"Are you sure it's not too much for you?" Olivia asked Alex.
Alex had had the idea to invite all their friends over on Saturday afternoon, to celebrate the opening on Sunday at the gallery where Carolyn was working. To start with, it was just going to be a small gathering, but the numbers had ballooned. Guests included Sarah and Jay; Melinda, Rosie and family; Joe and Vanessa; Elliot and Kathy; Alex's brother Graham and his wife Carla; Caryn and Abbie; Amy and Robyn; their doctor friend Rebecca and her husband John, as well as their toddler Bethan; as well as Finn, Munch and Cragen. Carolyn was also hoping to bring her new boss, but she couldn't guarantee what time they would arrive, as they would likely be making last-minute arrangements for the opening.
"It's all good, baby," Alex smiled, as she kissed Olivia softly. "And you'll be here on Saturday, you can help me then."
"And I will," Olivia promised. "But that means you'll have to do all the work this week."
"I have it all organized, in here," Alex tapped her head. "And Rosie's going to take this little terrorist," she hugged Lily tight before setting her on the floor, "today and tomorrow. And Jay and Vanessa have offered to take her on Friday, if I need them to. It's all good, Liv."
"If you're sure," Olivia said as she clipped her badge to her buckle. "I can get Elliott to cover if ..."
"You do not need to be taking any more time off work," Alex said. "It's all good, truly. I'm looking forward to it, to be honest with you. We haven't seen Graham for months. Not since … before …," she felt her throat tightening.
Olivia took her in her arms. She kissed her very tenderly. "I know," she said softly. "Lily will be pleased to see him and Carla. You love your Uncle Gray and Auntie Carla, don't you baby?" Olivia spoke to Lily. Lily grinned.
Olivia watched as Lily toddled away from her, making sure she couldn't see her unlock the lock box where she kept her gun. She knew she was going to have to explain guns to her one day, but she wanted to delay that moment for as long as possible. Alex automatically stood between Olivia and Lily, as she did every day, to further block the child's view.
"You be careful out there," Alex said.
"Always," Olivia kissed her again.
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"Ali-Baba!" Graham swept Alex up in a huge hug, swinging her round. "You're looking great, sis," he set her down on the floor again.
Alex smiled. "I feel great," she said. She looked over at her lover, who was entertaining Abbie with tales of life at the precinct. "Thanks to Olivia."
Carla leant forward and kissed Alex on the cheek. She put a soft hand on her arm. "It's true," she said. "You really do look good. How are you holding up?"
"Now? Now I'm good. It wasn't much fun, for a while. But we're all going to be okay."
"This looks amazing," Carla gestured to the big table, which was groaning with food. "Just how many people are coming?"
"About 26, at the last count," Alex grinned. "Give or take. I just hope there's enough of everything."
"Oh there's more than enough," Olivia grinned as she came over, putting her arm around her fiancée. "Hey, you two," she kissed Graham and Carla. "It's so great to see you. You must come and see Lily, she can't wait, she's been so excited for days."
"Where is she?" Alex asked.
"In her room. She's showing Caryn her new book," Olivia told her.
"She's giving my girlfriend some childcare practice," Abbie laughed, as she joined the small group. "You should go rescue her, she doesn't have a clue."
"She'll learn," Alex chuckled. She looked at Abbie and smiled. "Hey," she put a hand gently to Abbie's belly. "Is that Baby Carmichael showing at last?"
"Nah. I've just been eating too much," Abbie joked. She looked closely at Alex. She put her hand over Alex's. "I'm sorry," she said, quietly. "I know this is hard."
Alex looked directly at her. "It's wonderful," she said. "I know how exciting it is. We'll get there again, one day, one way or another. It doesn't mean I'm not thrilled for you. For both of you. Caryn's been a good friend. A really good friend," Alex swallowed. "I know she likes everyone to think she's a hardass, but she's been unbelievably kind to me. To us."
"She loves you," Abbie hugged her. "Both of you. So do I."
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"Carolyn!" Olivia cried when Carolyn finally arrived, with her boss Clarence in tow. The party was in full swing, and the noise and laughter were almost deafening. "I'm so glad you made it. This must be Mr Ogbourne?"
"Please call me Clarence," the older man said. "I'm so pleased to meet you. Are you Olivia?"
"Olivia Benson," Olivia stuck her hand out. "And that over there," she pointed across the room, "is Alex," she waved over at Alex, gesturing to her to come across. "So tell me, how are the preparations coming?"
"Everything is perfect, thanks to Carolyn," Clarence said. "She deserves a medal. And a stiff drink."
"I'll stick with a club soda," Carolyn said lightly. "I want to make sure I have a clear head tomorrow."
Olivia gave her a kind smile. She didn't blame Carolyn for not wanting to discuss her reasons for not drinking with her new boss.
"Well I hope I can persuade you to a glass of champagne tomorrow," Clarence said. "It's the very least you deserve."
Alex flinched, but relaxed when she saw Carolyn's smile.
"Actually, Clarence," Carolyn said calmly. "I don't drink at all. I got a little too fond of it a while back, so I find it's best to avoid it altogether these days."
Clarence nodded, and smiled. "Duly noted," he said.
"So Clarence, tell me, do you have any family? And if so, are they coming to the opening?" Olivia drew him into conversation.
His face filled with pleasure. "I have a wonderful son and grandson," he said, unable to keep the pride out of his voice. "And yes, they are both coming. You've spoken to Richard, haven't you, Carolyn?"
Carolyn nodded. "He's a very nice man," she said. "He was going to come over today and help, but there was an emergency at the hospital," she told Olivia.
"So he's a doctor?" Olivia asked.
"Reconstructive surgeon," Clarence explained. "No," he smiled, "not cosmetic. He helps people who have been in accidents, or been burned. And some cancers and other disfiguring illnesses. He's very good at his job."
"And how old is your grandson?"
"Josh is eight," Clarence smiled. "A real livewire. Keeps Rick on his toes."
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"You were amazing," Olivia took Alex in her arms as they closed the door to the last of their guests.
"What is amazing is that we managed to get Lily to bed, with all the excitement. And she's still there!" Alex's face was flushed and animated.
Olivia was so pleased to see Alex enjoy the afternoon and evening. She had worked so hard to make sure everything went smoothly, and then she had been the perfect hostess. She was attentive, gracious, funny and charming. "I was so proud of you today," Olivia kissed her.
"It went well, didn't it?" Alex smiled. "Everyone got along. The opening's going to go real well tomorrow, I can just tell."
"I think you're right. Now, I just want you to relax. I'm going to run the tub, and you're going to relax in the warm water while I clear up."
Alex shook her head. "We'll both clear up tomorrow," she said. "We haven't had a bath together for weeks. Come in with me?" she pleaded.
Olivia smiled. "Why can I never say no to those eyes?"
Olivia sat behind Alex in the bath, one leg either side of the slim blonde. She could feel Alex relax under her touch, as she caressed her lovingly. She ran a soapy hand over one pert breast, toying absentmindedly with the nipple. "Alexandra?" she said, softly.
"Umm?" Alex replied sleepily.
"You were so great with Abbie. Now that she's starting to show. I know it's hard for you."
Alex swallowed. "I didn't want to take away from her excitement," she replied thickly. "It wouldn't be fair."
Olivia leant forward and kissed Alex. "I wasn't fair to you," she said quietly.
"What do you mean?"
"When I went off on one. I was so scared, Alex. That's why I reacted like that."
"Reacted like what?" Alex asked.
"When I told you it would be crazy for you to get pregnant again. It wasn't fair of me. I've carried Lily. I know what it's like to give birth."
"Painful," Alex tried to lighten the mood.
"Painful," Olivia agreed. "And unbelievably wonderful. And it's not fair of me to deny you that."
"You were only trying to take care of me," Alex said. "Trying to protect me. Like you always do."
"I was being selfish. I was so scared, when you were so sick. I thought I might lose you," Olivia tried to keep her voice even. "And I couldn't bear that. I just couldn't."
"So what are you saying, Liv?" Alex asked, calmly.
"I guess I'm saying that I have no right to tell you what to do. And if you want to try to get pregnant again, I won't stand in your way."
"But will you stand by my side?" Alex wanted to be absolutely sure.
"Always. If this is something you want to do, then I'm with you, all the way. If you want to, that is. We both know there are no guarantees, even less so now. Realistically it'd twice as hard to get pregnant."
"I want to try," Alex's voice was small and scared.
"Are you sure, baby? I don't want you to say that because you want to make me happy. Because you have to know, you already do that. And I could always try for our next baby. Or we could adopt. Or not have any more kids. I'm happy with all of those options. I want this to be your decision."
"I do want to try," Alex repeated. She took a deep breath. "And I know it could be tough. It may not even work at all. But if it does," she took Olivia's hand, and held it tight, "if it does, it'll be … it'll be …," her voice cracked.
"I know, baby," Olivia whispered.
"And it it doesn't, I'll cope. Truly. And we'll find another way. I just … not trying again … it would feel like giving up."
"And you'd grow to resent me for stopping you," Olivia said in a quiet voice.
"Never. I could never resent you. Not for caring."
"I'm sorry, Alexandra," Olivia repeated. "I haven't been fair to you."
"You wanted me safe. I understand that. That's how I feel every time you step out of that door," Alex didn't mean to let that slip out.
"I know. And you never try to stop me. You're not selfish like I am."
"I want to stop you. Every day," Alex admitted. "But then I have to remind myself, that's who you are. You are a cop, and you put yourself on the line for other people. And while I hate that about you, it's also one of the things I love about you."
Olivia blinked away tears.
"We'll be careful," Alex promised her. "This time around. I still have three months of the anti-depressants to go, and I'm still going to counseling twice a week. I'll finish the course," she promised. "Before we try anything. And I'll talk to the counselor, she can help me prepare for the months of anxiety, and possible disappointment if we never manage it."
"As long as we keep talking," Olivia said. "We mustn't ever stop talking again."
"That won't happen," Alex promised. "I swear to you." She turned in Olivia's arms so that she was facing her. She took a soapy hand and ran it down Olivia's face. She kissed her deeply. "Take me to bed," she whispered.
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"I love this," Caryn lay in bed, her hand caressing Abbie's small bump. She looked up and saw Abbie's amused expression. "What?" she asked.
"You. You're so funny."
"What's funny?" Caryn was starting to get annoyed.
"You are. Ms-Caryn-Don't-Mess-With-Me-Hard-Assed-Bed-Hopping-Lawyer. Going all mushy over a bit of flab."
"Two points, Carmichael," Caryn said. "One, I no longer feel the need for any bed hopping. I've found a gorgeous girlfriend, who is permanently horny and is more than keeping me happy in bed. And two, this is not flab. This, here," she ran her fingers lovingly over the bump, "is a person. Okay, that person is only 14 weeks old so far. But it's still a person. And it's our person. Yours, mine, and Jeff's."
"A person?" Abbie was amused.
"A person. A baby. Whatever you want to call it. Twenty-five-and-a-half weeks from now, we're gonna be parents," Caryn smiled.
Abbie paled. "Oh God."
"What is it Abs? Are you feeling sick? I thought you were done with that."
Abbie nodded. "I am. I feel fine. I just realized … It's real soon, isn't it? Our baby will be here real soon?"
It was Caryn's turn to be amused. "I think it's gonna take the usual amount of time," she teased. "Hey," she realized that Abbie was genuinely shaken. "We can do this, Abigail. We're gonna love it. Yes, we'll be exhausted. And I'm fully expecting I'll be snarky, you know what I'm like when I don't get enough sleep. And we'll likely be in chaos, and nothing will be where it should be. It's going to be great," she grinned at the thought.
"I gotta job," Abbie blurted out.
"You did what? Abbie, you're pregnant, for crying out loud. You should be taking it easy."
"Bullshit," Abbie retorted. "If I sit around on my fat ass for the next six months, I'll go crazy. It's okay, C, it's a fill-in, four months only."
"Doing what?" Caryn demanded.
"Doing what I do best," Abbie teased.
"Oh my God, you're gonna be a hooker!" Caryn burst out laughing.
Abbie pounced on Caryn, her pregnancy not slowing her down one bit. She straddled her and pinned her to the bed, holding her hands above her head. "I shall be taking my rightful place at Hogan Place," she said, icily. "Four months in Homicide, while Jarrett completes his course. So, Ms Wright," she leant down and kissed the top of her breast, "I shall be able to keep an eye on you, make sure you are behaving yourself."
"What makes you think I need supervising?" Caryn squeaked as Abbie's tongue flicked out and teased her stiff nipple.
Abbie blew tantalizingly at the damp flesh, smiling as she saw it pebble before her very eyes. "I just like to know what you get up to all day," she kissed the hard bud.
"You know damned well what I've been doing all day today," Caryn's voice was husky with desire. "And we both know what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the day, too. Oh God, Abbie," her back arched involuntarily as Abbie's hand made its way south.
"Is there something I can do for you, counselor?" Abbie teased.
"There are several things you can do for me … oh Abigail. Yes. That's definitely one of the things on my list. I need you to … that's it. Just there. Let me … oh God. You're perfect, Carmichael. Just perfect."
When a sweat-soaked Caryn snuggled up to Abbie much later that day, she took her hand and laced her fingers with her own. "You won't take on more than you should, will you Abs?" her tone was loving, but serious. "You know you don't have to work. If we're careful, we'll be fine."
Abbie turned to face Caryn fully. "I love you, CW. And I swear I'll take care of myself. And of the Person here. And I have money in the bank anyway. More, soon, my apartment's in escrow. Though maybe we should put that toward a house."
"A house?"
"Don't you think that would be nice? A little house? With a yard, where Person can play?"
"I never even thought," Caryn laughed. "Why didn't I think we'd need to move? I'll get the laptop, we can start looking now."
"You," Abbie kissed her. "Are not going anywhere. We can look tomorrow. We have plenty of time. Right now, I want you here. With me."
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Sarah's phone beeped.
I'll be late, so sorry. Home in 3hrs. All ok. Love u.
Be careful out there, Jay. I love you too.
I will. xxx
Two hours later, Sarah felt her phone vibrate again.
2 more hrs at least. Sry. Am fine. xxx
Don't be sorry. I'll keep your dinner for you. You're tired, so be extra careful.
Keep bed warm 4 me.
Always.
Jay finally made it home at 3am, pale and exhausted. She tried to let herself into the apartment quietly, but as she was shrugging off her jacket, she felt Sarah's arms around her waist. She sighed. She could barely summon the energy to turn to face her.
"You look awful," Sarah's voice was anxious.
"I'm exhausted," Jay admitted.
"Hungry?"
"Not really. I just want to sleep."
Sarah led her to the bed, setting her on the side. She helped her out of her jeans and underwear, slipping on some cotton boxer shorts before she sat down again. She peeled off her shirt and, when she realized she wasn't wearing a bra, decided to let her sleep in her singlet. She smiled, as she realized that Jay was already asleep, still sitting up. She supported her as she lay her down carefully, smiling as she climbed in beside her and Jay automatically snuggled into her, her hand clasping a full breast, even in her sleep.
"I love you so much," Sarah whispered.
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"Lily and I are going shopping today. We're gonna buy you a new pair of pants," Alex smiled, as she held up the ripped pair that Olivia had shed the night before. She was trying to hide her anxiety with humor. Olivia hadn't been hurt the day before, but the perp's knife had missed her by millimeters, and made a large rip in her favorite black pants.
"You don't want to do that, honey. I'll pick up another pair soon," Olivia said.
"We want to do it. Anyway, we promised Joe and Vanessa we'd stop in for lunch, and the café's just along the street from the store.
"If you're sure. Get the receipt. I'm gonna make damned sure the city pays for them," Olivia said, firmly.
Alex swallowed. She didn't give a damn about the cost of the pants. She was just glad Olivia was safe. "The case is good, huh?" she tried to sound casual.
Olivia took her hand, caressing the knuckle. "It's good. DNA, ID from three different victims, and he's on security camera leaving two of the crime scenes. He's not the smartest perp we've ever had to deal with. Caryn says he'll get 25 to life."
Alex nodded. "S'good," she said, pulling away from Olivia so that her lover wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.
Olivia knew what she was doing, so she didn't call her on it. She holstered her gun. "I'll call you," she promised, as she stepped out of the door.
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"I'm so sorry," Olivia's voice was tense. "I don't know what time we'll be finished. It could be an all-nighter. I'll text you if I'm coming home. No, we're at the precinct. We're taking turns in the interrogation. No, not a guy this time. Somehow it's worse when it's a woman. It was brutal, what she did. Raped her girlfriend, but it was a sustained attack. We think there may be more victims. I know, honey. I'm so sorry. Kiss Lily for me. Of course, she's asleep already. I love you, Lex."
Olivia hung up the phone. This was going to be a long night.
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"Hi Jay, come in," Alex smiled as she stepped back to let her into the apartment. "Thanks for coming over. It's nothing important. I just don't want to miss my appointment. I promised Liv I'd stick with it, until the counselor says. I'll only be an hour and a half. Are you sure you don't mind?"
"Of course I don't mind," Jay smiled. "Lily and I are gonna have fun, aren't we monkey?" she winked at the little girl.
"Can I see your truck?" Lily asked.
Jay shook her head. "Not today, Lily. The trucks are real busy today. I'll take you again soon, I swear. How about we go over to see Pop and Vanessa? You can play on his wheelchair."
Lily nodded, excitedly. "Nessa makes brownies," she said.
"Does Mommy say you can have a brownie?" Jay asked Alex.
Alex smiled. "Just one," she said. "A little one."
"I'll make sure of that," Jay promised. "So how's Olivia? Don't tell me she's still on duty?"
"37 hours so far," Alex said, glumly. "She says they are close."
"She must be exhausted," Jay said.
"It'll be worth it," Alex says. "Liv says they have to get the bitch off the street. She's been abusing women for years."
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"How are you holding up, baby?" Alex wanted to know.
"I feel like death warmed over, to be honest," Olivia admitted. "We're so close, I can just feel it. She changed her name, we just have to track down all her aliases, and then we can charge her with everything."
"If anyone can do it, you can," Alex said. "I love you, Liv."
"Love you too, Lex."
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Alex entered the 16th Precinct, weighed down with pizza boxes. She saw that Olivia's desk was empty.
"In the cribs," Elliott nodded toward the stairs. "We've told her we don't want to see her ugly face down here for at least three hours," he smiled, tiredly. They had all been on duty for four days now, snatching brief naps in the cribs. "Go up. You can help her sleep."
Alex let herself into the cribs, locking the door as she entered. Olivia was facing the wall, and didn't react to her entrance. Alex sat carefully on the side of the hard bed. She ran her hand through Olivia's soft hair.
Olivia turned, and blinked. "Lex?" her voice was rough.
"It's me, sweetheart. Go back to sleep, baby."
Olivia stared at her. She reached out a shaking hand, and touched her face. "I can't believe you're here," she said.
"I missed you," Alex said, simply.
Olivia's face crumpled, and one fat tear slid down her face.
"Liv? Olivia? What is it, honey?"
"It's too awful," Olivia whispered. "This case."
"I know, Liv. The woman is a monster."
"It's worse than that," Olivia said. "I never even thought. I should have realized it was possible."
"What, Liv?" Alex was really beginning to worry now.
"One of her aliases. It's Katarina Ogrodnik. We checked her addresses, known associates, all that."
"And?" Alex prompted.
"She lived in one apartment with a roommate. A Jane Kazinski. She's Jay's rapist, Alex."
Alex was stunned. "You will get her?" she asked, after a few seconds
Olivia nodded.
"Will you have to talk to Jay?"
Olivia nodded again, her hand going to her head.
Alex could see from Olivia's eyes that she had a bad headache. "Did you take Tylenol?" she asked gently.
"Yeah," Olivia said.
"You need to sleep," Alex said, firmly. "I'll stay with you," she said, as Olivia started to demur. She kicked off her shoes, and lay down next to her lover.
Olivia pressed herself into Alex's front.
Alex could feel the tension radiating off Olivia, so she did the only thing she could think of. She unbuttoned her shirt, and pulled her bra strap down, freeing one breast. She guided Olivia to the nipple, feeling her soft lips close around it. "Sleep, Liv. I'll wake you in time."
Alex lay there awake, relieved to feel Olivia's breathing evening out. This was too much. Sarah and Jay had been through so much together already. They were both going to need their support, and their love. "We'll fix it, Liv," Alex whispered. "Together."