I do not own Naruto or Predator vs Alien or Predator in any format. This is a fan fiction
There was a saying that people should be careful what they wished for. Too bad for Orochimaru and Kabuto they never listened. As soon as Tsunade, Naruto and Jiraiya were in an open field. Orochimaru appeared riding what seemed to be a massive bear. Kabuto was a little under the weather, or he was wearing some very convincing green face paint.
"So nice to see you, Orochimaru, and pawn. I do hope you are here to attack us. Cause I would really love to end you right here, and now." For the first time since they first met, Orochimaru actually did something that nobody expected, "Why do you hate me so much? We both know Konoha is a waste of space, and there is not a intelligent person to be found there. They had the jinchuriki of the mighty Kyuubi No Kitsune, and they treated the poor kid so badly, that they pushed him to suicide. I would think you of all people would be grateful that I am trying to wipe it off the planet. I am doing you a favor, and all I get is hostility from you. So why do you hate me so much?"
Naruto stepped forward and simply smiled, "I don't hate you, Orochimaru. I could care less about what your goals are. I simply think that you are very good prey, and as a hunter I simply could not pass us the chance at trying to kill you. I even have the right spot to place your skull at. Trust me when I say it will be my kill of the decade, Kabuto not so much, I really don't like cowardly weak prey, but you. I will simply love to rip your head off, and polish your skull to a mirror shine."
"And people call me sick. How can you stand his company Tsunade?" Tsunade stepped behind him. "Having to be in the same squad with the pervert and you was even worse." Jiraiya was about to argue that he was no pervert, but Naruto put a stop to it. "You steal bodies to stay young and extend your life, and you call me a freak? let's see what an old acquaintance of yours thinks about you."
He cut his own hand, and summoned something to where he was standing. To everyone surprise it was Manda, who for once in his life he was very happy with his new summoner. "Manda, sorry to bother you, but I could really use your help with a bear. I figured that you would like to have a little fun." Manda was smiling, "Don't worry, I am always glad to help such a thoughtful summoner. But you might want to think about my offer of studying our sage arts, if that puny bear is giving you trouble."
Orochimaru was furious of what he had just heard, he went through several kinds of hell to get them to teach him their safe arts. Now this guy had not only not have to pay to summon Manda, but the snake boss was actually happy to be summoned by him, and even offered him the gift of learning the sage arts. "Manda how low can you go, to be willing to help a lowly punk, instead of me?" Manda looked at his with a lot of killer intent. "Because he treats us with the proper respect, and we are happy to have a summoner that honors us with his deeds, and not just fails at everything he does, like you."
"Well Manda, I have something to apologize for, you will more than likely meet Gamabunta in this instance unless we take care of the pedophile and his current love toy." Manda simple said that then they shouldn't waste time, they could always chat latter. When Orochimaru heard the pedophile comment, he really got angry. "I am no pedophile, brat!" Naruto evaded his punch, "Kabuto's silence says otherwise."
Jiraiya was too busy dealing with his hangover, to do anything, and Tsunade was too busy laughing at how her cousin got under Orochimaru's skin and managed to piss him off so easily. "That cousin of mine, sure knows his stuff. I will ask him why he isn't a ninja of Konoha later. But first I am enjoying the show." Shizune couldn't understand why she was so relaxed, these were 2 high ranking rogue ninja against one.
Naruto took his sword out and with the use of some of Kurama's chakra the blade glowed red, almost like it was on fire. Kabuto tried to attack him from behind but he simply slashed from behind really quickly, and cut off both his arms, and legs. "Sit there and be quite, I will deal with you after I am done with your so called lover." Kabuto told him that he did not love Orochimaru, he was doing his job.
Orochimaru tried to sneak behind him, and attack him while he was talking with Kabuto. With the same move, he chopped his hand off. "Didn't anyone teach you it is rude to interrupt a conversation." Orochimaru tried to use his other hand, and when he lost that too, he tried to use his new summons to help him. Naruto finished the bears of in a quick and brutal series of attacks. "Look how about I leave, and you forgive me for trying to kill you or Tsunade?" He took his sword and it was clear that he was not going to let him do that.
Orochimaru then tried to run away, taking a his large shuriken, he threw it at him, "Missing me, do you even know how to throw that thing?" Naruto's only replay was to look behind him, and that was then the real weapon appeared and it was a disc, that looked really sharp, but he did not have time to wonder about it, since it cut his head off, cleanly and extremely quickly. He walked over to pick up the head and sealed it in a scroll, after making sure it to properly store it for a future trophy.
"So Kabuto mind telling me about this job, if you are done regrowing your legs and arms?" Kabuto looked at him, and told him he was done regrowing his limbs, but what he wanted to know about his job. Naruto hit him on the head, and told him to quite stalling and tell him about his mission. Kabuto's only replay was that Danzo would have him killed if he did that. "So that's all? Danzo is already dead, so quite stalling and tell me what the backstabber asked you to do."
Kabuto needed proof and touching his arm, a holographic display appeared, and showed him the exact way Danzo met his end, even he found the way he was killed to be rather cruel. "He ordered me to pretend to join Orochimaru and see how much of his research I could actually steal from him. That is why I had to become his assistant and had to stand that bastards advances. So what now?" Naruto turned around and looked at Tsunade, "That is for the next Hokage to decide."
Tsunade stepped really close to him, and looked at him directly to his eyes, "Do you promise never to betray Konoha, or the Hokage?" Kabuto told her that he was always loyal to Konoha, he simply was doing what Danzo told him, since he assured him it was for the benefit of the village. "Well, in that case, go and wait for me in office of Hiruzen Sarutobi. Tell him I decided to welcome you back to the village." Kabuto left, with such a big smile on his face, that made Naruto wonder if he was really honest. His actions would tell if he was or he was faking.
"Now, we just need to get to Konoha, for you to take your official job, and I can be free of this stinking pervert." Tsunade could not help smiling as he shouted right next to Jiraiya. "Damn it, brat don't shout. I have the worst headache I ever felt." Naruto walked over to Tsunade and told her that this was another example, as to why drinking too much only caused pain. Shizune nodded her head in complete agreement, and so did the pig for that matter. "Naruto, ever consider teaching at the academy?" This made Naruto glare at her, "I will say this once, so please remember it. I will help you as the next Hokage, but I will never, ever be part of that stinking hell hole that you call Konoha."
As they walked Shizune asked him why he hated the village so much, and so he began to answer her question, in an extremely detailed and graphic way. He told her of everything he had endured, what his life was before he was rescued by his brother, what people did to him from the moment he had a few days after his birth, the list went on and on, and with each example Shizune began to understand why he hated the village. By the time they reached the village, he was done giving him his little lecture, and everyone in the group could hardly believe that such horrors happened, in a place the victim's own father died to protect.
It was the middle of the night, and so he invited her over to stay at his home, it was the perfect chance to introduce her to his mate. "So tell me Naruto, is there anything did you ever find anything good in the village?" He simply said that he had found a few things but the very best was waiting for him at their home. He opened the door only to be grabbed by someone in a rather passionate kiss and hug. "Kurenai, we have guests." He looked behind her mate, to see Tsunade and Shizune still holding the small pink pig. "So this is your mate, I can see how much you too love each other, it makes me feel envious to tell the truth. Ah to be young and in love, that was the best part of my life."
This made Kurenai welcome their guests into their home. "So who would have guessed that Ice Queen of Konoha, would fall in love with my cousin. But we can talk about the romantic stuff later, how about that medical knowledge you said you would share with me?" Naruto looked at her and he began to take a piece of paper and wrote a very complex formula, only Tsunade seemed to understand what she was looking at. "So what exactly does this formula cure?" Shizune asked, "Nothing much, just about any sort of virus infection ever known to my clan." You could almost hear a fly flapping it's wings, that how silent the room was.
"So let me get this straight, if a person has say Hepatitis you are telling me that, they take 2 of these pills and the person would be cured in a few days?" Naruto corrected her, "No, what I am saying is take 1 and kiss getting that disease good bye, forever. This pills cures the disease by making the body develop antibodies to it at an incredible rate. So 1 pill, and 1 day later, you can kiss that disease good bye, for the rest of your life."
Tsunade asked about bacterial infections and parasites, he simple told her there were formula for those too. But he was not going to share anything else, till she took the big hat off the old man, and became Hokage. When she did he would share all the formula, and make this the most healthy village ever, at least physically healthy, he had no cure for insanity.
Tsunade, Kurenai stayed in a single room, and Naruto slept alone. They spent to the early hours of the morning hearing how happy she was with her mate, and how much they were looking forward to one day being parents. "Whatever made you fall in love with him?" Shizune finally was able to ask, "He respects me, cooperates with me, helps me with the training of my team, or back in our home, is the most tender person with me, and the best lover I ever had. I hope one day he is also the best father to our kids." Shizune secretly wished that she found someone like that for herself.