tell me why you're so pissed off this morning?" He continued his tone still deceivingly placid.

Saita hissed at him like an angry snake that was coiled up and ready to strike. They stared each other down for several long minutes, before Saita's rage all but dissipated. Seeing the surrender and lack of anger in her hazel-blue eyes, Renji removed his tight grasp from her wrists. She wouldn't look him in the eyes, he noted with a frown. She was so bipolar it was giving him a headache. Deciding to take a different approach in hopes of coaxing an answer or even a singular word from her, Renji stretched out his body to slide beside Saita's while easing his bodyweight down halfway on top of her, so he wouldn't crush her.

When he was comfortably stretched out he propped his head on his left hand while the other brushed teasingly over Saita's fingertips. He would have never guessed, before last night that they were so sensitive. He smirked. Even now she was shivering in pleasure from their sensitivity and his administrations. "So," He started his tone soft, curious. "Why were you so angry?"

When she did nothing, he questioned further while continuing to tease her senses. "You didn't hit me just because I was snoring, did you." It was a statement not a question. He got his answer when she turned her head and their eyes met. Something was troubling her. He could see it as clearly as he saw her lying next to him. "What's wrong?" The question was asked tentatively.

Saita sighed. Her eyes moved to watch as his fingers skillfully dance across her skin, contemplating how she was going to answer. He was right of course. She hadn't just hit him because he was snoring. She hated it sure, but a slap was too much. What had she hit him? It was really a simple answer, but she didn't want him to know her fears, her thoughts about last night and this morning. But, it didn't matter anymore.

"I… I thought you wouldn't stay." She voiced softly. Renji froze. She actually thought he would leave her? Sure, they had only been on one date and yeah things were moving fast, but he wouldn't leave without letting her know first. Suddenly it came to him. She was scared, scared of him leaving and of him staying. Both options had their perks and vices, but the thought of leaving had never once entered his mind last night. He wanted to stay, he truly did.

"I wouldn't leave Saita," Renji began, cupping her slender face and turning her head so he could see her eyes, "unless you wanted me to." Saita's lip trembled and her eyes softened at his sincere words.

"I don't want you to leave." She whispered frantically, her eyes watering up. She was so stupid! She silently cursed herself, as the tears began to fall. This was wrong. These feelings were wrong, almost sinful. But it was too late. She couldn't make her heart stop skipping a beat for him. She couldn't stop loving him. She had already fallen. Oh Kami-sama she loved him. She really truly did, waking up next to him scared her because it felt so right. She couldn't understand it, but she loved him. She needed him. He completed her. He chased away her demons, he took her temper in stride and he did it all without wanting anything in return. "Kami, I'm so selfish…"

"No you're not. What's wrong with wanting someone?" He reassured, pulling the silently crying blonde into a comforting embrace. He understood why she threw a tantrum. She hadn't actually said it aloud, but she didn't have to. The truth was in her voice and her eyes. She… she loved him. Renji decided he deserved the hit in the face. Not for snoring, but because he still loved… Rukia, even after last night, Kami damn him forever… but he loved Saita too.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Hell should've opened up beneath him last night when he first kissed her. She didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her. It just wasn't fair to either woman. Neither deserved to be dragged along and loved only halfway. Kami-sama he was a selfish bastard, because he couldn't let either one go. 'You're not selfish Saita. You just want someone to love and be loved. What's selfish about that? I'm the one who's selfish. Holding you, loving you and still loving her…'

"I'm sorry." Saita whispered forlornly, her head resting on his shoulder. Renji pulled her closer whispering to her it was fine and that all was forgotten. 'You may love me now, but one day you're going to hate my guts again. Either decision will probably cost me both of you. I won't ask for forgiveness, because I don't deserve it.'

Renji inhaled deeply, the soothing rosy scent of Saita's shampoo distracting him from his thoughts of damnation. Allowing himself to fall deeper into the sweet aroma Renji hummed in content, as he nuzzled into Saita's long blonde tresses. Saita cuddled closer, one of her hands finding his and intertwining. Renji smiled. For being so hostel all the time and saying she didn't need anyone but herself and her Zanpakutō, Saita really liked to touch. Renji figured the contact was comforting to her, a reassurance that he was real and not a dream that she would wake up from alone.

It really did seem like a dream, an incredible one at that. Renji's thoughts drifted to what had happened last night. Thanking whatever luck still clung to him, that he and Saita hadn't gone all the way and actually had sex. Why was he happy that they hadn't? It was simple. They would've been linked closer and with him being so indecisive about who he wanted to be with it would've hurt her even more if he didn't pick her in the end.

Almost, they'd almost crossed that line. However, Saita's bravery didn't last long. He couldn't blame her though. She'd almost been raped and was apprehensive about being that intimate with him or anyone. It didn't matter to him whether they slept together or not, he was quite content with whatever she wanted. He wasn't in it for sex anyways. It would have been great if they had, but it didn't matter. He wasn't going to push or pressure her into something she wasn't ready for.

Renji breathed out a soft moan and snapped his eyes shut in pleasure as Saita threaded her hands through his hair and began messaging his scalp. "You're such a tease." He whispered softly, looking at her through half lidded eyes. She was smiling, genuinely smiling. There was no mocking in her eyes, no dark-humor. She was actually happy to be with him, to please him. Kami did he feel more and more like an asshole.

"Yeah, but you don't mind." She whispered back, not wanting to break the comfortable quite that had settled around them. Renji hummed in agreement, his head dropping to rest in the crook of her neck. He really didn't mind, especially since it was her. "You're so beautiful." He all but breathed, his lips delicately brushing against her sensitive skin causing a shiver to run through her entire body as he spoke. He wasn't sure whether she was supposed to hear it or not, but it no longer mattered. He was digging his gave ever deeper and he was doing it with contentment.

"When do you have to leave?" Saita asked hesitantly, not truly wanting to know the answer. However, she didn't want to keep him from his duties and his uptight Taichō. With careful movements she began to trace her fingers over Renji's smooth, relaxed features. He was actually rather handsome when he wasn't being an annoying asshole, at this though her lips quirked into a smirk, recalling Renji had said the same thing about her once.

Renji groaned and muttered something incomprehensible, before nuzzling deeper into the crook of her neck. Renji released their intertwined hands, only to immediately wrap them around Saita's waist while planting soft teasing kisses on her neck and exposed shoulders. He was skillfully avoiding answering the question and they both knew it.

Why? In truth he was already late. Almost three and a half hours to be specific. But what Saita didn't know wouldn't hurt her and as he started to bite down and suck softly on her skin, the question disappeared completely from both their minds. Besides, it would be so worth the ass chewing he was going to get from Kuchiki-Taichō. So why shouldn't he stay with more pleasurable company for a little longer? Another hour or so wouldn't matter now.