This part contains mentions of self harm so when you see **** skip down until you see **** again then it's safe to continue reading. Stay safe my friends.

"Am I just supposed to accept this?" John burst out that night as he and Bobby sat at the kitchen table.

"The way I see it, you have no choice. Accept this or lose your boys."

"I love my sons and I know I've fucked up royally raising them, this is probably all my fault."

"John I don't understand how you can say that," Bobby exclaimed. "I don't believe you've royally fucked up the boys. Is this the best life for kids to lead, hell no but it is what it is? Despite this those boys have grown to be respectful young men. Sam is as smart as a whip and is top of his class right now. Dean's no dummy himself, he can fix a car just as well at eighteen as I can now. He's an amazing hunter and he manages to put up you which is a skill unto itself. This may be an uncomfortable thing for you to deal with, and to be perfectly honest it doesn't thrill me but you can't really fight this kind of thing."

As Bobby finished talking he felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. A weight that had been sitting there for months weighing him down because he hadn't spoken his peace, but now he had. John stared over his beer at him and remained quiet for a moment. He knew Bobby was right, it pained him a little but he knew his words to be true. He couldn't separate his boys, it wasn't what was best for them. Already they were back together and much happier and how could he stand in the way of that happiness.

"Is it alright if I let them stay here with you for awhile? I think Dean needs some time to get his back together and sober up a little. I want Sammy to stay here and finish out school."

"Of course the boys can stay here with me. But I don't think it's best for you to go hunting alone."

"I won't. I'll team up with Rufus for a while and see what he's after. I'll leave first thing in the morning. I won't wake the boys so just tell them where I am."

Bobby frowned but nodded his head saying that he would. John took one last swig of his beer to finish it off and headed to bed because he planned on starting out early.

Sam rose early the next morning at the time he usually did to go running. But he didn't go running this day, he walked across the hall to the bathroom to take a shower before Dean woke up. He crept silently out into the hallway before the sun had even risen and as he walked into the bathroom he noticed a pair of headlights pulling out of the driveway. The Impala. His father was leaving. He couldn't bring himself to be all that upset to see him go. He undressed and stepped into the warm shower allowing the scalding water to cleanse his body. His eyes drooped with fatigue and his mind raced with shame as he stared down at his body.

His thin frame held many scars, some from werewolves, a knife fight with a demon, that wendigo. *****Then there were the straight perfectly ordered line of scars that trailed from his upper arm downward to the middle of his forearm. His long sleeved t shirts hid these scars from everyone else, only he could see them. Only he could know of his shame. He couldn't allow Dean to see them, Dean would be so ashamed of Sam for this weakness. Sam really couldn't bare the thought of Dean's shame.

His heart rate quickened when he heard the sound of feet padding across the floor. "Sammy?" A sleepy voice called out to him.

"Yeah," Sammy called out quietly trying not to let the panic seep into his voice.

"Why the hell are taking a shower at four in the morning?" Dean asked as he went to the bathroom, which is why he'd woken up.

"I don't know. I guess this is just the time I usually wake up to go for a run, it's just habit."

"Well why don't you get out of the shower and come back to bed with me. We can take a shower later together if you want. Shower sex sounds like great fun I've never tried it before."

"I uh...well I don't know if that-" Sam's voice dropped off. He was panicking he felt backed into a corner and there was no way out. He couldn't do this, he couldn't lie to his brother. As soon as Sam's voice dropped off Dean pushed back the shower curtain and peered in at his gaunt frame hunched over in the corner.

"Sam! What's wrong?!"

Sam just let out a sob. He didn't want to face this right now. He didn't want to have to face Dean at four in the morning while he was naked in the shower. He didn't want to face himself ever.

Dean turned off the water and climbed in the shower with Sammy, immediately going to him. He was taking in the sight of Sam's body, his full body, for the first time in almost eight months. He had changed a lot. He was thinner, he was too thin, his ribs were almost visible in a way that had been hidden by the baggy shirts he'd been wearing. Many scars covered his body, it was a cost of the life they lived. Dean had disinfected and cleaned every wound on Sammy's body. He'd expertly stitched up every gash, every wound had been tenderly cared for by Dean's very own hands. Except for the new one's.

*****Dean could just make out a few of the straight line on his brother's arms, but he immediately knew what they were and he felt all his breath leave his body. No. No. Not this. Why? Sammy cried and Dean held the damp boy in his arm and told him that it was okay. He told the boy how much he loved him. He told him that everything was going to be alright. Dean's clothes were soaked through with water both from the shower and the tears of the boy he held tightly. He felt himself getting cold and he knew that Sammy had to be even colder.

Dean stood and lifted Sammy in his arms and carried him in his arms to their room across the hall. An hour and a half had passed in the tub, the sun was just beginning to rise. As he passed through the hallway his gaze met Bobby's who was just walking out of his room. Bobby's eyes widened at the sight of the two boys and Dean just shook his head and carried Sam into their room. He'd have to explain to Bobby later, right now Sammy needed him and he was actually here now. He was here now and he need to help his brother. It had been so long since he'd been able to that, and his heart ached with the thought that he hadn't been there to protect Sam from himself.