** I don't own these characters or the stories they belong to **
Within moments of having entered his own back door, Severus Snape realized that his response had been...without reason. The more his anger cooled, the more he realized he had reacted...badly. He had already known that Potter knew, had seen, and he had come to realize that he'd have to live with that fact. The general facts were even somewhat public now - not that this sat well at all. But she had seen...all the gory, intimate details. Much as he detested the situation, it wasn't the girl's fault, really. She had just happened upon something that he guarded ferociously because it revealed both his deepest heart and his greatest flaws and weaknesses. Why hadn't Potter just told him that night that she had seen his memories, while he was too stunned and befuddled by his return to gather his anger properly? And now?...Misguided or not, never, ever in his life had he had some one choose him, give up anything to save him, care about him in such a way, or offer their open heart to him...and he had...he cringed, thinking of his words to her...Merlin, he had been heartless. That was it then. There was perfect evidence that the girl had been stupid and foolish to have rescued him. He was tainted by the dark magic he had wielded, terrorized by memories of what he had done, even if for the 'greater good', and now that he wasn't even forced into the role of a heartless bastard, even when it was completely uncalled for, he had proven that he really was one.
Severus had remorse aplenty for his deeds in this life, but this equaled his other Great Regrets. It was of the worst kind. The kind of regret that comes when you have just killed something pure and beautiful that is the essence of your hope. This was the third time in his life to suffer this kind of regret. The first was when he had called his dearest and only friend, Lily, a 'mudblood' and lost her friendship, the second was when he told the Dark Lord the prophecy that resulted in Lily's death, and now, the third. He had hatefully thrown away all that the only woman who had ever cared about him or wanted him like that, had offered him. Why had it taken the fear of losing all that was possible with Hermione to realize how precious her gift was, that it was he who should have endeavored to deserve her and not she who must prove herself to him, especially given all that she had just admitted to him? Life really was a hideous circle. He hadn't learned his lesson the first time 'round and he was now returned by Fate to a state of longing for someone he'd thrown carelessly away. And there was no one to blame for it but himself.
Severus decided he would try to apologize and endeavor to be better, to deserve Hermione, but he would also accept whatever punishment or rejection she dealt him. In his heart, he knew what would happen. It would be a repeat of what had happened with Lily. It would be irrecoverable. He would accept that she was better off without him, but his regard would only grow with time and he would seek, always, for her forgiveness. It was a mystery to him why he tried to guard his pride so fiercely when he hated himself so much. It could only be accounted for by the fact that his pride was all he had in this world, really. He had tried to rise above his father over and over again only to prove each and every time that he was a worthless failure, just as his father had said.
Sleep eluded Severus that night, sick and plagued by these unceasing thoughts. Throughout the night he never stopped thinking about Hermione, and every time he looked out his window, her living room light remained on. There was never a shadow drifting across a lit window, or a shift of lights from room to room to indicate that she moved within the house. This only increased his worry and apprehension.