I have uploaded chapter 20 and the epilogue at the same time, so please make sure you read the last chapter before this!
Epilogue
The Brave Ambition
Dear Draco,
I suppose I shouldn't be writing this, but I have to. I know that you know, I know that you saw them together today as well. They look just like us don't they? I'm so proud of them; they had the courage to do what we didn't. I know Albus will be okay, that he'll be safe and happy and loved with Scorpius, and today made me realise that I wouldn't trust him with anyone else. I made him promise to love your son, and to hold onto him no matter what happens. But really, I was promising you that no matter what, I will hold onto you and love you forever.
I wouldn't have my three beautiful children if things had been different but no one knows what type of comparison you are. I would still give my life for you.
I miss you, Draco. I've always loved you. You're not something that I can forget. You touched my life and left your mark on my soul and it's not something I can forget or dilute. I'm reaching for this parchment and quill and as I write a wonder what you'll think when you read this, what'll cross your mind? I know that we agreed we would stay out of each other's lives, but it's inevitable, because we were always meant to be there. Sometimes, I just really need you.
I know we're miles apart, but it doesn't matter if you're close to me or far away from me, I'll be with you. Distance doesn't mean anything when someone means so much. You are always in my heart and I'll keep you there forever. I haven't let you go, I can't. I can't just close the door on us. I know that you feel alone sometimes, I feel alone too, but you're not on your own, ever. Don't ever doubt that. Because I know you love me and I love you too, and as long as I know that you know, I'm okay.
Maybe I'm writing to make sure that we both remember, even though we could never forget. I would give anything to have you. I would give anything to turn back time and have another hour with you. I wish for it all the time. I hope for it. I wish I could kiss you again. I know that we've been waiting for so long, but one day, when everything ends, I'll be waiting for you, with my hand waiting to grasp yours, and we'll go together. We'll go home someday.
That smile you smiled, no one new that it was me making you smile, that is was my smile. But I knew. And that was enough. Because it's always been enough, just the two of us. It's all I'll ever need, all I've ever wanted…all I'll ever keep living for.
We were never perfect, but that was what made us perfect. And we are the perfect pair; we're just not in the perfect situation. I get that this is may seem like a senseless question, but how have you been, love? Have you been okay? I know how hard everything can get, but it's not the end even though sometimes it may seem like it. Just close your eyes and think about us, what are we doing?
It hurts all the time. It hurts to be aware that you breathe and smile and live but I'm missing out on you. I suppose I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all though. We've spent our life keeping quite, because we're afraid. When de we get so scared? I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I miss your hair and how you speak and how your voice sounds. I miss your touch and your smile and your laugh. I'm not hopeless, but I'm half. I fell in love with you and I never fell out of that love. I guess I fall apart though too. I used to think that missing you would get easier, because I was one day closer to the day we would be together, but it doesn't, because I don't have a time frame with you.
I'm not over you. I don't care how much my heart breaks, I don't care that we're oceans apart, I don't care where you are, or what it takes, because I'll withstand it all, because we have to be what we feel, and I can only be that with you.
You will forever be in my heart, where you belong, until we are brought back together. Don't ever think otherwise. I treasure the last time I kissed you, held you, touched you, and I keep those memories with me and I hold them close.
Thank you for showing me who you are underneath and sharing your love with me. I'll wait until the end of time for you, sweetheart. And I want you to smile without that sorrow in your eyes because now you'll be in my arms for all of eternity, because it was never goodbye forever, it was only for a little while.
Love,
Harry.
o - O - o - O - o - O - o - O - o - O - o
Dear Harry,
I can hear your voice. Reading this, looking at the way you write your words on this parchment, I can hear you. Yes, I do know. We have both known for a while, seeing it was something entirely different though. When Scorpius told me, it was as if I had known all along, from the moment I held him in my arms for the first time; they were destined to do things right. I am happy that they do not have to hide what they feel This was meant to be, so undeniably they will love and take care of each other. It has always been this hasn't it – us. I suppose I though that if I held you tight enough that I would be able to hold on to you forever, but it does not work that way. I promise you that I have not let go, though.
I miss you too, Harry. I suppose that you cannot miss what you do not know. But I know what I am missing out on, so I miss it every day. It is as if I do not know what we would have been laughing about at, only that it was funny. And I do not know what it was exactly what you would have told me when I woke up in the morning, only that it would was beautiful. I know that I should not need to hear you tell me that you love me, but I cannot help it. I could never for get you either. Sometimes I wake up and I swear I can still feel the trace your fingertips left on my cheek. I am thinking about us, you, every time you touched my soul and how I felt in your arms was where I belonged, it is home.
I want to be in your life; I need to be in your life. Those agreements we made, we both lied, but there was no point trying to shout at each other, and you knew better; you knew me better. Needing you – it is something that happens to me all the time. Sometimes I need you so much, and I feel like I will lose control, but I cannot help how much I need you.
Harry, I could never forget you, or let you go, because of who you are, I am who I am. So I cannot forget you, because you made yourself a part of me. Spaces separate us, and it makes me feel that I lost the one thing I cherished the most, that I am in this never ending nightmare where nobody has a heart. Though, I have learnt and grown enough to know that no matter how much distance is in between us, you love me, and for me too, knowing that makes it okay.
Harry I love you. I love you with all my heart and with everything that I am. I know that it is hard for both of us and I am sorry that I make it harder for you by being so vulnerable. I have never been as strong as you are. Sometimes I think, 'It is time to go home.' But then I think about how we promised we would go home together. Take me home Harry, when you are ready, take me with you. I will wait in this lifetime, where I face my mistakes, where I am alone, where I fall apart, where I cannot touch you, where I deny my love, I will wait until it is our time.
No Harry, I was never perfect, but you were. How can I ask you to rescue me when you have already saved me so many times? I am closing my eyes and we are laughing. We are waking up to each other. I can feel your warm lips on mine. I can feel your touch. I can feel your heart beat, and it is in rhythm with my own. And we are smiling, because we know that we could never find this feeling woth anyone another than each other. When I close my eyes it hurts, even though the things I see are so beautiful, because I see a different ending and it feels so right.
Please do not be sorry, don't you dare, Harry Potter. You have nothing to apologise for. All you have done love me, and that is more than anyone else has. I am sorry; for losing the love we could not keep, for not being brave enough to show everyone how we felt, for not making the leap, for taking the easy choices, for the hole in your heart, for not looking past the climb to see what was beyond it, for not protecting you, for letting them tear us apart, for not finding my voice, for being afraid of everyone that would try to pull us down. I never stopped loving you, Harry. I wish I could take your pain away because I know that there has not been a day for either of us where the anguish has not faded. In your love I found myself and I am forever thankful.
Thank you for seeing the seeing the good in me when I never could. Thank you for understanding when no one else did. Thank you for teaching me that I should not be looking for someone who will solve my problems, but look for someone who will never let me face them alone. Thank you for redefining love for me. Thank you for entwining your fingers in mine. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for bringing happiness and hope into my life. Thank you for understanding how hard it is to face everything without you. Thank you for fixing me, and making right all the wrong. Thank you for all the times we had together. Thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for telling me the truth. Thank you for taking away the sadness. Thank you for letting me be who I am and thank you for showing me that that person is one to be proud of. Thank you for making my world a better place. Thank you for being with me every step of the way. Because of your love I am everything I am, I am who I want to be.
I am smiling, because of the one day soon, because of you, because you love me and I you. So I will say goodbye, for now, until we begin our eternity together in each other's embrace, with this: I wish history was rewritten so we could have the life we envision and that would be my brave ambition.
Yours,
Draco.