Yeah yeah we know. We're late. We aren't even gonna address it anymore.

Sorry not sorry

Exams are like a week away so we've been busy. Shut up we already said sorry god mom why do you hate me

Anyway, don't get offended because this chapter is a bit on the more offensive side. But boo hoo don't be sensitive it's just for shits and giggles

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE VIRGIN MARY?

7 months pregnant

Magnus stumbled into the room after Alec, straightening his white coat and zipping up his pants. "Alright," he said, sounding a bit out of breath. "Spread your legs, I'm going in."

Clary sat up from the examination table. "Why do I need to spread my legs? I thought you were doing an ultrasound."

Magnus raised his hands, as though to show he was unarmed. "Pardon me for trying to make your visit more pleasurable."

Clary rolled her eyes and lay back down, pulling her shirt up to just below her bra. Denis stood beside her, holding her hand as though for moral support.

Magnus did the thing and, yay, the baby is a-okay. (AN: I'm sorry, but I'm so sick of describing ultrasounds and shit. It's over.)

"Come one, guys. We need to get home and get ready before the guests get there," Jace said, walking behind Alec and fixing his collar.

"What, are you guys having a party?" Denis asked. Magnus perked up at the word, setting down his pen and clipboard and walking over to put his arm around Alec.

"A party, eh? Why weren't we invited?"

Jace cleared his throat, panic rising in his eyes. "Whaaaaaat? Of course we invited you. Your invite must have just… gotten lost in the mail."

"Then let's go now," Denis said, walking towards Jace.

"B-but…" Jace stuttered, clearly looking for an excuse. "But neither of you are dressed! You can't show up looking like discount gynecologists."

Magnus opened his white doctors coat, revealing a silver shirt covered in rhinestones and gold pants, smiling like Vanna White.

Alec smiled with him. "A good gay is always prepared."

"Actually," Magnus said, "I'm more of a freewheeling bisexual."

Jace threw Magnus's arm off him, holding him at arm's length. "Listen to me," he said, shaking him. "You can't come. I can't let my parents think that I hang out with a couple of severely gay vagina doctors."

"Bisexual," Magnus said, irritated.

"I'm actually asexual." Denis blushed shyly.

"Whoa, rewind a second," Magnus said, as though he just registered what Jace said. He turned to Alec. "Alexander, why didn't you invite me? Do you not want me to meet your parents?"

Alec paled; gaining the panicked look that Jace had just moments before. "I never said that. I was just hoping we could wait a little longer for you to meet them."

"How long were you planning on waiting?"

"Until their funeral."

"Alec!" Magnus smacked him in the stomach.

"Ok, look," Jace said. "The truth is they are going to be surprised enough that Isabelle actually agreed to settle down with Ratface. They thought she was only dating him to make them angry. Now they're going to have little Jewish babies and Simon is going to come to every Sunday dinner and all the family reunions and my mom is going to hate it. Also, they are going to be meeting Clary for the first time, even though they have no idea she exists and that she's pregnant with my child." Jace turned to Clary, who was still sitting on the examination table. "By the way, you were an intern at the company I inherited and we started dating a few months after my parents died. The baby is a lovely surprise and we'll be getting married in a couple of years after your career as an artist takes off."

Clary blinked at him a couple of times. "So are we engaged now?"

"No, but you know that I will ask soon. Got it?"

Clary nodded after hesitating.

"Oh god," Alec muttered. "I didn't even think of how they'll react. This will give mom a heart attack!"

"On second thought," Jace said, pulling Magnus's arm back around his shoulder. "Maybe you two should come to the party. We have plenty of room in the minivan."

Magnus gagged. "You have a minivan?"

"It's Alec's."

Magnus shook his head, making a shooing motion with his hand. "No no, that has to go."

Alec groaned. "But you already got me new shoes. Let me keep my car!"

"Well," Magnus said, contemplating the possibilities. "I guess we could put the seats down and put a mattress in the back."

Alec shook his head. "But that's unsafe."

OoOoOoO

Jace stood across from Maryse in their small circle. They were talking about politics or something boring like that so Jace walked over to the barbeque to check on the burgers. He opened the lid just as Isabelle and Simon walked over, hand in hand, smiling.

"Thanks for throwing us this engagement party, Jace."

Jace smiled and waited for them to walk away. He didn't feel like talking right now.

But they didn't leave. Dammit.

"So when is your engagement party going to be?" Simon asked, nudging Jace in the ribs.

"What?" Jace looked away from the barbeque to glare at Simon.

Isabelle smiled. "As if it isn't obvious that you two like each other. Speaking of, where is the little ginger?"

Just then, Clary walked over, followed by Alec and Max, holding an empty plastic bag. "We're out of buns," she said, holding up the bag. "We're going to go to the store to get some."

"No," Jace said, a bit panicked. "It's ok. I went and got some last night because… I couldn't sleep… and… reasons." Jace thrust the six bags of buns into Alec's arms and turned back to the barbeque.

Clary walked away with Isabelle and Simon, Max at her heels.

"Isn't this just a bit overkill? I mean there's only a couple dozen people here and-"

"It's fine, Alec. Clary will eat the leftovers."

Alec rolled his eyes and walked towards Magnus, who was talking to Robert Lightwood. He shuffled towards them in slight panic.

Everything seemed to be going more or less smoothly. People stood in small groups all over Jace's back yard behind the old church/house. It was a casual event, so everyone was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Except for Isabelle, who decided since she was one of the guests of honor, she should wear her glittering red ball gown. Typical Izzy.

His smile faded when he turned to see Eric tapping a knife on his champagne glass, a piece of paper clutched in his hand.

Oh dear god, no.

"Hello everyone. My name is Eric, and I'm Simon's best friend. I'm here today to honor the fact that out of all of us, Simon is the first to be getting married. He is also the first one of us to have sex two nights in a row. We're proud of you buddy." There was a shout and a holler from the back of the group. Probably Simon's other band mates. "Anyway, since this is such a special occasion, I decided to write a poem for you guys."

There were many groans from the crowd, all preparing themselves for the torture to begin.

"This poem is a little different from what I usually do, mostly because I'll be singing it."

Jace wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the sound of someone killing themselves in the back of the crowd.

Eric cleared his throat, unfolding the piece of paper and downing the rest of his drink. Then he started singing Beyonce. Or… Kind of Beyonce.

"If I were a boy, I would have loins-"

"WHAT THE PHILIP SEYMORE HOFFMAN DO YOU MEAN THAT JACE IS THE FATHER?"

Oh boy. There was only one person Jace knew who swore like that.

Maryse Lightwood, the most intimidating woman who weighed under 130 pounds pushed her way through the crowd towards her adopted son. She grabbed him by the ear and pulled him down to her height, which was almost half a foot lower.

"Jonathan Christopher Herondale-Lightwood!"

"My last name was never hyphenated, why are you doing that?"

Maryse continued, pretending she didn't hear him. "You knocked up a high school freshman and didn't even bother to tell me?"

"Um, I'm twenty-four," Clary called from the back.

"Mom, she's like twenty-three."

"I just said I'm twenty-four! Can you even hear me? Am I to far back?" There was a shuffling sound as Clary pushed her way through the crowd and waddled towards the two arguing at the front.

Maryse let go of Jace's ear, letting him stand to his full height. Though that didn't stop her from getting all up in his face. "Why haven't I heard about this until now? Have you been whoring around again?"

"Ok, first of all," Jace said, lightly pushed Maryse away from him. "I'm a virgin."

"How does that even work?" Maryse asked, interrupting Alec's laughter from the back.

Jace straightened up. "I assume you're familiar with the story of the Virgin Mary."

"Are you saying you're God?"

Jace his hands in mock defense. "You said it, not me."

"Jonathan, I know you're not a virgin. I've seen many a whore exiting our house back in the day."

"Alright," Jace said. "Here's the truth. She was an intern at the company and we started dating a few months after my parents died. The baby is a lovely surprise and we'll be getting married in a couple of years after her career as an artist takes off."

"That's fine," Maryse said. "At least I can get the truth out of one of my sons. Alec, get over here."

Alec turned bright red and shuffled through the crowd of silent people. Most of them were sipping their drinks, enjoying the entertainment.

Alec reached them, standing next to Jace to face his mother. They made brief eye contact before he looked down at the floor.

"Well Alec, are you going to tell me what's happening with these two or not?"

Alec looked at Jace, whose eyes were wide and begging. He took a deep breath before he started talking almost as quickly as he could.

"They fell in love and they dated for many a year because they were in love and then they had a baby after dating for many a year because in love. Well they didn't have baby but they expecting baby. And they get married soon so yay baby and wedding." Alec made the mistake of looking up. Maryse just gave him a look. And it was all over. "She's his surrogate. He wanted an heir to his company even though I said he doesn't need one because he's only twenty-five but now he likes her. Like like likes her. Like he was looking at engagement ring likes her. Like loves her. Like his mom's engagement ring loves her. I love you mommy, please don't kill me."

Maryse turned slowly towards Jace, looking more like Satan than a proud Christian. "Are you telling me that the child wasn't even conceived before God?"

"What the hell do you mean before God? Like in a church? Who does that?"

Robert pushed off from the tree he was leaning against, stepping towards the small group of people in the middle of the observers. "Why don't you ask Alec? He's a church sex baby."

"What the fuck, Dad!"

"Don't feel bad," Robert put his hand on Alec's shoulder. "Max was conceived on the altar." He elbowed Jace in the ribs to stop his loud and obnoxious laughter. "I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. I remember at our vow renewal just before Alec was born your parents were going at it like rabbits."

And then it started raining.

"Oh, well I guess it's just a story for another time. Let's head inside."

"NO!" Jace yelled, suddenly very panicked. "We should stay outside. And maybe… move very far away from the house. Let's stay out here and… have a wet tshirt party!"

"Jace, don't be inappropriate. We're going inside." Maryse turned and walked towards the house, followed by… well, everyone.

Jace followed after them cautiously, hoping the house wouldn't explode.

So we only have like 3 chapters left but i doubt we'll be able to finish before exams but we'll still try our best to update as much as possible.

Anyway yeah

K bye

xoxo

R & A