I do not own Twilight.....
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Thanks to my amazing Beta ManiacMotherland.
I had a great response from The Peen-POV. Thanks to all who read it, and those who had very positive things to say about it! I had a blast writing it, and I'm pretty sure ManiacMotherland did to. It's not every day we get to think like a penis, and it was kinda fun :)
It has been brought to my attention that many of you didn't know I had some outtakes up for this story.....So yeah I have outtakes up for this story, check out my home page and you will see them :)
Some of you have been 'cough' letting me know nicely 'cough' that I have not been updating as frequently. I know this, and I am working on it. My goal (and I use that term lightly) is to update on Sundays. It may not be every single Sunday, but that's what I'm shooting for. It just depends on what is going on in RL, how well behaved my kids are, how hectic work is, and if I can slow down long enough too write a chapter. But just know that every free minute I have I am working on it. If you get to anxious, just let me know and I will send you a teaser :)
Chapter 21
EPOV
Somewhere deep down inside, I knew I should be taking this seriously. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella was pissed, but I wasn't entirely sure why she was so mad, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking her if it was that time of the month or something. I know girls hate when you mention that shit. But seriously what the fuck was her problem?
It seemed so unlike her to get this riled up over a text message. Which led me to believe there was something more to it. I was trying to focus on the point here, and the point was that she was pissed, and like it or not, I was getting the blunt end of her anger. As hard as I was trying to keep my cool with her, she really had pushed my buttons and I was starting to lose my temper.
She then asked me if I found the text funny. What the fuck kind of question was that? And how the hell am I supposed to answer it? I'm a guy. We always find that kind of shit funny. Again, I have no idea what the big deal was.
That's when she did the unthinkable. Out of the blue she asked how many girls I had been with. Where the fuck did she come up with the idea that I wanted to talk about this with her? We were so not going there. Not now, and hopefully not any time soon. This is why I never wanted a girlfriend, I muttered to myself. There is just way too much fucking drama.
I told her we were definitely not having that conversation. I knew at some point it would come up and we would have to talk about it. But I thought that would be way, way… way down the road.
But Bella, as stubborn as ever, placed her hands on her hips. I knew she meant business.
"Oh, we are having this fucking conversation," she huffed. "And then we are going to have the conversion about how I will never be able to measure up to the women on your video The Cum Zone."
I stood perfectly still. Frozen in time, shocked as hell. And then I laughed. Not a smirk or a chuckle but a full-out belly laugh. I couldn't help it. I laughed, and I laughed hard. She was just too damn cute.
Sadly, she didn't find any of this in the least bit funny. She stomped her foot and demanded, "What the hell is so funny, Edward? Why are you laughing at me?"
I could see that this was only adding fuel to the fire, and I tried. I really did try to stop laughing. But it took me another minute to calm down. When I was able to gain my composure a bit, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head.
"Wait, how did you even know about the video?" I was running scenarios through my head, but I couldn't think of anytime that I'd ever said anything to Bella about the porn videos I had stashed under the bed in my room.
Her eyes flashed recognition and then she looked sheepish. She obviously had not meant to start this part of the conversation. The part where she admitted to snooping around my room while I was gone.
"That's not really the point!" she spat.
"Well then, Bella, please tell me what the point is. Because I have no fucking idea. Where is all of this coming from? Why are you so upset?
She didn't answer, but I could see the tears forming in her eyes. This is not what I wanted. Why do I always seem to be messing up with this girl? I could see her walls coming down so I made my move, hoping like hell she didn't hit me. I moved slowly towards her and pulled her to my chest. I wrapped my arms tightly around her. I could feel her body tremble and heard her sobs. I just held her tighter hoping I could show her that I was there for her, comforting her, loving her. When I could tell she was calming down, I pulled away slightly. I used my thumbs to brush her tears away. I leaned down to kiss her forehead and whispered in her ear.
"Shhh, Bella. I am so sorry. I never want to make you cry. But baby, you really need to tell me what is going on in that pretty head of yours, because I am so lost here. I'm not a mind-reader."
She sniffled a few times. "I just... I…" she began and then stopped again. She started shaking her head back and forth like she had no intention of continuing.
"Bella, please talk to me. Tell me how to fix this," I begged.
"I don't even know where to start."
I gently tucked her hair behind her ears and slid my finger under her chin to make her look at me.
"Just start from the beginning."
"Fine! I'm scared Edward. I'm afraid because I am not good enough for you. I know it, most of the school knows it, and it is just a matter of time before you see it too. And where does that leave me? Broken and miserable. I love you. God, I love you so much. And I just don't think I will be able to handle it when you finally see that you can do so much better."
I was shocked. "Bella, you are so wrong. It's you who is to good for me. I promise you, that everything you feel, I feel it too. I keep waiting for the day you will wake up and realize what a lost cause I am. Waiting for the day that all my bullshit is just too much to handle and you walk away."
"Edward, you are not a lost cause. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just don't understand what you can see in me. Especially when you can have girls as pretty and perfect as Jessica or Tanya any time you want them."
"See, that's where you are wrong, Bella. I don't want them. They were there for me to pass the time with. God I wish I could go back in time and erase everything I ever did with any other girl that wasn't you. They meant nothing to me and that is why I never made any type of commitment to them. You, on the other hand, you are worth it to me. And just so you know, you are by far the most attractive, smart, loving, and kind woman who I have ever met."
"Really?" she asked, sniffling again.
"Yes, really. You beautiful, silly, overly sensitive girl."
"Then why the porn? Because from what I have seen, I am nothing like those women. If that's what you find attractive, and what you need to get off... then I think you will be very disappointed with me."
I had no idea where all this self-doubt was coming from, but it was starting to grate on my nerves.
"Fuck, Bella, how many times do I have to say it? You are what I want. I find you attractive. I have a hard on 90% of the time that we are together." I threw my arms up in frustration. What did she want from me, to be a robot? " I have the porn so I can jack off and release some tension, so I am not a total dick and pawing at you 24/7."
She seemed a little taken back by my declaration, but it didn't deter her.
"I just can't help but feel that, if that's what you like, those types of women…. tan, curvy, big breast, then you will be disappointed with me," she whispered. 'I wonder if you are comparing me to them, or to the other girls you have been with."
"Bella, you need to understand. I can't go back and change my past. I would in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't. All I can do is start over fresh and new with you and try my hardest to be the kind of man you deserve. And just for the record, I would never compare you to anyone else. Everything that I do with you is new and exciting for me. Yeah, I may have done the acts before but there was never any feeling or emotion there. But with you… I feel so much, sometimes it's overwhelming."
God that was embarrassing to admit. Enough with the sappy shit. I needed to change direction here.
"Besides, I really didn't know the porn was a big deal. You should've told me sooner. I will throw it all out if you want. You're way more important to me than all that shit. Honestly, I haven't even used it in over a week."
She gave me a confused look. "Why not?"
I just shrugged. "I haven't needed it. Because I have the mental picture of you writhing and whimpering on my bed while I make you come burnt into my brain. And that is the hottest thing I have ever seen. Bar none. Way better than any fake porno moaning and groaning."
Of course she blushed, because that's what she fucking does. And holy hell she's hot when she does it.
"Was that all that was bothering you? Or was there more?" I hoped to God that was it, I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
She took a deep breath. "The text."
Shit, I had already forgotten about that. "Okay, what about it upset you?."
"Edward, here's the thing, I know you thought it was crude or whatever and that's why you didn't want me to see it. But I have spent my entire life with people sheltering me, telling me what I can and cannot do or say or see, even where I can and cannot go and who I go there with. So I don't need that from you too. I want to be your equal. Not someone you shelter. Right or wrong, I'm tired of being sheltered."
She did make a good point. "I'm sorry, I honestly didn't think of it that way. I don't want to be anything like your father, and I will try very hard not to do that to you."
"Thank you, I know you are trying and I really appreciate it. This is just all so new."
"This is just as new for me. I feel like I am constantly fucking up, but all I want is to make you happy." I told her honestly.
"You do make me happy. It's just me, I feel so insecure when I am around you."
This girl obviously had no clue of the voodoo spell she had me under.
"You have no reason to feel that way. I love you Bella, and that is not going to change."
She reached up to give me a kiss. It started out soft and sweet but quickly turned into something that could probably star in a porn video all on its own. Me pushing her up against the wall, pressing my body up against her. Her moaning loudly and pulling at my hair. I knew I needed to pull away. This was not appropriate behavior for school grounds, but each time I was this close and kissing Bella, it got harder to stop.
When my hands began roaming and landed on her ass without my permission, I knew I was in trouble. My right hand slid down her thigh on it own accord. She lifted her leg slightly and I used it to my advantage. I ran my hand to the back of her knee and lifted her leg up to hook it over my hip. This gave me great leverage and put us impossibly closer. My dick was hard and I had no shame in grinding it against her. Her hands moved from my hair to my back where I could feel her lightly scratching through my shirt. It was when she began trailing kisses down my neck that I almost lost my mind. She had never been this bold before and her lips on my skin felt absolutely fucking amazing. I pressed against her a little harder making sure she could feel the effect she was having on me. She released my neck and made this sound that went straight to my dick, then she moaned my name. Hearing that sound, my name on her lips, my dick almost attempted to unzip my pants and get out on his own to have Bella touch him. But he wasn't making a break if I could help it. I knew I had to stop this, so I reluctantly started to unravel myself from the embrace.
"We should really head back in," I pulled away, barely breathing. "Everyone is gonna begin to wonder where we are and start to worry."
"Yeah," she said, gasping for air herself. "We should go back in. And not just because people will start to talk."
I stepped away and untucked my shirttail to cover up "my problem". Bella giggled at my attempt.
"This…" I said, pointing to my still very evident erection. "This is not funny."
She lifted the hem of my shirt to get a closer inspection.
"I just still can't believe I can cause that reaction from you."
"Well you do, and quite often." I said stepping away and grabbing her hand.
We began walking and it was very fucking uncomfortable with a boner. "Bella talk to me about something random to get my mind off of me having you pressed up against the wall with you scratching me and panting my name."
Again she giggled "When I was little I had a dog, Her name was Daisy. She escaped one day, and I was so upset, I went all over the neighborhood looking for her. When I found her she was ummm... 'doing it' with another dog in my neighbor's yard. I tried to get her to come to me but she wouldn't. I ran inside to get Jasper. He tried to fetch her as well, but they were apparently stuck together. He got the water hose and sprayed it on them until they could break apart."
Well, that was definitely random. But thinking about dogs and sex made me think of doing Bella doggy-style and that definitively didn't help my problem.
She continued, obviously not knowing my mind was already in the gutter.
"That's what I think about when I see how… ummmm, large you are. I wonder if it could get stuck."
I had to stop. Pull her into a hug. "God, I love you Bella. You just gave me the greatest compliment ever without even knowing it. But just so you know, that's not really possible, for humans I mean."
She seemed to think about that for a minute. "Well, that's good to know."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Now, complete subject change, nothing involving sex."
Her next topic of conversation was on a essay she was writing for history. Although the sound of her voice did crazy things to me, the topic was boring as hell and served its purpose to fix my problem. We made it back in the school just as the bell was ringing. The rest of the day passed as usual. No more drama, which I was eternally grateful for.
After school, I met Bella out in the parking lot. I gave her a proper goodbye, and asked to her try to come over to my house early so we could have some alone time before the youth meeting. Much to my surprise, she was able to come over a hour early. She had told her father she wanted to help my mom and Alice set up for the meeting. Of course, she did offer to help when she arrived. But my mother, God love her, shooed Bella a way, telling her she had it all under control and that Bella should go find me instead.
Like I was that hard to find. I was practically stalking her at that point., in my own house. I ushered her as quickly as possible to my room and shut the door.
Bella looked a little uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"
"Are we uhhh, allowed to be in here? With the door shut and all?"
I quirked a eyebrow and gave her my signature smirk. "Yes, Bella, we are allowed."
I grabbed her hand and gently tugged her toward the bed. "I wanted to talk to you about a few things."
She sat down squirming a bit until she was comfortable. "Sure, what's on your mind?"
"It's about today." I started and looked in her eyes to gauge her reaction. She seemed to be fine so I continued. "Look, this is new for both of us. I get that we don't really know what the hell we are doing and it's all kind of trial and error here."
Again I stopped to make sure she was following me. She nodded her head in understanding.
"That being said, I feel like we are setting our relationship up for failure before it even begins. We both seem so worried about how the other will react if we say or do the wrong thing. I feel like you hold back from me. Like with the porn. Bella, if it bothered you, then you should have talked to me sooner. Before it had time to build up and blow up like that."
"I agree. I just worry that you will take it as nagging. And you hold back from me as well. Like with the text. You are afraid of how I react, so you hide it from me."
"First, I wouldn't have thought you were nagging. Trust me, I will tell you if I'd felt that way. And second, I wasn't hiding it. But I do get what you are saying. I could have just showed it to you, you could have rolled your eyes, said that was disgusting and that would have been the end of it."
Her smile lit her face. "Yes, that is exactly how it should have been handled."
"Good. So this all changes right now. We promise to be honest if something is bothering either of us, not bottling it up waiting for it to explode. And we promise to talk about everything, even if it seems small at the time."
"Agreed. I really do want us to work Edward, and I feel terrible about how I handled things today."
"It is water under the bridge. Now come here," I said while reaching out to her.
She looked at me a bit skeptical, obviously remembering the last time we were alone in my bed.
"Edward, your parents are here!"
I rolled my eyes. "I just want to lie down on the bed with you, hold you. No funny business, I promise."
She complied, crawling up to my body. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her until she was practically laying on top of me. She settled her thigh between my legs, wrapped her arm around my abdomen, and sighed as she rested her head on my chest.
I began stroking her hair down her back, enjoying the feel of her soft strands. "This is nice."
"Very nice," she agreed.
"So did anyone question you about my freak out today?" She asked while tracing the buttons of my shirt over my stomach.
"Nah, no one said anything. I think all the fights Rose and Emmett have had makes everyone immune to relationship drama. They all know it's best to stay out of it."
"That's good. We have enough issues on our own. We don't need anyone else adding to them."
I slightly raised the hem of her shirt so I could run my fingers along the small of her back. Nothing sexual intended. I just wanted to feel her skin.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I decided to ask something that had been on my mind. "Bella, what do you plan to do after we graduate? "
I felt her shrug her shoulders. "I haven't really thought much about it. Maybe do something in the mission field. I would love to go to somewhere like Africa and help people less fortunate than we are."
That caught me a little off-guard. She never said what I expected, but I could totally picture her in Africa or some remote country helping the people there. It never ceased to amaze me at how big her heart was. She was always willing to put others before herself.
"What about you? Do you have any big plans?" she asked, shifting slightly so she could look at me.
"Nothing set in stone. I have considered medical school. Who knows, maybe I will end up in Africa with you, doing surgeries and shit."
This caused her to laugh loudly. "What the hell is so funny about that?" I grumbled in reply.
"Edward, you do realize that you would have no phone, or Internet, or video games, or even hot showers for that matter. I don't see that really being your scene."
This caused me to re-think my idea a little. "You are probably right."
I decided not to dwell on this issue. I couldn't think about Bella and I being separated right now. I just wanted to enjoy our moment.
"Hey, I wanted to ask you something?" she said so quietly that I barely heard her. I gave her my full attention waiting for her to continue.
"The other night, when you called me from Emmett's. There seemed to be a lot of people there," she fished around.
"Yeah, a few." I answered, waiting for the question I knew she was going to ask.
"Well, I just wondered. Were there any girls there?"
"Nah, just a few guys hanging out. Well, except for Rose, and she didn't stay long. Just long enough to get her, ummmm… get her fix and then she left shortly after."
"Oh, okay," she said and laid her head back on my chest.
"Would it have bothered you if there had been other girls there?" I asked, slightly happy that she was showing a jealous side. She seemed to think hard about this before she answered.
"No, I don't think so. I trust you Edward, and I do believe you when you say you will be faithful to me. After today I can honestly say I feel a lot more secure in our relationship. That doesn't mean I want all the girls throwing themselves at you, and I want you to tell me if anything inappropriate ever happens, but honestly I trust you. "
She lifted up to look at me again. "You don't even have to throw your porn out. I think I may have overreacted a little about it."
I couldn't help but smirk at her. "You think?"
She laughed softly." Yes, maybe just a little bit. I talked to Jasper this afternoon and he kinda helped explain a guy's perspective on the issue."
"Well, you are a little too late with your revelation. I already threw it out. All of it, except for the videos, because they weren't mine to get rid of."
Then, like a lightning bolt, it hit me. But before I could ask my question, Bella spoke up.
"They aren't yours? Whose are they then?"
"Yeah, about that, Bella… how did you know about the video in the first place?"
Her cheeks started blushing. "You first, Edward. If the videos aren't yours, then whose are they?"
"Jacob's. He brought them over a few months ago when his sister was visiting from college because she was staying in his room. He told me I could watch them, but I never did. I knew what he did with them and the fucker probably didn't even wash his hands before he put the disc back in the case. I had no desire to touch his crusty DVD's."
I gave her a devilish look "Now your turn."
She covered her face in her hands. She was totally humiliated. If I was being a true gentleman, I would tell her not to worry about it, that it wasn't important. But my curiosity was killing me and I needed to know how she found out about The Cum Zone.
"It wasn't my idea. Alice tricked me. She was concerned that I had never seen any type of porn, so she snuck in your room and found the video. And, well… she thought once I'd seen how fake it was that maybe it wouldn't seem like such a big deal." She stopped, but I could tell there was more she wanted to say, so I waited patiently.
"She also thought it would be kind of educational for me to watch. That it would explain things, provide a visual of how things kind of work."
I tried to stifle my laughter, but it was hopeless. This was just too fucking much.
"So, let me get this straight… you watched a porno… with my sister… for educational purposes." She nodded her head yes and I continued. "And so, tell me Bella. Did you find the video 'educational'?"
"In a way, I guess," she sighed into my chest. "Only thing, it kind of backfired, because I thought that those were the kind of women that you wanted and It made me feel self conscious knowing I will never look or act like them."
"Bella, you know that you are what I want right? I find you unbelievably attractive. You are beautiful inside and out, and I couldn't ask for anyone better."
"I know that now," she said as she scooted up to softly kiss me.
Before we could get too far into our make-out session, however, my door flew open and in walked in a very distressed looking Jacob.
Bella pulled back from the kiss, but I held her to me not wanting her to get too far away. Why didn't I remember to lock my fucking door?
"Dude, what the fuck? Do you not know how to knock?"
"What does it matter if I knock or not? It's not like you are getting any action," Jake shot right back.
Cocky motherfucker. That was the new thing the guys liked to give me hell about. My lack of sexual gratification. Bella was very open about her commitment to wait until marriage before having sex, so they all knew I wasn't getting any thing in that department.
"Still, you should fucking knock," I mumbled, knowing he did have a valid point and not really liking it too much. Still, I wanted some privacy. The least I could ask for, all things considered.
"Whatever. But listen, man. I need to talk to you. And it's kinda..." he trailed off and looked at Bella. "It's kinda personal."
Bella got the hint and started to get up.
"I can just go downstairs and help your mom."
I held onto her tightly. "Hell no! Jake, you can either say it in front of Bella or wait until she leaves tonight, but this is our time alone together, the only time we get together alone all week, and Bella is not leaving."
He seemed unsure if he should continue or not, so I added in a little more to convince him.
"I am just going to tell Bella anyway after you leave, so you might as well say it now in front of her."
"Fine, fine! Whatever! Listen, I need some advice and it really can't wait." He took a deep breath and turned away so he was not facing us. "The other night I was with Jessica. A few hours later, we decided to go for seconds, only I didn't have any more condoms, you see. She assured me that she was on the pill, and so I decided to go bareback."
My eyes widened. Surely, he was not that stupid. "No way ."
"Yeah well, I figured what could one time hurt right? At least that's what I thought until today when she came to tell me she had fucking chlamydia and I needed to go get tested."
I couldn't help but laugh. "That's what you get man for fucking her bareback. You ever heard the saying, 'You lay with dogs, you are going to get fleas'? What the hell were you thinking, Jacob?"
Jake shrugged. "Obviously, I wasn't thinking. At least not with my brain. And besides, you have laid down with the same bitch, so you're lucky you don't have same fleas, far as I can tell."
"Yeah, but at least I made sure to wrap it up before I stuck it to her."
As soon as I said those words, I immediately regretted it. I felt Bella stiffen in my arms, and I could only imagine how uncomfortable this conversation was for her. I decided to get off the topic of who I had stuck it to, and focus instead on Jacob's problem.
"Look, it's really not that big of a deal. You go in, get tested. If it comes back positive then you have to take some pills and not have sex for a few weeks. I can talk to my dad and see if he can get you a appointment as discreetly as possible."
Jake seemed a little more relaxed but not completely convinced.
"So you really think it will be okay? Like my dick won't fall off or anything? 'Cause I really can't lose my dick, man. I don't know what I would do if that happened."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
"No man, your dick won't fall off. I'm not sure of all the symptoms but I know it's pretty common. You can even get it from oral sex. At least that's what my dad said once during one of his sex talks when I was pretending not to listen. You can talk to my dad about the details. I am sure he would be happy to explain it all to you, then give you a lecture about safe sex."
"I don't think I need the lecture. I have certainly learned my fucking lesson. But I think I will go talk to him. Alone preferably. Is he here?"
I nodded. "Yeah, he should be downstairs."
Jake got up and headed to the door.
"Shut the door behind you, and fucking knock next time!" I yelled to his retreating form.
He was gone, door shut behind him, and suddenly it was awkward. I needed to think of something to say fast, but my mind was blank.
"Well, that was certainly enlightening." Bella's words were muffled into my chest.
"Hey, sorry about that. I had no idea that was what he wanted to talk about. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
She lifted off my chest to shake her head. "No, it's fine. Just unexpected."
She hesitated a minute before looking in my eyes. "So have you ever had.... anything like that?"
"What? Like a STD?" I was a little shocked at her question, but I could understand why she would ask. "No, I have never had anything at all. I always wore protection."
"Every single time?" she clarified.
"Yes, every single time. My one rule I always stuck to was 'no glove, no love'."
"But you said you can get it from oral..." she trailed off. I had to hand it to her; she was smart. She had put two and two together and realized that most blow-jobs don't involve a condom, but she was still kinda jumpy asking the question. Obviously, she was still not very comfortable talking about sex, or maybe it was just my past sexual history she was uncomfortable with.
How to answer this? I thought about it. My brain said be very careful and yet honest, which isn't a very easy combination to pull off well.
"True, but I was just trying to calm Jacob down there. Actually, I think it's pretty rare for a girl to pass it through her mouth to a guy's dick. I think it's more common for a guy to get it when doing oral on a girl, and I've never done that. So I'm good."
She seemed taken back by my answer. "You haven't done that? Ever?"
"Nope, never. Bella. Probably should have offered from time to time, but I didn't. What can I say? I was an ass to most of the girls I was with before you. I was in it for my pleasure, not theirs."
"Really, you… an ass? I would have never guessed it," she joked, and I was glad we could talk openly and honestly about this.
"So have you. have you ummm…" she stalled, seeming unsure of her next question.
"Bella, you can ask me anything. We are being completely honest with each other, remember?"
"Have you ever been tested for any STD's?" she asked hesitantly.
"Actually yeah, I have. My dad made me get tested a little over a year ago. Everything came back clean." I was not about to tell her that my dad walked in on me once having sex with two girls and that's why he demanded I get tested. I figured I could be honest but leave out a few dirty details.
"Well that's good to know." She said averting her eyes to my chest, but she didn't look all that relieved.
"Bella, baby look at me. Do you want me to get tested again? I know we aren't having sex but if it would make you feel better just to know, I will do it."
She bit her bottom lip, and slowly nodded her head yes. "It would be nice to know, just for peace of mind."
"I agree. I will talk to my dad tonight and see if he can get me an appointment along with Jake early next week."
"Thank you," she said softly
"Anything for you, Bella."
"So would now be a good time to have that conversation about how many partners you have had?" she asked, looking me straight in the eye.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Were we ready for this? I didn't think so, but I had just given her the whole speech about talking everything out and being honest. Shit. I needed a out, I needed to stall, I needed to do something besides stare at her like a idiot.
Like a saving grace, there was a knock at my door. Alice poked her head in, telling us the meeting was about to start. I have never loved my sister so much in my life. I gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek.
"We can talk more later."
"Okay," she agreed, disentangling herself from me and climbing off the bed.
We made our way downstairs to see who all had come. I would be surprised if anyone showed up.
Thankfully, Rose and Emmett did come, although they said they couldn't stay long. My mother gave Jake the third degree until he agreed to stay at least an hour. And then there was the regulars which included me, Bella, Jasper and Alice. We all sat in the living room, making small talk while my mother passed around finger foods. After it was very evident no one else was going to show up, my father decided to begin.
"So as you know my wife and I have decided to take over the role as youth directors. We want to encourage you to invite your friends and other youth in the area to join our group. I really feel it will be beneficial to everyone to have our group grow. We have some great ideas for missions to do in the community as well as some fun outings planned . But we will need commitment from all of you to take this seriously, and give it your all."
He looked around the room to make sure we were all paying attention.
"As far as I know, the only other function going on at the time involving the youth is the True Love Waits campaign that Bella is heading up. Is that correct?"
Bella was the only one to answer. "Yes sir."
"Good!" My father seemed happy to finally have someone else speak. "And how is that going? I want to make sure none of our other functions interfere with that."
Everyone looked to Bella, and I could tell she didn't like having all the attention on her, even if it was only our small group.
"My plan is to hold the classes on Sunday nights, but so far, no one has signed up. If I don't have any more participants, then it will probably be postponed to a later time."
"Really, no one has signed up?" My dad actually sounded surprised.
His attention quickly turned to me. "Edward, were you planning on signing up?"
I couldn't help but be a little pissed he had called me out on this.
"Dad, I am sure everyone in this room is quite aware that I'm not a virgin."
Not missing a beat, he responded. "That may be true, son, but I'm sure there have been situations like this before. Where someone decided after the fact that they wanted to remain chaste until their wedding night. Bella, are there any guidelines for that?"
Again, Bella seemed bashful but answered my father's question.
"I have done some research since a few questions were directed at that during the question and answer segment at church. I have found a few testimonies where people had signed the contract and broken the pledge, or had already been sexually involved before they decided to make that commitment. So, basically, yes. You can still take the class and make the pledge to remain abstinent until marriage. By signing a TLW pledge, you're making a statement that signifies that what's past is past, and that by the grace of a forgiving and cleansing Almighty God, you're changing your lifestyle." She finished with a shrug.
My father turned his attention back to me with a smug grin.
"See… even you can be forgiven, Edward, and start with a fresh clean slate in the eyes of the Lord."
I shifted uncomfortably. Sure, I knew that Bella and I would not be having sex, but I hadn't thought much into the future. What if something bad happened between us and then I didn't get married until I was forty or something? Would I really abstain from sex that long? That was not at all likely. I didn't really see the point in pledging something I wasn't sure I could hold true to. Thankfully, Bella spoke up on my behalf.
"With all due respect, Mr. Cullen, it really needs to be a personal commitment. If someone is pressured into it, the chances of them sticking to it are slim. It has to be something that is important to that person alone."
"That is a valid point, Bella. Is anyone else here interested in taking the class?" my father asked the rest of the group.
Emmett decided now was a good time to become involved in this conversation.
"See this makes no sense to me," he offered. "Yeah, I can see how it would be beneficial to all them fuckers running around boning everything with a pulse, but for people like Rose and I who are already in love and have been together and have been having sex for-ev-er… well, it seems unnecessary. I have no doubt in my mind that we will be married one day, and if she told me we couldn't have sex until then, I would be running off to Vegas tomorrow. Seems to me this could be the cause of so many teenage marriages and contribute to the rise in divorce."
Bella spoke up. "Emmett, I think you are looking at this the wrong way. The point to it is sex before marriage is a sin in God's eyes. Some people feel strongly about following this rule and others not so much." Bella turned her attention to Jasper "Can you help me explain this better?"
Jasper leaned forward resting his arms on his knees. "I think what Bella is trying to say is the Bible is full of a lot of rules. Some were to only be enforced back in the day and some are still in play today. I think there are several ways to interpret the rules, so you follow your heart. The bible verse Leviticus 19:28 is a good example. It says, 'Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD." Some Christians quote this as reason why they believe it is a sin to have a tattoo. But with that same reasoning, then wouldn't it also be a sin to pierce your ears? There are actually some Christian denominations that say you shouldn't have pierced ears, precisely because of that scripture. "
He then took a breath and went on. "Also, in Deuteronomy, it says, "Thou shalt not eat any abomination. Of all that are in the waters you may eat these: whatever has fins and scales you may eat. And whatever does not have fins and scales you shall not eat; it is unclean for you." From this pasage, a lot of passage, some people believe that it is a sin to eat meat… like beef and lamb and what-not. And of course, pork is forbidden to the Jews. And then again, some other people think that all this only applies to the Jews and not to modern-day Christians at all."
I was floored. I had never heard Jasper quote Bible passages like that. It surprised me when Bella did it, but it shocked the hell out of me to hear Jasper do it.
Jasper looked around the room, but we were all silent. After a moment, he continued. "There is a story, I believe it is in Genesis, where a guy name Onan pulled out early and spilled his seed on the ground instead of 'putting it into' the woman like God told him to. It's called onanism and you can google it. And because of this, he was put to death. From this story, a lot of peole, including my Uncle Charlie get the idea that 'spilling one's seed' for reasons other than procreation is wrong, which suggests that masturbation is also sinful."
And suddenly, what Bella had told me last week about never touching herself made perfect sense, at least for someone like her. She had been taught it was a sin to explore her own body. What the fuck was her dad teaching her?
This time, Jacob spoke up. "Dude, you've got to be kidding me. Not only can you not have sex with a woman, but you aren't even supposed to get yourself off? That is fucking insane!"
My mother cut her eyes to Jake and spoke forcefully. "I think it's great that we are having this debate and discussing points of view, but please, let's watch the language in my house."
Jake looked a bit ashamed and mumbled, "Sorry."
"Wait, wait, let me get this straight." Rose was now fully involved in the conversation. "So according to this True Love Waits thing, you are not supposed to have actual intercourse, and you are not supposed to get yourself off either. So what exactly can you do?"
All attention was back on Bella." They promote what they consider 'sexual purity' which encompasses not only abstaining from intercourse before marriage, but also abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching, pornography, and actions that are known to lead to sexual arousal."
"I call bullshit!" Jake yelled, then immediately turned to my mother to apologize before focusing back on Bella. "Sorry, I'm just saying I have seen you and Eddie boy in some hot make-out sessions, and you can't tell me that didn't cause sexual thoughts or arousal for both of you."
I wanted to knock the smug look off his face. This was taking it too far, It was one thing to discuss chastity in theory but another to involve mine and Bella's personal relationship.
"Jake, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you are taking about."
"Language," my mother hissed.
I rolled my eyes, but apologized. "I'm just saying there is no need to start pointing fingers. Bella is not on trial. Her actions don't need to be questioned. She is just answering questions."
Bella placed her hand on my knee, and it calmed me considerably. "No, it's fine. This is what I was trying to say earlier. It all boils down to what you feel most strongly about and how you perceive what is being taught. Each person will get something different from the class. I personally feel the most important fact is to remain a virgin until marriage. I want to be able to give my husband the gift of knowing that he will be the only person I have ever been with. It would be nice if he had the same gift to offer me as well, of course. I feel this way because it is a straight quote in black and white in the Bible. Take for example Hebrews 13:4 where it says ''Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge'."
The room was quiet, painfully quiet. Bella was so sincere in what she was saying that no one challenged her, but you could tell it made everyone more than a little uncomfortable.
"Also, God believes sex connects two people and makes them one, like it says in 1 Corinthians 6:15. 'Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh.' And I don't know about you, but personally, I only want to be one with my husband."
Bella quickly glanced at me before she continued.
"As for all the other stuff… the kissing, touching and such…" Bella blushed bright red and cleared her throat. "To me that is not as black and white. Nowhere in the Bible does it say you can't kiss someone you have feelings for. Now, in fact, if you can't do 'the other stuff' and you just kiss but stop before it leads to sex, then I can't see it being a problem. Sounds like a good idea to me actually. But I think each person has to decided for themselves what they can handle and what they are comfortable with."
"So let me get this straight." Rose asked, focusing on Bella. " You are telling me that if you were in a committed relationship for say… three years. Knew that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but wanted to wait to get married until you were out of college and had a stable career and a house, then you still would not be able to have sex with them? According to this True Love Wussy Whatever plan."
Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly, I don't have a answer for that. I have never been in that situation. At this point and time, I know that sex is not a casual thing to be taken lightly, and I feel strongly that waiting for the right person is the best choice for me."
"Wow!" Rose was stunned. "How you ever ended up with Edward I will never know."
"Watch it!" I snapped. "Bella is the best thing that ever could have happened to me. She loves me despite my flaws and she makes me want to be a different, better person. If that means waiting for her to be ready for sex, then so be it."
Jacob burst out laughing. "Oh God, please tell me we are not about to have a 'you complete me' moment!"
I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at him. My dad looked down at his watch.
"I think that is all we have time for tonight. We did get a bit off course, but I feel that overall this was a great first meeting. I do hope you will all be back next week and bring some friends with you."
Everyone made a quick exit including Bella and Jasper who had to be home by a certain time. I gave Bella a long intimate kiss and a small grope of her ass before she left. I told her to text me when her father was asleep, and I headed in to talk to my father.
He was helping my mom clean up the living room when I asked if we could talk privately. He led me to his office and he sat on the edge of the desk as I sat in the chair in front of him.
"What can I do for you son?"
"I just wanted to make sure Jake was able to speak with you?"
I decided to start the conversation out by being subtle, directing it towards Jake at first, and not me.
He nodded. "Yes, he spoke with me. I should be able to work him in on Monday."
"Good, that's good. He was kinda of freaked out, asking if his dick would fall off and shit."
My father chuckled. "Nothing that extreme but STD's are nothing to play around with. I am glad he is getting tested but I do wish it were under different circumstances."
I was not in the mood for the safe-sex talk. Lord knows I didn't need to hear it. After all, abstinence is the safest form of protection there is.
"Dad, listen, I was wondering, if you could get me an appointment to be tested as well?"
He cocked his head to the side, clearly confused. "But I thought..."
I held my had up to stop him. "Yeah, I'm aware I am not in a sexual relationship. Trust me, I know. But I have had other partners since I was last tested, and I just want to know that I have a clean bill of health. Peace of mind and all that shit…." I trailed off, using Bella's words.
A smug grin was plastered on my father's face. "Bella, told you to get tested, didn't she?"
"No, she didn't tell me to. We talked about it, I offered, and she thought it was a good idea." I clarified.
"Oh well, okay then…" he said like he believed me, but I knew it was more to just pacify me and save some of my ego. "I am really proud of you son. I can see a huge change in you. I will admit I was a bit concerned for Bella when this relationship first began. But you have handled everything very maturely. I can tell you really care for her. This change, the relationship, it suits you."
"Thanks, Dad. That really means a lot," I said, and I meant it.
"It shouldn't be a problem getting you an appointment. I will call you Monday morning when I get in and let you know what time is available."
"I appreciate it." I stood up to give him the man a hug.
"Oh… okay. You're welcome," he laughed, clearly surprised at the display of affection. So yeah, I didn't usually hug my dad. So sue me. I'm a teenage boy, what do you expect?
He followed me into the living room where we helped my mom finish cleaning up. It didn't take long and I soon found myself in my room waiting for my nightly texting with Bella.
Please review. I read each and every one and they make me so happy! Your words of encouragement are really what keeps me writing! And I promise a little smut next chapter since so many of you have asked for a lil hanky panky lol. Not only do you make my day by leaving a review, but you also get a teaser!
Recs
Gravity's proud as he pulls me down by lo-love-last
Promiscuity by Twipen
One night Stands and other engagements by PatchsFallenAngel (my twihoor lol)
And on the D/L my sista from anotha mista AriCullen1134 is working on a lil sumthin sumthin that is absolutely amazing …..as soon as she post I will let you know :)