XXI

After dinner was finished, the conversations were bright and happy all around her. She just wanted to escape. If she heard one more time how wonderful she was, she was going to explode. She slowly made her way back to the kids in Inez's room. Board games and music looked much better than this. She begged to join in the game of Sorry already in progress on the bed. They let her pick her color and started again. One of the girls asked to style her hair, another begged her to sing with her. This was so much better than the tribute to Amber Von Tussle going on in the other room. She could be herself in this room. She could be a kid. The kid she had never been.

Tamikia leaned in close to her as she ran small gold coins on hair pins down her French Twist. "I'm not sure how well it will stay." She complained, "Inez does it much better than I do. And your hair slips all over the place. I can't get it to stay at all. Inez can you help me with this?"

Inez stood up, "Landy, can you take my turn?" she said as she came around Amber, "You just need more spray, Meekie. Sis, close your eyes." She picked up the can and sprayed for all she was worth. Amber held her breath until it cleared. Inez held pins in her teeth as she smoothed the blonde hair and stuck in more pins. She stepped back and admired her work.

"You look beautiful." They heard from the door.

"You got that right, mister." Inez said as she looked at Corny leaning on the jam, "I can do it better than anyone!"

"It's easy when you have her to start with." He smiled.

Ugh. She was so tired of hearing him ooze over her. Suddenly she looked around. "Hey this is girl time there Mr. C. Get out." She said more rudely that what she intended.

He was a bit taken aback but the other girls joined in, waving him out of the doorway and slamming it behind him. Girl time was girl time and they had not had Amber to themselves since this whole thing happened. They smiled, quite proud of themselves for the sudden empowerment. Yolanda called out, "Do you want me to roll for you too, Amber?"

"Sure!" she smiled, "I don't want to move til this is dry. I need a five, really bad Landy. See if you can make it happen."

They chatted and sang. They all cheered when Inez won the game of Sorry. They showed her the latest dance moves and she wanted so badly to try them but knew that she wouldn't make it through the first steps before having to sit down. She was still easily winded. They moved around her, dipping and swinging. It was amazing. Without even trying, these girls were in perfect unison in time to the beat. In some ways, she envied them. She had to work to look this good. It was just natural with the girls in the room. The song ended and they laughed. Meekie looked at Amber.

"Hey Amber, when you two get married can I be a bridesmaid? I always wanted to be one." She asked sincerely.

"Me too! Me too!" she heard all around her. She flushed and looked down. That was the last thing Amber needed right now. Although, she had dreamed many a time before her mother performed her last act, about being Mrs. C. Collins, today it would be a horrible disaster. He would remain happy while that honeymoon period went by. Then a baby or two later, he would get to know the person she actually was, and he would be stuck. She didn't want to make him miserable. Not wanting him to be miserable is what got her into this whole situation, but now, if she let this go forward, it would be an even bigger mistake. Her dreams were slowly leaving her, drowned out by reality. She smiled weakly at the girls.

"One day maybe." She stated simply and she walked out of the room.

"What was that about?" Landy asked Inez.

She shrugged and went back to their music.

Amber traveled back to the adults. He beamed as she walked into the room. She forced a smile and sat by Maybelle. She looked at Amber saw her study the table. People were beginning to leave, but there was a priority above her friends. "Are you okay, Honey?"

Amber looked at her, "No. I'm not."

This was big. This child never said that she was less than "fine". Maybelle saw her eyes raise and look at Corny with contempt. WHAT was this about? For every look he gave her, filled with adoration, she returned with distain.

"What's the matter?" Maybelle asked with wide eyes.

"I'm just tired of it." She said with a sigh, "You were wrong Maybelle. You were so wrong."

Maybelle scanned her brain. What could she be wrong about? She gave a quick hug to Amber and stood to give good-byes to her guests. People walked by Amber, kissed or embraced her then walked on to Maybelle and Corny at the door.

"Now you take care of that little hero of yours"

"You owe her so much, you know."

"You know you've got it good."

People were still singing her praises. Maybelle saw Amber wince and shake her head with every kind word. As Georgie and Helen walked by, hugs exchanged all around, Georgie turned to Corny,

"You've been blessed, Man." Georgie said.

"Yup! I have an angel watching over me!" He replied and Amber hit her limit. She slammed her hands down on the table, glared at him and headed back to the now empty room, slamming the door behind her.

"Wow, what was that?" Helen asked.

Maybelle turned to him, "You need to talk to her. Now."

Amber wanted to cry but she was too angry for tears. She looked out the window to the alley behind. Her dreams were gone. Every one. She was tired of being his anything. She just wanted to go back to the days when she looked at him and wished. When she could know that she was "his angel" without the fuss. When he saw her, and not what she did. When she was just Amber.

The door opened and he peered in. "Can I do anything for you?" he asked quietly.

"Just leave me alone."

He stepped in and pulled the door closed behind him. He silently studied her.

She could feel his eyes. She just wanted him to go away. "Look, I need some time. I need to think." Then her emotions took over, "No, you know what I need? I need you to say 'thank you' and get out. It's all been nice and I understand that this was a really wonderful thing I did, but how about if we just get past it and let it go?" She growled.

"Thank you?" he questioned.

"Good, now leave me alone." She said as she looked down.

He stepped over to her, "But what if I don't want to?"

Now she was livid, "I know you've been spoiled with the idea that it's all about you," she said as she glared, "But it's not that way anymore. Go back to your life, Mr. Collins and let me get on with mine."

He touched her shoulder and she pulled away.

"Please, Amber….." he whispered and his tone softened her anger. This was not what she needed right now. He looked much more wounded than she had anticipated and it was not good. His eyes pleaded.

"I don't want to be a hero." She cried as she looked away, "I just want to be me."

His thoughts formed around her words. He didn't need her to be a hero. He just needed her to be his.

He took a step towards her, stood over her, and stared down into her eyes.

"Now, please," he began,

"you can't possibly think" he whispered as his hands moved to frame her face,

"with all your being," he kissed her forehead then looked at her lips,

"that in a million years" he looked in her eyes again,

"I would want to spend every moment with you", then kissed each cheek,

"only in gratitude for what you've done." His hands slipped from her face to her shoulders,

"because if you do" they slid down her arms,

"then you have no clue" and around her back to pull her closer,

"how much you truly mean to me."

His lips gently brushed hers and she sighed. She was losing every bit of resolve she had.

"Because gratitude only goes so far, little one."

He lips lingered just a little longer each time they met,

"and if you think that being grateful" he kissed her again,

"would make me feel the way I do about you…" He hesitated, just a moment and she felt his arms encircle her totally,

"…then you are sorely mistaken." Her hands slowly moved up his back.

"I don't think you understand." He said breathlessly into her ear as he held her, "That I care so much about you, for what you did….."

Her body shivered at the feeling of being so close.

"but I will always love you for who you are."

She totally surrendered with those words.