Beyond Repair
By: Lesera128
Rated: M
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….
Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.
A/N: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me. One additional thought – this chapter was the original ending of the initial version of "Beyond Repair." An unfinished sequel, called "Biding Time" followed the events of the story. However, because there really is no purpose to leaving that story unfinished as a separate tale, I have decided to incorporate the events of that story as additional chapters in this story, and finally, finish the tale. Just FYI. The remaining three chapters, thus, were originally of that story.
Slipping the key into the lock, Jasper Jacks juggled the items he held in one hand while his other hand attempted to turn the door knob. Immediately, a high pitched squeal emanated from a few feet behind him. His head quickly turned in the direction of the noise, a look of concern illuminating his blue eyes.
"Syd!"
The distinct *thump-thump* of two little feet came clearly to Jax's ears followed by another high pitched squeal.
"Syd, come here, sweetie."
"No!" came the defiant reply.
Sighing to himself, Jax pushed the door open and immediately put his keys down on a nearby bookcase shelf. Flipping the lights on, he immediately dropped the bags he was clutching in his other hand before he turned back to the hallway outside his penthouse. Placing his hands on his hips, Jax stared at the little imp of a devil that was mimicking him. Her hands placed on her own hips, she stood defiantly staring back at him with his own eyes.
"Syd, come on. Get over here. We're home."
"No," the little girl said again.
"Sydney, come here," Jax said as he narrowed his eyes at his young daughter.
The little girl stared at the man in front of her assessing what her chances were of winning this showdown. She was an amazingly intelligent child for all of her eighteen months of age. But despite how much had transpired during her short life, she still remained a baby in many ways.
"No," the little girl said for a third time.
Shaking his head, Jax moved forward. He swiftly grabbed the child as she attempted to make a run for it on unsteady legs.
"Why is it still a surprise to me that 'no' was your first word? Not 'momma' or 'dada', but 'no?" Jax said as he hauled Sydney up into his arms. She stared at Jax, squinting her eyes at him as she gave him a look that tugged at his heartstrings. Although it was a pair of his own eyes staring back at him, the look was nothing but something that Sydney had inherited solely from her mother. Her look was a look Jax knew well, a look that was pure Skye in its nature. Jax marveled at Sydney's ability to mimic her mother despite the fact that the child had only been around her for a total of four days her entire life.
"Nice try," he said at last to his young daughter as he walked them both into the penthouse. Shutting the door behind them, he planted a kiss on her head. Jax then added, "But you're going to have to do better than that to get one over on me, Syd. There's only one person on this earth that has ever been successful, and you have a long way to go before you get as good as your mother is..."
Setting the squirming toddler on the ground, Jax laughed to himself as Sydney immediately headed for the overstuffed black leather couch on the opposite side of the room in a blur of red pigtails. She was beginning to look so much like Skye that it was becoming painful to look at her anytime without thinking of her mother; his lost lover and his lost love.
Thus, it was no surprise that as Sydney began to haul herself up onto the couch that Jax couldn't help but glance out the window as he finished his thought, '...where ever she is.'
"Jax? Is that you?" a voice called from the back of the penthouse.
Looking up to the sound of the voice, Sydney immediately squealed as she gave up in her efforts to climb onto the couch. Her feet went pounding against the hard wood floor of the living room as she hurtled herself at the legs of the woman who had spoken. Jax couldn't help himself but grin as the woman smiled and picked Sydney up. Giving her a big hug, the woman said, "There's my little imp!"
"Gamma Rae!" Sydney shrieked. Jax's daughter laughed as Rae Cummings gave her a kiss of the cheek before setting her down on the ground. Sydney immediately hurled herself in Jax's general direction, attacking his closest leg. "Da, Gamma Rae! Gamma Rae! Gamma Rae!" she shrieked.
Picking his daughter up, as she had tightly latched her arms around Jax's leg and effectively made it very difficult for him to move, Jax couldn't help himself as he laughed at his daughter's reactions. "I see it's Grandma Rae, Syd. But remember what we talked about? Keeping the screams to an ear-piercing level only when we're inside?"
However, Sydney's excitement couldn't be contained as she began to fight against being in Jax's tight grip. Moving to closer to Rae, Jax bent in and gave her a peck on the cheek by way of greeting. "Hello, Rae."
Rae smiled at the exuberance of her young granddaughter. Sydney was still struggling against Jax's grasp as her head began to spin around in every direction as she took in all that was going on around her. Rae laughed as she found Sydney becoming frustrated by Jax's tight hold on her. The little girl was quickly traveling the line from shrieking and squealing to outright yelling as Jax refused to put her down.
"Da!" she screamed.
"Syd, I am not letting you down until you calm down and be a good girl like we talked about," Jax said, smiling at Rae.
Rae shook her head with a smile still on her face. "What did you give her? Too much caffeine in her bottle?"
"I wish," Jax said as Sydney continued to squirm. "Unfortunately, ever since we took off from the Bahamas, she has been wired. She got off her normal napping schedule, and it hasn't been calm for a moment since."
"Da!" came the shriek again.
"Sydney, cut it out," Jax said as he shifted his daughter from one arm to the other. By this time, the little girl was fighting tiredly against Jax's hold. A few more seconds passed before she finally gave up and lay quiet in her father's arms, the fight finally gone out of her.
Going to sit down on the couch, Jax watched Rae as she sat down next to him. With Sydney at last resting, Rae asked softly, "I take it the trip didn't go as you were expecting?"
Jax shook his head slowly before he added, "I don't think she was ever really there, Rae. I think it may have just been a red herring... someone sending us on a wild goose chase for some reason."
"I'm so sorry, Jax. I know how much you were hoping that it was Skye," Rae said.
"I know. I am too," Jax said, an all-too-familiar knot forming in his throat whenever he thought of, let alone spoke of, the woman he loved - Rae's daughter and Sydney's mother.
Thus, it was with a curiosity that Jax was grateful for given the distraction it offered that he watched Rae reach for an envelope and hand it to him.
"I may have some good news though," Rae said.
As Rae passed it to Jax, he saw a familiar scrawl on the front of the envelope that set his heart racing.
Rae took a breath before speaking softly, "This came in the mail yesterday, Jax. I would have told you when you called last night, but I didn't want to get your hopes up needlessly. It's addressed to you, so I haven't opened it yet. There's no return address on it, but… but, I-I think it's from Skye."
Reaching for the envelope, Jax was slightly surprised to find his hands trembling. Rae looked on in concern. She placed one of her own hands on his to steady his grasp.
Smiling, she said, "It's okay, Jax. Just take a deep breath."
Nodding his head, Jax took the breath as Rae had suggested. She was such a calming influence on anyone whom she was near. He thanked God that she had come into his life when she had. Looking up at her, Jax was able to regain some measure of control. Gripping the envelope firmly, he said, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Rae questioned.
Shrugging, Jax said, "I know you must be anxious to know if it's from..."
His voice trailed off. Although he thought about her all the time, rarely did he mention Skye by name. It simply hurt too much. Initially, Rae had been tempted to follow suit. She missed her daughter as much as Jax did, but unlike Jax, she had eventually been able to separate her emotions so that decisions that needed to be made could be made as quickly and painlessly as possible for everyone involved.
Thus, it was with this in mind that Rae prompted Jax, "It is from Skye?"
Jax was silent for a moment before he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah."
Laughing, a laugh of glee, Rae said, "This is good news."
"Is it?" Jax said, looking up at her.
"If Skye wrote it… I can't see how it can't be," Rae said.
Flashing him her dazzling smile to reinforce the words she told him, little did Jax know how well Rae was hiding what she was truly feeling. When the letter had initially arrived in the mail, it had sat in a pile of letters and bills that she usually went through in the evenings during commercials of the evening news. Thus, it had been a true shock when she saw the letter and recognized the handwriting - so much so that she had almost fallen out of her chair as surprise overwhelmed her and hope blossomed in her heart simultaneously. Like much of what her beloved daughter did in her life, the letter had come out of the blue, just like the call from Skye that had sent Rae into Jax's life a little over six months before.
Biting her lip, her daughter's last conversation to her was something that Rae played over and over in her head each day when she awoke and each night before she went to bed. Rae did so with the hope that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to glimmer some clue as to where her daughter had gone, why she had done so, and most importantly, what was keeping her away from her baby daughter and the man she loved.
"Hello, Rae Cummings."
"Mom?"
"Skye? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me, Mom."
"Darling, what a wonderful surprise this is! It's been so long since I heard from you."
"Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry about that. It's been of a rough span of months."
"Oh, sweetie. Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, now that you mention it, there actually is something that you could do for me."
"Name it."
"I need your help, Mom."
"What can I do, Skye?"
"I've of gotten myself into a some trouble..."
"Are you all right, Skye?"
"Yeah, I am, but I need your help, Mom. I wouldn't ask unless there were any other possibility, and I know it's kind of short notice, but is there anyway that you can come to Port Charles?"
"I'll be there tonight. But, Skye – you didn't answer my question. Are you in trouble?"
"No, Mom... no… not really. But, like I said, I do need your help."
"Tell me what you need me to do."
"Just come to Port Charles. I really can't talk about it over the phone."
"All right. Where shall I meet you?"
"Do you have a pencil? I can give you the address of my penthouse. I would meet you when you landed… but I just can't get away right now… it's just not a possibility."
"All... all right. Do you want me to call you when I land?"
"Ahhh, yeah... sure. Or, better yet. Why don't you give me a call when you get to the penthouse? I can give you a cell phone number..."
And in the end, that had been the last time Rae had heard her daughter's voice. When she arrived in Port Charles and dialed the number Skye had given her, it had been Jax's voice that answered the phone. Sending her mother to Jax and Sydney had been Skye's last interaction with either of them. At first, when Rae and Jax tried to figure out the confusing reasoning behind Skye's actions, it had taken quite some time to piece together the puzzle. Indeed, by the time they had finished putting together what little information they had, there were still more huge, gaping wholes than pieces put together in the puzzle to reveal what little bit of the picture they could actually see.
In the end, Jax had told Rae all that had happened in Australia. He told her of Skye's unplanned and unexpected pregnancy - of the damage that had been done to Skye's body due to the drugs that she had had to take to care the baby to term - of Sydney's birth and how she had been raised for the first six months of her life by A.J. and Carly - of the lies and deception that Skye had fabricated to keep him from finding out - and most importantly, of the one night that Jax and Skye had come together where they had cleared away all the lies and mistrust…. of the one night when Jax thought he and Skye had begun to build something new and something wondrous out of the wreckage of their old lives… of the one night where Jax and Skye had come together bonded to each other forever by their daughter and their love. And, lastly, Jax had told Rae of that final morning - that final morning when Jax had awakened expecting to find Skye safely nestled beside him, but instead had found only a cold and empty space.
Gone - the only things she had left him were the memories of their last night together, a baby daughter that he barely knew, and a note that offered little explanation or justification for actions that he took to mean that she was once again running away… from them… from their family… from it all, despite the fact she had promised to do the exact opposite not all that long before…..
The words of the note had been burned into his memory. Perhaps the most prophetic were the ones that he now heard clearly in his head as Jax fingered the envelope.
-I am not running from you. But, the choice for me to stay with you and our daughter is no longer mine to make right now. Believe in me when I say that I love you and love Sydney. Please don't try to look for me I must do a daughter's duty… but, I promise… I *PROMISE* you… I will come back as soon as my obligation is fulfilled..-
Six months had gone by, and still she hadn't come home… hadn't come back to him, to their family. But, now, out of the blue, here was a letter. Jax eyed it for a moment, oblivious to Rae's presence in the room as he contemplated all that the one enveloped symbolized. It either contained words of hope in the promise of her imminent return or words that would be sure to damn them all forever if it was Skye's choice to stay separated from him and Sydney.
Taking a deep breath, his decision at last made, Jax tore open the envelope. The contents spilled out into his lap. A flash of silver was the first to catch Jax's attention while a scrap of paper floated to the ground. Tears stung his eyes as he reached for what he immediately recognized as an all too familiar silver chain with a single pearl on it. Blinking back his tears, Jax turned away from Rae.
However, she could no longer stand the suspense, as she prodded, "Jax, what is it? Is it from Skye? Is it"
Choking back a sob, Jax said softly, "Yeah, it's from Skye."
Pain and grief tearing him a part, Jax stood and ignored the scrap of paper. Instead, he was clutching at the pearl, holding it tightly in his hands. However, Rae could contain herself anymore and wait for Jax. Reaching down onto the ground, she grabbed the piece of paper that had fallen from the envelope when Jax had taken the necklace in his hands. Written on the small slip of paper was a single sentence. She read it to herself, but it made no sense. Raising her eyes, she saw Jax was eying her.
He nodded slowly. "What does it say?"
Rae pursed her lips. She then shook her head as she said, "It's a Latin inscription, I think. It's been a while, but I think it says 'A Ab Abs Amor Aeternus Eternus'. I'm almost positive that it is Skye's handwriting…. But, I have no clue what the inscription means though."
"With love everlasting," Jax said softly as he took the piece of paper and turned from Rae so that she would not see him shedding the tears he could no longer contain.
Having recomposed himself, Jax at last turned to Rae's questioning stare. Moving to her, Jax handed her the silver chain with it's lone pearl adorning it. She stared at him with confusion plainly written on her face.
Sitting down, he clasped his hands tightly in his lap as he said softly, "This was the last thing that I ever gave Skye. I gave it to her..." His voice trailed off as Jax contemplated how detailed her should be with Rae. Deciding at last the less was best, he finished, "I gave it to her the morning after the last night we spent together before Sydney was born."
"And she's kept it with her all this time?" Rae prompted.
Jax nodded. He bit his lip before he further explained, "She always wore it." He stopped as he smiled bitterly before continuing. "She... she said she always would wear it to have some piece of me with her even when we weren't together."
At that moment, a pair of light feet came pounding on the wooden floor. Jax barely noticed as Sydney came bouncing up to his legs, her favorite book clutched in her arms.
"Da?"
Jax looked down absentmindedly as he pondered how to continue with Rae. Letting his hand ruffle her hair, he said, "Not now, Syd."
"Da!" Sydney said, annoyed at being ignored.
His attention drawn at her loud voice, Jax frowned as he looked at his daughter. "Syd, not now, okay? Be a good girl, and go play in your room."
"Da!"
Loosing his patience, Jax snapped, "Sydney, go to your room. Now, please!"
Pouting, Sydney stuck out her tongue once before stomping off in the direction of her nursery. When silence had settled back across the room, Jax looked up at Rae and continued his tale.
Holding out the scrap of paper on to Jax, Rae asked, "And this?"
Taking the paper from her, Jax repeated the inscription. "'A Ab Abs Amor Aeternus Eternus'. You're right. It's Latin. The rough translation means 'with love everlasting.'"
"Okay," said Rae. "Does that mean anything to you?"
Jax nodded again. He couldn't help himself as he crumpled the fragment of paper in his hand. He then looked up at Rae and said, "It was the inscription that Skye selected to put on the tombstone for the baby when she had me believing our daughter had dead. When Skye… made me think that she had terminated the pregnancy, she went to the trouble of having a false tombstone made for the baby. She had the name Jayna Jacks put on it with this inscription. The very last time I saw her before Sydney's birth was when she had gone to the cemetery. I don't know why she was there, but I had gone to put flowers on the grave. We ran into each other and said some very harsh things."
"Such as?" Rae asked softly.
Jax bit his lip as silence descended over the pair. At long last, he responded so softly that it was in choked whisper. "I told her that I had loved her even though I had never told her before. I told her that… maybe all the pain and suffering we were both going through would have never happened if I had been more honest in sharing my feelings with her. I told her that I was sorry… so sorry."
He stopped as he felt the knot in his throat tighten again.
Rae leaned over and gently placed a hand on his. "Go on," she said softly.
"And I told her that she was able to do the one thing I didn't think anybody could do. I told her that she had broke what I didn't think could be broken. I told her..." Jax's voice trailed off as he fought against the emotions that were wrecking hell in his brain and in his heart. Standing, he abruptly began to pace as he shook his head in defiance, "No… I-I-I…nut none of that matters anymore. We got through that the night I found out the truth about Sydney, Rae. We worked through all of it..."
Looking down at the necklace in her hand, Jax stopped. He sighed as he said, "Or, at least, I thought we had."
"Why would she have sent it, Jax? What can it mean?" Rae said.
Jax shook his head. "I don't know, Rae. I just don't know anymore. Unless..."
He looked up at Rae, raising his blue eyes to hers. She looked at him quizzically.
"Unless what?"
"Unless, it means one of two things," Jax said softly.
"Such as?"
Nodding at the necklace, he said, "Either Skye is in trouble and this is her way of letting me know..."
"Or?" Rae asked with concern.
Jax was silent a little longer as he said, "Or, it means that Skye isn't coming back. It's her way of saying good-bye..."
At that precise second, a scream pierced through the air. Jax was on his feet in an instant as he and Rae both cried out at the same time "Sydney!"
A soft whimpering came from a bed that was set next to a large and beautiful bay window. The window panes had been opened to let the wonderful summer weather stream inside and brighten what was an already insipidly sickly room. Despair and illness clung to every corner of the room, and it was hoped that by allowing the summer breeze to flow freely through the windows that perhaps some of that melancholy, which weighed down the room's very air, would be swept out clean. It was early afternoon, and still the sole occupant of the bed by the window slept. She slept when she could if one could really call the drug-induced periods of slumber sleep. Too physically weak to protest, but too mentally strong to succumb, it was in this unhappy medium that the woman fought for her very several.
A cool breeze was playing across her very skin now while the warm light of the sun would have reminded her of happier times had she been conscious. The air was pungent with the sweetness of pine and sap while the chirping of birds outside and the neat little tinkling of a metallic wind chime could be heard faintly in the distance.
Continuing the restless call out to empty space, the pitiful mewling would and had broken even the most stout of hearts in this place where people came to die. For four months the woman had occupied the bed - sometimes doing better, most times doing worse. She had round the clock care and the best of all that money could buy with the exception of visitors. Only one visitor ever came to see her, and he himself was confined to an electric wheelchair. Every Tuesday he would come, between 3 and 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The ritual never varied. He would come in the door, steer the wheelchair as close to her bed as he could, and just sit… just staring at her… watching her. Neither were capable of much speech most time, and so the only contact the young woman had was in the intense gazes the older man heaped upon her. The pain that shone in his eyes every time he looked upon her sickly body, the same body that was fading a little more each week, was easy to discern. And, perhaps that was what made the intense looks all the more surprising… given *his* identity… and hers.
The identities of the individuals for whom the woman called out were virtually unknown. The old man did; that much was for sure. Perhaps, somehow, someway… the nurse in charge of the young woman's case had discovered the truth. Some outsiders guessed that the nurse, at least, had an inkling. A young woman herself of about twenty-eight, the nurse was the woman's sole friend and confidant in all the time the young woman had been confined to a bed and dependent on machines to keep her alive. Perhaps it was merely sympathy for the trials the young woman was undergoing that the nurse felt such a tight sense of devotion and loyalty to her. Or, perhaps, it was because…. once upon a time, the nurse had been EXACTLY where the young woman was, in the *exact* same position… abandoned by all her loved ones and confined physically to a place while her conscious mind dreamt and remembered far away places, happier times.
Coming in to check the sleeping woman, the nurse was surprised when she gazed upon what was happening. Flicking her gaze towards her wrist, she looked at her watch. For a split second, she had somehow misread the schedule when she saw the old man sitting there in his wheelchair watching the fretful redhead twisting and slightly shaking in the bed. Tears were in his eyes and threatened to fall as he stared at the woman. However, as soon as the nurses' presence was registered, the tears disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Turning the wheel chair around, the old man nodded at the nurse.
"Sir," the nurse said with a firm nod and sympathetic smile.
The old man grunted once by way of acknowledging her greeting, and on one of the few occasions she had ever heard him speak, his raspy voice said, "She wasn't always like this, you know."
"Yes, sir," the nurse nodded.
Flicking his head downward, the old man gestured towards his lap. The nurse was surprised when she saw a single dusky pink rose sitting amidst a cluster of ferns and baby's breath. He then said, "Make sure she sees this when she wakes up."
"Yes, sir," the nurse responded again.
"It's her birthday today," the old man said. "I don't know how, but somehow she made it to her birthday."
The nurse reached for the flower and held it close to her chest as she nodded in agreement. Venturing boldly, the nurse then said, "She has a remarkable spirit, sir. I've never met anyone who is as passionate an individual as she was... errr… *is*, sir. She fights so hard to hang on, when I have seen many people in positions much better than hers give up in much shorter periods of time."
"That's my Skye for you," the old man said with the hint of a smile. "Always the fighter."
Turning his head back in her direction as Skye continued to fret in her troubled sleep, the old man nodded once by way of good-bye to her and then nodded to the nurse. With a flick of the switch, the old man disappeared through the doorway. Going to the table near the bed, the nurse's glance went to the respirator controls to make sure everything was operating as it should. Satisfied, the woman looked for the empty crystal vase and situated the lovely pink rose in water. When she had set the vase where Skye would be sure to see it when she woke up, she nodded in satisfaction.
Looking at her watch once more, the nurse realized it was time to continue her rounds as she shook her head wistfully at Skye's continued mutterings. For some time whenever Skye slept, she had taken to muttering the same to things over and over again. The first was indiscernible, but the second… the *second* mumbling the nurse and the old man both had been all too easy to identify.
Despite everything he had done to her, Skye stilled called in her sleep for someone named 'Jax.'
Shaking her head at the sadness of it all, the nurse exited the room. Closing the door behind her, the nurse sighed as she whispered, "How could you do this to her, Jax? How could you?"
It was a funny thing.
Whenever she was just about to fall asleep, she would silently pray that she would stay awake so that perhaps, just perhaps, she might think of some way to fight her way out of the mess in which she had found herself.
There had to be someway out, after all. In Skye Chandler-Quartermaine's mind there was no such thing as a no-win scenario. If you thought about the problem long enough and hard enough, a solution would somehow present itself. Skye refused to think of anything else…any type of admitting failure as even being a remote possibility. She couldn't, for if she did, that would be conceding that defeat was not only a probability, but, in reality, most likely a certainty. And, if there was one thing in Skye's life that she refused to tolerate, it was losing. Anger, lies, betrayal... those were things she could deal with. One way or another, she could handle things like that. But, losing... that was another matter all together. She couldn't stomach losing; it made her sick… physically ill. She hated to lose because the only people who lost were losers. And if there was one thing Skye did not see herself as… she knew she was *not* a loser.
She was a Quartermaine by blood, wasn't she? Edward's granddaughter, Alan's daughter, and A.J.'s sister no matter how hard people had tried to deny it. Ruthless and cutthroat in business, but able to be loyal and understanding and tender and possessing an ability to trust were the traits she had garnered most from the Quartermaines. Edward had taken excellent material and honed it into the hardheaded business woman that Skye had become since coming to Port Charles. Alan had shown her that, no matter what had happened in the past, it was the events of the past that forged relationships that allowed people to be loyal to her… and… maybe… perhaps even understand her, understand the way she thought and the reasons she did the things she did, just because of where she had come from. And from A.J., Skye had learned about tenderness. Tenderness and trust had been the gifts she had taken from A.J. With her brother, Skye had learned that she could indeed be emotionally responsive and genuine in the sharing of her feelings without fear of attack and the pain that inevitably came with it prior to the relationship she had developed with her brother. And, most importantly, l from A.J., Skye had learned to trust - learned to rely on someone else to guard her back without expectancy of anything more in return than an acknowledging nod or a kind smile.
But Skye was a Chandler by upbringing. None other than the mighty Adam Chandler had been the man who had raised her. He had taught her to value the same things he did, think the same way he did, react the same way he did... in all honesty, he had brought Skye up in his own image. He had been the one to teach Skye that losing was not only an option, but also totally unacceptable. And, in that lesson, Skye had further garnered the value of traits like persistence and the ability to take pride pursuing accomplishments when all others had deemed them totally unachievable and thus not worth attempting. In that Skye had gained the precious knowledge that some times… some times you had to not only fight to lose, but also to fight to win… and either way, you could only prevent one or achieve the other by hard work.
And it had been that knowledge that had brought Skye had come damn close to being a Jacks by choice. The magnificent Jasper Jacks had almost been hers. He had been within her grasp, so close that Skye could have reached out and grabbed him. Despite all that had happened between them, she still valued what he had taught her - the value of honesty and faith and respectability. No matter what had happened between them, those would always be things that no one could ever take away from her. From Jax, Skye had learned that she could change if she really wanted to…. that the person whom she was yesterday, or, even today for that matter, need not be the same person who stared back at her in the mirror tomorrow. And, perhaps that was her most valuable gift, when coupled with the others…. Skye had realized that if she were persistent and worked hard enough and was honest in doing it, she could change the state of things.
So, it was with this attitude in mind that Skye fought to seek the appropriate solution to her problems. But, since this process could only be done when conscious, the inability ti think resulted in Skye's fear of sleeping. It was such a waste of time when the few remaining hours of her life were ticking away. Skye felt wasteful and unproductive spending that time doing something as mundane as sleeping. And, so, she fought against it. She fought against falling into the arms of Morpheus, fought with every fiber of her being to remain awake.
However, when Skye finally *did* sleep, she was at odds with herself as she never wanted to wake up again. In her sleep, Skye found her only refuge. Happy memories were played out over and over again in her mind, most times leading her imagination to help create new happy dreams. Not only happy dreams, but hopeful dreams.
Skye would often find herself back in Australia, back on the beach at twilight, in those months before she had become pregnant with her daughter. She would be happy and carefree and enjoying the love and attentions of a man who truly cared for her - a man whom she thought had loved her for whom she was, flaws and all – knew who and what she was and still wanted her nonetheless. Other times, she would find herself still in Australia, but in the house that had become a focal point and site of so many cataclysmic events in her life - the conception of her child; her persuasion of Carly to help her fake a betrayal of Jax; the last night she and Jax had spent together before Sydney's birth; the first time Skye ever held her daughter; the moments of truth that came in her telling all to Jax of all that had happened despite her schemes to cover up what had really happened; and, most importantly, and, perhaps, most painfully, the last time she and Jax had ever made love.
These dreams brought Skye solace because sometimes they seemed so real, it was almost as if her her waking hours… when she realized that she was lying inert in a hospital bed, hooked up to various machines that kept her alive… that reality was actually the nightmare. Much like the times she spent in the hospital when she was still carrying her daughter, and in the months after Sydney's birth when she had been in recovery, Skye sometimes had a hard time distinguishing between what was real and what wasn't…. But, what made her current predicament different than those times was Sydney… Skye still had to consider Sydney… what was best for her… her well-being. Sydney… she had always been with Skye. First, her daughter had been inside her, growing and biding her time for the moment when she would make her miraculous and glorious entrance into the world of men. And, afterwards, Skye had been so relieved that her miracle had survived and was not only surviving, but thriving, that she had been able to use a mother's pride to concentrate and focus on at times when she *had* to remain positive and upbeat in her outlook on life.
But, now… *now* was a different story. Skye was all alone; she didn't have Jax or Sydney or A.J. or Carly to help her through the tough times. All she had was the old man… the old man and the nurse.
In truth, the nurse had been a surprise. Skye had not expected to find a confidant, let alone a friend, from someone in the old man's employ. But, she had been wrong, for in the end the nurse had been the one that had been more true to her and a better friend than most people who had ever claimed the title previously in Skye's entire life.
It was with these thoughts and reflections running through her head, that Skye at last acquiesced to the choice of waking up from her dream world where she was still a healthy woman in the prime of her life with more to look forward to than back upon. Flicking her eyes several times, Skye finally had to resort to squinting, allowing herself time to adjust to the bright light. Her eyes darting to her left, she could see someone had opened the window. Sunlight was pouring in through the window, and by the strength of the light and angle of the way the sun was penetrating the gloominess of her room, Skye guessed it was mid-day. There were no clocks in the room to tell her of the time. She had insisted they be removed from the first moment she had realized that she was living on borrowed time. Her own body was doing a fine enough job in wearing away a little more each day that Skye didn't need a blatant hour glass shining in her face all the time putting numeric values on how much time she had left to live.
Moving her head slightly to the right, Skye's glance fell upon the single dusky pink rose that sat amidst a bevy of ferns and baby's breath in a pretty crystalline vase. She sighed as she immediately knew where it had come from. The old man had come to visit her again, even though the energy it took him to make his visits was depleting enough so that he had to spend all week recovering just so that he could do it again each week. Although Skye didn't know for sure, she would have bet money that it wasn't Tuesday, his normal visiting day. It was just too soon... she had seen the old man only a couple of days before. And, then, something clicked. Skye remembered. Of all the days to forget, Skye suddenly realized that today was her birthday.
Mumbling to herself, Skye sighed. Of all the ways that she had contemplated spending her birthday this year, laying on her deathbed, kept alive by machines, had not been at the top of Skye's list. True, she had known it was a vague possibility, but even still, she would have much rather spent her birthday as she had imagined it happening six months before when she had last lain safe and sound in Jax's loving embrace – at the beach house with him and their daughter… with their family in Australia.
But, no, fate had interceded, and sent Skye elsewhere with that single phone call. The single call that had woken Skye from her blissfully content sleep while Jax had not stirred in the slightest at the cell phone's intrusive rings. Ignoring her first instinct to leave the cell phone where it was, only concern that something had happened to Carly made her get up and answer it. But instead of a frantic A.J. calling his sister and her lover to come to his pregnant wife's aide, Skye had answered the phone and been treated to a different voice. A voice of begging, a voice of pleading, a voice she had never in her life been able to say no to - a voice whose words sent Skye on the first plane out of Sydney and back to the States away from the one place and two people she wanted to be with most in her life - the love of her life and her baby daughter.
"You have to come, Skye."
"Why? What's wrong?"
" I know you never wanted to come back here again, but he's too weak to come to you. He needs you."
"He doesn't need me. You know that. We're not even on speaking terms. He hates me."
"He doesn't have much time left, and he's asking for you."
"You must be mistaken. Having me there would only upset him. And, besides, even if I wanted to come I can't."
"Please, Skye..."
"But-"
"Please. Please say you'll come before it's too late. Please say you'll come before he dies, Skye. He's dying, Skye and he's asking for you to come and see him one final time before he does..."
And with those words, Skye's fate had been sealed.
As she stared at the rose, she let out an involuntary sigh. If only... her life was beginning to be filled with so man 'if only's' that it was ridiculous. But, that was the way things had played out. And… so… all that could be done now was for Skye to continue thinking… and to keep fighting, because as long as she fought, she survived. She had to survive… if not for Jax… for them… even if Jax was done with her after this… Skye refused to give up… she couldn't give in because she still had Sydney. She still had a daughter who needed her, and as much as the idea of facing a life without Jax's love scared her, she would live for Sydney. That little girl deserved to grow up happy and loved by a mother and a father who made her the center of their world each and every single day. And… it wasn't like Skye hadn't done it once before, after all. She would fight… she would live… she *would* survive… and come out stronger in the end because of all she had gone through… And, God-willing, she would do so once again… for her daughter's sake, if nothing else.
-TBC-