CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Fears of Madness
On the fourth morning after Anthony's birth, Wolf woke to the cries of his son and the sound of the bedroom door closing. At first he thought the door sound was Virginia coming back from one of the nightly wanderings that she'd been going on since Anthony's birth. But he saw no sign of her in the dim light. He thought he must have been dreaming. It never occurred to him that the door might have been opened and closed by Matilde's cane as she exited the room to search for Virginia. Wolf got up from the queen-sized bed he usually shared with his wife and glanced first toward the window and then to the elegant grandfather clock near the door. Anthony was right. It was morning, but the heavy snow storm outside made it almost as dark as night.
"Shhh," Wolf whispered as he picked his son up from his basinet. "I know. First we'll give you a little change and then we'll go look for Mommy. She usually comes back in time to feed you. I wonder where she got off to."
After changing the baby, Wolf changed himself and started downstairs with his son in his arms. Hardly anyone was up. He saw one maid carrying a breakfast tray in the direction of Rose and Wendell's room and asked if she'd seen Virginia.
"Sorry, your Highness," the young maid said. "But if I do, I'll tell the princess you're looking for her."
Wolf looked through the whole of the main floor, but all he found was Matilde in one of the back libraries. "You haven't seen Virginia, have you?" he asked.
"No," Matilde said. "And I've been down here since four o'clock."
"I have no idea how long Virginia's been up. She hardly ever sleeps nowadays. There are a few upstairs sitting rooms I haven't checked. I suppose I'll try them next."
Anthony started crying again at that point, as if he objected to the idea of waiting any longer for his breakfast.
"Maybe we should call the wet nurse," Matilde suggested. "She can take care of Anthony while we look for Virginia."
Wolf's eyebrows pulled together with uncertainty. "I don't know".
Virginia had been very unhappy about Matilde hiring a wet nurse. To her it seemed as if they didn't have any faith in her taking care of her own baby. But Matilde had insisted that this was a special situation and that it wouldn't hurt to have her there just in case. Wolf thought maybe Virginia would be mad at him if he said yes, but Anthony's cries were getting more insistent.
Just then there was a knock on the open door. It was Matilde's cane, floating in the air and waiting for their attention.
"Do you know where Virginia is?" Matilde asked the cane.
It answered by heading back out of the room. Wolf and Matilde followed. Anthony quieted down as soon as they started moving. From his point of view it looked as if his demands for breakfast were about to be met.
The cane led the way to a back stairway. Then down into the basement to a dark quiet room with a single lit candle. It was the room where Wendell had had Virginia's mother laid out before her burial. Ever since then everyone avoided the place. It was said that it was haunted, not by the Evil Queen herself, but by her victims. That they'd come there to taunt her while she'd been laid out and some of them were still lingering. On the rare occasion that it had to be cleaned, Herbert the perfect butler had had to handle it himself. The bier that Virginia's mother had been lying on was in the same place and Virginia sat on the same chair she had back then.
"Virginia?" Wolf asked.
His wife turned to look at him. Her face was stained and puffy, as if she had cried till she could cry no more.
Anthony started fussing again because his father was standing still. His little voice reverberated in the stone hallway.
"We've been looking for you," Wolf said gently. "Anthony has a wolf's appetite."
"I can't help him," Virginia sniffed. "He deserves a better mother than me."
"What are you talking about?" Wolf asked. "You're a great mother."
"No I'm not. I'm a murderer, just like my mother. I have to stay here all alone. That's my punishment."
"You go and take care of Anthony," Matilde said, taking charge. "I'll look after Virginia."
Wolf looked from his wife to his mother-in-law. He didn't want to leave. But he had his arms full of fussing baby and Matilde seemed to have a clearer idea of what to do. "We'll see you later," he whispered. And he kissed the top of Virginia's head.
Once they were alone Matilde said, "This is what I was telling you about. This depression happens to a lot of women. The change that comes over your body after being pregnant can be severe, especially when you've been through as much as you have. Rose says it's also harder for a human woman to handle the change after a wolf pregnancy. To put it in wolf terms, Rose says it's like coming to the morning after a particularly wild full moon."
"I'm going to be just like my mother, aren't I?" Virginia asked. "I'm going to hurt my baby."
"No you won't."
"Yes, I will."
"You haven't slept much in the last few days, have you? Or eaten."
"I didn't want to."
"Maybe not, but you have to. I'm going to take you to your room now and give you a potion that will ease your depression and help you sleep. Holding onto my cane will help you too. You've been leaving it in your room during these nightly haunts, haven't you? At least sleep with it this time. And when you wake up you will eat something."
"I don't want anything."
"I know. But this wallowing will only make things worse."
And so the struggle for Virginia's sanity began. At least that's how it seemed to Virginia. The hormones that had been coursing through her body during the last days of her pregnancy had kept back all her anxiety in an artificial high. Now everything that had happened in the past and her fears for her future came crashing down on her. She had replays of her struggle in the bathtub where she'd almost been drowned by her mother. And she relived the heartbreak at her mother's abandonment, followed by the pain of finding her again, followed by the guilt of having to kill her in self-defense. These memories crashed into her fears about being a bad mother to Anthony. Her grandmother had imagined her sinking into madness. Now she believed she was.
Virginia didn't care about anything. She cried constantly. Even though she was exhausted, she couldn't sleep without the help of one of Matilde's sleeping potions. And she refused to eat for the most part. Matilde insisted that she keep the cane by her side, but Virginia's dreams were so obsessed with things past that Christine and Raphaela weren't able to break through her mental wall.
Wolf was beside himself. He didn't know whether to stay at Virginia's side or Anthony's. Virginia couldn't bear to have the child stay in the same room with her. His presence made her break out into panic attacks. So Matilde ordered the room next door made into a nursery for Anthony.
"Tony and his men will put in a door between the two rooms after Virginia is feeling better," Matilde said.
"She is going to get better, right?" Wolf asked.
"Yes," Matilde assured him. "It might be hard for a while, but she will get through it."
The endless darkness and snow didn't help Virginia's mood either. It was supposed to be spring, but there was no sign of it anywhere. There were only dark clouds and piles of snow. It brought the Nine Kingdoms to a standstill. For the most part, only those able to use traveling dust could move from place to place.
The exception to that was Clayface the goblin. He had had a lot of difficulty getting to the castle of King Wendell, but he knew it was important for him to see Tony Lewis. On the way, he'd stopped wearing his invisibility shoes because the constant dampness kept shorting them out. Besides, what good were invisibility shoes when the snow showed every footstep you made?
Herbert was quite surprised to see a guest show up at the main castle doors. They'd given up shoveling the stairs since there weren't any carriages driving through the roads.
"I'm here to see Tony Lewis," Clayface said, seemingly unconcerned about his wet clothing. Most people coming in from a snow storm instinctively dust themselves off. Clayface let the snow melt and drip onto the floor.
"Would you like to change into something drier first?" Herbert offered.
"I'm fine," Clayface said. After all, what does a goblin who can stand the coldness of the sea care about melted snow? Clayface sat down on the shining waxed floor of the entry hall as if this was his usual state of being.
It wasn't the way Herbert usually liked to leave guests, but he couldn't deny that Clayface seemed quite comfortable. So he left him where he was and went in search of Lord Tony.
Tony had given up trying to work since Virginia had gone into her depression. He was too worried about her to concentrate on anything else. When Herbert told him that Clayface had come visiting, he thought it was a little weird, but then decided the goblin had simply been caught in the storm and was looking for a place to stay for a while. Since Virginia was taking one of her infrequent naps Tony didn't think he'd be needed for a while.
Rose, Leaf, and Matilde had spent most of the morning getting Virginia to come downstairs to talk about Council business in Wendell's study. Then they'd dragged her to a "normal" lunch in the main dining room. Virginia hadn't submitted quietly to this, but she'd submitted. Later that afternoon Leaf intended to have Virginia help her with some correspondence. And Rose had grandiose hopes of talking her into joining the wolf troops for calisthenics, but Tony had his doubts about that.
"Hey, Clayface," Tony said. "What brings you out in this storm? You need a place to stay, old buddy?"
Clayface slowly unfolded from the puddle of melted snow on the floor and looked at Tony with his usual expressionless expression. "I have a carving," the goblin said, running his hands through the inner pockets of his wet clothing. He handed the little white statue to Tony and leaned over his shoulder as he looked at it. He'd added a title during the trip across the Nine Kingdoms. It read, "One-Time Master of the 10th Kingdom."
Tony glanced at the statue. To him the guy in the long robes looked a little like him dressed up for Halloween, standing in front of a city from back home. Tony remembered vaguely another statue that Clayface had carved when they'd escaped from Snow White Memorial Prison, but he couldn't remember what it was of anymore. He just remembered being creeped out by it at the time, so he'd thrown it away. This one didn't give Tony the creeps. He was far too worried about Virginia to see it as anything other than an excuse for Clayface to come in out of the snow storm. He thought maybe it was a tribute of some sort, hinting that Tony might one day get a kingdom for himself. After all, as far as Tony knew, there was no 10th Kingdom.
"What does it mean?" Clayface asked Tony. "I'm not sure that it's you."
"Well, it's certainly not my style in clothes," Tony said. "Why don't you hang onto it and see if anything hits you. In the meantime, you can stay here as long as you want. I'll see you get a nice warm room and some hot food. I'll tell Herbert you and I are old buddies. After all, if you and Acorn hadn't dug that hole out of the prison, who knows what might have happened."
Clayface took the statue and shoved it back into one of his pockets. "I can stay here?"
"Yes, of course. Isn't that what you wanted? Look, I don't have any time to talk now, but maybe later. In the meantime, I'll have the head butler set you up."
"Can I carve?"
"Carve? Sure. I'll have some wood sent up to your room. I've gotta run now. My daughter has been sick for about a week and I'd like to be there when she wakes up. You understand. Remember, stay as long as you like!" And off Tony went.
- - - - - - - - - -
Even though Virginia had fought against going downstairs that morning, she'd felt much calmer when she laid down for her nap. And she'd fallen asleep without any problem.
When the purple haze that always preceded Raphaela's arrival in her dreams started to build up, Virginia didn't put up a wall this time. Instead she sat waiting by the reflecting pool of her mind with an empty stone seat next to her. She was finally ready to talk.
"I'm so sorry you've been going through all this," Christine began as she sat down next to her daughter in her dream. "I know it must frighten you."
Virginia couldn't look at her mother, not yet. All she could see was the reflection of her fears in the pool in front of her. "Mother, I think I'm going to be like you and Grandfather. I think I'm losing my mind."
"Have you been having hallucinations?" Christine asked. "Have you been hearing voices talking about you or seen visions of things that you know aren't there."
Virginia turned and looked at Christine for the very first time. "No. Is that what happened to you?"
"Yes. It didn't happen to me till after you were born, but it happened to your grandfather all the time. Of course, I didn't know that when I was growing up. Back then no one ever talked about such things. I didn't understand why your grandfather was away so much. I was told he was off big game hunting, but he never brought home any trophies.
"Every now and again he would return for a few months, looking very thin and acting as if he ruled the world. Your grandmother would show him off to a few friends and he would talk proudly of his importance in international politics. Then one day I would come home from school and your grandmother would say that he'd gone off big game hunting again.
"It wasn't until I was an adult that I finally learned the full truth. Not because your grandmother told me. She couldn't bear to talk about such things. But because I tracked him down to the private sanitarium where he'd spent most of his adult life. I talked to the doctor in charge and he told me your grandfather had something that incorporates several aspects of Schizophrenia with Bipolar Disorder. In your grandfather's case, his depressive episodes usually led him to injure himself. He couldn't stand the voices and visions anymore and wanted to blot them out. Overtime he deteriorated to the point where he could hardly form an understandable sentence. I went to visit him once or twice, but he didn't remember who I was and he was a stranger to me as well. I told your grandmother about it, but even when I confronted her with the truth she insisted that I was wrong. That he was still off big game hunting. So I never told her about my own problems when they began.
"My symptoms weren't as bad as your grandfather's. By that time it was fashionable to have a shrink. So I visited one doctor while I was in a depression and he told me he thought I had something called hypomania. It was supposed to be milder than your grandfather's ailment, but the doctor still wanted to put me on a regimen of drugs. I refused. As I said, shrinks were in. It was fashionable to hate your mother, but it wasn't fashionable to have a real illness. I was Christine the perfect. At least that's what I wanted to be, even at my lowest points. And there were a lot of low points. But there were a lot of high ones as well.
"I met your father during one of those high points. I was witty and exciting and alluring. I took chances and lived life to the fullest. I dressed and acted as if I were an earthbound goddess. And that's what I believed I was. And while I was living that life, I spent money thoughtlessly, putting your father deeply into debt as his business started to fail. I hardly ever needed to sleep, which was just as well because I wanted to spend all those nights with men…lots of men. And I didn't care how much it hurt your father. How could I possibly be ill, I wondered, when everyone seemed to like me so much the way I was?
"But there was always a price to be paid. Eventually I would hit the depths of depression again. I had no thoughts of suicide like your grandfather did, but there was lots of guilt. You were actually conceived during one of those low points, when I was filled with remorse over everything I'd ever done to your father. And then when the high points returned, I resented you for being the mistake that ruined my party.
"After you were born my mental state deteriorated. Postpartum psychosis I heard one of the doctors tell your father. That meant that my postpartum depression had taken a turn for the worse. I was hearing voices telling me to kill you because you were going to keep me from becoming the earthbound goddess I imagined myself to be. They prescribed drugs which I took for a while and then stopped. I did make some efforts to care for you properly, but I always resented you. The voices continued and so did the extreme highs and lows. One day, Snow White's Stepmother insinuated herself into my mind and drowned out all the other voices. It was a relief. She started telling me I was wasting my life. That she could give me great power and make me a queen that would be both worshiped and feared. All I had to do was leave behind my ordinary drab life and sell her my soul, as it were. When I tried to hurt you that last night and your father stopped me, I ran off to her for good. I knew I couldn't go back. If I did, I might become like your grandfather, living out the rest of my life in a sanitarium, instead of becoming this great queen that Snow White's Stepmother talked about. I didn't really want to hurt you, Virginia. It was the disease."
Virginia was crying now, both in and out of her dream.
Tony and Matilde were sitting with Virginia in the waking world at that point, to give Wolf a chance to take a nap for himself and look in on his son. When Virginia started crying in her dream, Tony's first instinct was to wake her up. But Matilde stopped him.
"This could be a breakthrough," Matilde said. "She hasn't had any reaction like this so far. She's probably speaking with both Raphaela and her mother. You have to give them the chance to work this out."
Tony nodded and held back.
In her dream Virginia was aware of her mother taking her in her arms. She couldn't see anything through her tears.
"There, there," Christine said. "I did love you. I did. I tried to be normal. But I just couldn't be. I'm sorry I hurt you, my dear sweet little girl." Christine wiped away her daughter's dream tears. "I'm so sorry. But you see now, you're not me. You're not having any hallucinations and you're not dreaming of killing your child."
"Then what's happening?"
"It's just a particularly bad case of postpartum depression. Raphaela thought you might have a tendency toward it because of everything that's happened. But you will recover. Pretty soon, if any of this is an indication. It will get better. But the shadows, the memories will haunt you every now and again. You must talk back to them and not be afraid to love your child."
"But I'm still afraid."
"Start slowly, even though you're afraid. It will come. You've been through a lot."
"Will Anthony get what you and grandfather had?"
"Raphaela, the spirit that brings us together, doesn't see any sign of the illness in Anthony."
Virginia started crying again. "I've been so hard on everyone."
Christine smoothed back her daughter's hair. "They understand. And that's good because your hormones are not yet in balance. But this will pass."
As Virginia rose out of her dream, she heard her mother say once again, "It will pass."
Virginia awoke to find her face wet, clutching Matilde's cane so tightly that her fingers were almost as white as the twisted old wood.
"Bad dreams?" Tony asked, mopping at Virginia's face with a handkerchief.
Matilde slipped quietly from the room so they could be alone together.
"No," Virginia sniffed. "Good ones, actually. Dad…I know you've been worried about me…"
"What do you expect? It's a father's job to worry."
"You said that you knew I'd be all right, but you've been a little afraid that I'd turn into Mom, haven't you?"
"No," Tony said, brushing away one last tear. "You're the only one whose been afraid of that. What happened to your mother was completely different. I knew things were serious when she started seeing things and talking to people who weren't there. You've been upset, but only over things that actually happened. And you're worried about the future. Considering what you've been through, that's not surprising. Do you feel any better?"
"Maybe."
"Good. I think Leaf Fall is still expecting you to help her write correspondence this afternoon. And you know how determined she can be."
- - - - - - - - - -
As it turned out, Leaf Fall showed up at Virginia's door exactly at tea time. It seemed like a good opportunity to both get her young Second up and urge more food on her. She was glad to see Virginia already sitting up and dressed. It made it easier to spirit her down to the sitting room on the second floor. Neither woman thought to pick up Matilde's cane on the way out. And this time Raphaela thought Virginia might be able to do without her.
"You seem calmer," Leaf said, as she motioned for her Second to sit down. "Are you feeling better?" Herbert had already left them a pot of tea and some sweets. Leaf poured out a cup for Virginia and for herself.
"A little."
"Then you slept well for a change. I'm glad." Leaf handed Virginia her tea and a couple of cookies. By this time, she knew her Second's likes and dislikes in food and didn't have to ask if she took sugar or cream. "We're going to write to Lobelia the Elf first. One of the Commoners from the Seventh Kingdom has decided to step down. You remember Narcissa. She didn't make the last Council meeting, but when she's there she talks constantly. Anyway, I've decided to appoint a non-elf this time. You're right that we should give the humans within the kingdom a voice. I was thinking of Eadred the Ferryman. He works on the river not far from the Moss Castle. He meets a lot of people in his line of work and is generally aware of the outlook of the populace. I've already asked him and he has agreed to take Narcissa the Elf's place." Leaf noticed that Virginia was staring down into her tea, as if fascinated by something at the bottom of the cup. "What? You don't approve of Eadred? Or is it the tea you don't approve of? I can have Herbert bring you something else."
"It's not the tea. I was just thinking how funny it feels to be someone's mother."
"I know you have fears about becoming a mother, Virginia. But the truth is you shall be a very good one."
"But my mother…"
"Was not at all like you. I never liked your mother. I felt there was something wrong about her from the very first moment I saw her hanging on Wendell's father's arm after his mother's death. There was contempt in her eyes for all of us. You are nothing like her. One minute she was charming, the next she was lethal. She would gush over Wendell's father, but she also had a thing for the Huntsman."
Virginia's blue eyes got very wide. "Really?"
"Oh, yes. There were rumors of her being involved with other men as well. But the Huntsman was her favorite. Everyone knew he would do absolutely anything for her. I think he was more besotted with her than Wendell's father."
"No one talks much about my mother here."
"They wouldn't." Leaf put aside her empty tea cup and picked up a leather folder with several sheets of royal writing paper. "But you know me. I'm nothing if not direct."
"Than what kind of mother do you think I will be?"
Leaf looked hard at her step-sister. "A better one than I was."
"What?"
"I never went through new mother nerves like you are. But I wonder if it would have been better if I had. Everyone makes mistakes as a parent, there's no escaping that. But I wonder if maybe it's better to start off the whole business questioning things rather than marching in as if you can control everything. That's what I did. Amaranth and Forsythia almost pretend that I don't exist now. They're more fond of their father than they are of me. Especially Amaranth, my elder daughter. Neither one of them has an interest in the Seventh Kingdom or in the Council. The last public ceremony I managed to drag them to was Wendell's coronation. And you know how well that turned out. They vowed never to attend anything like that ever again."
"I remember seeing them…vaguely. I know you'd rather have one of them working as your Second."
"Oh…" Leaf Fall said, taking Virginia's hand fondly. "You're doing a wonderful job. I'm very lucky to have you. Even though you're younger than my daughters, you look and act much older. Elves age differently and I'm beginning to believe mine are backwards. My family has ruled the elves for over a thousand years. I had hoped one of my daughters would follow in my footsteps and continue the tradition. Now I doubt that will happen."
"Who would take over your throne in that case?"
"Oh, there would probably be a struggle for power, I have no doubt. After my daughters, my closest relatives are a group of cousins in the Deadly Swamp. Most of the elves in the Seventh Kingdom would refuse them as monarchs for purely snobbish reasons. They would also never accept a human as a king or a queen unless they had some sort of great magic or were of historical importance like Cinderella or Snow White."
"What are your daughters like?"
"As I said, Amaranth is the older one. She looks more like me, but she acts more like Woodbine. She likes being important in the kingdom and having people defer to her. But as I said, she has no actual interest in the kingdom itself. Forsythia is shorter, with dark hair like her father had when he was young. She has a softer disposition. She isn't into rank as much as her sister and I think she would prefer to live forever in the depths of the woods at the side of some stream. In some ways she rather reminds me of my human mother."
"What was she like?"
Leaf gripped the leather folder tighter. This was a subject she didn't often talk about. "She was a shy person. Like Forsythia, she preferred living in the woods near the sound of rushing water. She was always disappearing on my father. He would inevitably find her sitting under the Moss Castle near the running creek, talking to the occasional talking frog. I think my father married her because he wanted to show everyone that the Seventh Kingdom needed the elves to unite with the humans. As much as they revered him, the elves were never impressed with his gesture. As far as they were concerned, even though my mother had the title of queen, she was still human and therefore beneath them. They barely noticed her. But she was a lady of great virtue, who always had the greater good of the kingdom foremost in her mind. I remember her standing shyly behind my father, always modestly deferring to what he thought best. Matilde was quite a change for him, believe me. Though I think my father even had Matilde in his thrall. He was always talking about destiny and urging everyone forward to some shining vision that only he could see."
"You sound as if you were in his thrall too."
"Everyone was. I wish I'd inherited more of my father's magnetism and less of his brashness. Or perhaps I would have done better with more of my mother's warmth. Perhaps then my daughters wouldn't resent me so much. You and Wolf have much to offer as parents. You're going through a difficult time now, but you will triumph and move on. You have to go through the curses before you can claim your happy ending. That's the way it works in the Nine Kingdoms. Now….back to Lobelia the Elf and Eadred the Ferryman."
- - - - - - - - - -
Zafira returned to Hunter's Island just as it was getting dark. She and several others of their group had flown through the storm to scatter the magic dust that would be needed for the curse, while Mazarin and the remainder of their group remained connected by magic mirror, chanting to keep the snow falling. The weather was obeying their request for snow, but the spring sun behind their magically obtained clouds was fighting against them, trying to inch up the temperature. Their powers were stretched to the limit because they were trying to do so many things at once.
When Zafira appeared in the great hall of Gretel's old hunting castle her red hair and gray gown were drenched and she was covered with damp snow flakes.
Mazarin waved away the vision of his followers in his mirror for a moment when he saw her. "My dear, you've returned!" he said coming toward her.
Zafira's smiled. At last a sign of affection. "Did you miss me, Master?" she asked, moving to touch him.
"Of course," Mazarin said, patting her hand briefly and releasing it. "But Baby missed you more."
"Baby?" Zafira said, arching her eyebrows. Baby had become her nemesis. The green dragon dominated all of Mazarin's free time and kept Zafira constantly on the run carting bean stalk pieces to the castle.
"Yes, she ran through all the food you brought her yesterday. She's been crying piteously all afternoon from hunger."
"The poor dear," Zafira said wryly.
"I haven't been able to go out because I needed to lead the chant. You'll have to go back out before it gets too late. It's been a long time since my poor Baby has eaten."
"I could have sworn I'd left her with more than enough to get through the day."
"Maybe it's because she's digging a den at the back of the castle. Dragons like to dig, you know. But it's hard work. She'll need higher rations. Maybe you should change first, though. You're dripping all over the floor."
Zafira said nothing. She merely turned and went to her room to change. How could that dragon have gotten through all that food she'd brought the day before, she wondered. And how could Mazarin do without her magical input for so long? True, they were ending the snow storm that night, but she was the second most powerful member of their band after him. Not having her take part had to weaken their control. Why didn't that worry him? Why did that dratted dragon have to come first in everything?
Zafira decided to go down and see for herself that all of Baby's food was gone. She found the trolls lounging around outside of the dragon's new hole. The four of them seemed to always be together lately, as if they were co-conspirators of some kind. It infuriated Zafira. It seemed as if the whole world was against her.
"What is this I hear about Baby being out of food?" Zafira asked.
"It's true," Burly said. He was sitting on the ground, leaning back against the castle wall. Even though the sun was fading, it was warm there because Baby's steamy breath drifted up and out of her new lair. "She's been calling all day for more food."
"She's a growing girl," Bluebell said. He was lying on a blanket on the other side of the dragon hole with Blabberwort.
"I'll just see for myself," Zafira said starting into the dark hole.
"Oh, I wouldn't do that, Mistress," Blabberwort said, sitting up. "It's slippery down there. And Baby might object to the intrusion. Going into a dragon's den can be nasty business."
"This monster is completely out of control."
"That she is, Mistress. That she is. But I have an idea to control her."
"What?"
"Magic mushrooms," Blabberwort said, jumping to her feet. "A good dose would lull her to sleep and keep her quiet most of the time. You'd hardly know she was around."
"You think?" the red headed fairy whispered.
"Oh, yes. We could give her a dose every day. Of course she'd go through it pretty fast. And you'd still need to bring her plenty of bean stalk. Magic mushrooms on an empty stomach would only make her roar more loudly."
"But if she takes some everyday she'll stay out of the way more?"
"Oh, yes. Course it's up to you. But I see how she's running you down, making you work so hard."
"Yeah," Bluebell said. "We're against hard work."
"It would be nice if she stayed out here and out of the way most of the time," Zafira said. "That's exactly what I'll do. I'll be back in a couple of hours with more bean stalk and enough Magic mushrooms to keep her quiet for two or three days." Zafira whipped some traveling dust from her pocket and threw it into the air. It sparkled around her for a moment and then she disappeared.
"Nicey nice!" Burly said, jumping to his feet.
"It didn't take too much to convince her," Bluebell said, getting up as well.
"She's desperate," Blabberwort said. "She'll do anything to get Baby out of her hair."
"Now all we have to do is keep Baby out of the way more."
"No problem," Burly said. "I think she'd rather stay in her new den, anyway. Baby? Baby, you down there?"
The dragon stuck her head above ground, a large piece of bean stalk hanging out of her mouth.
Burly patted her on the head. "You did good, Girl. Mazarin believed all that bellowing. He sent Zafira out for extra food for you."
"Yeah," Blabberwort said. "And we talked her into picking up a few Magic mushrooms for us along the way."
Baby cocked her head in a questioning manner. She had heard the trolls talk about magic mushrooms, but she didn't really know what they were.
"You're way too young for magic mushrooms," Blabberwort said.
"But they're just right for us," Bluebell said.
"Yeah. And whenever we need more, all we need to do is have Baby act like she did today."
"Good thing Baby is such a good actress. She really had Mazarin going."
"You enjoyed acting, didn't you Girl?" Burly asked the dragon.
Baby nudged Burly. She enjoyed anything that got her attention. Having Mazarin coo over her worriedly had been fun.
"She'll do anything to irritate Zafira," Blabberwort said. "Zafira and Baby hate each other."
At the sound of the hated name, Baby's yellow eyes narrowed. "Harrumph," she snorted.
"I think she agreed with you," Burly said.
- - - - - - - - - -
Virginia turned down dessert at dinner and instead told everyone she was turning in. Wolf was too busy celebrating her improved state with a second banana split to join her right away. So she slipped up the stairs alone, her feet dragging heavily against the red runners in the hallways. She felt as if her lack of sleep since Anthony's birth were finally catching up to her.
Anthony. Before going to her room, Virginia stopped to look in at her son. She hadn't seen him much since Matilde and Wolf had found her in the basement crying over her mother's murder. Anthony was seemingly all alone and sleeping peacefully in his basinet, untouched by his mother's fears. There was a single fairy light to keep him company, a cot that his father had slept on occasionally, and a rocking chair.
Virginia tiptoed to the basinet and peered in at her sleeping son. His dark hair was crushed against the back of his head and his dark eye lashes seemed impossibly long. She didn't think she could live with herself if anything ever happened to him, especially if she were the one to hurt him. She wanted to touch him, but somehow she was afraid to. How could she ever be a good enough mother to him?
Virginia stood watching Anthony sleep for some time before she became aware of Matilde standing behind her. She was carrying a glass filled with some potion.
"He's all alone," Virginia whispered.
"Not entirely," Matilde said, glancing at her white cane standing in the corner. Raphaela was obviously on guard. "He has a nursemaid. She must have taken a dinner break."
"I miss him."
"Of course you do. If you want, you can lie down here on the cot so you can be near him. I'll tell Wolf where you are. Tomorrow your father can begin putting in the new door between your rooms to make things easier."
"Not yet. I…still need some time."
"As you like. But you should visit him more often. And start doing little things to take care of him. Wolf spends a lot of time with him, but he needs his mother."
"Maybe tomorrow," Virginia said. She leaned closer to her son and ran her hand over him in the air. Then she walked toward the door.
Matilde closed it after them. "This will pass, you know."
"Was it this way with you?"
"Pretty much."
"For how long?"
"In my case, six months. But you've had my cane to help you heal. It won't be anything like that for you."
"But you've brought me more medicine," Virginia said, pointing to the glass of amber liquid that Matilde was still carrying.
"Just in case you need it. This potion is less for depression and more for simple new mother nerves."
"What's it called?"
"Motherwort," Matilde said with a smile. "You can guess why they call it that. Many women use it for the same purpose. You should keep it at your bedside just in case you need it to relax."
Virginia took the glass, opened the door, and hesitated as if she wanted to talk more, but couldn't find the words.
"It wasn't quite the same for me," Matilde said. "I was mourning my husband instead of replaying the past. I had fears of being a mother, but not of repeating a pattern. After you left tonight, Rose said that she thinks your tiredness is a sign that you're getting past the changes from your pregnancy. Now you're starting to face down your past life and your fears for the future, which can be every bit as difficult as facing down a giant. The only way to do that is to start back into your normal life, do what must be done, and let yourself become the person you were meant to be. I promise to help you in every way I can."
Virginia looked at Matilde for a moment and knew for the first time that her father had done a good thing in marrying her. Without a word, she put her free arm around her stepmother and gave her a warm embrace.
Matilde hugged her back. "You'd better get some sleep now. Rose also said that she's determined to get you involved in calisthenics with the wolf troops tomorrow. And I don't think she intends to take no for an answer."
Virginia gave Matilde a tired smile and did as she was told.
Matilde hesitated outside her closed door for a moment. Then she went off to meet Tony in their room.
"How is she?" Tony asked.
"Better I think," Matilde said with a sigh. "I think Rose is right. The depression seems to be lifting, but there are still her old anxieties to be dealt with."
Tony sat down heavily on their king-sized bed. "Even though Virginia isn't going through the same thing her mother did, I can't help reliving it a little."
"I'm reliving some things too. Virginia's situation reminds me a lot of what happened when Raphaela was born. I've been wondering how much worry my mother went through and feeling guilty about how much of a distance I kept from Raphaela at first."
Tony threaded his fingers through his wife's as she stood in front of him. "Well, I for one am glad Virginia has you and Leaf Fall and Rose. I'm not very good at dealing with all this emotional stuff. If I had been, maybe all this would have been easier for her."
"You're here for her now and that counts for an awful lot."
"At least she's sleeping tonight."
"Yes. And I suggest we do the same, in case she needs us later on."
Tony nodded his agreement. Before long they were snuggled close under their warm quilt. Tony snored as he often did and never woke up once.
But Matilde had strange dreams. She saw the snow falling heavily as it had been for the last several days. The sky was dark, almost in anger. Far away in the distance a voice called.
"Matilde?"
It was a woman's voice, but it was muffled as if the woman were speaking through a barrier. It sounded familiar somehow, but Matilde couldn't quite recognize it.
"Matilde! He's back!"
Matilde sat up suddenly, fully awake. "Back? Who's back?" she asked the dark room. But only Tony's snoring answered her.
Matilde got up and looked out of the window. It had stopped snowing. The sky was clearing and there was a sliver of moon showing. She would have taken it all as a good omen, except for the dream. All that snow, she thought. Snow. "Snow White? Was that you?" she asked the room again.
But again there was no answer.